William And Kate
If you crave yet another clue as to the level of plot-loss we humans have achieved, dare to consider the recent trumpeting of an upcoming British baby boom.
And confuse yourselves not – this has nothing to do with the fruitful joining of loins between Kate and Wills, although there is, as often is the case, a royal angle.
Rises in birth rates are not new; historically they arrived during periods of plenty, times when one’s tribe was not being overrun by another tribe or when pickings were slim on telly during a long winter in the cave. However, this next one in the old country is being credited to the unlikely collision of two events – the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and the success of the nation’s go at running the Olympics.
Yesterday’s Royal announcement that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant had Fleet Street’s finest scrambling for an angle. On the face of it you might have thought it was hard to do much with “Kate Pregnant”. It’s Kate. She’s pregnant. What more is there to say?
Day One of the yarn is a bit early yet for “Kate’s baby scare”, even for the British newspapers, and there’s nothing to suggest the Duke of Cambridge isn’t responsible for her condition, so no dice there either.
So congratulations to the London Daily Telegraph for being the first to grasp the implications of her hospitalisation with morning sickness, asking “Could it be twins for the Duchess?”
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Prime Ministers are Tweeting, the Queen is delighted, the whole magazine industry is embracing temporary salvation and a young woman is in hospital feeling like death warmed up and no doubt desperately hoping everything is going to be ok.
Talk about a lot of pressure on one lone uterus.
The announcement that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant is indeed joyous news, and when you’re carrying the future third-in-line to the British throne, it’s not news you get to celebrate in private. But while I’m not usually one to advocate public institutions outright lying - continuing the cat-and-mouse speculation game for a few more weeks might have been the kindest thing to do for Kate and William.
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It was the night that Australia turned back the pages of history and showed its love affair with royalty is far from dead.
Featuring a handsome prince and a beautiful bride, Friday’s fairytale wedding between William and Catherine captured the hearts of millions of true blue Aussies as they tuned in to televisions in living rooms, pubs and party venues around the nation to watch the regal celebrations unfold in London.
The pomp, ceremony and celebrity of the occasion were enough to give hardened republican supporters a bad case of indigestion, but for once their complaints were swamped by the royal euphoria.
By now many of you will be royally sick of marriage talk - and it hasn’t even been consummated yet (ahem). But it’s still going to dominate the whole day… and the next, and the next, so we thought we’d give you this space to indulge or vent, as you see fit. Are you excited or nauseated? Bored? Pissed off at the Chaser ban?
Here’s a thought for all you Royal Wedding pundits out there; the only surprising thing about today’s big event is just how much the world collectively knows about it. Without even trying it’s possible to evaluate Prince Harry’s post-wedding-party breakfast menu and tell you why the bride’s sister, Pippa, has strung disco balls around the throne room.
Or how much the plonk they’re serving at the reception goes for in the aisles at British supermarket Tescos and why Kate’s honeymoon clothes are more than just a bit ordinary for a future Queen.
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