Vacation

holiday noun 1. (often plural)  a period in which a break is taken from work or studies for rest, travel or recreation.

“See,” I said to my daughter, stabbing a finger at the dictionary, as we sat in our rented beach house after she’d woken me at 5.47am with “an itchy bite”. (Thanks, whoever left the yellowing Pocket Oxford next to the Scrabble.) “Darling, a holiday is a rest and that means not waking so early.”

Ten years I’ve been doing this ‘holiday with kids’ schtick, which isn’t actually a holiday but simply a relocation of our domestic chaos. Minus entertainment (Wii, Foxtel, Textas) and essentials (highchair, the forgotten teddy).

Continue reading "When the kids take charge, Mummy gets to complain" »

Every January, my sisters and I would be forced into a stinking hot car that, according to Mum, Dad had forgotten to service, and we’d argue our way to a camping ground. There we would argue some more and shower in a communal block where everyone wore thongs, so as to avoid that classic ‘70s foot disease, tinea.

As Dad’s “short cuts” meant that the trip had taken us around the same amount of time as flying to Russia, we would have had precisely one day to “relax”. Or as an adult might put it: “Shut up, you’re on holidays and you’ll bloody well enjoy yourself.”

On the way home we’d be treated to a night at a motel called something enticingly foreign like La Stupenda. If the health inspectors hadn’t been tipped off, we would race each other to dive into the filthy swimming pool which bore no resemblance to the aquatic wonderland featured on La Stupenda’s brochure (“Come and enjoy our range of superior European-style facilities with a Hawaiian feel.”)

Continue reading "Bad family summer holidays prep you for the real world" »