Television

“Some day, far into the future, this here machine will become a powerful medium with the potential to unite nations and inspire common folk through high-definition images of overweight D-list celebrities struggling to run and weeping atop rowing machines”.

Do you know to whom this quote - which is believed to have been uttered at the unveiling of the first television set - is most commonly attributed to?

Nobody. Absolutely no one said this.

Continue reading "If we wanted reality, we’d turn off the television" »

Voting is now open for TV Week’s Logie Awards, have you got your vote in? No? That’s not surprising. I’m sure that most people in Australia would give the same answer.

It’s strange that we place so much emphasis on these awards in Australia’s television industry. TV Week claims a weekly readership of 759,000, and their key demographic of teenage girls is hardly representative of the Australian population. There’s a reason that Kylie Minogue took out the Gold Logie in 1988 at 19.

And yet until 2011, this key readership was charged with choosing what is classed as ‘the best’ that Australian television has to offer. The process has definitely improved by opening the voting up to everyone via the internet, and not just those that sent in magazine cuttings with their votes. But the fact that we’re making it a popularity contest open to the public is a flawed system.

Continue reading "A Logie award should be a valuable prize" »

The recent Wiggles interview on the Today Show is worth a look.

Now in these matters I am no polemicist. Although I am used to politics, I am neither Team Sam or Team Greg. I have two young daughters who fall into the Sam generation, but most of our Wiggles collections (DVD’s, CD’s, books, toys and even videos) are hand-me-downs from the Greg era.

In fact the yellow Wiggle is a source of considerable confusion at home.

Continue reading "Why The Wiggles’ PR debacle shouldn’t make us squirm" »

On Tuesday night, four shots were fired into the front of a Wetherill Park home. Inside a woman and her two children were sleeping. This incident was the ninth shooting to take place in Sydney in eight days. NSW Police have not laid any charges and have voiced their frustration, blaming the “wall of silence” in the community.

On Saturday, 25 May 2002, a man shot and wounded seven people including a child attending a wedding at a restaurant in Cabramatta. There were 140 witnesses in the New World Restaurant but no one was able, or willing, to give a clear description of the gun man.

It seems the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Continue reading "The great wall of Cabramatta" »

Gah. The Golden Globes. If you don’t like frocks, and can’t bear self-indulgent speeches thanking God, long-dead parents, a dog etc, you’d be forgiven for not giving the telly even the slightest glance this lunchtime. Except that is, for Ricky Gervais.

Yep, the Brit funny man who made working in a drab back office in a west-London suburb hilarious, could save the Golden Globes. And all earnest, glamour-loving Americans. From themselves.

Tonight will be Ricky’s third time hosting the champagne and taffeta-fuelled, red-carpet fiesta. But after managing to offend nearly everyone in Hollywood last year, this year’s invitation surprised many.

Continue reading "Can Gervais save Hollywood from itself?" »

Christmas is over, the hangover from New Years has receded and instead of having a New Years resolution of giving up smoking or losing weight, you have decided you want to be a reality TV star.

Whether it is to be famous, or just to have an interesting unique experience, here are some tips that will get you closer to hearing “lights, cameras, action”! Being sexy, humorous or able to cause conflict may help you get on the show, however, all shows need a diversity of people to make it interesting and to keep it real.

1. Decide which show you are best suited for.
If you can’t sing or dance forget the talent shows like The Voice, The X Factor or Australia’s Got Talent. If you can cook Masterchef Australia, and My Kitchen Rules are possibilities.

Continue reading "Top tips for becoming a reality TV star" »

The so-called Bali Boy is back in Australia. It is only a matter of time before he turns up on the idiot box for an exclusive tell-all interview, promoted by whatever ratings-hungry network shells out the cash, as a cautionary tale which no parent and no teenager can afford to miss.

It is of course a story which most Australian parents and teenagers can very much afford to miss. Most Australian parents and teenagers would not be so breathtakingly foolish as to land in a country renowned for executing the most minor of drug offenders, and immediately shell out the requisite rupiah for a bag of Balinese dope.

Outside of this majority there is a disturbingly large subculture in Australia which has been brought into focus by this case. It’s a subculture which has two notable features. The first is the extent to which cannabis use has been normalised, where it is barely regarded as a drug at all but as something which most people will smoke without consequence from a young age. So much so that we wind up with the spectacle of a 14-year-old boy standing before an Indonesian court revealing that he has become addicted to the drug, right under the nose of his parents.

Continue reading "A story most parents and teens can afford to miss" »

What happened
This all started when a bearded, talentless big mouth couldn’t handle a spot of criticism. So instead of flinging a few well-aimed barbs at his critics, he decided to shoot the messenger. What a tough guy.

Let the record show that Kyle deserved the derision. His show contained, among other mind-numbing stupidity, a segment where he felt a guest’s boobs. The ratings didn’t lie. They rarely do. An initial audience of 1.3 million shrunk to a paltry 200,000 within minutes.

Afterwards Twitter went into meltdown canning the show. Enter numerous entertainment reporters and bloggers who duly recorded the Twitter mood. One of them was news.com.au’s Alison Stephenson. Ali is capable of excellent colour writing on her day, but on this occasion, she wrote a completely straight, unremarkable account of the Twitter reaction.

Continue reading "Biggest Moments of 2011 #21 Sandilands scrapes the barrel" »

Nearly a decade ago, Channel Seven programmers were keen to give a stunning Gold Coast girl air-time. Jacqueline Last, nowadays better known as Jackie O, soon proved the point that being photogenic doesn’t mean you’ll be good on TV.

Screen presence, that certain je ne sais quoi, is an indefinable quality that draws the viewer in and makes you keep watching. The weird science of video lens calibration that captures you in a sequence rather than a single shot is a unique beast.

Audiences can smell a dud a mile off. No matter how stunning or controversial someone might be, if they don’t have screen presence the viewer will revolt. As they did in droves, when the initial audience of 1.2 million watching Jackie O and Kyle What’s-his-name’s first TV show diminished to just 200,000 near the end of the show. That, after a 1.4 million lead in. Apparently Channel Seven have short memories.

Continue reading "O what a TV flop!" »

Every now and then, you might come across a disaster of some kind and have the inexplicable urge to stare at it. It could be a train accident, or a natural disaster. On Sunday night, it was on Channel 10. More than a million Australians went through this feeling, powerless to stop it from unfolding.

After resting for more than 20 years, It’s a Knockout is back on our screens - hopefully sufficient time for the nostalgia factor to kick in. It delivered a much needed ratings debut to Channel 10 to start the summer, but viewers watched in horror as their cherished childhood memories were harvested.

For the most part it was simply that the concept hasn’t stood the test of time well, but for a remake it also did little to match the tone and atmosphere. It was the equivalent of buying something dodgy from China off eBay and calling it an iPad.

Continue reading "New rollout of Knockout is a sellout and a copout" »

This week some of the big TV networks unveiled their new programs for 2012. But what you won’t see is the shows the networks rejected.

Despite some brilliant ideas and a wealth of talent, these pilots were all knocked back by out-of-touch television executives who wouldn’t know a high-quality hit show if they, er, saw one…

Two Guys, a Girl and a Parliament

Tony Windsor, Rob Oakeshott and Julia Gillard star in this edgy comedy about three mismatched friends who after an administrative mix-up suddenly find themselves in charge of the nation’s supreme lawmaking body. Follow their misadventures as they learn about life, love and standing orders.

Continue reading "EXCLUSIVE: The TV shows they don’t want you to see" »

Why is Kyle Sandilands’s toxic sludge allowed to leak out of radio speakers at breakfast?

He’s a cretin, a hate-filled belligerent whose talent is in inverse proportion to his offensiveness. As Penbo pointed out yesterday, he’s a dead-set, rolled-gold, card-carrying dickhead.

Dickheads are a dime a dozen. Why is this one given a voice?

Continue reading "Sack bloody Kyle Sandilands. Lance the boil." »

Society is seized by an obsession with cuisine. The Masterchef empire and the cult of the celebrity chef are facets of this fixation. All over the nation citizens rush to microwave their dinner in time to watch their favourite buff chef or pre-teen whip up something magic.

This increased interest in food, and particularly food preparation, could produce concrete improvements in the way we cook and thereby enhance our everyday quality of life.

Yet so much of what we are offered as culinary inspiration seems more liable to produce culinary intimidation, by virtue of its sheer complexity. And culinary intimidation is completely unnecessary since the secret of successful food preparation is to do as little as possible to it.

Continue reading "The best chefs cook naked" »

I have something of a man-crush on Karl Stefanovic. Like my addiction to surfing animal-attack videos on YouTube, I’ve taken to stalking the Gold Logie winner’s career with morbid fascination.

The Today Show host is an anomaly in the news world. You don’t know how he survives, let alone thrives, but he does.

What other Australian television personality, let alone journalist, can drunkenly ogle his co-host on breakfast primetime, then go on to win a Gold Logie two years later? And then, when he wins that Logie, include his wife’s arse in the acceptance speech?

Continue reading "I love Karl Stefanovic more than he loves his wife’s arse" »

When it comes to first world problems, information overload used to be the number one cause of anxiety among young adults.

But those folks are a cagey bunch. They adapt. Now, they can carry on a conversation while checking their text messages, surfing the web and watching their favourite TV shows without even batting an e-lash. Their heads are right around spam filters. They can cope with rapid remote movement. Come at them, bro, and they’re ready to give you the millisecond of attention you deserve. Information overload? Pfffft. No sweat.

But now a new kind of anxiety is in town and it’s starting to unsettle this wired up, hooked in, broad band of tech heads. Across every office space, university campus, schoolyard and shopping mall there’s an underlying tension which froths and bubbles to the surface. And the cause? Too many good TV shows and not enough time to watch all of them.

Continue reading "Television: Drug of a nation and a generation" »

Look, I’m sick of this not-being-famous crap. Enough’s enough. I want my fifteen minutes, and I’m not just talking jail time.

Clearly in the early twenty-first century I don’t have to have an actual skill to become famous - bad news for plate-spinners and cup-stackers everywhere – but I will need to approach my planned getting-of-attention in a systematic way.

I can already moonwalk amazingly well, so that’s done. I figure there’s just a handful of additional steps I need to take.

Continue reading "So you want to be famous? Here’s how…" »

ABC TV’s new series, The Slap, is getting a lot of attention, and deservedly so. It’s Australian drama that’s true to life, featuring all the stereotypical folk we see in backyard barbeques any weekend across suburban Australia, but featuring real-life dialogue. There’s the wog, the hippy, the slob, the cheater, and the cute young thing. But no backyard barbeque these days would be complete without a kid with autism.

So I’m calling it. Hugo’s family is one of the half a million Australian families who live with Autism or one of its variants – known as being “on the spectrum”. I’m no psych, but that’s not gonna stop me from flinging around my experience and attitude.

My ears pricked up in the opening scenes where the adorable looking kid with the mop of hair was banging around on the cupboards with wooden spoons. Kids on the spectrum often seek input by making their own noises, and ones that the rest of us find obnoxious, repetitive and annoying fit the bill (I know of a family who has to listen The Wiggles “Big Red Car” at Every. Single. Mealtime).

Continue reading "When children are off the spectrum of good behaviour" »

As the controversial episode of At Home with Julia aired last night, it became more and more clear that if the Prime Ministership of Julia Gillard is recalled for anything besides perceived incompetence, it should be for her role as a lightning rod for Australia’s unashamed public misogyny.

Hear the shrieks. “What do you mean, ‘misogyny’? We’ve got a woman prime minister,’’ screams the defence, quietly adding, “not that she’s any bloody good.”

Fair comment. What isn’t fair comment, even in the dirt of politics, is public ranting against the witch, the bitch, and Juliar. And then there is ABCTV’s screen insult to both comedy and an intelligent woman who leads the country.

Continue reading "Gillard attracts misogyny like kitchens attract ladies" »

Once upon a time there was an endearing little sitcom called Bewitched. It was predictable and more than a little cheesy, but it was good fun.

A few decades later, there was another sitcom called Two and a Half Men. It was predictable and more than a little cheesy, and it mightily sucked.

Two and a Half Men resumed overnight, after a six month absence caused by Charlie Sheen’s quest to simultaneously screw every woman in the world along with his own dignity. He succeeded in both.

Continue reading "Bewitched swapped Dicks, why can’t Men swap Charlies" »

Are you shocked that tomorrow night’s episode of At Home with Julia shows ‘Prime Minister Julia Gillard’ tabling her man in Parliament*, with a post-coital cuddle under the Australian flag?

Monarchist David Flint was – he says it shows a lack of respect. Not to the PM, but to the flag. An ABC spokesman defended the skit, and said the flag was a “symbol of love” draped over the PM.

Ms Gillard, unsurprisingly, declined to comment. Here’s The Punch team’s take. What’s yours?

Continue reading "Punch team: Flagging the PM as a sexual being" »

We have no TV. We’re not weird. We’re not above TV. We’re just victims of appliance violence. 

The guy who helped install the screen just a few weeks ago was called back. He couldn’t confirm whether the damage was from a projectile or a head butt.

All he could confirm was that I could use the warranty to wipe away my children’s tears. And with that our life post-television (PTV) began. 

Continue reading "Tossing the TV doesn’t turn kiddies into grouches" »

When The Chaser had an epic humour fail with their Make a Realistic Wish Foundation skit, the consensus was that they missed the mark because good satire picks a target worthy of lampooning. Sick kids and the charities which raise money for them didn’t come close to that.

On that score, Australia’s 27th Prime Minister Julia Gillard should be a prime target for satire. If you can’t have a good old fashioned crack at a Prime Minister who has stumbled from disaster to disaster, who can you have a crack at?

Heh heh. We just said “crack”. Geddit? Cos, you know, the PM’s a woman? Excuse the puerile sexual innuendo. Mind you, anyone who laboured through the satirical show At Home With Julia on the ABC last night had to tolerate much, much worse.

Continue reading "Why is the ABC screening this crap?" »

Earlier this week, Liz Hurley tweeted about the nation’s obsession with the movements (or lack thereof) of Shane Warne.

“FYI Slender Shane ate very rare steak and chips for dinner. Hold the Front Page,” she wrote, while totally not attention-seeking at all. She did, however, have a point. Why do we still care about the various boring things Shane Warne does?

No doubt it’s the same obsessive curiosity that saw him land a chat show late last year for no particular reason whatsoever. We seem completely unable to discard our celebrities once their usefulness is at an end – and it’s killing Australian television.

Continue reading "There’s nothing more pathetic than an ageing star" »

Kyle Sandilands is a genius. An absolute, out and out Einstein.

The 40 year old broadcaster has no talent, no decorum, no personality, no looks, no style, no charm and no knowledge of anything outside the vast universe that is his ego. Yet the guy is hugely successful.

I have rarely listened to Kyle Sandilands on the radio, nor indeed watched the talent shows on which he is a judge. That’s not snobbery. It’s just how it is. But just as you didn’t need to read Eat Pray Love to know it was bag of fertiliser-grade horse manure, you don’t need to listen to Kyle to know his shows are rubbish. And that, right there, is the proof that he’s so damn clever.

Continue reading "Is Kyle Sandilands Australia’s smartest man?" »

Mainstream media holds a mirror up to society. If we take a look into that mirror, we see what is preoccupying our attention.

On a deeper level, we can gain significant insight into the way we tend to investigate and argue. Monday’s Q and A episode provided great insight into the superficial way we tend to approach philosophical and ethical topics.

The fast paced program is geared towards political discussion, but for this episode, the topic was God, Religion and Ethics. Disappointingly, There was a focus on sound bites, concrete current affairs and controversy, and as a result, many of us went away no more enlightened on the topics than before.

Continue reading "Q&A is the equivalent of intellectual McNuggets" »

One of my favourite quotes from the movie Anchorman is the following line from Ron Burgundy:

“I won’t be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I are trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it’s jogging or yogging. It might be a soft j. I’m not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It’s supposed to be wild.”

Every time I read that I nearly fall off my chair laughing. The point is, in Ron Burgundy’s world, jogging sounds like a complete waste of time.

Continue reading "Le Tour de France is a beautiful dance" »

Imagine if the construction workers union, the CFMEU, issued a statement calling for Maoris and Islanders to be banned from working in the building industry. Or if the white-collar Australian Services Union demanded an end to all those pesky Indians stealing our jobs in IT.

They would be howled down as racist protectionists, accused of taking the nation back to the dark days of the White Australia Policy, offending the principles of inclusion and diversity by denying people from other countries a chance to settle and work here.

It might be 2011 but the actors and journalists’ union, the Media Entertainment and Arts Alliance, has this week launched a campaign which is the artistic equivalent of legislating to keep the kanaks off the canefields in the early 20th century.

Continue reading "Aussie actors unite - we grew here you flew here" »

Asylum seekers are back on top of the news cycle again. It’s almost like those heady days when MV Tampa was anchored threateningly off Christmas Island. This time round there is a delightful little twist.

Rather than anxiously imagining the horrible wretches that threaten to penetrate our sovereign territory, viewers are instead invited to ponder the imagination - or lack thereof - amongst a representative sample of middle Australians who suffer from refugee anxiety.

The most interesting aspect of this undertaking is that Go Back To Where You Came From resembles an Escher engraving. All those years ago, the Howard government recognised that boat-borne asylum seekers could be used to stage an extremely successful political pantomime. It had pirate-like people smugglers, captured cargo ships, illegal immigrants, the Navy, the Army: a great ensemble by any measure.

Continue reading "The more we talk about it, the less we face up to it" »

Roderick Schneider was one of six participants in the ground-breaking SBS show Go Back To Where You Came From, the first episode of which screened last night. In a Punch exclusive, he shares some of his thoughts on the experience of completing an asylum seeker’s journey in reverse:

When setting out on the refugee journey in reverse for SBS’s “Go Back To Where You Came From”, all we were told was that we would be following the path of refugees who come to Australia.

I anticipated exposure to extreme poverty and people who had been subject to persecution in their home country while on the journey. What I didn’t anticipate was the undertone of the questions asked of me when I returned.

First, there was a comment made (and it’s been made repeatedly since) that as the documentary is on SBS it will merely be “preaching to the choir”. The premise of this statement is that SBS viewers are all better educated on refugee issues, and people who only watch commercial television are ignorant. It’s ironic that people who generalise that others are ignorant do so based on something as insubstantial as a person’s preferred television channel.

Continue reading "A tough stance on refugees doesn’t make me a racist" »

It won’t be long before Andrew Bolt has a cameo on Neighbours discussing validity of climate change with Harold Bishop. (Yes, we know we mentioned Harold on The Punch yesterday - sorry. Ed.)

Network promotions departments assume you could easily digest Mr Bolt popping up on Ramsay Street without any real thoughts about why he is there. This is exactly why underhanded cross promotion is becoming ubiquitous. Your favourite shows are being morphed into unbearably bland advertisements for the network.

Promotional departments shamelessly hijack mostly live TV, from sporting events to the news, sneakily forcing the hosts to endorse shows that need a bit of a ratings oomph.

Continue reading "Why cross promotion makes me an Angry Boy" »

It has been 26 years and 6000-odd episodes since Danny Ramsay first rode his Malvern Star along Ramsay Street, marking the beginning of the soap phenomenon Neighbours.

That first episode, eager to impress, showed Danny experiencing a nightmare with homoerotic and incestuous overtones, about his brother Shane (in Speedos) diving to his death. Sweaty Danny thrashes around in his bed to the sounds of the decadent bucks’ party next door.

Neighbours would later launch the Hollywood career of Guy Pearce and turn Kylie the talking budgie into a singing one, but for me that first instalment has been a rare highlight.

Continue reading "Love thy English Neighbours" »

Lord save us from the celebrity lifestyle gurus.

Save us from their nettle mayonnaise and organic cotton t-shirts handmade by Guatemalan nuns and their tips on how they struggle to cope as a working woman on a paltry eight figure salary.

If there’s one person we have to thank for this inundation its Oprah Winfrey who pioneered the faux-everywoman shtick before cannily parlaying it into billion-dollar business.

Continue reading "What a load of Goop; celebrities are no gurus" »

For years, I avoided The Sopranos because I thought it was a show about high-pitched singers. When I realised it was actually about mobsters, I never missed an episode. Who doesn’t love gangster shows?

Until recently, I also avoided MasterChef, as I don’t much care for cooking shows. Then I learned that it, too, is in fact a show about gangsters. Now I’m glued to the thing six nights a week!

What’s this, you say? MasterChef really is actually a cooking show? Sure. And Kyle Sandilands is a good bloke. Without question, MasterChef is a show about gangsters. Let’s examine the evidence…

Continue reading "GangsterChef!" »

What a victory for AFL in Sydney, hey? Over 33,000 flood the SCG to see the Swans play Hawthorn, while next door at the Sydney Football Stadium, a crowd of, ahem, 10,000 witnessed the NRL snooze fest between the Roosters and the Knights. A colourful SCG against a stadium in funereal military blue.

That story is all over the papers. That story is easy. Lazy too.

It’s also burying the lead.

Continue reading "The Swans are getting slaughtered on television" »

In a room full of females, raise the issue of women in sport and you can expect a collective groan and eyes rolling in unison. And, given the facts on sponsorship, media coverage and support, it’s hardly surprising.

Take the Matildas, Australia’s national soccer side. They regularly qualify for the World Cup and the Olympics but still play to half-empty stadiums while making the same commitments as their male counterparts, the Socceroos.

It’s a given perception that women in sport get a raw deal, and arguably the focus for too long has been on their appearance and sex appeal. But over the past few years there’s been a substantial shift in the paradigm of women’s sports coverage. Sponsors and television networks alike are starting to see the value in investing in women.

Continue reading "TV finally gets it: viewers like watching women’s sport" »

Welcome to this week’s ‘I Call Bullshit’. It has been inspired by this morning’s critique of Chris Lilley’s Angry Boys penned by Tory Shepherd.

It was undoubtedly conspired up in her ivory tower where there is a complete ban on any form of immaturity and a DVD collection policy that only allows the first series of a program to be collected as latter series are automatically too mainstream and lacking in intellectual value.

Tory brushes Lilley’s new series aside with strokes of academic elitism. She turns her nose up at the quality of humour within the show labelling it ‘juvenile gutterisms’ and announces her dismay at the quantity of ‘dick and poo’ jokes in the series.

Continue reading "ICB: Tory’s full of it - Lilley’s still got it" »

As soon as a mainstream, watermelon-wearing, faux lesbian-curious, pop starlet with abysmal spelling declared her vacant-eyed love for Chris Lilley, you knew he was in trouble.

Not only did Katy Perry go all schoolgirl-giggly on Lilley at the Logies, but last night she tweeted her mad enthusiasm for him before the start of his new show, Angry Boys.

As did a colossal number of semi-literate Twits, making Angry Boys the top trender in Australia before the show even began. And it hit the top worldwide once it started. For Twitnoramuses, that means it was the most talked about subject IN THE WORLD (forgive caps) on Twitter.

Continue reading "Lilley’s old stuff’s (much) better than his new stuff" »

Ant Sharwood says: Karl strikes the right chord

Mornings are busy at my place. Brekky, early Punch work with the laptop, school lunches to make, whingey kids, the double dropoff, you name it. As you can imagine, there’s not a lot of time for brekky telly. In fact, it’s banned.

So obviously, I’m hardly the best person to judge Karl Stefanovic. I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched more than five minutes of Today. But just as most people judge politicians on fleeting impressions, Karl has always impressed me when he’s flickered across my radar.

I like Karl. He’s homey without being dumb. He’s intelligent without being a know-it-all. Tough balance to strike, that.

Continue reading "Karl Stefanovic: The good, the bad and the Logie" »

The Chaser was responsible for some fine political mischief.

Most notoriously, its prankster cast exposed the absurdity of overly conspicuous (yet underly effective) security when their fake motorcade breached the restricted zone in the heart of fortress Sydney during the 2007 APEC summit.

One of the show’s cast, Craig Reucassel, is now hosting an Australian remake of the UK stunt show Balls of Steel. Screening on the Comedy Channel, it features a series of characters who compete to out-prank unwitting members of the public.

Continue reading "The art of pranking: From The Chaser to Balls of Steel" »

Tonight is Australian TV’s night of nights – the red carpet love-fest that is the Logies. But really, is there anything worth celebrating about Aussie television?

Yes we’ve got more choice than ever before, with the four major channels boosted by an increasing array of digital and Foxtel offerings.

But choice can be deceptive – and if I had a dollar for every time I clicked the remote these days, I could well have outbid Seven and Foxtel for the rights to AFL. Put simply: there’s nothing worth watching.

Continue reading "Crap TV: Breeding ignorance and feeding my frustration" »

It’ll be Moet & Chandon all round at AFL House tonight. In a deal which consolidates its position as Australia’s premier winter sporting code, the AFL has just announced a $1.253 billion dollar TV rights deal from 2012 to 2016. It’s far and away the largest sport rights deal in Australian history.

The five year deal will see Channel Seven televise four games per week. Seven will also retain exclusive rights to the AFL grand final, and pre-season Cup grand final, while Fox Sports will screen all eight weekly games live, including the games shown on Seven.

This is a major return to AFL for the pay TV broadcaster, which has also grabbed the high-rating Brownlow medal night coverage from Seven. Fox will also revive a dedicated AFL channel. Its last such channel, the Fox Footy Channel, turned its toes up after the 2006 grand final.

Continue reading "How should the AFL spend its billion dollar war chest?" »

The ABC mini-mini-series Paper Giants has been a great hit. Funky footage blended with some brilliant performances, fabulous frocks, and an intriguing behind-the-scenes look at the creation of women’s mag, Cleo. On a smaller scale, it did for the magazine industry what Mad Men did for the advertising industry.

Here at The Punch, it made us wonder: What’s next? What else could benefit from this historical dramatisation?

The ABC is reportedly looking at other Cleo-related or Packer family-related options - but we reckon there’s much broader scope in the genre. Anyway, see below for our thoughts on Paper Giants, and share your own thoughts below.

Continue reading "What should get the Paper Giants treatment next?" »

Hold for applause… and that’s a wrap, people. Altiyan - thanks for coming.

It must have been so promising to be voted number one on X Factor - the poor man’s Australian Idol - but ultimately Australia was done with reality singing contests years ago.

We’ve had Guy Sebastian (easily the most successful, praise the lord), Lisa Mitchell (a real winner who was kicked out early), Jessica Mauboy, (good, but still filling the support role) and Damien Leith (to handle Mother’s Day releases).

Continue reading "Altiyan Childs: Oooh baby, baby, it’s a weird world" »

It sure is nice to see everyone upset with a culture of inequality and sexual objectification in the Australian Defence Force Academy. And then what happens after all the stern faces and head-shaking about those wayward ADF boys?

Coming up next…Two and a Half Men! Or how about a premiere screening of Observe and Report starring that adorably hilarious Seth Rogen? Or a special repeat screening of the inexplicably popular Wedding Crashers? Or maybe you don’t make it through the ads and turn off after a commercial for the new Hawaii Five-0.

Maybe a DVD instead; how about a perennial classic like a James Bond movie or teen-flick American Pie? Sick of TV, why not head outside and check out the unavoidable posters plastered all over bus-shelters for the new Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston flick, Just Go With It?

Continue reading "This one time, on ADFA camp…" »

Just like that, the St Kilda scandal engulfed another victim.

On Channel 7’s Sunday Night was a much-hyped interview with Kim’s parents. Kim being the 17-year-old at the centre of the St Kilda scandal. Parents Tony and Susan went on television and spoke of their horror at being called “bad parents”, the death threats levelled against them, and their fears for the safety of their younger daughter, who is just 10.

Then there’s a gratuitous shot of Kim jogging through a park with her little sister. So now everyone knows what this young girl, who is arguably the only innocent one in the whole sordid mess, looks like.

Continue reading "St Kilda scandal: Guilty parents, an innocent child" »

It was another poor week for the Government, and one in which the Opposition didn’t have to lift a finger.

In fact, Tony Abbott just rode off into the sunset swapping the noisy “gutter politics” of the last weeks of Parliament for the majesty of the open road.  His lycra-clad parade along the 2011 Pollie Pedal charity bike ride gave us a new variant - gusset politics.

But Julia Gillard’s misfortune had nothing to do with nagging suspicions of where the alternative PM keeps his spare pair of socks.

Continue reading "Rogue Rudd has Gillard over a barrel" »

He’s jokey, he’s hokey, he’s contrite, he’s frank. He’s Kevin Rudd and he’s trying to convince you he has learned his lesson.

KR #2 last night used an ABC political chat show, Q&A, to suddenly start talking about some of those events of the past 12 months which are still shaping and plaguing the ALP and the government.

Rudd did so with a beguiling combination of Dad Jokes and aw-shucks language (in which Zimbabwe becomes Zim and Americans were Yanks, factional leaders were thugsters).

Continue reading "Chilled out Rudd is sticking the elbow in" »

Injuries won’t be stopped in football. Can’t. What can be stopped is the endless supply of car-crash type atrocities rammed down our throats for days on end.

It can be stopped right now. Can you remember a weekend so horrific?

The gory scene of Geelong’s Joel Selwood, body limp, arm stiff and blood trickling out of the side of his mouth, was a Pink Floyd song away from being a Scorsese movie.

Continue reading "Gruesome footy footage is hardly family friendly" »

One of my favourite episodes of Will & Grace involves Jack stumbling across the “Welcome Back Home” conversion program.

It’s hilarious for two reasons: One, because Jack cunningly chooses to think of the group as “Welcome Back Homo” and two, as the episode amusingly shows, washing that gay right out of your hair isn’t all that simple. Or successful.

My interest in conversion programs is two-fold. I find them stupidly hilarious as Will & Grace and But I’m a Cheerleader and Saved and Boston Legal and Big Love and plenty of other examples testify.

Continue reading "Apple should have kept the anti-gay app" »

Bad TV. Naughty marital upheavals. Evil, self-centred friend-tionships.

This – give or take some neologistic hyperbole – is the view of British academic Frank Furedi who is upset that popular culture doesn’t depict more “functional” families.

Of particular concern to the man cited as being the UK’s most cited sociologist is the high-end American soap opera Brothers and Sisters which screens on Monday nights on the Seven Network

Starring Rachel Griffiths, Sally Field, Calista Flockhart and (up until recently) Rob Lowe, Brothers and Sisters revolves around an extended California-based clan called the Walkers.

Continue reading "The family values of Brothers and Sisters" »

Here’s a simple statistic that TV executives are happy you didn’t know. Back in the 1980s the population of Australia was about 14 million. A good TV show would rate about 5 million viewers. Fast forward to 2011. Australia’s population has grown to 20 million and TV execs are dancing on their mini-bars if their show attracts over 1.2 million viewers.

The population has doubled, the viewers have halved. The maths is not good. “Masterchef” peaked last year with over 3.5 million viewers. Proportionally, based on 1980’s viewing habits, Masterchef should have rated nine million viewers.

The velocity of the decline is increasing. For an industry that was once a sizable chunk of the life and breath of Australian culture, the Australian free TV industry is “circling the drain”. That’s cop show talk for dying.

Continue reading "The once mighty medium of television is on its last legs" »

The relationship between actors and the parts they play is an odd one.

Directors in the pursuit of authenticity in their production often cast characters pulled from the same streets, and sometimes with associations to the same criminal societies from which they draw their artistic inspiration. When these actors start getting into trouble for much the same things as their characters did, it poses an interesting question: which came first, the actor or the gangster?

Here’s a few notable examples of actors turned gangster, or is it the other way around?

The Wire’s Felicia “Snoop” Pearson

Continue reading "Bad things happen when gangsters play actors" »

More than 90 per cent of people who finish Snooki’s book A Shore Thing reportedly Google the phrase: “If I hold my breath for 45 seconds while repeatedly head-butting a wall, will I get amnesia?”

A more pressing question for many of you, however, is probably “who or what is a Snooki?”

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is the result of an innovative reality television show called Jersey Shore which places a bunch of potential sexual harassment lawsuits in a house in New Jersey and leaves them to enjoy some good ol’ fashioned ‘roid rage, borderline alcoholism and painful acronym-inventing (eg. DTF).

Continue reading "Schmucks and dirtbags deserve contempt, not fame" »

Does anything churn the stomach so much as news that Londoners are willing to part with more than $20 for a serving of ice cream made from breast milk?

Actually, yes. And he goes by the name Charlie Sheen. With a rap sheet dating back to the early 90s, the 45-year-old is no slouch in the “Bad Boy” department, as Sheen himself made abundantly obvious in a bizarre interview on A Current Affair last night.

Compared to a tally of Sheen’s misdemeanours even Matt Newton suddenly looks more wholesome than a character on Packed To The Rafters.

Continue reading "The shine went off Sheen a long time ago" »

Scooby-Doo and the crime-fighting gang are some of the most beloved children’s TV characters of all time.

The original series Scooby Doo, Where Are You! debuted in 1969 and the show ran for 17 years. Its latest syndication of films and straight-to-DVD movies makes Scooby-Doo the longest lived TV cartoon character.

Continue reading "Scooby-Doo, voodoo and woo-woo" »

Did you happen the see the viral video of Channel Nine’s ‘apology’ for using a watermark in its story on Brian McFadden’s aeroplane antics? They said sorry for forcing Channel Seven to blur a significant portion of the images it unflinchingly lifted from Nine.

Funny, wasn’t it? In that sort of immature Funniest Home Videos guy-getting-hit-in-the-groin kind of way. How pathetic. How childish. How fitting.

This is the era we live in. Missed last night’s Masterchef? Don’t worry, you can see it broken down play-by-play on ACA or Today Tonight. Ten may have paid something in the vicinity of $70 million for the rights, but the other networks are showing it for free. Well, except for however much it costs to blur out that annoying bug in the corner.

Continue reading "Dirty games in commercial TV’s hall of mirrors" »

Ben Elton’s Live From Planet Earth has been cancelled after three episodes.

The regular broadcast was delayed by Channel 9 last night, in favour of an hour-length broadcast special news coverage on the Christchurch earthquake event in New Zealand.

Without making light of the event, I’m sure Channel 9 didn’t struggle with the decision for very long – If Elizabeth Hurley was still shacking it up with Shane Warne, they would have delayed Ben Elton’s show in favour of an hour of live-crossing to that event as well.

Continue reading "Live from Planet Earth now dead and buried" »

Some people really know how to land on both feet. Such as the three blokes who host the absurdly popular TV show Top Gear, who are paid a whole shed-load of money to remain in a state of arrested mental development and live out an extended midlife crisis on television, while taking the piss out of people of other races whom they find stupid.

It’s assumed that men everywhere adore this program, hence the preponderance of Top Gear DVDs taking pride of place next to the socks and hankies every Fathers Day. It’s also said that women like the show too, that there’s something of a raffish, knockabout quality to host Jeremy Clarkson and his crew which the ladies find endearing or even irresistible. I know a few blokes who enjoy (or enjoyed) the show, but I’ve never met a woman who claims to like it, and suspect the latter assertion is made by men who simply want their wives or girlfriends to endure their seven-hour-a-week Top Gear habit.

Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond will be heading our way soon on one of their “Down Under” tours. It’s a pity that they didn’t choose instead to take their show on the road to another southern nation, namely Mexico, which was recently the subject of one of their zany gags, and whose excellent citizens would probably love the chance to see these blokes in the flesh.

Continue reading "Is Top Gear the best children’s show on television?" »

It’s the worst part of being a working journalist. Those times you approach people for their story, when they’ve been through the most terrible time of their lives.

I’d love it if every story was just the opposite. And mostly they are on 60 Minutes. This week I’ve finished writing stories on adorable animals, a very successful businessman, a surprising health advance, and a man who risked his life in a war.

But last week, my focus was on the Keep family who lost their 2 year old daughter, and both her Grandmothers, when their house literally was ripped open in the Grantham flood.

Continue reading "Grantham story was definitely no ambush" »

This is not an anti-Eddie piece. Nice guy, by all accounts. It’s not an anti-Melbourne piece either. Nice city, by all accounts too. Very liveable and all that.

This isn’t even a piece written in outrage against Eddie McGuire’s cheap, nasty “land of the felafel” slur against people of Arabic origin in Western Sydney, the sharpest rebuke of which was by young freelance blogger Antoun Issa.

Despite that slur, and the national backlash, and Eddie’s embarrassing half-arsed apology, the fact is most people outside of Melbourne couldn’t give a toss about what Eddie says or thinks about anything. That’s what this piece is about.

Continue reading "He’s Eddie Everywhere but he’s not Eddie Everyone" »

Channel 10 has launched its bold bid for an older, smarter, bigger-spending demographic by unveiling a young cub reporter, George Negus, who looks to have a real future in journalism.

Negus is said to be 68 and a veteran of Australian TV news and current affairs, but he cannot possibly be, as no one over the age of 30 has ever willingly worn an item of leather neck jewellery like the one above.

George Negus – if indeed that is the youthful cub’s real name – is the anchor of the new show, 6pm With George Negus. You can tell he’s the anchor because he helpfully did a publicity shot wearing what looks like a mock military shirt with an anchor motif (see below).

Continue reading "Ten unveils gun young reporter “Georgie Boy” Negus" »

I enjoy Two and a Half Men. Does this make me a failed feminist?

Feminists make a great deal of noise when it concerns America’s #1 hit sitcom. Charlie is labelled as misogynist and sexist under a thin veneer of “comedy”.

I understand people’s concern with its 7pm timeslot, but what I don’t understand is why people are so angry. Especially women.

Continue reading "Confessions of a failed feminist" »

The entrepreneurial risk-taking winemaker versus the greedy, money grubbing corporation.

It’s a perfect narrative begging to be told, and particularly suited to television. An emotive story which was played out this week on the ABC’s Family Confidential. The story of a man who triumphed over early adversity, only to be brought undone by an unfeeling bank.

It’s heady stuff. It’s also a disappointing hagiography masquerading as a documentary.

Continue reading "ABC whitewashing of a colourful family history" »

If we are to believe America’s small-screen bible, TV Guide, one of the “greatest moments in television history”, occurred on September 13, 2004, when an over-excited talk-show host went whirling like a dervish amid her studio audience shrieking: “You get a car! You get a car! You get a car! Everybody gets a car!”

It was the opening episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show’s nineteenth season and even back then, the title of Daytime Television Queen was beginning to feel inadequate for Oprah. For her millions of fans, the very name brought positive energy. Oprah wasn’t just a celebrity any more, she was a state of being.

And that day her devotees got their “loaves and fishes” moment. Oprah kick-started the season premiere by revealing to her 276 live audience members that they would each receive a $30,000 Pontiac G6 sports sedan.

Continue reading "The Oprah has no clothes" »

The average executive salary is 100 times more than the average worker’s—and widening—according to ACTU figures. We’re told that bank CEOs’ loot-bags are bulging with the run-off from excess rate rises and capricious ATM fees.

But like so many social issues, the real battleground may be taking place outside of the political and news-based arena. It’s the mainstream popular media where opinions can be shaped and slippery messages fed to the young and the passive.

Ten’s “Undercover Boss Australia”—recently renewed for a second season—is a prime example of cynical corporate interests being delivered as “entertainment”. And yet it gets a free pass in the cultural debate over workers’ conditions, pay rates and CEO salary obscenity. In an environment where popular media isn’t considered to be worth serious discussion, we’re just expected to lap it up, not to talk about it.

Continue reading "The feel-good TV show hiding corporate reality" »

Whether on the cricket field or at the poker table, Shane Warne has never been short of swagger. But last night, in the debut of his chat show “Warnie”, his customary strut was largely missing.

That’s not being harsh. Warne himself admitted “I’ve never been as nervous” at the start of the show. Then at the end, in an out-of-character plea for approval, he asked the studio audience “Did you all enjoy it? Did you have fun?”

For the record, there was indeed fun and enjoyment to be had. But only in patches. The Sheik Of Tweak didn’t reek. But he wasn’t brilliant, either. Let’s break down a few of the main segments in no particular order.

Continue reading "Hopefully the Aussies won’t follow Shane’s nervous start" »

This week one and a half million odd people who tuned in watch the NSW fork lift driver Altiyan Childs take the top prize on the X Factor.

Finally Seven got the kind of ratings they had surely been hoping to snag for their big-budget import throughout the season after an overwhelmingly apathetic response from viewers.

As the series limped along, each week it failed to reach the stratospheric numbers the network must have been praying for after shelling out that sort of big bucks.

Continue reading "It’s not the X Factor in reality TV, but the cringe factor" »

In the past week we have all grieved in our own particular way over something lost. For some it was trivial: a train ticket, phone number, or perhaps a bet on the big race. For the more unfortunate it was something significantly worse: a job, a house, a friend or loved one.

But for much of Australia, it seems, as millions gather to attend tonight’s funeral, it has been the loss of Melissa Rafter.

The something I’m currently concerned with losing is our collective plot.

Continue reading "Losing the plot over the Rafters’ family death" »

If the Australian cricket selectors choose different teams for different formats, then why can’t Channel Nine?

The cricketing summer is officially got underway in Perth last night as Sri Lanka defeated Australia in a one-sided Twenty20 encounter.

Whilst vastly popular, cricket has traditionally been a gentlemen’s game. 

Continue reading "A mathematical equation for cricket commentary" »

It was a rainy Thursday night and my thirteen-year old cousin was pleading with me to take her to see the movie Easy A.

“Please take me to see it. Please, I’ll even wash your car,” a long pause followed.

After being scolded by her over-protective mother for taking her to see Vampires Suck, I was cautious.

Continue reading "Easy laughs: why Hollywood loves mocking Christians" »

Why didn’t the Q&A shoe‑thrower Peter Gray toss former Prime Minister John Howard a lamington instead?

Taking his cue from an Iraqi journalist, turned footwear rejecter, who flung his possessions at then‑US President George W Bush, Gray in one unoriginal act exposed the limitations of the Q&A program as an uninhibited experiment in deliberative democracy.

According to the program’s website, Q&A aims to place punters, pollies and pundits together to ‘thrash out’ the hot issues of the week. Think of it as the political equivalent of a WWE steel cage match.

Continue reading "It’s better to take Q&A as a comment, not democracy" »

It seems the gloves have come off recently, and everybody is climbing on their high horse about the level of stupidity on television.

I’m not sure why there seems to be this sudden upsurge of feeling superior to those who tune in to such things as Jersey Shore—which seems to be a major culprit in the upturn—but it’s reached the point where it requires examination.

As though tuning in to the National Press Club Address somehow makes one less stupid than changing the channel to a ludicrously scripted bit of televised nonsense.

Continue reading "In defence of mindless television" »

The Social Network opens in Australia later this week and whether you couldn’t care less about Facebook or you’re guilty of updating your status every time your toddler passes wind, there’s a lot to think about in this film about the world’s youngest billionaire.

The first question viewers will discuss after seeing the story of the man who was just 19 when he created the world-wide internet phenomenon of Facebook will be: is Mark Zuckerberg an asshole?

And judging by the flurry of examination of the issue overseas - the second question will be: is this movie misogynistic/about misogyny?

Continue reading "The Mad Men of social networking" »

There’s been a curious role reversal between Channel 10 and Channel Nine in the past 5 years or so, made even more compelling with James Packer’s new 18 percent stake in 10.

The networks used to be opposites of the TV spectrum – Nine the heavy-weights in both budget and exposure – Ten the cut-price youngsters.  Nine had a stable of headline stars. Ten was a quiet achiever. Nine had a formidable newsroom of senior journalists. Ten had a bunch of bright, hungry 20-somethings.

Then they started morphing into each other. Nine began carving away the newsroom budget, chunk by chunk. A lot of fat was shed, then a bit more. Young, ambitious 20-somethings started to feature in the 6pm line up. The tone changed from stable, solid (and sometimes predictable) to a more American, flashy, invigorated product.

Continue reading "Nine, Ten, countdown to Channel Nineteen" »

The Packer name back in the public media fold has caught everyone by surprise. There is a temptation to start dusting off analogies to his father Kerry Packer and his love of Channel Nine; the proprietor who might be given to bark down the phone ordering changes to that night’s line-up.

There’s nothing like a mogul roaming the media landscape. Ten was boring until now thanks to an open share registry - an entity in the hands of fund managers who were more interested in EBITDA and price to earnings ratios than the alchemy of making a rip-snorting TV show.

Indeed, Ten boasts the most successful TV franchise ever in Masterchef but the thing that has frustrated shareholders is that it hasn’t really translated into stellar gains in the share price _ Ten’s cost structure has risen of late and it’s share price has taken a whack.

Continue reading "Is the ghost of Kerry hanging over Ten today" »

The other day I was at a pub, which is not unusual in itself. The pub also had a $10 steak menu, which is also not uncommon. Incredibly, I decided to have a steak.

The woman behind the counter dutifully took the order and then asked what sauce I would like with it.

“I’ll just have gravy,” I said.

Continue reading "Why doesn’t anyone just eat normal food any more?" »

I’m sure $15,000 seems like a lot of money when you’re nine, especially if you break it down into mixed lollies.

But heck, even cobbers are 10 cents now. One dollar’s worth of mixed lollies gets you a few strawberries and cream, a banana, a set of teeth, two snakes and some leftover white jelly beans.

My point is while raising $15k requires a lot of hard work for most of us, the prize money on offer for the winner of Junior Masterchef is laughable in TV terms.

Continue reading "Bringing in grown-up ratings but being paid like children" »

It’s pretty clear everyone with an indulgent boss is glued to the television right now watching the early stages of the extraction of the 33 Chilean miners who’ve been trapped underground for more than two months.

You’ve got to hand it to those Chileans - they know an occasion when they see one - and as gripping news moments go this one is a cracker. If you can’t commandeer a tele click here for live coverage.

If you rattle off a list of other must-see-TV news moments it’s pretty dire. September 11, the Victorian Bushfires, the Mumbai terror attacks, the Beslan school seige, the London Bombings, Bali, the Port Arthur massacre, the explosion of the Challenger rocket.

Continue reading "Finally, something on the news to feel good about" »

You were all not doubt saddened to hear about the death of Sesame Street educational developer Dr Gerald Lesser at the age of 84. Well maybe not, but I was.

Anything that represents the decline of Sesame Street upsets me: the death of Mr Hooper, the death of Jim Henson and the rise and rise of Elmo.

Dr Lesser’s death is not only a reminder of the quality of the minds that went into this show, but you also have to question whether a show like Sesame Street would ever get made today.

Continue reading "Dr Lesser has died, but Elmo killed Sesame Street" »

Just minutes before the bombshell upset on last night’s Australia’s Top Model, Elle MacPherson sent a special video message to the three finalists.

In all the chaos I can’t remember exactly what she said but it was a sisterly little missive along the lines of, “Be true to yourself”.

Perhaps it was ringing in Sarah Murdoch’s ears, for clearly something was, when she mistakenly announced the wrong winner and had to do an embarrassing volto face in front of a live audience.

Continue reading "Live TV - there’s nowhere to hide when things go wrong" »

Well it looks like Katy Perry – pop chanteuse, novelty wig wearer, man-tamer and controversy stoker – has done it again. 

Entertainment news site TMZ reported yesterday that Sesame Street producers had pulled her recently filmed duet with Elmo. The charge? It’s too boobtastic.

In March, Perry filmed an ostensibly kid-friendly version of her hit song “Hot N Cold” with Elmo for the show’s upcoming season, to teach young viewers about opposites. Namely, up/down, fast/slow, stop/go, yes/no, human/muppet.

Continue reading "Reactionary boobs got Katy Perry pulled from kids TV" »

On Monday, the series finale of Skins aired on SBS. The British television drama has both upset and pleased audiences for its often raw, truthful depiction of teenagers. Unlike many other teen dramas, Skins refuses to show holier-than-now youths, who resist drugs, sex and rock ‘n’ roll—in this case techno.  And while Skins’ characters indulge in activities that would make any parents squirm, it resists glorifying such behaviour.

Now in its fourth season, after gaining a new set of cast members in the third, the show is dealing with some even more confronting issues that are relevant to today’s youths. And just when Skins was doing everything right to get its youthful audience thinking about important subjects, it let us down in its final moments just to create some extra drama.

Last week, one of the characters, Freddie, was bashed to death by his girlfriend, Effy’s, psychologist. Effy had tried to kill herself and was taken to a rehabilitation centre. Her psychologist had become obsessed with her, his techniques made her worse than she was before, and finally his jealousy drove him to kill Freddie.

Continue reading "Skins take on mental health is on the skids" »

Dearest Oprah, can we start by saying: ohmygod ohmygod ohmyGOD.

We can’t thank you enough for getting us out of the little marketing pickle we have found ourselves in ever since the Lara Bingle Where-the-Bloody-Hell-Are-You business (yes, what were we thinking?). For your enjoyment we have enclosed some photos from inside our marketing department from the moment we heard the news that you have decided to shoot your first ever overseas show in Sydney. As you can see, there was quite the excitement.

A few more pictures follow. We will of course have a full itinerary ready by the time you arrive but now that we’re locked in there are a few preliminary things you might want to think about that we’ve listed below.

Continue reading "A thank-you note to Oprah from Tourism Australia" »

Having now given the new Ten series Offspring a good five-or-so episodes I’ve decided I like the show in spite of, not because of, its main character.

On paper Nina Proudman sounds great. She’s played by Asher Keddie, who is gorgeous but not scary gorgeous. She’s a doctor, so she must be smart. She’s got a colourful family and a complicated love life so she should be entertaining.

But instead she’s so inhibited by crushing confidence issues she makes Bridget Jones seem positively well adjusted. The most striking thing about her character is low self-esteem and that stopped being cute about three quarters through the pilot.

Continue reading "Why must this modern heroine be so neurotic?" »

With the MasterChef juggernaut about to serve up its latest side dish in the form of Junior MasterChef, the kitchen timer is already trilling with the first claim of exploitation of its young contestants.

Last night the nation’s most lucrative TV brand shortened the apron strings and lowered the bench heights as a bunch of eight to 12-year-olds battled it out to become the most precocious kid …. oops, I mean, the most talented tween chef in Australia.

But not everyone is happy about combining kids with reality TV and it’s not because they’ll be staying up past their bedtimes.

Continue reading "Junior MasterChef: Child abuse or character building?" »

If alien life tuned into Australian news and TV broadcasts, they may wonder why immigration is an issue for any Australian political leader. They would certainly wonder where all these immigrants are, such is the gap in Australian television between the nation we live in day by day and the Australia broadcast on our allegedly diverse TV channels.

TV news audiences are steadily falling and audiences are moving towards online news providers. Against this trend it seems our news networks’ idea of competition (regarding selection of news presenters) is to retreat into a view of Australia as it was circa 1980. Amongst the 25 National News anchors across the 5 major networks, SBS accounts for 4 out of 6 prominent multicultural presenters, the others being ABC’s Jeremy Fernandez and Juanita Philips.

The three commercial free-to-air networks – Seven, Nine and Ten – account for almost 70% of the national news viewers, according to Throng Media. While there are a few reporters (including Nine’s Tracy Vo) on the front line, most living in major cities would largely agree that the face of Australian news doesn’t map the diversity we encounter at our offices, cafés and restaurants, parks and cultural events.

Continue reading "Minority reports: TV news fails on ethnic diversity" »

For about the fifty-millionth time on my television screen in recent times, I recently witnessed yet another slimy current affairs story that shouldn’t have been screened at 6.35 pm.

This time it was the tale of a woman who is taking her former boss to the cleaners for sexual harassment.  In itself, the story on Today Tonight didn’t particularly offend my sensibilities; it was quite newsworthy and, if told sensitively, may not have aroused my ire.  But it’s the sleazy manner in which these stories are so often portrayed that really gets up my nose.

Why did they have to give the intimate details of the case – word for word?  Why did they have to quote the man who supposedly said to the young woman during dinner that the dessert was so good it was ‘like a **** in the mouth’?  Oh yes, they beeped out the ‘offensive’ word.  Woohoo!  Good on them for being so ‘family friendly’. 

Continue reading "Yes Today Tonight, your sleaziness has my attention" »

Most OTT: January Jones

Look, I applaud her for going there. She really experiments and most likely wants us to know she’s not the inspid, vacant, pretty doll character she plays on Mad Men. She’s really driving that point home here, ‘cause holier-than-thou Betty Draper wouldn’t be caught dead in this! I’m not saying I like it. Far from it. It’s too blue, too shiny, too short in the front and too long in the back, not to mention those pointy bosoms, where did they come from and WHY?  And try as I might, I can’t figure out WTF the dress is made of. Is it furry fabric? Does she think dressing like a descendant of the Cookie Monster is hot? The mind boggles. But I understand where she’s coming from. ‘Cause sure, Betty Draper looks beautiful and dresses amazingly, but I wouldn’t want to be known around Hollywood as the dumb blonde either, that’s a stereotype I’m sure would be often labelled on beautiful actresses. So January Jones is setting herself apart, and I say, let her.

Continue reading "Emmys red carpet verdict" »

“Ben Cousins makes me want to take ice,” was the declaration of one punter into the twitterverse.

Others commented that if coke helped you get a body that ripped, it was time to get snorting.

Cousins said in the introduction of his doco Such is Life that he wanted to “send a powerful message to young people, for that matter all people, about the way drugs affect your life”.

Continue reading "The next Cousins instalment better include some remorse" »

I have a secret shame. I watch Neighbours and I like it.

For years I’ve felt the judging looks and sneering comments when people find out I like to watch Neighbours. After clarifying that I like to watch the TV show and not my actual neighbours, the judgement is usually even harsher.

People think I’m lame and need to get out more. While this may be true, it has nothing to do with the quality drama that airs weeknights at 6.30pm on Ten. I think it is a great show and is as ingrained in Australian culture as the 4am kebab is to Saturday night.

Continue reading "True confessions of a Neighbours addict" »

I’d never been too impressed with Matthew Newton. He always seemed like an arrogant upstart who’d taken a ride on Daddy’s coat tails to get ahead in showbiz.

There was no doubt he was talented, but then again, so are many actors who are waiting on tables around the country, desperate to get their shot.

And when allegations emerged that he’d assaulted Brooke Satchwell, my mind was made up. Only cowards hit women. Actually no, only cowards hit other people, full stop. It doesn’t matter what sex they are, no one “has it coming”, no one deserves violence. So it seems bizarre that here I am having a crack at Channel 7 instead of him.

Continue reading "Seven’s handling of Newton a bad look for the network" »

If you’re sick of swallowing all the political chatter from Jules and Tony take a break and chew on something meaningful out of America. And it’s not President Obama’s eloquent speech at the White House Ramadan dinner, where he defended plans for a mosque at Ground Zero. Rather, meet Paula Deen, the self-described ‘Queen of Southern Cooking’.

A woman that makes burgers using donuts as buns, lasagna sandwiches and single handedly butchers food to the point that she induces dry retching. The video above involving frozen cheesecake and a large pot of boiling oil should give you a sufficient introduction to Deen’s world.

As she says: “Just when you thought you couldn’t make cheesecake any better!”

Continue reading "US celebrity chef captures hearts, may also stop them" »

If you are a fan of reality TV then there’s every chance you’ve imagined yourself as contestant on one of the genre’s many shows. Maybe you’ve thought your singing ability could make you the next Australian Idol, perhaps your love of the outdoors made you feel like you could be the next Survivor or maybe you thought a childhood spent playing with table-tennis balls was worth $500,000. If The Amazing Race is your reality show of choice, your dreams of becoming a D-list celebrity could well be on their way to fulfilment.

Channel Seven recently announced that it will be producing an Australian version of the popular US reality series, giving a handful of Australians the chance to race around the world for a “massive cash prize”. The show has been running in the US for nine years in which time CBS has managed to pump out an impressive sixteen seasons, with a 17th due for broadcast later this year.

For those that haven’t seen the show, take the biggest scavenger hunt you’ve ever seen, add pairs of clueless tourists, some Big Brother-style 24/7 surveillance and the most stressful elements of travelling, mix them together and you get something that vaguely resembles The Amazing Race.

Continue reading "The Amazing Race to find the right ‘talent’ for reality TV" »

If you’ve wondered why Channel Nine’s The Golden Mile painted such an endearing portrait of its leading “Underbelly” character, King’s Cross figure John Ibrahim, it might well be because he’s had a hand in how he was portrayed in the script. 

Ibrahim – who paints himself as a publicity shy businessman annoyed by the fame generated by the show – was so concerned about his portrayal in Golden Mile, The Punch can reveal he even confronted an actor who turned down the chance to play the lead in the Channel 9 hit series.

Young Australian actor Les Chantery - star of 2009 Australian film Cedar Boys about Lebanese-Australian drug dealers in Sydney’s Western suburbs - rejected the opportunity to audition for the starring role of John Ibrahim in The Golden Mile out concern of having himself and other Lebanese-Australians typecast as thugs.

Continue reading "Has the Golden Mile given Ibrahim a soft underbelly?" »

I was spending some quality time with channel 10 the other night. It was blathering on about how good it’s life is now, and I was only half listening. But I did hear it accidently say Masterchef’s name when it was talking about its new friend, Jamie Oliver’s Road Trip.

You see, Channel 10 needs us, guys. In recent times it was on top of the world: Masterchef was the most watched non-sporting event in Australian television history, with the finale reaching a peak of over four million viewers.

It was raking in sponsorship and commercial money, there’s book royalties to look forward to, it seemed like things could never go wrong.

Continue reading "Filling the Masterchef void" »

If the Liberal Party’s campaign HQ is finally open there’ll be some relieved faces there tonight. Opposition Leader Tony Abbott calculated risk in appearing on Hey Hey It’s Saturday turned out to be relatively smooth sailing. (Not so Mark Latham’s appearance on Sky News for Labor, but more of that shortly.)

Abbott broke W.C. Fields’ golden rule - never work with children or animals - and came out unscathed. There were some fleeting uh-oh moments with the acts on the Red Faces talent slot including some dancing dogs in dresses and a group of four girls singing the Troggs classic 60s number Wild Thing.

But as it played out it was all fine entertainment. Abbott was a good sport and looked comfortable as he shared the judging panel with Kylie Minogue and actor Rex Lee, best known for his role as Lloyd, a gay office assistant, in the hit show Entourage. No harm in appearing alongside such huge stars on such a hugely popular television show - when it goes right.

Continue reading "Campaign countdown: Hey Hey, well that was OK" »

After a week in which the country went into a collective meltdown following the eviction of someone called Marion Grasby, it’s easy to forget there are actually people who don’t watch MasterChef.

Perhaps it’s time for those of us who have somehow managed to miss the entire series to form a self-help group.

I can’t have been the only one left feeling completely bewildered by overhearing spirited conversations about satay sauce everywhere I go. Can I? I’m not sure fans of the show understand how bizarre lengthy debates over the finer points of Thai cuisine cook-offs sound to their hopelessly uninitiated friends and colleagues.

Continue reading "My name is Sarrah and I don’t watch MasterChef" »

Doctor Who has just finished its most recent series, with what could be classed as “pretty good ratings for the ABC”.

For those in the audience who have been watching the entire run, it was a thrilling conclusion to a story that has been teased out over the course of thirteen episodes. To casual viewers, they’ll be left wondering what the hell Van Gogh, Winston Churchill and a Dalek made of stone are doing in the same story.

Even to those who are regular viewers, trying to figure out everything that happened in this episode is likely to turn you cross-eyed. The Doctor gets himself out of trouble using some logic that seems to be borrowed from Red Dwarf – a future me is going to travel back in time and get me out of this mess. They’ll know how to do that because they already saw themselves doing it when they were me.

Continue reading "The Doctor is in, but the storyline is hard to find" »

The aims of any public rally or protest generally are to: draw attention to the cause, build public support, and secure a favourable response by authorities.

Australian protesters regularly score well on the first because protesters have an excellent sense of when cameras are likely to be in the vicinity, and that slogans and large, TV friendly signs and props will be useful to those editing the evening news bulletins.

But on the other two aims Australian protests are in something of a rut. Increasingly the numbers of people at public rallies are grimly thin and feature people and slogans that are more likely to inspire puzzlement than passion. This was brilliantly evidenced by two protests in Sydney this week - one which involved a mock kangaroo funeral and another calling for the Reserve Bank to drop rates - both of which were attended by only a handful of protesters. They were extreme examples but underscored the malaise affecting the wider culture of public protest in modern Australia.

Continue reading "Time to take to the streets over falling protest standards" »

Were you one of the 637,000 or so people who watched Hey Hey it’s Saturday this week? No? How about one of the 800,100 who watched it the week before?

If you were, then watch it while you can. It’s a primetime show that is taking up two hours worth of scheduling, and ranking 60th in the week’s rating list. A show can only haemorrhage viewers like that for so long.

Continue reading "Hey, Hey, where did everyone go?" »