Society

Fifteen years ago when one of your girlfriends had a few too many Illusion shots standard practice was to put her in a cab, give the driver her address and $20 and pat yourself on the back for being a responsible friend.

You wouldn’t do that now. Not if you cared about her well being at all. Trust between taxi drivers and passengers has been worn down to a new low, typified by comments yesterday from a Perth cabbie, who after being acquitted of involvement in a sexual assault said it was becoming more and more common for taxi drivers to be offered sexual favours in exchange for fares.

It’s one of those “trends” that’s impossible to quantify. No woman is ever going to admit to anyone that when she found herself $10 short of a cab fare after the work Christmas party she settled the debt with a quick sexual act. It is a highly unlikely response to a situation.

Continue reading "There’s no evidence sex-for-cab-fares is a trend" »

Well, what did anyone expect? Facebook removes harmless pics of Aussie mums breastfeeding, and what, we’re surprised? Gee, who’d a thunk that a massive corporation that exists to profit from banner ads wouldn’t share our values?

Facebook’s moral universe is admittedly rather haphazard. Its automatic boob-detecting software got onto those breastfeeding Mums much quicker than the site had on other occasions removed pages dedicated to hate and vilification, or pages that cruelly mocked the innocent dead.

But here’s the thing. Facebook is not an arbiter of values, nor should it be. It has its own rules and its practices, and anyone who uploads content onto Facebook cannot reasonably expect its editorial policy (or lack thereof) to align with their own values.

Continue reading "Stop expecting Facebook to be your friend" »

Margaret Court was right - we’re all going to Hell. But she wasn’t the first to tell us, we’ve been going to Hell for centuries. Here Simon J Green digs up the transcripts of the Margaret Courts of their day.

February, 2012

The state of the planet today makes me sick. Back in my day, children respected their elders. If you didn’t show the right amount of respect, you were given the strap. I got bamboo across my palm thrice in school and it did me the world of good. Something else that made me the sensible person I am today: a decent education. The corner stone of that education was maths. If more kids were taught mathematics in school, there’d be less drop outs, less teen pregnancies and more graduates going to university.

Continue reading "The world has always been going to Hell in a handbasket" »

Stop all the cheering, cut off the champagne. Prevent the pollies from barking and silence the drums. The piddling interest rate cut didn’t even happen.

Today’s widely expected drop of 25 basis points was the catalyst for plenty of chest beating. Treasurer Wayne Swan tried to unleash righteous fury, the banks tried to cry poor, the unions said the banks are squeezing ordinary Australians, and not in a good way. Nothing happened. The Reserve Bank of Australia decided to keep the cash rate steady.

But was all the hullabaloo justified in the first place?

Continue reading "Interest rate barney barely even rates as interesting" »

Some friends of mine had lunch on Saturday with a mate who spent so much time artfully composing photos of the gathering to post on Facebook they never got to have an actual conversation. It was as if my friends were just attractive extras, hired to play a part in this bloke’s nicely curated published version of his excellent life.

I’ve also written before about paying hundreds of dollars for a great experience only to miss it because you can’t bring yourself to switch off your iPhone. It’s a modern curse. And in cases like these the greatest danger is your friends will be busy next time you suggest a photo-shoot, neatly disguised as a catch-up.

But what happens when the urge to document an event gets in the way of saving someone’s life? There is a terrible story out of the flood-affected Queensland town of Roma this morning about about a woman who was swept away by raging waters while six brave, still-connected-to-reality men tried desperately to save her.

Continue reading "Life slips away while you’re filming it on your phone" »

Recently, Jason Tin wrote a rather satisfying article about the imminent death of the internet due to it collapsing under the weight of its own vapid incivility. He’s right. And you’ve seen it, of course.

An online comment section can turn a group of people who pay their mortgages and love their kittens into petty, hateful stupid people braying non-sequiturs at each other like Tourettes’ donkeys. But, why?

Good question. Science, having nothing better to do, has come up with some rather intriguing answers. So if the internet is dead, then consider me the pathologist – the science wonk who goes picking around in its chest cavity with tweezers trying to determine what killed it.

Continue reading "The science of Punching on" »

The Facebook ban on photographs of women breastfeeding their own children raises some important issues about freedom of choice and the role of social media in setting behavioural standards.

There is no valid reason for any social media network to ban legitimate pictures posted by women of themselves breastfeeding their own children.

Such pictures can help normalise breastfeeding and educate others about how breastfeeding is done in real life.

Continue reading "Facebook’s being a boob over breastfeeding pics" »

In 2008 a journalist from Vanity Fair said the thought of sex with a then-50-year-old Madonna “seems like a fetish” - presumably because she was then already “old”. Yet there she was at 2012 Super Bowl half time with pom poms, gladiator outfits, military drummers, a gospel choir and loads of cameos from other stars singing about being a “different kind of girl” in her new song.

The general consensus was she knocked the half-time show right out of the park. Who said it’s inappropriate for a 53-year-old woman to dress like a gothic cheerleader? Maybe 50 is the new 25.

Anonymous says: Before I became a parent I thought this question was an absolute no brainer. A little smack here and there can’t hurt a child, I used to think. Especially if it’s going to help them learn to control certain behaviour and doing dangerous stuff, like crossing a road without looking.

Things are different now. My daughter is 18 months old and I couldn’t smack her for the life of me. The idea fills me with horror. Friends say that will change as she gets older, but I’m not convinced. There are other ways to teach your kids a lesson. This article in today’s Daily Telegraph advocates making smacking your kids illegal. But what do you think?

In Texas and in many other parts of the US, the government has hit upon a neat new approach to dealing with troublesome students in schools. Instead of old-fashioned methods like detention or sitting in the corner of the classroom, the State has employed a legion of armed police to patrol the state’s school corridors.

That means hundreds of students are finding themselves charged in the school grounds with offences such as ‘disrupting class’ and are being forced to appear in court. For many, the charges lead to prison terms, in what has been described as a ‘schools-to-prison’ pipeline.

These are not rare or extreme cases. This is not a nightmare vision conjured up in the pages of a George Orwell novel. In fact right now, hundreds of students are being charged daily with offences ranging from swearing in school, being late to school, playing up on the school bus, smoking cigarettes or wearing inappropriate clothing. In 2010 close to 300 000 tickets were issued to schoolchildren as young as six in schools - resulting in fines, community service and prison terms.

Continue reading "Go directly to jail. Do not pass Year Six." »

Springsteen has done it again. You’ve got to look for the silver lining in these troubled times and if the economic and social train wreck that’s engulfed the mighty United States of America has to be endured at least it’s producing some of the best new music heard in years.

From Todd Snider’s biting Excitement Plan through Ry Cooder’s gritty Pull Up Some Dust and Sit Down - and much in between and next door - we’ve heard some fantastic commentary set to heart breaking and soul lifting music.

Perhaps Aleo Blacc’s I Need A Dollar is the anthem of the hard times so far but the Boss comes roaring back with a very bitter judgment on social inequality and you can bet it will stir some controversy.

Continue reading "The Boss is still the boss" »

We’ve done it. We’ve finally ruined the Internet with our constant rage and all-caps rants. The vibe of the place has undeniably changed. We can all feel it.

It used to be a place for exchanging videos of animals doing people things and tricking Richard Wilkins into announcing celebrity deaths.

Now, it’s like being trapped in a shipping container full of knives and bees, or spending 20 minutes within a 15m radius of Deni Hines. Engaging with anything online has become an exhausting exercise. Every article, video and picture of George Lucas is accompanied by the ominous drum of sweaty fists pounding keyboards.

Continue reading "It happened. We’ve finally ruined the Internet" »

How would you feel if you found out that your mere existence is such a burden on your parents they want $10 million compensation?

It’s not clear whether 11-year-old Keeden, who has severe brain damage after a rare genetic condition caused a massive stroke, will ever understand what his parents are doing.

Debbie and Lawrence Waller are suing their IVF specialist for “wrongful birth”, claiming he breached his duty of care by failing to take proper care that Lawrence’s genetic blood clotting condition would not be passed on. They say they love Keeden, but wouldn’t have gone ahead with the birth if they’d known because of his suffering.

Continue reading "These parents think their son shouldn’t have been born" »

Max, a young and handsome American pit bull, sits on death row in Miami-Dade County’s Animal Services, a victim of possibly the world’s toughest breed-specific dog laws.

The paperwork on his cage labels him “aggressive”, but it’s more out of caution. He’s never bitten anyone.

Max has got 24 hours for a reprieve. His owner is a soldier on duty in Afghanistan who left the dog with his family. They became panicked that they would be fined for harbouring an outlawed breed and handed him to the Animal Services pound.

Continue reading "Dog ownership laws a load of total bullpit" »

You know you’ve officially become a Sydneysider when you become obsessed with “The Southerly”. When’s it due? Why hasn’t it got here yet? It’s reached the airport - bloody-well hurry up.

In Sydney, having the Bureau of Meteorology as your homepage is not considered weird.

We’ve been bitching and moaning for months about how wet it is, how cold it is, how we wanted to spend Christmas at the beach but it raaaaiiined. Then yesterday in Sydney we had our first day over 30 degrees for the summer, and last night it didn’t get down below 25.5 degrees at Observatory Hill. You’d think this event would be welcomed with wild celebrations yes? Not in Sydney. Today we’re all soooo tiiiirrred because none of us could sleep properly.

Continue reading "Sydney people are such sooks about the weather" »

Once upon a time, home births were the only option, and mothers and babies frequently died.

Things have changed dramatically since then. Home births are much safer, and much, much rarer. The latest Australian Institute of Health and Welfare statistics show in 2009 just 0.3 per cent of women had a planned home birth – a total of 863 births. Two babies died.

But home births are still the source of simmering tension; the powerful Australian Medical Association is dead set against them, a very vocal lobby group is angry at recent changes that make them harder, and parents are left to choose between conflicting views and seemingly conflicting evidence.

Continue reading "Home births are prone to many complications" »

At Melbas nightclub on the Gold Coast they won’t serve people with hand, neck and facial tattoos. You can, however, front up to the bar wearing a stocking on your head.

Helpfully you don’t even have to bring your own. For just five dollars you can buy a stocking at the club door. “It’s a policy that really works for our venue,” a worker at the bar told The Punch.

Imagine if cops were subject to the same measures. They could be, if the draft proposals being considered by NSW Police Association come into force.

Continue reading "Lay off the tatts and have a debate about the real issues" »

On February 1 the Federal Government will lift its ban on Australian same-sex partners receiving the documents they need to marry in other countries where same-sex marriage is allowed.

To her great credit, Attorney-General, Nicola Roxon, has asked the Department of Foreign Affairs to start issuing certificates of no-impediment to marriage (CNIs) to same-sex couples marrying overseas on the same basis as they are now issued to heterosexual couples.

A CNI is required by many foreign governments as proof the foreigner who wants to marry in their country is of marriageable age and isn’t already married where they come from. 

Continue reading "Cruel treatment of ‘marriage refugees’ to end" »

The world is ruled by extroverts. The loudest voices, unsurprisingly, are often the only ones we hear.

The Australia Day honours are meant to pay tribute to the unsung heroes, thereby making them sung.

While the most attention is too often given to the already well-sung - celebrities, the actors and the sportspeople who make the list - there are also the local heroes, the young and the senior Australians.

Continue reading "Singing the praises of the unsung heroes" »

In the past few days, we have had a few prominent and highly regarded individuals coming out to voice their concerns about racism in Australia. They say it is very much alive and kicking.

Dr Charles Teo, a very respected neuro-surgeon who has saved many lives, said that racism is still “very much alive in Australia”. Then came Fayia Lahai, a refugee from Sierra Leone in West Africa, who also agreed with Dr Teo’s assessment that Australia has a racism problem.

Mr Fayia Lahai was recently appointed to a new body called People of Australia Ambassadors – a body that will give advice to the Government and to the Australian Multicultural Council. Mr Lahai arrived in Tasmania in 2006.

Continue reading "Change the topic, Australia Day is not about racism" »

As Australia Day descends, the great Aussie annual introspection starts. We ask questions about who we are as a nation, how does our history stack up, where are we heading and what our values are. We even have debates about whether we should have Australia Day at all.

Of course, having a bit of a national conversation with ourselves isn’t a bad thing. It’s healthy to ask questions. And there can be some spinoffs. A bit of navel gazing by Australians lead to Dr Karl Kruszelnicki‘s mini-thesis and why belly button fluff is always blue (true blue that is, or is it green, Karl?).

But as healthy as questioning is, it is important to know to have a good amount of evidence on side to really get a handle on things.

Continue reading "Five of the biggest, fattest myths about Australia" »

As is the rite of passage for all conservative politicians, Republican hopeful Newt Gingrich has found himself embroiled in a sex scandal. Wife number two claims Newt asked for an “open marriage”. She, shockingly enough, now considers him too much of a jerk for office.

In even more yawn-worthy news, fellow hopeful, Rick Santorum, has pounced on naughty Newt and determined that those extramarital hijinks raise questions about moral character. Moral character.

You know, the most fundamental of leadership qualities. Because, you might be the smartest, the wisest, the most hard-working of all politicians, but one sexual snafu and it can all end in a finger-snap.

Continue reading "Sex scandals should not render a leader impotent" »

Big organisations are giving causal Friday the boot. Or should that be the zipper?

Turns out sitting around feeling relaxed and comfortable in our second best pair of jeans has done nothing for the bottom line. It’s making us sloppy, unproductive and unfit for promotion.

Makes sense though. Since ancient times humans have had to dress up to get what they want. The grander your outfit, the more feathers in your hat or the more jewels in your crown – the more powerful and important you were considered to be. There was a reason Cleopatra had all those rings of gold around her neck, and it wasn’t for comfort.

Continue reading "If you want a promotion don’t dress like a hobo" »

The recent Wiggles interview on the Today Show is worth a look.

Now in these matters I am no polemicist. Although I am used to politics, I am neither Team Sam or Team Greg. I have two young daughters who fall into the Sam generation, but most of our Wiggles collections (DVD’s, CD’s, books, toys and even videos) are hand-me-downs from the Greg era.

In fact the yellow Wiggle is a source of considerable confusion at home.

Continue reading "Why The Wiggles’ PR debacle shouldn’t make us squirm" »

Christmas is long gone, New Year is a distant memory, the tennis is on TV and the summer break that saves the sanity of so many Australians is almost over. As usual in the lead up to Australia Day it’s time debate the health of the nation: where we stand internationally, and the slippery issue of our national identity.

I don’t think there are many countries that spend so much time trying to define exactly what they stand for.

While navel-gazing isn’t always healthy, one of the reasons for this debate is that we do not feel that our national identity is fixed, or tied to events of the past, but something that is always changing and improving.

Continue reading "Multiculturalism. It’s as Aussie as a lamb roast" »

Imagine if marriage were like a passport or a driver’s license; every five or 10 years, you have to fill in paperwork to renew it, or you can choose to walk away, no questions asked.

This ingenious idea was raised at my book-club meeting, although it bore no relevance to the novel we were discussing.

“Marriages wouldn’t slide into such a state of disrepair if you had to recommit to them once a decade,” said a friend in a diversionary tactic (like me, she hadn’t finished the book).

Continue reading "Marriage is like undies, it’s all about strong bonds" »

Articles like this one from the The New York Times explore a facet of life in India that most visitors from the West will surely notice, and anyone that lives here will have to confront to some degree – having servants, or “help”.

I still don’t even like writing or saying the word. A lot of that undoubtedly has to do with some kind of privileged-white-person, colonial-style guilt. Perhaps it is just something I am simply not used to, having grown up in a middle-class household in Australia.

Whatever reason you want to attach to it, generally speaking I feel uncomfortable with someone serving me unless they are working in a restaurant or a hotel for a decent wage.

Continue reading "Are you being served? Would you like to be?" »

Today’s dilemma is unusually sombre, but here goes. What’s the right thing to wear to a funeral these days?

We ask this question following a recent discussion in The Punch office about the wearing of jeans. People wear jeans everywhere these days. Job interviews, weddings, work. So does that mean, it’s now okay to wear them to a funeral?

And what about the all-black thing. Is that getting a bit out-dated now?  Does it remain the only way to show respect for the person who passed away?

Continue reading "Friday dilemma: Can I wear jeans to a funeral?" »

“Opinions are like orgasms: mine matters most, and I don’t care if you have one.”

I’m not sure where I first read this, but it seems to typify public debate in Australia, where opposing parties love to discredit an argument by giving it a label: racist, sexist, chauvinist, insensitive, homophobe, ignorant…

In philosophy classes, this type of argument was called an ad hominem, and it’s only reward was an F, but in public debate it’s a timesaver, a cheap political point. Remember when Bill Heffernan questioned Gillard’s leadership because she was “deliberately barren”? Same deal.

Continue reading "The biggest bigots are the buggers who blame bigotry" »

Imagine you are the harried working parent of a bustling four-year-old child - unless of course you’re actually in the zone right now, experiencing all those many wonders first hand.

Next year’s the big one. School, and potentially a 13-year stretch of study, social integration, with hopefully some fun and a few of life’s lessons in the mix.

As you’re dropping them off at the local pre-school before zooming off to work, it is time to wonder how much do they really need to learn right now.

Continue reading "Don’t worry, they’re taking good care of your children" »

When the annual figures come out on the gender gap in salaries the standard argument is that women earn less because a) they take time off work to have kids, and b) they dominate lower-paid industries such as health and education.

While both those points are solid explanations for the gap, new figures that have nothing to do with either (a) or (b) show women graduates are paid less than the men who graduate from the same degrees - 14 per cent less.

Graduate Careers Australia found in 2011 graduate males started work on a full-time median salary of $52,000, and women on $50,000 (which could be accounted for by different industries). But in 14 industries male starting salaries were higher than female starting salaries in the same industry.

Continue reading "Maybe women are just bad at asking for a higher salary" »

In 1945, an intelligence officer wrote a letter to his three-year-old son on Hitler’s personal stationery.

“The man who might have written on this card once controlled Europe,” he wrote in elegant cursive. “Today he is dead, his memory despised, his country in ruins.”

Last year, the letter became a permanent addition to the CIA’s private museum in Langley.

Continue reading "This year we should all go a little bit postal" »

Everyone’s talking about poker machines these days. Our politicians and our newspapers, our clubs and pubs; everyone has an opinion on what we should and shouldn’t do with regards to the pokies. But they’re talking about numbers and policies, votes and strategies and campaigns.

They’re not talking about the people who have been hurt, who are hurting still. People like me.

When I was 24 years old, I had the world on a string. Life was mine for the taking. I was engaged to be married and surrounded by fantastic friends; I had my university degree framed on the wall, a great job and excellent prospects. But by the time I turned 25, life as I knew it was over. I was addicted to poker machines.

Continue reading "I’d lie awake, pokie music running through my head" »

Well, puck me with a fitchfork. The F-word is apparently an acceptable part of Australian speech.

That’s the only conclusion you can draw after the trade mark examiner gave two thucking fumbs up to a soon-to-be-released product called “Nuckin Futs”.

After the initial trade mark application was rejected, a savvy lawyer argued that the f-bomb is an everyday part of Australian speech. And he won. The product is on its way, with the only caveat being it can’t be marketed to minors.

Continue reading "No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops" »

The interwebs are a cesspit of bigotry, bullying and racism, hate and snuff porn, and all things dark and evil, right?

Right. But, being a human place, they’re also full of wit and wisdom and things of beauty.

It’s hard to tell who’s winning, but there’s a bloody interesting skirmish going on. Twitter user @lizsinnott tweeted a screenshot from a Facebook page on which a bunch of racist nongs had posted racist rubbish about an ad for indigenous education.

Continue reading "Should we name and shame online racists?" »

It’s not often you hear an apology from a big corporation that sounds like it really means it, but Jenny Craig’s statement last night that it “badly misjudged public perception of Kyle Sandilands” sounds genuine enough - perhaps because it’s so bloody obvious.

Hmmm, brand heavily skewed towards women with body issues, linked to the “fat slag” king, what could possibly go wrong?

The language marketing departments use when one of the stars they throw millions of dollars at to flog their products step out of line, is often at best hilarious, at worst mealy-mouthed.

Continue reading "Brands have become our new moral arbiters" »

At a recent protest outside the electoral office of Immigration Minister Chris Bowen, Greens Senator Lee Rhiannon said Australia was mishandling the refugee issue, and it was the “lack of a humanitarian approach and failure to abide by international obligations” that was causing problems.

Another refugee advocate at the protest said, “You don’t have to be an Australian to have human rights.”

Human rights should be the lens through which we consider the economic, cultural and geographic implications of increasing our intake of refugees and asylum seekers. It is about enacting people’s basic rights to freedom, choice and safety.

Continue reading "It wouldn’t kill us to save more lives" »

When a boat goes down, should women and children be able to jump to the front of the lifeboat queue?

The death toll from the Costa Concordia tragedy has reached five, and more stories are emerging about the chaos inside the luxury cruise liner as it started to go down.

Melbourne mother Michelle Barraclough told the Herald Sun that she had to fight hysterical adults to hold on to her 12-year-old daughter, and that the men were the worst.

Continue reading "Women and children first, or every man for himself?" »

I once tried to explain cricket to a Spaniard. After half an hour of Pictionary-grade diagrams, an English-Spanish dictionary and rubbing my groin with a Granny Smith, all that Fernando had grasped with any certainty was that he didn’t wish to eat the apple.

I have lived in some peculiar places and enjoyed some peculiar conversations, but I had to venture to Cairns to have a discussion with a woman about how best to post an ant through the mail. And not any type of ant but an Electric ant, or a suspected Electric ant, hence the conversation.

I grew up on Sydney’s forested North Shore, so I’m accustomed to creepy crawlies in the house and have liberated many a spider in the brave space between a cup and a postcard. Postcards were invented for such endeavours. Now that people have stopped sending them, my house resembles the set of Arachnophobia. 

Continue reading "Pfft to your fancy European power, we have electric ants" »

There was a time when putting ‘healthy choice’ and ‘McDonalds’ in the same sentence was considered an oxymoron. Then it became a marketing campaign. Where there were once burgers, fries and soft drinks, menu boards are now filled with bagels, fruit juices and cafe lattes.

What’s more, the buns no longer have sugar in them (well, not much), the cheese is supposedly made from milk and even the McNuggets are said to contain traces of chicken.

And now KFC - that last bastion of dreadfully unhealthy chain-based junk food - has launched a new advertisement trumpeting its quality credentials - slow motion flour-falling-from-the-air-in-a-Master-Chef-style-kitchen and all. How disappointing.

Continue reading "Junking the junk in junk food" »

Someone had to pay for disco. Nile Rodgers took the bullet in late 1979 when it finally became official: disco sucked.

Rodgers was co—founder, with Bernard Edwards, of the band Chic. Rodgers played guitar and Edwards, now deceased, the bass.

They were more of production team than a true band, putting changing voices in front of their music to produce late 70s hits such as “We Are Family”, “Le Freak” and “Good Times.”

Continue reading "Disco: When music made straight for your groin" »

FOR a year now, I’ve had a little quote pinned above my desk. “Tell me,” it says, “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” On a particularly joyless day, I scribbled a response: “Make lunch boxes.”

But even doctored with my smarty-pants cynicism, that scrap of paper winks at my soul. Some days, I try for ‘wild’ by blasting The Buzzcocks through my office after dropping the kids at school. Other times, I aim for ‘precious’, tinkering with words in the hope they’ll flow from me to you as naturally as breath (they don’t).

Now, I’m not one for malcontent. Live well, love well, don’t leave a mess and “yes, please” to another piece of cake is generally my motto. But, recently I’ve felt disconnected, which is absurd because last year I received 13,506 emails, sent 432 tweets and became Facebook ‘friends’ with someone I kissed in 1989.

Continue reading "Reconnecting by getting totally disconnected" »

THE other day a stranger came up to me in the street and spat in my face. While this still put it in the top 20 days of my life so far, it was nonetheless an unpleasant experience overall.

As I pushed the strange man away from me and called him various names, it occurred to me that this is something they never taught me how to deal with in journalism school. Possibly because I never went to journalism school but I still blame the system.

The man’s grievance with me was unclear, as despite my best efforts I could not understand what he was talking about. The only intelligible sentence I could make out was: ``You made it sound like I made a sex video.’’

Continue reading "Why violence is the answer to all the world’s problems" »

A friend of mine was forced to leave a drinks party with three friends because they spent more time scrolling through their Facebook feeds than having a proper conversation around the table. Does that ever happen to you?

Today’s dilemma: is it ever okay to ask your friend to switch off their phone while you’re getting together? And does “where” you are make a difference? For example, is it more or less offensive to check your phone around the dinner table than at a backyard BBQ?

While you’re contemplating that, check out this video from clever American blogger, Brian Perez. He’s invented the phone-stacking game. The explanation is over the jump.

Continue reading "Friday dilemma: Using your smartphone at dinner" »

Norman Tebbit - a key confidante of Margaret Thatcher entirely ignored in the recent film The Iron Lady - is commonly remembered for two prescriptive statements. The first was that, instead of complaining or rioting, the unemployed should get on their bikes and look for work.

The second article of Tebbitism is that immigrants should take a ‘cricket test’ of national loyalty and identity.  If you’re living in one country but decline to support it against your nation of origin in an international sporting contest, Tebbit implied, you have failed that test.

Australia had its own less strict but more formal version of a cricket test in the sample question about Don Bradman in the original Australian citizenship test under the Howard government.

Continue reading "Is it unAustralian to barrack for the other team?" »

“The willingness of future generations to serve in our military will be directly dependent upon how we have treated those who have served in the past.”  George Washington.

So the politicians have seen fit to grant themselves another pay rise. No, sorry, the Federal Remuneration Tribunal has granted them a pay rise and they have accepted its ruling. Changing the legislation to say no is apparently not an option.

What many may not realise is that politician pay rises benefit not just current politicians, but all qualifying pre-2004 retired politicians. If those retired politicians are survived by their spouse this pay rise also goes to them.

Continue reading "Why have we abandoned our troops?" »

I’ve lost count of the number of media reports involving new studies about motherhood and child rearing. What’s right. What’s wrong.

Not to mention the endless proclamations from celebrities and high-profile know-it-alls passing judgement at the rest of the parenting world.

But instead of helping the parenting public, all these conflicting reports simply contribute to the compounding guilt, increasingly felt by parents, boht new and old.

Continue reading "Mummywars - how mothers are our own worst enemies" »

Next week New Idea will feature a half-naked George Calombaris on the cover. “I want to be a role model for all the short and stocky men out there,” he says. Meanwhile, Hugh Jackman reveals all on the cover of the Australian Women’s Weekly about how to stay fabulous in your 40s.

“I’m doing it for all the insecure men out there,” he grunts between his 112th and 113th rep. “You too can look like this!” Of course, this is all happening in a parallel universe. Generally, men don’t feel the need to take off their clothes for the cover of a magazine. So why do some women?

This wasn’t what the suffragettes had in mind when they fought for women’s emancipation all those years ago. Emmeline Pankhurst, speaking at the Women’s Franchise League in 1889 didn’t say: “One day, women will be able to remove their clothes in public and be judged on how hard they work out at the gym. What a glorious day that will be!” Let’s start with Deborah Hutton’s cover shot.

Continue reading "If you really want to help the sisters, keep your gear on" »

A Coalition suggestion that migrants need deodorant classes is an outrageous, racist furphy. It’s an absolute myth that Poms are soapdodgers.

Opposition citizenship spokeswoman Teresa Gambaro has suggested new immigrants should be taught about wearing deodorant and waiting patiently in queues.

She wants employers to give mandatory “cultural awareness training” to immigrants arriving under visas such as the 457s.

Continue reading "Using deodorant and other great Aussie traditions" »

There’s a movement that sees males - generally straight, middle-aged, white males - as the new oppressed. No, seriously. Men’s activists have been around for decades, but thanks to the internet they’re getting slicker, more organised, and more visible.

Men’s outcomes in some areas really are poor. Male suicide rates are three to four times higher, their life expectancy is lower. Girls often out-perform boys at school. Males are more likely to be incarcerated, more likely to be addicted.

But these genuine issues are not the ones that concern the new breed of men’s activists. These aggrieved men see misandry - the hatred of males - everywhere in society, from government down. They aggressively lobby for better rights for men - usually at the expense of women.

Continue reading "I am angry white man, hear me roar" »

A storm of controversy has been brewing in the US. Actually, it’s probably more accurate to say the storm has been dipped in oil and deep fried.  Twice.

At the centre of the controversy is a series of ads aimed at tackling the growing obesity crisis in American children.

In one of the ads (above) a young girl stares forlornly into the camera and says: “I don’t like going to school because all the other kids pick on me. It hurts my feelings.”

Another opens with the statistic that 75 per cent of parents of overweight children ignore the problem growing before their very eyes. It’s followed by a scene in which an obese boy sits facing his equally obese mother and asks, “Mum, why am I fat?”. The silence that follows his question is deafening.

Continue reading "Don’t sugarcoat it: If your child is obese, it’s your fault" »

She checks what the time is in their far-flung time zone and then looks into the distance. It is so long since they have been back in this city, back at home. What exotic locale are they exploring today? Who are they spending time with? Are they safe? 

These could well be the musings of a parent surveying a nest emptied of backpacking children. But they are in fact the reflections of a child, a middle-aged child left in the wake of the fastest growing class of traveller – The Silver Mobility.  The Silver Mobility are superannuated, silver-haired (underneath) and they’ve got very itchy feet.  It’s not only pneumonia that hits seniors hardest - wanderlust is just as bad. 

The Silver Mobility sweated it out for over 40 years. They sent more of us than ever to private schools, supported more of us than ever through tertiary education, funded unprecedented material comfort, and then they waited for us to move out. And then they waited some more for the ones that moved out, and then moved back, to move out again. But finally, we’re gone. Which means it’s time to dust off the suitcase, fill a few prescriptions for Brufen and Lipitor and get the hell out of there.

Continue reading "Grey Nomads choosing Bordeaux over Play-doh" »

Once your eyes adjust to the blur of big city New York, you start to notice there’s another world here. Like the botanicas, the curious little stores that are sometimes buried in basements or can be found in poorer parts of town.

You’ll push open the door to a room crammed with statues of Mary, candles, rosaries and bottles of strange oils and potions. And you get the immediate sense that Father McGuire from the Catholic Church across the road would not approve.

Up on West 96th street is Botanica Four Winds. Inside is an elderly woman, Molina Alicia, known to most as Ma, from Cuba; there’s her adopted son, Mark, who’s part Puerto Rican, part Colombian; and Joao, who was raised in Trinidad to a Haitian father and Brazilian mother.

Continue reading "Buried basements, witch hazel and bay rum" »

So the Federal Government is planning to create some kind of Anzac Day brand or motif for the 2015 centenary of the Australian landing at Gallipoli. What a frightful thought.

A cartoon wombat called “Digger”, perhaps, or two M&M-like mascots coined “Heads” and “Tails”?

Here’s a goodie: how about a paunchy Aussie bloke with a broad Ostrayan twang and a stubby of VB (actually, make that Coopers now that Foster’s has gone offshore), urging us to celebrate Anzac Day with the catchcry “Just Dig It” or “Anzie, Anzie, Anzie, Oi Oi Oi”?

Continue reading "Branding Anzac Day: Ostraya and the art of cringe" »

Christmas is over, the hangover from New Years has receded and instead of having a New Years resolution of giving up smoking or losing weight, you have decided you want to be a reality TV star.

Whether it is to be famous, or just to have an interesting unique experience, here are some tips that will get you closer to hearing “lights, cameras, action”! Being sexy, humorous or able to cause conflict may help you get on the show, however, all shows need a diversity of people to make it interesting and to keep it real.

1. Decide which show you are best suited for.
If you can’t sing or dance forget the talent shows like The Voice, The X Factor or Australia’s Got Talent. If you can cook Masterchef Australia, and My Kitchen Rules are possibilities.

Continue reading "Top tips for becoming a reality TV star" »

Cigarette /sıgə’rєt/ n. a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.

The good thing about writing about smoking is that for once I don’t have to watch my words. Nothing I say could possibly offend smokers more than the government’s shock tactics and cigarette packets themselves.

Those of the self-poisoning persuasion are the one section of society you can tear to pieces with impunity. They’ve been told a million times they’re not wanted. I imagine they’re so stressed out by the merciless attack that they need a cigarette.

Continue reading "Everyone loves a quitter" »

Dead cats don’t belong in charity bins. Same goes for sex toys, dirty nappies, sharp knives, broken furniture and the leftovers from your Christmas dinner. But try telling that to the people who’ve dumped hundreds of tonnes of crap in the charity bins of suburban Sydney and Melbourne this past week.

According to news reports in both the Daily Telegraph and the Herald Sun, people in our eastern states’ most “affluent” suburbs decided the local Salvos, Smith Family or St Vincent de Paul charity bin was a more convenient way of getting rid of unwanted Christmas detritus than paying a visit to their local tip. The measly $12 entrance fee to most local council tips clearly proving far too expensive for their “affluent” tastes.

Dumping broken furniture, dirty clothing or unusable bric-a-brac is not charity. And our suburbs have not been suddenly overcome by an urgency to give to others. Stuffing your local goodwill bin full of unwanted stuff (some living) helps no one. It’s just thoughtless, lazy and selfish.

Continue reading "Only the selfish dump their crap in charity bins" »

It was a performance worthy of a Guinness World Record. Barreling along Sydney Road Fairlight, the truck driver was texting on one mobile phone while speaking on another, steering the rig with his knees.

I hit the horn and indicated – in no uncertain terms – he should stop before he kills someone. Still clutching the phones he slowly and deliberately raised his middle finger.

If only he’d read the story of 21-year-old Sarah Page, a serial texter from New Zealand. “It’s fine Mum, I do it all the time!” she’d protest. Until she wrapped her car around a pole in 2009.

Continue reading "Txt n drive, yr a bloody idiot" »

Ah, the holidays. How good is it to relax on the couch to watch the cricket and – hang on, my phone’s beeping.

Gee, I’d better respond to some of those work emails.

And there are notifications on Twitter. Someone’s tagged a photo on Facebook. Looks like there’s a job offer via LinkedIn. And I should check out who’s on Google+ while I’m at it.

Seriously, do we ever turn off anymore?

Continue reading "We all need to tune in, turn off and chill out" »

Ten years ago, I drove cabs for a living. I’m pretty much done telling taxi stories, but there’s one I’ll share today, as it’s more or less in the spirit of Christmas.

It was the Friday before Christmas and I was working the area around Coogee/Maroubra on Sydney’s eastern suburbs beaches. It was a favourite spot to work as the fares were regular, and I stayed out of the city traffic.

So in the early evening, I pick up three young guys in South Coogee. They’re 18, maybe 19, and they get in the cab carrying brown paper bags filled with booze. They say “hey driver, can we drink this in here?”

Continue reading "Christmas tale: I got the bastards and I got ‘em good" »

Given the season of excess that is Christmas, the event seems strangely downsized lately. Many of us bumped Christ a long time ago, whose birthday the event celebrates, in favour of a definition of Christmas that’s less about God and more about making merry with family.

Now that tradition might also be on the wane with some ditching the family bash, in case they’re tempted to bash up the rellies, in favour of a get-together with like-minded people they actually like. Then there are those, like Young Jean Lee, who just want to spend Christmas alone.

Lee, a subversive New York playwright, last year released her own carol singing the praises of a solo Christmas. In it, she enjoys her festive season minus disappointed family, egocentric friends, impossible standards, tension and yelling.

Continue reading "A solo Christmas is not necessarily a sad thing" »

I don’t usually quote Rodney Adler. He’s not really my type of role model.

But he said something during the HIH Royal Commission which has stuck with me. I can’t remember the exact context but he was being cross-examined and asked about why he covered up certain financial issues or didn’t report others. His response was: he had to keep the lie alive.

That would have been about 10 years ago now and suddenly “keep the lie alive” is running through my head, particularly now I have a small child and it’s Christmas.

Continue reading "Is it naughty or nice to keep the Santa lie alive?" »

It’s a sad day in North Korea. In truly Orwellian scenes, North Koreans are playing the game of of “I am more sad than you” after the passing of their “Dear Leader”, who starved, terrorised and tortured his own populace for decades.

It’s easy to make fun of the teary scenes in Pyongyang and elsewhere. For example, you could point out that there appear to be extra points for banging the pavement with your palm. But to paraphrase what they say on the Virgin Blue flights, there is a serious side to today’s flight of fancy.

Show an inappropriate level of misery (i.e anything less than full breakdown) and you risk being nabbed by the thought police. It’s terrifying stuff. We here at The Punch are genuinely torn between our initial instincts to make fun of a nation’s crocodile tears, and our sympathy for those forced to cry.

Continue reading "Wail of a time in North Korea" »

He’ll wake up on Christmas Day the way he now does every day – without his Daddy. He’s just four, a little nugget of a boy. In years to come, he may remember the time he stood between Mummy and the Prime Minister, as the big coffin with the flag drove past. But, for now, something’s missing: there’s a hole in his family where his dad used to be.

“They’re tough little buggers,” his mum, Reigan Langley, tells me, her words fading to tears as she, her three daughters and her son face their first Christmas without the man around whom their lives pivoted. Todd Langley, the 28th Australian soldier to fall in Afghanistan, won’t be home for Christmas.

As the rest of us fret over the turkey or fuss over finishing touches, for Langley, this festive season is one of aching loss. Houses festooned with fairy lights, shopping centres tinkling with carols, even a nativity scene with its complete family must rasp like an untuned violin against her heart.

Continue reading "A very messy Christmas" »

Welcome to this week’s “I Call Bullshit”, which has been slowly percolating inside of me for many years.

It’s about the myth that there is a deep divide in this country between people who come from the cities, and the people who come from the regions, and that the latter are somehow fundamentally different from everyone else; that they are in some way more “real” Australians than the people who live in the comfort of the suburbs.

Somehow, we have accepted this notion that once you drive out of a big city, you cross some invisible line that maps out “real” Australia. It’s one great big construct that has no basis in reality.

Continue reading "ICB: The myth of rural virtue" »

I was walking down the street yesterday, minding my own business when a young gentleman passed me wearing a Bintang singlet and a Power Balance bracelet. After I had controlled the urge to run after him and demand that he impregnate me IMMEDIATELY, I got to thinking about those all important visual cues that can help you avoid making contact with a douche bag.

Sure it’s shallow and we’re taught as young children that we should never judge a book by it’s cover, but here’s the reality. I do judge a book by its cover. All the time.

I do the same with wine. As a result I’m rarely reading Shakespeare or drinking anything that remotely resembles Grange, but when it comes to douche bags I do think there are a few reliable indicators that can help you avoid a potentially underwhelming encounter with an idiot.

Continue reading "Ten great ways to pick out and avoid douche bags" »

Seedless watermelon is great. You’ve taken the bad element of the watermelon out - but can someone please explain why we can’t take the bad things out of everything?

For example, social engagements without the small talk. Or Katherine Heigl movies without Katherine Heigl. If they could take the seed out of men, I’d probably indulge in a lot more of them too.

Visiting my local supermarket this morning, I noted that watermelon is currently on special, so if you happen to be out of town, you have chosen the wrong time of the year to be away, my friend.

Continue reading "Sweet, sweet, watermelon" »

In a perfect world, justice would be swift. Right and wrong would be black and white. Good people would feel protected by the law and bad people would go to jail. In reality, crimes like murder and rape are as complicated as they are common. Sound verdicts take time.

So a Sydney judge’s suggestion to do away with juries in these cases, in the interests of efficiency, presents serious risk to the way we understand and trust the law.

Speed in these decisions risks poor judgement. Worse, it can destroy people’s lives.

Continue reading "Don’t hang the jury" »

What do women want? This question has vexed philosophers, feminists and talk show hosts since time immemorial (or at least since Mel Gibson started making bad romantic comedies).

The good news is that we now have a definitive answer – and it doesn’t involve equal pay, housework help or a nude frolic on a Northern Territory balcony.

As it turns out, nothing brings a woman more pleasure, euphoria or knee-trembling jouissance than… (anticipation-enhancing trumpet flurry)… chowing down solo on a salad.

Continue reading "You don’t win friends with salad. Unless they’re women" »

Ali Baba had it good. In medieval Persia, one password was enough.

Imagine Ali nowadays, having to modify the magic words once a month. From OPEN SESAME to oPen1sEsame%. Hieroglyphics are back in fashion.

I recently tried to log into my online bank account (or was it Centrelink, health insurance, superannuation, the ATO, email, Twitter, Facebook or any of the dozens of “services” for which I now need a password?) and received the following gibberish masquerading as a message:

Continue reading "Forgotten your password? Click here." »

A new report has found that women on MTV reality television programs call each other rodents, skanks, trash bags, tricks (whatever that is) and hoes. The study condemns reality television’s negative depictions of female and male behaviour, as the networks compete to reach the next level of shock value. It can’t be denied that reality television often exploits and humiliates its participants for entertainment value.

There is, however, a notable exception in Junior MasterChef 2011, which has made a visible effort to protect the emotional and mental health of its young participants. I’ve observed the previews of both Junior MasterChef seasons with a resolve not to support a competition that places unnecessary, national pressure on children. But I’ve been won over by the optimism and resilience of the young participants.

The challenges are colourful, the judges gentle, and each negative comment comes wedged in a compliment sandwich. Children aren’t alienated from their families – a stark comparison with its adult counterpart, where participants must resign from society. The judges focus on celebrating the leaders of the scoreboard rather than exploiting the losers, and deliberate strategies are implemented to build upon the children’s self-confidence.

Continue reading "Bullying and humiliation: That’s entertainment?" »

What happened
Five days of crime and chaos. Beginning in London and later spreading to other parts of England.

The temperature first started to rise on August 4, when police shot dead Mark Duggan, a 29-year-old from Tottenham, one of London’s poorest areas. Then, on August 6, an at-first peaceful demonstration in Tottenham over the shooting turned violent.

The situation spun out of control. Petrol bombs were thrown at police, fires were lit, looters pillaged shop after shop, home after home. Over the following days, looting and rioting spread throughout London, and then throughout the country.

Continue reading "Biggest moments of 2011 #13 Anarchy in the UK" »

Cupid’s been busy this year. We’ve had fairytales: Kate and Wills. Celebrity hook-ups: Warnie and Liz Hurley. And a whole lot of stuff we wish we hadn’t seen: hello Darwin couple on the balcony.

There have also been quite a few broken hearts. Not to mention wallets. Approximately 1600 Australians spent more than $10, 0000 each in the online search for romance this year. Although none more than Dr Neil Wallman, from New South Wales Central Coast, who lost $3m after pursuing a “mismatch” with online dating agency, Hearts United. True story.

But if you’re looking for love in 2012, don’t let stuff like that put you off. Hound your friends, go to any event to which you are asked and pay close attention to your colleagues. And then, and only as a last resort, go online.

Continue reading "Love in the time of internet" »

In a few weeks’ time, most of us will be sprawled out on the floor, muttering incoherently and licking flecks of gravy from the backs of our hands.

But not everyone will get to enjoy the holiday season - from the thousands of unimpressed cats who will spend hours desperately clawing at their “adorable” Santa hats and angel wings, to that one guy who is pretty sure everyone on his gift list wants bath salts for Christmas.

These are the people for whom we should spare a thought as we eat, drink and nap our way through a relatively stress-free and rejuvenating festive season.

Pray, for instance, for those shopping centre Jolly Red Men, who must patiently listen to the most insufferable of our spawn and force belly laughs while resisting the urge to violently shake every parent in the line who thinks an iPhone is a reasonable gift for a four-year-old.

Continue reading "Spare a thought for the pathetic this Christmas" »

What’s Australia like? A sizeable question, but a young Argentine student who has returned home to Buenos Aires after a year in Australia has given his report: he was so lulled into contentment that he felt he had to leave.

Carlos Miceli, 24, had planned to study in Australia for three years but pulled up stumps two years early. He expresses deep affection for the people and place but found a country with too many rules and too little to engage the socially or intellectually curious.

His views, recently posted on his website, will cause some people to say: “Then don’t come back.” That would prove his point.

Continue reading "Don’t cry for me Australia. Truth is, I’m glad I left you" »

Here’s a simple thought experiment: imagine a glass seemingly empty apart from a scum on the bottom. That scum is yeast that doubles its size every day and you know that, after 60 days, the glass will be full to the brim with that yeasty scum. Question: on which day is the glass half full?

Answer: day 59. Just one day before the glass is filled to capacity it’s half full. That’s the sneaky thing about exponential growth.The final spurt happens so rapidly.

Take the world’s human population. We only made it to the first one billion people within the last 300 years. But then we really started packing them in. When I was born in 1963 there were 3.5 billion people. Now, just 47 years later, we’re double that figure and still climbing rapidly.

Continue reading "How many people can the world support?" »

Every so often you get to witness the laws in the culture you live in take a creaky step, tortoise-like, towards catching up with the hare that is our fast-evolving collective value system; in this case, the move towards recognising gay marriage.

For the gay community, and for the forward-thinking among the rest of us, it’s great to think we will probably no longer discriminate in granting of the legal rights and status of marriage. Like millions of other Aussies, I’m all for equality.

But the first question that springs to mind in 2011 is what, exactly, have gays won the right to? What on earth does “marriage” mean right now? And is it possible that even before homosexuals have the right to partake of it, us matrimonially-elastic and readily-divorcing straights have left the marital meringue out in the rain?

Continue reading "Good luck gays, us straight people have ruined marriage" »

Twenty years after his death, Clairvius Narcisse, a zombie from Haiti, stood staring down at his own tombstone.

The inscription was faded and barely legible. Narcisse was showing his grave to Harvard-trained Canadian anthropologist and ethno-botanist, Wade Davis, whose key interest is the relationship between psychoactive plants and humans.

On April 30, 1962, Narcisse, then aged about 40, had presented at the Albert Schweitzer Hospital in Deschapelles, Haiti. He was spitting blood and was running a fever. Three days later, he died. The day after that, he was buried under a heavy concrete slab.

Continue reading "A walking, talking, real-life zombie from Haiti" »

Rehabilitation works. Just ask Sally*, who first injected heroin at the of 15.

By 19, she was injecting four times a day and was working as a prostitute to pay for her habit. This continued until she met a social worker who referred her to a drug rehabilitation clinic.

After a tough battle with a few setbacks, Sally is able to live without heroin, and is now completing her second year of a law degree. And this is all thanks to rehabilitation.

Continue reading "It’s tough, it’s expensive, but rehab really works" »

When I told my Australian friends that I was moving to Kenya to work as an Australian Youth Ambassador for Development many of them told me not to have sex while I was here because of the country’s high HIV prevalence. Some 280 people are infected with HIV every day in Kenya.

The theme for this year’s World AIDS Day is getting to zero, but getting to zero doesn’t mean zero sex.  Along with zero new HIV infections, zero discrimination and zero AIDS related deaths it also means zero unprotected sex with someone whose HIV status you don’t know.

Knowing your HIV status is the first step in prevention; if you are negative then you can take measures to ensure that you stay negative and if you are positive then you can access treatment, care and support services.

Continue reading "A HIV test, like sex, is best enjoyed with your partner" »

Yesterday, Mission Australia released the results of their 10th National Survey of Young Australians. Among the most reported of their findings was evidence that more young girls than ever before have a problem with body image.

“All the well-meaning efforts to combat the problem have failed,” said Mission Australia spokesperson, Eleri Morgan-Thomas. “More work needs to be done.”

That should not come as a surprise to anybody. Good body image campaigns have failed because so very few people actually have it. Good body image is a myth.

Continue reading "Good body image is a big fat myth. Let’s change it." »

To be or not to be truthful about Santa? This, for many concerned, Christmas-ing parents, is the question.

I’m always amazed at the number of fully grown humans who insist that the Santa lie preserves the “magic” and “innocence” of Christmas for children.

Ah, yes: a strangely attired man who obscures his identity with facial hair (and has a lap fetish and a naughtiness obsession) is about to break into your home via your chimney. How magic is that.

Continue reading "Plastered parents: Santa’s not the only festive fib" »

Australia has a long standing love affair with cannabis. More than half of us have tried it, 10 to 15 per cent smoke it at least once a day and five per cent of us love it so much, we find it hard to do anything else.

Our biggest problem is that we’re passing the habit on. Sixty per cent of young people use it. And they’re starting young; more Australian 12 year olds have tried it than cigarettes.

In other words, dope is getting to kids so quick and none of the people supplying it to them are identifying the considerable risks.

Continue reading "The biggest dopes are the parents giving kids pot" »

On cue, the league of self-appointed moral guardians is dutifully doing the rounds, making a lot of noise about Schoolies and the imminent decay of Good Society it will precipitate. They make arbitrary claims about what constitutes “fun” and play upon the tired moral panics over young girls, binge drinking and indiscriminate sex.

Why, they ask, must school-leavers celebrate the end of mandatory education by congregating near beaches and getting plastered? And why hasn’t someone – presumably the government – put a stop to all this and offered some more wholesome, healthier alternative for kids to let off steam?

Well, there are plenty of alternatives, none of them popular. Schoolies is a naturally developing phenomenon and nobody is forced to participate. Year after year, thousands of friendship groups independently make the decision to head north, or south as the case may be, and enjoy being away from home, with lots of booze and lots of sex.

Continue reading "Schoolies? Hell YEAH" »

Today is national Go Home On Time Day.

In a classic Looney Tunes cartoon of the 1950s, Ralph E. Wolf and Sam Sheepdog would clock on at the same time every day at the sheep meadow. When their shift ended, Ralph would stop trying to abduct Sam’s precious sheep and they would both clock off again. Their work done for the day, Ralph and Sam would exchange pleasant chit chat and trot home.

If this kind of thing seems quaint today, perhaps it is because the boundaries between work and life are increasingly blurred. Many of us don’t only do our jobs, we are our jobs – regardless of what time it is or where we happen to be.

Continue reading "Go home. Get outa here. Spend some family time" »

Driving home last night the ute in front of me – Green P plater – had the following bumper sticker emblazoned across the back panel: If you don’t speak English, don’t dribble shit to me.

Delightful, eh?  As he veered right and I drove on, I looked through the window and gave him a look that said ‘you’re a dickhead’ (but not so much so that he might come beat me up).  My look however, was met with something of a surprise: the guy – a young, beefy tradesman-type was Asian. 

Which frankly, left me a little confused.  Leaving aside the apparent inconsistency of lauding ‘proper’ language on the one hand and berating the dribbling of shit on the other, wasn’t the bumper sticker anti-immigration?  Haven’t Asian migrants to Australia historically borne the brunt of anti-immigration sentiment (only to be replaced relatively recently by refugees and boat people)?  So how could an Asian person be anti-immigration?

Continue reading "Australia’s way of life does not need protecting" »

It’s an anxious moment for many parents; rolling up the sleeve of your precious baby and presenting that perfect skin to the doctor’s needle.

And the sting is the least of your worries; we may be rational and sensible enough to know vaccinating our kids against potentially fatal diseases is right, for them and the community, but that cocktail of antigens going into their arm is a discomforting sight.

What if we’re the one in a million whose baby has an adverse reaction or gets the rarest side-effects?

Continue reading "Irresponsible parents spare the jab, endanger the child" »

My father was a violent man.

My mother is still alive thankfully, and I don’t wish to embarrass her by delving into details regarding my father’s behaviour, however it is true to say that his actions restricted her opportunities.

My mother’s whole being was concentred on protecting and shielding her children.

As a young boy, I remember the feeling of helplessness in not being able to protect her from abuse. The community I grew up in knew what was happening to my mother, but nobody intervened or even ventured a comment.

Continue reading "Every Australian man is on the frontline of this battle" »

Dear Kyle,

I just want to let you know that I feel sorry for you, mate. I really do. I think people are too rough on you.

Lots of people say that you have no talent, but I think you do. I’ve never listened to your show (except for those times that you’ve been played back on Media Watch), but I know that hosting a radio show does take skill, and you have certainly done that for quite some time.

For that reason alone I hope that everyone goes a bit easier on you in the future.

Continue reading "A letter to the schoolyard bully who never grew up…" »

Why is Kyle Sandilands’s toxic sludge allowed to leak out of radio speakers at breakfast?

He’s a cretin, a hate-filled belligerent whose talent is in inverse proportion to his offensiveness. As Penbo pointed out yesterday, he’s a dead-set, rolled-gold, card-carrying dickhead.

Dickheads are a dime a dozen. Why is this one given a voice?

Continue reading "Sack bloody Kyle Sandilands. Lance the boil." »

He’s a self-confessed “cashed-up bogan” earning $800 a day or more than $208,000 a year in Western Australia’s booming mining industry.

Since dropping out of Mandurah Catholic College in year 10, James “Jimmy” Dinnison, 25, has earned more than a million dollars, bought a house at aged 18, but sees no problem in splurging most of his hard-earned on boy’s toys.

Jimmy works extremely hard in tough, hot and dangerous conditions as a fly-in, fly-out driller working 12-hour shifts in the WA’s north-west, but he has also sparked fierce debate about the fall of the American economy, thanks to an intriguing profile in that country’s highest circulating newspaper, the influential Wall Street Journal.

Continue reading "He drills. He earns. He spends. He doesn’t apologise" »

I have long resisted writing about Twilight.

As children and adults across the world scrambled to hoard Robert Pattinson posters and glow-in-the-dark vampire soaps, I averted my eyes – lest I became a motionless pillar of salt.

Every time you mention Twilight, a puppy kills a fairy and then runs into oncoming traffic. It’s akin to uttering the word “Sandilands”, which I am told is either a kind of small crustacean found in less than two per cent of the world’s oceans – or a range of designer doorbell tones.

Continue reading "I’d drink my own blood before writing about Twilight" »

Birth is unpredictable - unless of course you have booked in for a caesarean and know exactly the when, where, why and how. Nowadays this is an acceptable form of giving birth, however at the other end of the spectrum there are women birthing at home with no medical intervention.

And then there is the majority that falls in between. Every day, all over the country women are birthing in hospitals with healthy babies. Some without any intervention while others have a full gamut of procedures. Some are elated by their experience and some are shattered.

When pregnant, hospitals encourage us to write a birth plan. It is a document that details what procedures you will and won’t accept and whom you want there. A lot of time and energy is spent creating them. It is our formal statement about how we want our bodies and babies to be treated by the hospital.

Continue reading "Birth trauma in hospital is driving women to homebirth" »

FARE is a small organisation with a dream. There is no denying that FARE has taken on a cause of epic proportions – a shape-shifting entity that is hard to define because its boundaries are constantly changing. Alcohol is a central part of Australian culture, and it crosses demographic, geographic and social divides in a way other cultural activities don’t.

Drinking alcohol is for the young and old, the high achievers and under achievers, the wealthy and the destitute. For most Australians, drinking alcohol is a choice that doesn’t devalue their lives. It is more likely to add entertainment, experiential or leisure value.

How do we view Australia’s drinking culture? Is it a glass half empty, or a glass half full?

Continue reading "Trust us, you’ll all drink less one day" »

There’s nothing like a leaky boat full of traumatised asylum seekers to spark fear and loathing in Australia.

Why is that?

Today’s news reveals that there are 13 times as many visa overstayers in Australia as there are asylum seekers in detention, but people arriving by planes – who are mostly Chinese, American, British or Malaysian - just don’t trigger the same gut reaction.

Continue reading "Stop the planes!" »

For years now The United Colours of Benetton has been running shock advertising campaigns. Many of us remember the confronting images of AIDS victims that formed part of their early ‘90s campaigns. And some may remember their 2003 food-for-life campaign, depicting the different effects of famine on people from various African nations.

According their former head of advertising, Oliviero Toscani, the ads are intended to “promote peace, tolerance, multiculturalism and to challenge stereotypes”. However, their latest advertising campaign - which irresponsibly insults Muslim moral sensibilities - has revealed Benetton’s real motives. Benetton has just been exploiting the latte set’s vague commitment to world peace, using it to sell their products.

They don’t care about peace and tolerance. Indeed, they don’t care whether they provoke violent reactions from extremist groups. The bottom line of these buggers is selling jeans and knickers.

Continue reading "The United Colours of pseudo-morality" »

Without me even knowing it, I’ve become a member of a club. It’s a pretty exclusive society with celebs such as Demi Moore and Nicole Kidman among its patrons. Victoria Beckham was recently accepted after years of trying for membership. Beyoncé is on the waiting list.

Apparently I’m a SMOG – a Smug Mother of Girls. We’re quite the trending topic on the internet after doctors reported an increase in women wanting a girl. Add to that a dubious survey that claims two-daughter families are the most harmonious and I’m starting to look like a stuck-up cow. Especially when DMOBs (Defensive Mothers of Boys) reckon SMOGs are judgmental of their boys’ behaviour.

“I know too many mothers of girls,” sniffs one blogger, “who truly believe that boys are unpleasant, noisy, smelly creatures who take the look off the place and get in the way.”

Continue reading "Smug mums don’t overthink gender" »

When I was working at Melbourne’s Herald Sun, I reported on an MP who’d used taxpayer funds to fly herself and her partner to Europe for a guided bus tour of the Continent.

The trip was justified as a fact-finding mission on the use of public rubbish bins, which she’d dutifully photographed out of the window of her comfy Trafalgar bus.

Needless to say she wasn’t too happy with the story, which ran with a headline along the lines of “MP’s tour of rubbish”. And when Victorians next went to the polls, democracy left her on the heap.

Continue reading "Time to junk the junkets" »

There’s been a lot of talk this week about how crazy those folks in the Northern Territory are.

Sure, they got a little carried away by President Obama visit. Offering the man croc insurance to the value of $50,000 might seem just a little ridiculous.

Then there’s the fetching paper hat made available to NT News readers’ in yesterday’s morning edition. Um, well that’s just dorky. But can you blame them? As one member of the Punch team put it to me: this Obama visit is the most exciting thing to happen to that town since those two crazy young things went for it on a balcony.

Continue reading "Croc eating marines from another planet" »

There is a strong connection between gays and lesbians having the choice to marry and significantly improving their mental and physical health.

The link has been highlighted by the American Psychological Association which recently issued a statement citing the growing number of studies into marriage and the mental health of same-sex attracted people.

According to the statement, which was unanimously endorsed by the APA’s governing body, denying same-sex attracted people the right to marry:

a) excludes them from the many health benefits of marriage,
b) reinforces “minority stigma” against them and their families, and
c) may reduce the longevity of their relationships.

Continue reading "Why gay people are less healthy and how to fix it" »