Suburban Tales
THE past week has been filled with some serious news from serious places. Luckily none of this need concern us here, as Suburban Tales presents you with men bearing flowers, cars bearing children’s play equipment, and tow trucks bearing your automobile.
:
Sleazy or Cheesy: Where is the line between sleaze and old-fashioned courtesy?
Everybody has a pervy uncle. They’re part of the wider family ecology, along with the smarter, more popular alpha-cousin and the preternaturally athletically gifted niece who’s destined to represent her state in a sport no one cares about. We all know the tricks in the pervy uncle’s sleazy arsenal:
Continue reading "Suburban tales: Rules for the pervy uncle, and more" »
Welcome to another stumble past the concrete downball squares and scuffed adventure playgrounds in suburbs around our nation.
As the oozing tedium of the great health debate drags on in sound byte form, you have to ask why one school has decided kids need more computers games and less sport.
In a move that aught be applauded by every couch-sitting Modern Warfare player in Oz, Mosman High has decided to trial the Nintendo Wii as a fitness alternative to traditional sport.
Continue reading "Suburban Tales: more computers, less sport" »
Latest 2 of 8 comments
View all comments-
thomas vesely says:
just Google news , “sportsman charged” and you will see what sport is all about. Read more »
-
Adam Meltone says:
Not everyone is a brain-dead sports fan. There are millions of us who can’t stand professional sports or loud, ignorant sports fans. We believe schools should be sanctuaries of learning and education, not state-sponsored gymnasiums! Sports teams are not required fixtures at school! They have nothing to do with learning!… Read more »
Welcome to another trawl round the slightly yellow public swimming pools and suspect spa baths across our broad nation.
We start this week’s march with a fairly ill-informed assumption.
Suburban Tales representatives haven’t seen a demographic breakdown of The Punch’s readership, but being a site featuring smart, erudite, politically aware and deeply relevant thought (bar this column of course), we can assume a few things…
Continue reading "Suburban Tales: Stray trolleys and sex toys" »
Latest 2 of 7 comments
View all comments-
RMS says:
Given the content of “The Punch”, it’s far more a testament to boredom than content. Good thing it doesn’t take long before the insult to one’s intelligence spurs one back into action. Good bye! Read more »
-
Sahara says:
puncuate? - punctuate tertiatary? - tertiary buckload? Hmm perhaps you meant bucketload? And why the hyphen in commenters? 4 mistakes in 65 words and that’s before we even start to look at the grammar.. All I can say to that is Pot, Kettle, Black Why do people even do this?… Read more »
Welcome to another brief sojourn through the hot bakes and juice stands across our sun-drenched country.
Readers of Suburban Tales would know the love affair the people of Melbourne seem to have with the humble turtle. A couple of weeks ago, we reported on one such reptile who spends quality time attached to a harness being taken for beach walkies.
A blissful existence for any animal, I’m sure you’ll agree.
Latest 2 of 7 comments
View all comments-
Sam Chowder says:
Don’t forget your togs at Little Congwong Beach and also look out for bitter dowdy dressed ladies who enjoy superglueing peoples hands to their hips. Read more »
-
Jonty Burton says:
Rest assured, wherever a story about a turtle can be used for slightly comic effect, Suburban Tales will be there to make a hack of it. Read more »
Welcome to another amble around the mission-brown patios and decked al fresco areas festooned across our sea-girt nation.
We start this week in the Land of Queens, where the mighty have fallen. The Ipswich News reports the ute at the centre of the Utegate fiasco that has been resurrected and turned into a Meals on Wheels fundraiser.
Just as the Krudster himself has pulled a hairshirt skivvy over those coke-bottle specs and wound up a mea culpa or two, so the ute that did no real damage to his political career is now a contrite charity van.
Latest 2 of 11 comments
View all comments-
Amy Brunner says:
Mrsmum. First, what is your membership No. to the labor party. Second, the liberals have done nothing here. It’s Paul Pisasale and John Grant that has rasied the ute gate again. Both of them Labor fellow travellers. Third, if we are going to have anything in the musseum representing the… Read more »
-
Amy Brunner says:
To 6c legs:- Don’t you understand which side is left or right in politics. It has been clearly the left side of politics who have engineered this political publicity stunt. Read more »
WELCOME to another journey around the dilapidated tennis tables and half-finished construction projects in the back sheds of suburbs around our nation.
We start this week’s shambolic ramble in the southern parts of Melbourne, where life can move slowly, especially when you’re strapped to a turtle. Edithvale resident Helen Beaumont is just such a person.
She has found the zen-like state of happiness that can only come from harnessing up a reptile with a makeshift doggy lead and walking it slowly down a beach.
Continue reading "Suburban Tales: Graffiti and cougar weddings" »
Latest 2 of 12 comments
View all comments-
Buboe says:
Come on Jonty. Blood elf’s can’t be shamans. L2P Noob Read more »
-
Jonty Burton says:
We try to have as little point as humanly possible in the Suburban Tales column. Oh, and we like turtles too. Except for one of the subeditors who checks our copy. That particular journo is indifferent to all reptiles. Read more »
Naked cartwheels, foot spas for toddlers and a board game that teaches youngsters the ins and outs of the drug trade.
It’s been another varied week in the quirky world of local newspapers.
When an 80-year-old Adelaide woman found a board game on her front lawn, quite naturally she gave it to her grandson.
Latest 2 of 11 comments
View all comments-
Mabel22Blevins says:
If you are willing to buy real estate, you would have to receive the credit loans. Furthermore, my mother usually utilizes a college loan, which seems to be really fast. Read more »
-
Sceptic says:
Psychic Associations that protect their own industry more like it. If you get all the psychics to vote for one of their own then it legitimizes the industry, right? Wrong. It’s a way of getting the media to buy into this crap. Read more »
We’ll kick off this week’s tour of the suburbs with a story likely to leave your grandad shaking his head and telling you the world’s gone mad.
In yet another kick to the swingers for first-time buyers, a 16 square metre garage has been sold in North Bondi – for $240,000.
As the Wentworth Courier reports, a punter shelled out more than four times the average Australian salary for “a little extra space”.
Continue reading "Suburban Tales: The romance of housework" »
Latest 2 of 2 comments
View all comments-
Boden says:
Ha, I play cricket with Nicko Read more »
-
stephen says:
I live in Boondall. I’m waiting for this to happen to me. Read more »
Late January, and it’s time for schools to repopulate with wide-eyed kids eager to resume ignoring their teachers in favour of the psychological abuse of their peers.
Consequently, it’s also the time roads start getting clogged and the strains of tune-free music to start screeching through the air as students pick up neglected instruments again.
It’s a stressful time of year, particularly for teachers.
Continue reading "Suburban tales: BBQs, buskers and killer shrubs" »
Latest 2 of 4 comments
View all comments-
Judy says:
I hate the idea of ‘rewarding’ people - adults or children - for perfect/high attendance. It’s punishing those who are genuinely sick and rewarding those who *should* have taken a day off and refrained from sharing their flu-germs with everyone else. A school my kids attended a couple of years… Read more »
-
fluffy says:
like these people have benefited from his skills you mean? http://www.tinyurl.com.au/1f1 Read more »
Welcome to another trip around the lawn chairs and broken trampolines of our wide brown suburbs.
There’s nothing like an urban planning story to get the heart of every local journo pumping. All those genteel ‘save our suburbs’ types in leafy inner suburbs butting heads against shadowy property developer types torn straight out of an episode of
Secret Valley
. It all makes for good copy.Take the story from Brisbane’s Springfield News this week that the local Hare Krishna community may be denied permission to build a temple.
Continue reading "Suburban tales: You left your whip and chicken in the cab" »
Latest 2 of 7 comments
View all comments-
YYL says:
On a global scale the chances of Australia suffering from earthquakes are NOT the same as the chances of places like Japan, the east coast of the US, Indonesia, or parts of China. For example, the timeframe estimated before Newcastle sees a repeat of the quake of the magnitude of… Read more »
-
stephen says:
Luce, you did not write this, did yer ? (Reminds me of a piece that Jane Fonda recited as a reporter in China Syndrome.) Read more »
Welcome to another week of tales from darkest suburbia, where we ask: “When will the relentless march toward Christmas stories stop?” Not until the last fake tree and fairy lights are packed away, apparently.
Thus, we start in Sydney where St Nick has been banished from Sydney Airport following allegations of misconduct. The Southern Courier reports the man hired to wear the big red suit was fired for what a Qantas worker described as possible “inappropriate gestures to the elves”.
A new Santa has already been hired, so the ho ho ho-ing chain will hopefully continue unbroken.
Latest 2 of 6 comments
View all comments-
SLF says:
@RT, it is not a childcare centre this year, it is a council http://noosa-journal.whereilive.com.au/news/story/council-sidesteps-the-word-christmas/ Read more »
-
Liz says:
Dressing up ‘in silly consumes”? Whow that’ll get them in the soup! Hope it’s not tooo hot! Read more »
The people have spoken in two suburban electorates this week, and they said no to sex. Or at least no to the Sex Party.
As we reported a couple of weeks ago, the party joined the electoral race in the former Peter Costello stronghold Higgins, and also in the Sydney seat of Bradfield.
Not all went swimmingly for the two candidates vying for office. In Melbourne, Sex Party boss Fiona Patten found herself falling foul of the local plod, after some South Yarra parents found her van - with SEX PARTY written on the back - somehow offensive.
Continue reading "Suburban tales: And the van had ‘Sex Party’ written on it" »
Latest 2 of 7 comments
View all comments-
robbie Swan says:
Yes! ..we’re looking for Tasmanian candidates. In fact we’re out there looking for people to part of our Senate team in all states. BTW..the Sex Party has written a formal complaint to the Electoral Commission about being detained by the plods on polling day for promoting the name of a… Read more »
-
Liz says:
And? If you can’t have fun and games in politics where can you? Read more »
Facebook Recommendations
Read all about it
Punch live
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
@GerardDaffy Yeah, it was silly. Still, going on comments readers are liking it. It was a shockingly violent news day. People need relief
RT @GrogsGamut: QUESTION: But in terms of that discussion though, is he misquoting you with that?TONY ABBOTT: You’ve had your say. http://t…
Recent posts
The latest and greatest
The Punch is moving house
Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…
Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?
I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…
Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”
In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…
Nosebleed Section
choice ringside rantings
From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go
Tim says:
They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go
Kel says:
If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]Gentle jabs to the ribs
Superman needs saving
Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more
Latest 2 of 4 comments
View all commentsAdd your comment