This week, Queensland Premier Campbell Newman, the Federal Opposition and Australia’s leading industry lobby group all armed themselves with sharp cutting implements to confront a menacing threat to the nation’s future: tape.

If all this tape becomes uncoiled it WILL garrotte our economy

We’re not just talking about run of the mill tape, either. None of this clear, transparent, colourless, odourless stuff. It’s tape of colour that’s got everybody worried sick. Apparently, the entire country is being held back by brightly coloured bits of plastic. Particularly of the red and green varieties, the ghastly cyan scourge of blue tape having yet to infringe on our precious freedoms.

Even the PM joined in the tape-bashing yesterday. All that onerous red tape needs to be scissored, STAT! But what has tape, a humble piece of material that possesses a variety of stick- and non-stick uses, really done to deserve being endlessly abused as a metaphor for government regulation?

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