Soccer

If badminton was the World Game there would probably be just as many riots as there are now with soccer. The graceful swoop of the goose-feathered shuttlecock would not calm the madding crowds.

If only badminton had the power to invoke the passion, it could rival the semi-religious fervour that soccer induces. If only. Then we could blame badminton for all violence in sport and stop making soccer out to be evil.

Soccer is, globally, inextricably linked to violence in people’s minds. But it’s not soccer’s fault. Soccer just happens to be the medium for the message. It is the excuse, the scapegoat.

Continue reading "Don’t blame the beautiful game for riot shame" »

Xenophobia. Pauline Hanson asked for a “please explain” over a decade ago. Here is its latest example: Australia’s indifference to the Brisbane Roar’s absurd mark of 36 consecutive matches in the A-League without defeat.

Oh yes, the excuses have come thick and fast. The record includes 13 draws, the A-League is weak, penalties were needed to win the Grand Final.

It’s as if the Roar - a team which is as majestic as it is consistent - should be embarrassed they now own such a precious jewel in our sporting history.

Continue reading "Why isn’t there more of a Roar about this super streak?" »

In Manchester the world turned on its axis as City staged a palace coup in the Theatre of Dreams, smashing rivals United 6-1 away from home to take a five point lead in the race for the English Premier League and stake their claim as the new kings of English football.

If you know anything about football, and even if you don’t know anything about football, you’ll know that Manchester United are the biggest soccer club on the planet. Yes, Spain’s Real Madrid and FC Barcelona have hundreds of thousands of members and passionate Latin American support, but since the Premier League’s inception in 1992, no team has won more devotees around the world than the Red Devils.

United’s reputation has been built on sustained footballing excellence, millions of pounds of match day revenue, and the simple human desire of fans around the world to back a winner. Or shameless glory-hunting as it is otherwise known.

Continue reading "Man, what a power shift as the world unites behind City" »

It is simultaneously the most gripping and the most frustrating sporting competition in the world.

The standard of play really is amazing (and yes, we should stop comparing it to the A League), and manages to captivate millions of fans across the world every season, even though they all pretty well know what the result will be.

I’m talking, of course, about the English Premier League. If you’re not an aficionado, then fear not. Two weeks into the season, here is a simple team guide to get you up to date.

Continue reading "It’s predictable as English weather, but I love the EPL" »

Les Murray was doing what Les Murray does better than anyone last weekend.

On SBS’s Women’s World Cup Show, he was pronouncing the unpronounceable, and enthusing over the prospects of one of Australia’s national teams – in this case, our women’s team, the Matildas.

In the ad breaks, there he was again, promoting his latest book. That book has gotten him into all sorts of trouble lately, due to alleged inaccuracies surrounding Murray’s claim that Socceroos skipper Lucas Neill led a players’ revolt against coach Pim Verbeek at the 2010 World Cup.

Continue reading "Whistle blows on Murray, but is it halftime or fulltime?" »

Welcome to this week’s I Call Bullshit. Yesterday, F1 racer Nico Rosberg was flogged with limp lettuce for bracketing women’s soccer in with watching the Paralympics.

Rosberg was pinned down in an interview about his level of interest in the women’s World Cup, and said he’d probably just watch the finals. “Then you have the Paralympics, which people also watch on TV,” he said.

German defender Saskia Bartusiak was among those who disapproved of his comments.

Continue reading "ICB: Women’s soccer up there with the Paralympics?" »

In hindsight maybe Australia’s tactics were all wrong. Instead of spending $46 million taxpayer dollars for the 2022 World Cup bid on marketing, advertising, sport-based aid projects in developing nations and flights and accommodation to persuade FIFA members of the merits of our bid, we should have just offered the money direct as bribes to the 24-member executive committee in return for their votes.

The worst kept secret of the lobbying campaign for the 2018-2022 World Cups is now becoming apparent – that the successful Qatar bid for the 2022 tournament was deeply suspect, and that nations such as Australia were always destined to look like joke candidates through their refusal to grease the right palms.

When Australia garnered a pathetic solitary vote for its 2022 bid, Football Federation of Australia chairman Frank Lowy effectively admitted that he had made the first mistake of politics – he believed the people who had told him they would vote for us, instead of just believing the people who said they wouldn’t vote for us.

Continue reading "No level playing field in Qatar’s 2022 World Cup rort" »

I, for one, can’t wait for the Qatar 2022 FIFA World Cup, if indeed the Yanks don’t pinch it. Bring it on. Let the world sizzle and wilt in the desert sun. Let the FIFA fat cats keel over from heat stroke and the drunken northern European soccer hooligans with them.

Let sand storms arise from the desert and paralyse the whole damn thing, so that the entire world can see the full, spectacular ramifications of FIFA’s corrupt soul. “Crisis? What crisis?” FIFA boss Sepp Blatter incredulously asked at this week’s FIFA Congress. He won’t be asking that when the Qatar doomsday scenario becomes a reality.

US political scientist and soccer writer Andrei Markovits described FIFA this week as “a complete, literally perfect oligarchy”. Back home, Nick Xenophon likened Blatter to Monty Python’s Black Knight. Spot on, both of them. FIFA’s members could not be better geared for institutionalised corruption if they wore Chairman Mao hats. The thing is, it’s been that way forever. The only reason we now care in Australia is because we’re the ones that just got bitten.

Continue reading "We hate FIFA corruption because we’re sore losers" »

Yesterday afternoon, Football Federation Australia confirmed the game’s worst kept secret and announced North Queensland Fury would not take part in the A-League next season, the club short of cash and the sport’s ruling body unwilling to stump up its own.

Given we’re one week out from the competition’s grand final, this is a Godsend for the anti-soccer brigade, who will pounce on any opportunity to shove all those “the world game will dominate” arguments back down the deluded roundball fanatics’ throats.

There’s no denying the decision to close the Fury is a body blow for the code but it’s not the death knell for football. In fact, forget the Socceroos – this is the time when football in Australia really comes of age.

Continue reading "Forget the Fury, let’s focus our anger on the future" »

Ugh. I can barely be bothered raising the requisite outrage to talk about the latest sexism in sport scandal.

Read all about it here. Salient point: UK Sky Sports commentators Andy Gray and Richard Keys have been stood down after they joked a female linesman (woman?) wouldn’t know soccer’s offside rule.

What dinosaurs.  Sure, it was meant to be off air. Sure, jokes among friends and all that. Reality: What they said both reflects and perpetuates ridiculous myths that exist in society. Which is why it still deserves a response despite being tiresome and predictable.

Continue reading "More men saying women are crap at stuff" »

There are consolation prizes and there are Asian Cup bids.

I’m not sure which is worse, given the news Australia was the only nation willing to host the 2015 Asian Cup - and given the shock horror announcement this morning we’d actually won the thing.

How does one ‘win’ a competition where there’s only one entry?

Continue reading "Well, at least we won a soccer cup bid…" »

In the increasingly likely scenario that Australia fails to secure the necessary votes to stage the 2022 FIFA World Cup, soccer in this country will be booted back to sport’s second tier with the thundering force of a John Aloisi penalty.

That’s no doomsday scenario. It’s reality as cold as the snow currently blanketing Zurich, where the bid announcement takes place at 2am eastern standard time tomorrow morning.

In many simple, reassuring ways, it’ll be business as usual for soccer if our bid fails. The half million registered soccer players will still rock up at training. The A-League will probably still exist. And Australians will still go mad for the FIFA World Cup every four years, and to a lesser extent the Asian Cup and other Socceroos matches of consequence. But soccer won’t come close to displacing the oval ball codes in terms of mass popularity for a generation or more. If ever.

Continue reading "Australian soccer’s last stand" »

In a little under two weeks, at 2am on December 3, FIFA will announce the nations that will host the 2018 and 2022 World Cups and hopefully all of Frank Lowy’s work will come to fruition.

But I know not everyone feels the same way. It seems Australia is split on the possibility of the world’s biggest sporting event making its way Down Under.

The majority are behind it and would love to have another international showcase, but there are two other camps – those crossing their fingers that Australia doesn’t win, and those simply shrugging their shoulders and saying, “Meh.”

Continue reading "Do we actually want the World Cup?" »

Another week in the A-League, another drubbing for the attendance figures. I tuned in to the Gold Coast-Mariners game on Monday and thought Fox Sports had actually started adding canned crowds to their coverage.

I’m not here to beat up the A-League – I have to make a living out of and there’s enough people doing it already – but the Gold Coast attendance of 2037 is appalling. This club is a known basketcase and has never had much of a crowd but it was the same across the league. Why don’t football fans turn up?

Let’s get the obvious reason out the way: its finals time for the two big codes, and they’re sucking up every possible sports fan, second of airtime and dollar that exists.

Continue reading "Why is nobody going to watch the A-League?" »

They say a week is a long time in football – they’re not kidding. This week has to go down as one of the longest in the A-League’s short history.

Dramas with refereeing decisions, last season’s champions bottom of the ladder, players unpaid, clubs on the brink of financial collapse, falling attendances, controversy over simulation and FFA’s match review panel - the list goes on, and none of it makes good reading for Australian soccer fans.

Continue reading "Top to bottom, the A-League’s doing it tough" »

Take a sniff, breathe it in – you know what that is? That’s the smell of deep heat and hair gel - real football is back.

It was almost three weeks between the end of the World Cup and the domestic competitions starting up again. Felt like I’d lost a limb. But after week two of the A-League and the return of the English Premier League, it’s worth taking a look at some of the early lessons of the season.

1. The A-League is still impossible to predict. Two weeks in, we’ve had three three-all thrillers, and last weekend the two most consistent teams in the competition were punished. Reigning champions Sydney FC went to North Queensland and produced a first-half’s entertainment comparable to An Audience with Kyle Sandilands.

Continue reading "Five lessons from the start of the real football season" »

1. The World Cup is cool: Soccer’s problem is overkill. It’s hard enough following our own A-League, let alone the European leagues and their endless cups within leagues and leagues for cup winners. Yawn. Tune out. But when the World Cup is on, you shiver in the darkness watching Paraguay vs Japan. It’s like the Olympics where obscure pursuits like pole vault and equestrian actually matter. Problem is, we’re all now waking automatically at 4.30. What brand were those Ben Cousins sleeping pills again?

2. Psychic cephalopods are even cooler: All World Cups have a standout team, but only occasionally does an individual stamp himself as clearly superior to the rest, a la Maradona at the 1986 Cup. The 2010 FIFA World Cup will forever belong to Paul the Octopus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_the_Octopus), who is head, shoulders and tentacles above any single player or pundit.. Story of the year, hands down. All eight of them.

3. A World Cup here would be even cooler still: Did you hear those vuvuzelas? Did you see those crowds? A World Cup here would be like the Sydney Olympics writ large across six or eight cities. And hey, how great would it be if we all blew didgeridoos instead of vuvuzelas? It’d be as Australian as the buzz of blowflies. Yes, we should worry about the capital cost and future viability of new stadiums. No, that should not stop us hoping we trump Qatar’s excellent bid in December.

Continue reading "10 things we’ve learned about the World Cup" »

It was such a thrill to be at Sydney Airport early on Saturday morning and be amongst the crowd waiting for friends, families and others to arrive.  In the type of environment I live in, you tend to forget what the atmosphere is like just doing something simple like this – full of anticipation and excitement.

For me, it was no different.

I was there, of course, waiting for my team mates and manager from Everton to help give them an Aussie welcome after their 24 hour journey.  It was great to be joined by some loyal (and hardy, considering the cold Sydney weather at the moment) ‘Evertonians’ who were dressed up in all their gear to cheer the lads and me also.

Continue reading "The A-League shows how far Australian soccer has come" »

When I came into work today, my deliciously juvenile impulse, was to tease the Englishmen in my workplace mercilessly about their team’s 4-1 FIFA World Cup thrashing at the hands of Germany.

Fortunately, my better side has triumphed. Here ya go, lads. A nice cup of Twinings all round. Oh, and this list should cheer you up too. It’s a list of…

10 things to console an Englishman in the wake of their World Cup failure.

1. Football schmootball. You guys have some terrific runners. Like Jana Rawlinson.

Continue reading "10 ways to console an Englishman after losing" »

Soccer is evil. There is no other way to describe this fickle and cruel diversion.

How’s this - having been pantsed by the Germans in our opening game Australians were yesterday forced to barrack for them in the complex hope that, somehow, the goal difference would fall our way and we’d progress to the second stage.

You know you’re up the creek when you’re a mathematical chance of making the finals. Think Wests Tigers and Souths in most seasons in the NRL, think Richmond pretty much every year in the dying weeks of the AFL season. The Socceroos were a mathematical chance going into last night’s game against Serbia in Nelspruit. To their credit they nearly pulled it off.

Continue reading "The Socceroos were brilliant but soccer is pure evil" »

Muti - a zulu word meaning “tree” - is the term to describe the traditional South African practice of using plants, herbs and animal parts to brew concoctions which bring good luck. With Bafana Bafana needing a miracle to qualify by thumping France, the local newspapers have reported that there’s been a surge in the practice of Muti this week, with one of the most popular blends using aloe and vulture’s brains.

“I believe muti can improve Bafana Bafana’s performance,” traditional medicine man Abel Zwane told The Sowetan. Apparently you just have to be careful getting the brain out of the vulture.

Sadly it didn’t work for poor old South Africa, who despite a heroic 2-1 victory over the dysfunctional French early this morning, have missed out on the second stage with Uruguay and Mexico going through after the Youaregayans beat the Meskins 2-1 yesterday. You can get all the latest here, and there’s more World Cup Diary below.

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: Muti fails to save Bafana Bafana" »

Not since the Trotskyist student uprisings at the Sorbonne in May-June 1968 have the French bunged on such an entertaining stink - only this time it involves the national soccer team. You can watch a news reports below, but the short version is that the players are in mutiny over their hapless coach Raymkond Domenech and have effectively gone on strike by refusing to train.

The trigger for the showdown was the explusion fron the national team of striker Nicolas Anelka after his four-lettered spray against Domenech who, among other things, he called a “dirty son a whore.” If there was any justice in the world the entire French team would have been sent home and replaced with Ireland, who lost teir qualifier against the French courtesy of a shameless handball by Thierry Henry. The upshot of all the French team’s revolution is that South Africans are now fantasising that after last week’s 3-0 drubbing by Uruguay Bafana Bafana will now come out and flog the fraying French in tonight’s final first stage match.

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: French revolting, North Korea failing" »

The case for a video ref in soccer is so mind-numblingly, blatantly self-apparent, only a monolithic, dictatorial body like FIFA could stand in its way. So naturally enough, it is.

Maybe the vuvuzelas have left FIFA deaf to the calls for justice by video. Or maybe, the real villains here are hardcore soccer fans, who squeal “how dare you tinker with our perfect game!” at the merest hint of change.

These old school extremists are FIFA’s unwitting foot soldiers, twittering away on their iPhones about the shocking potential impact of technology on the game they love.

Continue reading "A video ref would bring the World Cup out of the dark" »

It was the greatest Australasian moment since Crowded House won a Grammy or Russell Crowe earned an Oscar for Gladiator. But far be it for us to bask in the reflected glory from across the ditch.

The New Zealand All Whites are not only doing better than the Socceroos in the World Cup, they are magnificent in their own right.

In one of the greatest moments in the history of New Zealand sport - almost up there with the All Blacks winning the Rugby World Cup in 1987 - the nuggetty Kiwi no-names yesterday held the mighty Italians, the current World Champions, to a 1-1 draw. You can read all about it here. We salute our Kiwi brothers today.

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: We are all New Zealanders now" »

We were robbed. We were brilliant and brave. It’s a miracle that we managed a draw. We also threw victory away.

Such is the evil psychology of last night’s gut-wrenching clash with Ghana. It’s the worst possible combination for the commited fan.

It has as its foundation a smouldering sense of fury at the performance of the referee, cruelling not just our chances of victory, but so casually ending the World Cup career of Harry Kewell.

Continue reading "Socceroos: We were robbed, we were brilliant, we are gone" »

It’s only a few hours until kick-off against Ghana so as our special pre-match tribute to the boys please enjoy this excellent rendition of our national song by the Pimster:

They might have scored an excellent goal and drawn their opening game but the poor old Kiwis can’t take a trick with the bookies and, insultingly, are still well below Australia in the international betting for the World Cup. Despite their 4-0 drubbing in the opening match against Germany the Socceroos are paying $580 for a $1 bet to win the World Cup.

The All Whites registered a noble 1-1 draw against Slovakia but are bafflingly paying $3001 to win the tournament. The only other team which betting aggregators worldcupbet.com have placed below the Kiwis are Algeria at a hefty $3501. For the record the Argies are favourites at $5.66, the Spanish (despite losing to Swtizerland) are paying $6.50, Brazil $6.51 and the Germans a pretty inviting $9.

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: Our lend isht girt by shea" »

While the personal security of fans at the World Cup has generally been good, with only minor crimes committed against visitors, there’s been industrial chaos surrounding the payment of security staff and sales staff at some of the stadiums here in South Africa.

Tear gas was used on the staff at Moses Mabhida Stadium in Durban on Sunday when theyh refused to disperse after being promised a pretty modest 300 rand (about $50) for working that night, only to be given an even less generous 200 rand (about $35).

As the tensions have flared at other grounds all security staff have been stood down and replaced with police at Moses Mabhida, at Green Point in Cape Town, and also at Soccer City in Joburg. There is so much anger among the security workers that the newspapers are saying the biggest security threat to future games may atually come from disgruntled security workers themselves.

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: can somebody call security" »

It’s easy to dismiss sport as a distracting, dysfunctional pastime of the people.  We’re constantly flooded with stories of misbehavior, ridiculous prejudice, cheating and even criminal behavior, most of which seem sexual in nature.

As the CEO of a sports-based NGO, I am constantly faced with questions steeped in disapproval and dismissal of the value of sport in “real” society.  I hear that we spend too much time, too much money, too much effort on sports in this country, in detriment to our social values.  Indeed I have even been told we would be better off with less sport in Australia.  Jessica Watson felt the brunt of this type of thinking not long ago.  Dangerous, narcissistic indulgence, anyone?

Continue reading "The World Cup of hope" »

“Blow, blow, blow…your vuvuzela is safe!” reads yesterday’s frontpage of The Sun in Johannesburg. And while it’s not a headline which every aurally-challenged soccer fan wanted to read, it’s been met with cheers here in South Africa, not that you can actually hear them anyway above the BRAAAAAAAAMPPPH of the infernal plastic horns.

A European-led push to have the vuvuzelas banned has been stared down, for now. Several of the European teams have complained about the distraction from the noise, with the Dutch coach unable to talk to his players at an open traning day where 3000 South African kids turned up with their vuvuzelas, and French captain Patrice Evra saying the racket had put his team off in its 0-0 draw against Uruguay. But the chairman of the local FIFA organising committee Danny Jordaan has now issued a statement saying the vuvuzela is safe for the remainder of the 2010 tournament.

“The vuvuzela will not be banned in South Africa,” he said. “The only negative aspect we condemn is when fans blow it during the singing of national anthems and public announcements during the games.” We’ve been here 10 days now and didn’t realise that there had been any anthems of public announcements, or indeed anything other than the continuous drone.

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: Viva the goddamned vuvuzelas" »

Diego Watch Day Five: God might have been responsible for his hand, but it’s not clear who we should blame for his bum. But either way, Argentinian coach Diego Maradona’s derriere has taken on a personality all of its own here in South Africa and is threatening to overshadow the tournament proper.

Guardian columnist Martin Kelner has called for a 24-hour camera to trace Diego’s every move at the World Cup, with a special focus on the bum-wiggling exploits he showcased in Argentina’s 1-0 victory over Nigeria on Saturday.

“If we remember the 1990 World Cup for Gazza’s tears, or Roger Milla’s dance, there is a fair chance the enduring image of this competition will be Diego Maradona’s backside,” Kelner wrote. “Boy, that is some tuchus. And when you are the proud possessor of a heiny the size of a small South American republic, what shows it off better than a lightweight grey suit?”

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: Diego’s date with destiny" »

Just when you thought the World Cup couldn’t get any more annoying, what about this - on day five of the tournament as things currently stand it’s New Zealand 1 and Australia nil.

And no amount of juvenile joking about their accents, their fondness for mooching around Bondi while on the dole or their affection for farm animals can alter that fact.

They were standing on top of their chilly-bins and clapping their jandals in the air late yesterday as the All Whites scored the first New Zealand goal ever in a World Cup.

Continue reading "And it’s New Zealand 1, Australia 0 in South Africa" »

Well it was a game of two halves and both of them were crap. The less said about it all the better - next stop, Ghana. They’ll be quaking in their boots. I’d love to share the tales of fan-related hijinks after the Germany game but there aren’t any. It was if the fun-loving German spirit possessed us all here and we trudged off home. Perhaps we can blame Kevin Rudd for this?

The Prime Minister, a well-known sports buff Kevin Rudd wasted no time in jumping on the Socceroos bandwagon with the following tweet on Sunday: “Got alarm set for 4am like the rest of the country. Tough opponents. Go #Socceroos. KRudd.”

The tweet received a mixed reaction, if you define mixed as generally rude. One excellent instant reply: “So you’re having a sleep in then?” Many others just used the tweet as a chance to bag the PM.

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: Rudd spurs Socceroos to glory" »

IT was all downhill once the walk was over. It had felt like a walk into history, a walk into the unknown, a walk into the pages of time, whatever cliche-riddled walk you fancy.

What it was in fact was a long walk to humiliation at the hands of a German pantser division that gave us our greatest World Cup pantsing of all time. It had started so well but at the end of the day there were only three things that made us feel good. Sunshine, a terrific esplanade, and architecture.

The 10km walk from the Durban Marina to the Moses Mabhida Stadium took 90 minutes, the same length of time it took the Germans to subject us to a ritualised international sporting humiliation which was one goal worse than the former West Germany’s 3-0 pounding of the 1974 Socceroos side.

Continue reading "Eins, zwei, drei, vier and loathing for the Shockeroos" »

Almost 10,000 Australians converged on Durban for last night’s match against the Germans, many of them coming from elsewhere in South Africa or flying down from Europe, but the vast majority have been staying here for a week or few days and doing their bit for the local economy.

It’s a terrific city, a huge port filled with character, still a bit gritty around the edges. A bit too gritty for the German tourists, who appear to have succumbed to the media hysteria on the continent and have largely kept away. Local shopkeepers have been heartened by the Aussie presence but stunned by the German no-show.

Maybe the German fans should have heard this dark tale doing the rounds in Durban. One local white driver claims that, a couple of months ago, known gang members were approached by the cops and told that if they are responsible for hurting even one tourist in this city, they will be killed, their parents will be killed, and their cousins will be killed. In the absence of any outbreak of tourist-related crime this tough love policing strategy appears to have worked.

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: Bunnys, bands, bids and Bafana" »

Australia has taken another huge step towards hosting the World Cup after it withdrew its 2018 bid to let Europe host the tournament – galvanising European support behind our 2022 bid.

In a tactical masterstroke which saw FIFA take the rare step of publicly praising Australia for its “exemplary” conduct, Football Federation Australia chairman Frank Lowy said yesterday Australia would now concentrate solely on the 2022 World Cup to clear the path for Europe in 2018.

The move is a coup for two reasons – it has sidelined the United States, which is still bidding for 2018 and 2022, and won plaudits from Europe, which holds eight votes on the 24-member FIFA executive committee which selects the host nations.

Continue reading "South Africa 2010, Australia 2022?" »

UPDATE 6.20pm: A tragic car accident has claimed the life of Nelson Mandela’s great-granddaughter in Johannesburg overnight. The 91-year-old anti-apartheid campaigner and former president will no longer attend today’s opening ceremony of the 2010 World Cup.

Zenani Mandela, who turned 13 just three days ago,  was killed last night while returning home from the Shakira and Black Eyed Peas concert in Johannesburg. 

Two days ago every newspaper here in South Africa splashed yesterday with the excellent news that Mandela, would attend tonight’s Opening Ceremony at Soccer City, Johannesburg.

Continue reading "World Cup Diary: Mandela tragedy overshadows opening" »

With the World Cup almost upon us, a lot of soccer nuts are writing stories arguing that soccer has totally cut through, that Australia is at last a round ball nation, and that the Socceroos are “icons”.

No. Uluru is an icon. The Sydney Opera House is an icon. The baggy green cap is an icon. Collingwood is an icon. The famous “Gladiators” picture which spawned the NRL trophy is an iconic image.

The Socceroos won’t come close to iconic status until they’re something more than a rank outsider at the world’s biggest sporting event, and until they bring something recognisably Australian to their style of play.

Continue reading "Sorry, but I’m not sold on the Socceroos yet" »

Take a bow, Matildas.  You’re champions of Asia, and the first team to qualify for the women’s World Cup Finals.

These capable, commanding young Australians gave us a masterclass in adaptability and focus in their Asian Cup Final triumph over North Korea last week.  In hostile and deteriorating conditions, against opponents whose government backs them to play full-time, the Matilda’s application of every ounce of their capability, and their flat-out refusal to get beaten, made football history.

The urging of goalkeeper-captain Melissa Barbieri, the raking passes of midfielder Collette McCallum, the intelligent touches of Katie Gill up front, and the lung-busting runs of Clare Polkinghorne over 120 minutes added up to an immense performance that delivered our first Asian silverware, and the respect of a nation.

Continue reading "Matildas: this is how it’s done" »

The way people go on about soccer at World Cup time is reminiscent of the way people like to talk about politics around elections. People who usually don’t show much of an interest in the sport become pub analysts once every three of four years, willing to throw their two cents in at the pub on the eventual winner and what they need to do to get there.

The difference between the World Cup and elections is people actually seem to enjoy having conversations about it a lot more than they do about politics, plus even if we do hate Fabio Grosso for what he did to Australia (why did it have to be a guy called Fabio?), at least we don’t have to elect him as Prime Minister.

So I give you The Punch’s pub rant guide to South Africa 2010, with World Cup tips those “experts” may have missed.

Team that deserves to lose the most: Italy

Continue reading "The Punch’s pub rant on the World Cup draw" »

We shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves. There is a long way to go but, just for a moment, lie down, close your eyes, and think of England.

In the same way that Aussies will be fantasising about the prospect of playing England in the second stage at the World Cup, the Poms will be having quiet nightmares about being knocked off by their nemesis in the one sport where we have never bettered the beloved Mother Country, aside from a meaningless 3-1 win in a friendly match in 2003.

England has every right to be unnerved by the prospect, for a number of reasons. The first is that it is in no way a remote fantasy.The way our two groups fall, there is a very real chance that it could happen.

Continue reading "Socceroos can add to England’s history of misery" »

Here’s a new ad from Nike, ahead of the FIFA World Cup, featuring football’s biggest stars. Oh, and Homer Simpson and Kobe Bryant and a few others. Enjoy.

“Please tell everyone South Africa’s not as dangerous as they think.” That’s how most of my conversations have started over the past 10 days as I travelled around the country that will host next month’s World Cup.

It’s just 16 years since Nelson Mandela’s election as president signalled the end of the apartheid era, and like a teenager going to her deb ball, South Africa is nervous about being the centre of attention.

Worried that the roads won’t be ready. Worried that the national team, known to all as Bfana Bfana, won’t perform well. But most of all, worried that the country’s reputation for violence will be the ever-lasting memory of this World Cup.

Continue reading "Nervous wait for World Cup in rainbow republic" »

With the FIFA World Cup looming, we’re starting to be bombarded with the usual tired old messages about the world coming together in harmony, yada yada yada. But in reality, only half of humanity is coming together.

Who’s missing? Women, of course. Unlike the Olympics, which also bills itself as a quadrennial love-in for all colours, creeds and nationalities, the FIFA World Cup reserves no place for female competitors. Striking-looking women on the sideline, fine. Strikers on the pitch, not required.

The next FIFA Womens’s World Cup is set down for Germany in 2011. I don’t know if FIFA has a sub-committee governing the women’s game, but if it does, it should be called FIFI, and FIFI should be agitating like a bitch to have future Cups staged concurrently with the men’s event.

Continue reading "The World Cup, or a cup for just half the world" »

For the good of the game, Sydney must win the A-League Grand Final

Now, I’m just putting this out there. I’m just going to run it up the flagpole. The A-League, and football in Australia, needs Sydney FC to defeat Melbourne Victory next week.

This season’s decider is the one the game had to have. They’re the best two teams on the field, the biggest two teams of the field and have a rivalry that inspires feelings of joy, anguish, revulsion and, when applicable, a hefty dollop of schadenfreude.

Continue reading "The A-League needs Sydney FC to win the Grand Final" »

The football club I’ve supported since childhood looks set to be relegated two seasons on the trot – and I’m absolutely delighted.

I couldn’t be happier, simply because the alternative for Portsmouth was much, much worse. Let me explain for anyone not following this utter debacle.

Pompey are roughly $135 million in debt after a few years of living the dream and now face a winding up petition from the UK taxman in the High Court. A hearing due to be held this coming Monday would probably have sealed the club’s fate. Portsmouth Football Club, established 1898, would no longer exist.

Continue reading "Existence has no meaning without a football team" »

There’s two words the British press love above all others. Two little words. One phrase. Love Rat.

Fleet Street hacks – most of who look a bit like the latter and don’t get enough of the former – have been frothing for nearly a fortnight over the England football captain’s affair with a teammate’s partner.

There have been more than 2,000 newspaper stories about the John Terry sex scandal - 500 more than those that mentioned the Prime Minister Gordon Brown. A Google search of John Terry + love rat brings up more than 4,300 results. It would seem like overkill but to be fair to the easily-titillated British public, the story has absolutely had it all.

Continue reading "Postcard from London: everyone loves a love rat" »

Why does football/soccer bring out the hate?

Every time I read a story or a blog about football/soccer on the net, the reader comments always devolve into the bitch fight: it’s the world game, it’s the future or it’s a Euro game for ladyboys that will never overtake our domestic codes.

I write about the A-League on the Punch every week and every time my post goes up there’s always a response guaranteed to include the lines: “Who cares? Soccer’s a boring game for poofs, people who have slightly darker skin than me and posh expats who should go back where it rains a lot and the beer is slightly warmer. How long have you soccer zealots been saying it was going to take over? The A-League is rubbish and will never be more popular than AFL/NRL.”

Continue reading "Oh soccer, why do they hate you so?" »

Can anyone stop Melbourne Victory making it two in a row?

What did we learn from last weekend’s round of A-League games? The top six is all but decided, give or take a few late hopes. Sydney FC seem determined to shoot themselves in the foot. And Melbourne Victory, despite losing to Gold Coast, are still favourites to do the double again.

For those who had better things to do this weekend, the first four finals places are locked in, with Melbourne, Gold Coast, Sydney and Perth all doing enough. Despite tricky away games, Wellington and Newcastle should finish off the six.

Continue reading "Can anyone stop the flying V?" »

For many Australians, John Aloisi will always be fondly remembered for scoring the penalty that put Australia in the 2006 World Cup, a goal voted one of the nation’s greatest sporting moments.

But any visitor to a Sydney FC game would think he was somehow responsible for the Haiti earthquake, the global financial crisis and Barack Obama’s failure to meet expectations on raising the level of public healthcare in the US.

I went to the Sydney-Gold Coast game Sunday afternoon, and was bemused by the scorn poured on Aloisi by his own supporters. Even forgetting the hardcore in the Cove, there were at least three loud voices in the crowd who took every opportunity to abuse the striker and point out the glaring discrepancy in his wages-to-goals ratio.

Continue reading "How Sydney fans turned the heroic Aloisi into a villain" »

“Shine like a big, big star!” This quote may sound like an odd introduction to an article about Australia’s bid for the FIFA World Cup in 2018 or 2022, but it is also the basis for one of the inspirational highlights of the bid team’s work in Cape Town two weeks ago.

All bidding nations were invited to Cape Town by FIFA to participate in a media expo to present our claims.  The media expo was the first of only three formal presentations for bidders to the FIFA Executive, the international football community and international football media.  While it was the ‘set piece’ event for bidding nations during the week, Football Federation Australia (FFA) also planned other activities to ensure we were noticed in a very busy period for world football.

The inspiration came from a visit to a township school outside Cape Town by Federal Minister for Sport Kate Ellis, FFA Chairman Frank Lowy, CEO Ben Buckley, Head Coach Pim Verbeek, and the eight Aussie kids who had won a competition to be Bid emissaries for the week.

Continue reading "World Cup bid: Shine like a big, big star" »

Do you call it “football”? Then you’re an unAustralian zealot sucked in by the game for diving, cheating nancy boy Eurotrash. Or do you call it “soccer”? If so, you’re a small-minded, parochial redneck desperately clinging onto the last vestiges of isolationism.

This week, a punter rang me up to put me straight. He’d bought a copy of Australian Football Weekly and wanted to tell me we’d got the name wrong.
“Football in Australia is AFL,” he said. “You should be called Soccer Weekly or something.”

He’d bought the magazine by mistake. Never mind that the issue was eight months old, had a picture of Kevin Muscat and Travis Dodd on the cover and our masthead has a bloody great football in it. The punter picked it up, somehow thinking he’d found a new AFL publication, only to be left disappointed by the “soccer” content within.

Continue reading "A game by any other name - is it football or soccer?" »

The debate on the World Cup bid has been conducted thus far like some grandmother who’s freaking out after being told 32 soccer teams are arriving on Friday and we’ve nowhere to play, don’t know where to put them up and haven’t done enough grocery shopping. I’m half expecting the next front page on the issue to read: “Australia’s Bathroom Not Clean Enough to Host World Cup, What Will The Guests Think.”

Would it be too much to ask that people step back, take a breath and relax about this thing?

The politics of this seems to be overshadowing the facts for all three codes concerned. The facts being that we’re almost certainly not going to get the 2018 tournament and that if the codes sit down calmly they’d realise there’s plenty time to work out a solution for 2022.

Continue reading "Can everyone just relax about the World Cup bid" »

Watching the World Cup draw early on Saturday morning felt like watching the cast of The Bold and the Beautiful do Hamlet. With Becks & Charlize, there was glamour aplenty- but it had the all drama and class of the Eurovision Song Contest.

Australia’s group for the World Cup drew what I call “the builder”: the sharp intake of breath through gritted teeth accompanied by the worried shake of the head.

On paper, it looks a tough ask for the Socceroos in South Africa – but is it really the group of death?

Continue reading "World Cup draw: actually not a death sentence" »

Last week in Australian Football Weekly, I wrote a couple of disparaging remarks about Central Coast Mariners. Nothing too heavy, but I basically called them a team of grinding, featureless clones cultivated by coach Lawrie McKinna in a secret lab in Gosford.

Then, on Saturday night, they nipped down to Melbourne and duly gave the reigning champions, who had won six of their last seven, a hearty 4-zip spanking in their own backyard.

I’ll put my hands up – it was a great game. McKinna’s men wore Victory into the ground, and they were fast and clever in and around the box. They didn’t just ruin Melbourne’s party; they turned up, drank all the booze, pulled out some classic dance moves and went home with both the best-looking girls.

Continue reading "The Central Coast Mariners: We are the Robots" »

Like many Australians of my generation and background, there was hardly a weekend when my dad wasn’t taking me to a football ground.  In fact, Sunday meant Sunday School and soccer and the opportunity to catch up with all the people who spoke the same sporting language. 

Football clubs were the centrepiece of the social life of many migrant and refugee communities and many clubs became some of the great nurseries of football talent over subsequent years.

Since then, football’s popularity has grown across Australia and has expanded from the weekend ritual of migrant families to become the most popular sport for Aussie boys and, increasingly, girls. Its rising prominence in Australian culture comes at a time when the country is bidding for the FIFA World Cup to come here in either 2018 or 2022.

Continue reading "5.3 billion reasons the World Cup would be good for us" »

The only real winners in round 13 of the A-League were the competition’s two biggest teams to set up the most intriguing battle.

Sydney FC and Melbourne Victory both claimed impressive wins this weekend; Sydney’s dismissive 3-1 victory over Wellington and Melbourne grafting to a 2-1 win away at Perth.

Fans from the other eight clubs might disagree, but a battle for top spot between the two interstate rivals is just what the code needs right now.

Continue reading "Why the A-League needs a two horse race" »

Over the past eight games between Melbourne Victory and Adelaide United, the tally stands Melbourne 8, Adelaide 0. I’d hate to be an Adelaide supporter.

I would literally be tearing my hair out, punching the bed, slamming doors, kicking the cat, and quite probably losing friends and alienating anyone I knew in Melbourne.

I should qualify that I have nothing against Adelaide; I’m actually a fan. They’re an honest team with some good players, they play good football and in Aurelio Vidmar have one of the best young coaches in the country.

Continue reading "Why Adelaide fans love losing to Melbourne" »

The A-League is by no means the best football in the world, but as a competition, it’s better than the EPL.

I spend my week talking and writing about football and my weekends watching it - but I can’t get a single round of the A-League right in my tipping comp.

It’s an ongoing joke in the office that the editor of a weekly football magazine can’t get his tips right. Things are so bad even my art director’s beating me – trumped by a crayon monkey!

Continue reading "The A-League has it all over the English Premier League" »

Remember the good old days of Australian soccer, when a 0-0 draw to the Dutch would spark jubilation in the crowd, shirt swapping on the pitch and a victory speech from the coach?

I can almost picture old Eddie Thompson saying how delighted he was with the result, and what a privilege it was for his boys to mix it with some of Europe’s finest. Eddie, a wonderful servant of the game and one sadly missed, would be delighted with 1-0 losses, such was our standing in the game and the lack of really meaningful matches.

How times have changed. Saturday night’s draw was dire. We should have been beaten comfortably. It exposed a host of deficiencies.  And thanks to the game’s new-found maturity in this country, people are not afraid to admit it.

Continue reading "What the Socceroos have to do before the World Cup" »

Soccer has all the ingredients to capture the imagination of Australia’s sporting public in the same way the AFL and NRL grand finals have done. All the ingredients are there except one: common sense.

The facts are this: football - as it has been rebranded - has the highest registered participation rate of all the football codes in this country.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, more kids play football than AFL and NRL combined. So why aren’t the kids and their parents filling the stadiums at A-League games?

Continue reading "Why aren’t these kids growing up A-League fans?" »

Losing is not something we like to talk about much at this time of year.

We’re reminded of the greatest premiership winning teams, the possibility of St. Kilda or Parramatta breaking the drought or Geelong or Melbourne Storm cementing their place as real champion teams.

But given that the team or individual that we follow is more often going to lose the premiership, not win the gold, or fail at the World Cup, our experiences with losing are arguably are more important in defining our support of the team or person than that of winning.

So in the lead up to the two biggest sporting weekends of the year The Punch writers have compiled, in no particular order, the ten teams or people that have let us down or just not performed when it mattered in Australia’s recent sporting history. What are yours?

Continue reading "Our ten biggest sporting losers" »

As an old time supporter of Football (or Soccer, if you feel so inclined – which many Australians do), imbalanced and factually incorrect media reports of riots, violence and hooliganism in my code is nothing new.

The rise of the A-League may have been nothing short of spectacular, but unfortunately the same old boys (usually AFL reporters) that pooh-poohed Soccer in the now defunct NSL era continue to periodically rear their snarling heads and tell us that this foreign sport is full of thugs that are more likely to slit your throat than not.

The formula is just about the same every time, and Tim Hilferty’s Monday article on The Punch ‘The myth that soccer is a family-friendly sport’ was no different.

Continue reading "Bagging out Aussie soccer fans is a hoary old look" »

I was going to take my six-year-old boy to the soccer on Friday night, but I decided not to. After what I witnessed at the Adelaide United - Melbourne Victory game at Hindmarsh Stadium, I doubt we’ll go to a game together this season. And that should be a huge concern for Adelaide United and the A-League.

In the end, I decided to go with a couple of mates, and keep one eye on the match and one eye on the hardcore fans that are a giving the sport I love such a bad name.

I took a seat in the southern grandstand, behind the Adelaide ``ultras’‘. I deliberately chose that spot so I could keep an eye on any trouble, but there were many young families around me who just had the misfortune to be sitting near the idiots.

The first thing that hits you is the swearing. While you still occasionally hear older supporters at footy games telling young hotheads to ``mind your language’‘, that’s not the case at the soccer.

Continue reading "The myth that soccer is a family-friendly sport" »

Arsenal striker Eduardo has been banned for two matches for diving, providing hope at last for all football fans.

A Uefa disciplinary panel ruled he cheated to win a penalty in a Champions League qualifier last week against Celtic.

The punishment far outweighs the yellow card he would have received had the referee spotted his dive, and that could be argued to be unfair.

Continue reading "Aussie soccer will never soar if diving isn’t banned" »

As someone who writes mostly about sport for a living, I’m supposed to be drooling in anticipation of the English Premier league season which kicks off this weekend. I’m not. Here’s why.

1. It only just ended

There were just 81 days between last season’s final game and this season’s impending first encounter. And that’s not to mention the pre-season tours where teams played important “practice matches” (as in, flexed their brand muscles) in such football hotbeds as Bangkok and Surfers Paradise. Enough! I need some breathing space. An on-again/off-again relationship simply doesn’t work when the off is shorter than the on.

Continue reading "I’ve had enough of the English Premier League" »

It seemed like any other international sporting event. Beers flowed, and barbeques sizzled, in the car park pre-match.

Kids mimicked their on-field heroes, with the names of superstars Messi and Henry on the back of their pint sized shirts. In all, 93,137 fans turned up at LA’s Rose Bowl overnight — the most-highly attended match in the United States since the 1994 World Cup.

No matter your colours, most supporters were frothing with anticipation to see one of the world’s biggest football franchises FC Barcelona, who had come to town for an exhibition clash against David Beckham and the LA Galaxy. But on this balmy night, we received proof positive that fans here are fair weather supporters.

Continue reading "For David Beckham, actions speak louder than boos" »

Who’s your favourite Dutch comedian? What’s the funniest Dutch film you’ve ever seen? And no, The Vanishing wasn’t a comedy. It was about a man who buried his wife alive.

The many races of the world have their own distinct characteristics, and while Guss Hiddink did a pretty good line in forming his hand into a punchy little fist and spinning it around when the Socceroo’s scored, he wasn’t known for his comic timing and sparkling repartee. Compared to Pim Verbeek, Guus is Chevy Chase.

And while the Pimster has copped a bath from some for failing to deliver a free-wheeling footballing spectacular this week - and been blamed for the poor attendance of 40,000 - I think there’s an argument that 2-0 was almost decadent and showy on our part.

Continue reading "It was the best nil-all draw that I’ve ever seen" »