Sex

As is the rite of passage for all conservative politicians, Republican hopeful Newt Gingrich has found himself embroiled in a sex scandal. Wife number two claims Newt asked for an “open marriage”. She, shockingly enough, now considers him too much of a jerk for office.

In even more yawn-worthy news, fellow hopeful, Rick Santorum, has pounced on naughty Newt and determined that those extramarital hijinks raise questions about moral character. Moral character.

You know, the most fundamental of leadership qualities. Because, you might be the smartest, the wisest, the most hard-working of all politicians, but one sexual snafu and it can all end in a finger-snap.

Continue reading "Sex scandals should not render a leader impotent" »

What happened
The event promising all class instead gave us all arse. It was meant to be the wedding of the century, the day commoner Kate Middleton finally married her prince, but it turned into the biggest upstaging of the century.

While millions of girls cried as they watched their chances of marrying Prince William sink to the bottom of the ocean, the boys were crying about a different kind of bottom. The eyes of the world weren’t on the bride, but on her sister as she serenely squatted to adjust the royal wedding dress.

What happened next
A Facebook page, Twitter account and numerous websites dedicated to Pippa’s behind popped up around the world. Men asked for a “Pippa’s Bum Appreciation Day” and women asked their plastic surgeons for “The Pip Package” on the promise of a perfect posterior. Journalists searched every crack and crevice for the most original butt puns of the rear, sorry, year. Many were left behind. Sorry again.

Continue reading "Biggest moments of 2011 #19 Pippa’s arse steals the show" »

Listen up, all you fun-fem po-mo abuse-loving heteronormative PIVster types. The radical feminists are here to set you straight on just how bent you really are.

If you don’t even know what the above sentence means, well, gather around.

In the good old days feminism was easy. Eiffel Tower? Phallic symbol. HB pencil? Phallic symbol. Statue of Mary? Phallic symbol.

Continue reading "A Pivster’s Guide to Radical Feminism and Man Hate" »

Australians will have more to worry about than the jubilant crowing of four million kiwis if Quade Cooper et al fail to pull their finger out tomorrow night.

For the earth will move not just in Christchurch but throughout the land of the long white cloud if the All Blacks can overcome their choking form and progress to the final. Not for the country cousins a bit of scarf waving and a few Steinies to celebrate: Nope, the entire nation has promised they will literally root for the boys should victory come to pass.

Never mind Costello’s one for mum, one for dad and one for the country, the Kiwis are poised to deliver one for the All Blacks, with 96 per cent of the country saying they plan on having sex if New Zealand wins the Rugby World Cup.

Continue reading "Kiwis rooting for victory, and hopefully afterwards too" »

There were six of us and we were around 10 years old. We had come together for Alice’s birthday and pretty much left to our own devices. 

It was Alice’s idea to go to their attic. Attics were something the Secret Seven might explore - they did not exist in the houses I frequented. So Alice had already scored points with this plan. Little did I know the experiential gold that awaited.

Safely up the ladder, we clustered around her to see the reason for our ascent. There, in several old filing boxes, was at least a decade’s worth of Playboy, carefully stored away by Alice’s taciturn father.

Continue reading "The internet makes Playboy look like a Penguin Classic" »

At 16 I was a high school drop-out.

I finished Year 10 desperate to get out into the real world because I wanted to earn my way into independence. I paid for driving lessons out of my own pocket, had a stable job with a great career in sight, and couldn’t wait to get my driver’s licence so I could go out and explore the world.

By the time I hit 17, all I wanted to do was party with my friends and live life. Boys and my own sexuality weren’t important. Fast forward 10 years and girls at that age are nothing like my generation. It’s incredibly scary.

Continue reading "Sex industry not to blame for child sexualisation" »

I am having trouble feeling too sorry for Madison Ashton, the latest woman to emerge seeking part of the fortune of the late cardboard king, Richard Pratt. Surely, where dating a very married, pillar-of-the-community/fun-loving billionaire type is concerned, she - like everyone else - would understand the ‘rules’.

I won’t go into detail about what I think should happen in the case of Ms Ashton, who is in court claiming compensation from Pratt’s widow, Jeanne, for his alleged promises of a $500,000 a-year retainer to be his exclusive mistress, a Mercedes-Benz “worth not less than $100,000”, rent worth $36,000 a year and $2.5 million trust funds for each of her children. (There has been no suggestion that Pratt is the father of either of them.).

Continue reading "The hits, misses and stresses of being a mistress" »

Disturbing news from a plane bound from Detroit yesterday, with passengers busted for joining the Mile High Club.

As news.com.au reported, air crew were worried by passengers suspiciously heading back and forth between the toilets and their seats, and two F-16 jets were scrambled to shadow the plane on its approach.

Anyone out there a member of the Mile High Club? And why’s it called that anyway, given most commercial jetliners cruise at about six miles up? How do you unscramble a scrambled jet? Anything more important on your mind? Share it here.

The Punch office is right opposite Hyde Park in central Sydney. As the weather warms up, so does the action in the park.

Walk through the park in your lunch hour, and you’ll see birds, bees and young couples who appear to be learning plenty about both.

It’s hard to look away. Well it is. Don’t even think of insulting us by pretending you’re the sort of person who doesn’t stare.

Continue reading "Friday Dilemma: is it OK for couples to snog in the park?" »

Gen Y. We revel in a hook-up culture of “joyless, pitiless sex”. We treat people of the opposite sex (and the same sex) as objects for us to consume. We don’t just go out and have a few beers on a Friday night, we have ‘spit roast’ (the verb, not the noun) parties after hitting up the meat market.

We brush our teeth with bottles of Jack Daniels, and personally, barely a day goes by where my phone isn’t avalanched by sext messages.

Yeeeeesh. I wish. It’s no surprise to anyone of my generation that baby boomer commentators just don’t get Gen Y. But when we’re debating Gen Y, there’s something that everyone – Gen Y and pundits alike – seems to miss.

Continue reading "Gen Y wanna be mates with you, not just mate with you" »

My kids ask me all sorts of questions, including the priceless, “If you did a handstand when you were pregnant, would I have come out your mouth?”

But the one that’s surprised me most was from my 11-year-old: “Mum, when did you lose your virginity?”

It’s not that I mind discussing this stuff. Eighteen is a respectable (some might say belated) age for deflowering. Rather, it’s the questions that follow: the inevitable who, what, when?

Continue reading "Hey mum, when did you lose your virginity?" »

Ever since second-wave feminism kicked off four decades ago, people have been wondering if an equivalent movement for men would emerge. There was a short-lived media frenzy in the 90s when a handful of men took to banging on drums and declaiming bad poetry about their neglected inner warrior, but that turned out to be a false dawn.

Nowadays, leaving aside those fathers’ rights groups who like to create a public nuisance while wearing ill-fitting Batman costumes, there’s really no such thing as a masculinist movement.

Except maybe there is. Or at least the beginnings of one. The pick-up artist (PUA) subculture has been around in some form for two decades but it crossed over into the mainstream about six years ago.

Continue reading "Is the pick-up movement men’s answer to feminism?" »

Welcome to this week’s I Call Bullshit. Get ready to get steamy. The hot topic du jour is romance novels and the apparent threat they cause to women’s sexual health.

A UK medical journal has published a piece from ‘agony aunt’ Susan Quilliam arguing that bodice-ripper romantic fiction is discouraging condom use and giving women crazy ideas about orgasms.

Before we go any further, let’s have some gratuitous ‘literary’ sex scenes, just to give you the flavour.

Continue reading "ICB: Steamy romance novels are bad for your health" »

A friend of a friend is turning 40 and all she wants to mark the ending of her 30s is sex with someone other than her husband.

I’m told this woman doesn’t want to leave her husband – he’s a top bloke. But what she’s seeking is a feeling she hasn’t felt for a decade – that pulse-quickening, heart-thumping, deeply elemental, electric jolt called lust.

“I get it,” says my friend. “She’s only ever slept with two men and she’s coming to terms with the fact she’ll never experience sex with someone new ever again.”

Continue reading "Lust and marriage: loving one, lusting after another" »

For those of certain age (that is, old enough to have spent any time on a university campus between the early 80s and mid 90s), the controversies of the last few months - the Penny Wong meow-slur, Slutwalk, the Brocial Network, the Pippa Middleton Ass Appreciation Society Facebook page, ADF sex Skyping, Julian Assange’s alleged sexual misconduct - are like déjà vu all over again.

Sure we didn’t have Skype, Facebook groups or chick-magnet online-whistleblower superstars back in those antediluvian days, but Gen X women sure knew how to put on a feminist protest.

To take just one example, in 1992, when the tits-and-arse tabloid mag People dared put a woman on its cover on all fours wearing what appeared to be a dog collar, a host of women’s groups, such as Student Women Against Rampant Media Sexism (SWARMS) and People Initiating Education Campaigns Eliminating Sexism (PIECES), mobilised. A newsagency selling People was smashed up, the Park Street headquarters of Kerry Packer’s ACP, which published the mag, were occupied and huge political pressure was brought to bear on Australia’s censorship body, the Office of Film and Literature Classification, to crack down hard on porn mags (something it did, hastening the demise of several).

Continue reading "It’s the Return of the Battle of the Sexes" »

International Whores Day is commemorated each year in June around the world to acknowledge the origins of the sex workers’ rights movement.

On June 2, 1975, sex workers in Lyon, France decided to protest against the continual police harassment and violence against Lyon’s sex worker community.

This was coupled with the French government’s refusal to meet with the worker representatives or support any legislative changes in the sex Industry.

Continue reading "No bad whores, just bad laws" »

EUROPE: the IMF asks for EU members to share in a 78 billion euro bailout of Portugal. EU Finance Ministers unanimously agree.

NEW YORK: Head of the IMF offers to have his wife post $1million bail to get him out of Harlem police Cell.  Judge refuses.

The most minute details concerning the incident that lead to Dominique Strauss-Kahn missing his flight this weekend will no doubt become common knowledge over the next few weeks.

Continue reading "How you see le scandal rests beaucoup on your politics" »

Embrace your inner (or outer) slut, reclaim the word, reclaim the night, take to the streets. But watch out for the unintended consequences of the planned SlutWalk rallies.

Passionate protestors too often get caught up in their own hype and do themselves and their chosen issue an enormous disservice.

Last week a father who just wanted access to his children instead earned the wrath of a city after his one-man protest closed the Sydney Harbour Bridge and left irate drivers stuck in traffic for hours.

Continue reading "The sluts protest too much, methinks" »

This week’s Angry Cripple column is brought to you by Simon J. Green, a Melbourne producer and writer. He has cystic fibrosis and all his limbs. Reach out to him at simonjgreen.com. NOTE: There’s some naughty words and stuff in this column.

Cripples have sex.

That’s what I discovered the other week when I published an article for US-based online lit journal The Nervous Breakdown. In the article, I explained that I’m technically a cripple, and that I’ve also had sex. I wrote:

Continue reading "Do cripples dream of electric wheelchair sex?" »

Sex and alcohol used to be the weapons of choice if you wanted to attract fellow uni students to a meeting.  The ad industry has known for decades that sex sells. 

And now we have the internet to tell us in even more precise detail just how attractive humans find sex, scandals or booze – preferably all three.

So should we be surprised that, as Lindsay Tanner’s new book Sideshow highlights, the media don’t love good policy, but they simply adore “sexy” stories? 

Continue reading "We are all to blame for the dumbing down of politics" »

Child health experts told a Sydney conference last week that children as young as six are displaying inappropriate sexual behaviour – and that violent and sexually explicit images in advertising and popular culture were to blame.

Why wasn’t this front page news?

Most disturbingly, over the past decade there has been a 20-fold increase in the number of children being referred to the Australian Childhood Foundation with these serious problems. We’re talking about sexual assaults on other children by children, and sexualised play.  (Ed’s note: See the news story on Sophie Mirabella’s call for tougher advertising restrictions here.

Continue reading "Our kids are getting adult content instead of fairytales" »

Shame and humiliation are now par for the course. Privacy and decency are on their way out.  But let’s get one thing straight - kissing is just not made for the internet. 

A great kiss is impossible to transcend. Its magic lies in the moment; the timing, your surroundings and the person with whom you’re sharing it. Their touch, the sound of their voice and most importantly, their smell.

Without these things, a kiss is just all in your mind, right?

Continue reading "Cyberpashing? Dear internet, no. Leave love alone." »

“What girl doesn’t melt at the sight of a hot guy with a cute dog?”

With those words, a testament to the complex and slightly weird sexuality of women, Cleo magazine’s annual meat wagon, its Bachelor Of The Year competition, was rolled out. 

Flying thick and fast, as the announcement of the winner was made, were double entendres like: “Eamon Sullivan BEATS OFF STIFF competition to win”, “it was a HARD decision”, and “CLEO Bachelor of the Year winner REVEALED.”

Continue reading "Male beauty comps: Show us your double entendres" »

Safe sex used to be simple. Step A: take one vending machine prophylactic. Step B: use it.

These days, everything is much more complicated. These days, protecting yourself from “going viral” may also involve checking for hidden webcams and erasing your ex-partner’s flash drive.

Most of Australia is now familiar with the case of the 18-year-old Australian Defence Force Academy cadet whose peers called her a “skank” and a “dirty whore” after a male cadet secretly recorded the two of them having sex.

Continue reading "When old misogyny meets new technology" »

Once upon a time when you engaged in sex, whether within a relationship or casually, the most you had to worry about was who had a condom nearby. Or about remembering to take the pill every day. Now we have to worry about being filmed. So other people can watch us.

Having sex with someone involves a certain amount of trust. It can be argued that you can’t expect trust (or fidelity) with a one night stand or casual sex. But you can and should expect respect. Whatever happened to that?

I think it left the building around the same time iPhones turned up and started to run the show.

Continue reading "Sex, lies and cleverly concealed videotape" »

Phew. We made it through summer. The AFL and NRL seasons are upon us again. Last year, we got all religious with our 10 commandments of footy tipping. This year, we’re sexing things up a little.

What, you think we’re kidding? You think we don’t actually believe that football season is better than sex? Read on… and feel free to tell us why we’re wrong, or to add your reasons to the list.

Also, at the risk of breaking our own rule of going easy on the Caps Lock button, DON’T FORGET PUNCH TIPPING. The AFL code is 892748. Join up here. The NRL code is 173047. Join up here. On to the list then…

Continue reading "12 reasons football season is better than sex" »

So, my twelve-year-old has been in high school for, like, five minutes and everything is, like, a simile and a question?  Even stuff that’s, like, a metaphor or a statement is, like, a simile with a question mark?  It’s, like, driving me insane?

She bamboozled her grandparents into buying her first ever copy of Dolly mag, as a reward for not, like, being a DQ during the cervical cancer vaccination at school? 

Alas, it’s an excuse - and a vaccine - that wasn’t available to me when the same crowd refused to purchase said mag back in the 80s, except for the time when a girl in my class was, like, on the cover.

Continue reading "Dude decoders, quirky fashion and Dolly magazine" »

Oh god, it all could have been so different; for the 17-year-old girl; for the AFL; for the St Kilda footballers; for Ricky Nixon; for an enthralled, outraged public - if only she had known how to say one word- ‘no’.

Watching the AFL nude scandal girl’s 60 Minutes interview on Sunday it became startlingly clear that this whole sad affair could have been averted if she had known how to extricate herself from a footballer’s Sydney hotel room last year.

“I guess as soon as I walked into that hotel room I though ‘Oh no, this is bad, I don’t know how to get out of this situation’” she told an ever- nodding Liz Hayes.

Continue reading "“Generation Yes” needs to learn the word “No”" »

I love hot chips. I can’t get enough. Sometimes I’m thinking about hot chips when I should be thinking about work. Sometimes I hide them so no one will know. I think I have a hot chip addiction.

Addictions are, apparently, the disorders du jour. And sex addiction is the latest hot item. Psychologists are warning that since Tiger Woods checked into a posh sex-addict clinic last year, the number of people coming clean with their addiction has surged.

So they’re turning up in their millions (seriously) to programs like Sex Addicts Anonymous. Which may sound like the most awesome pick-up joint you ever went to, but is in fact quite serious.

Continue reading "Sex - when too much is barely enough" »

From the very second those stolen/borrowed nudie rompin’ footballer photos were released, the “St Kilda schoolgirl story” has had me biting my tongue.

I bit down through the girl’s distribution of those handwritten “Women’s Rights” and “Fight the Power” flyers at the training session. Bit down a little more watching her YouTube testimonials. And while reading her Tweets. And her blog. And I bit down a whole lot more through her drip-drip video releases.

I bit down because biting down is exactly what’s expected of me. Women just aren’t supposed to criticise other women. Least of all not 17-year-old girls.

Continue reading "Women can critique each other without a catfight" »

Does anything churn the stomach so much as news that Londoners are willing to part with more than $20 for a serving of ice cream made from breast milk?

Actually, yes. And he goes by the name Charlie Sheen. With a rap sheet dating back to the early 90s, the 45-year-old is no slouch in the “Bad Boy” department, as Sheen himself made abundantly obvious in a bizarre interview on A Current Affair last night.

Compared to a tally of Sheen’s misdemeanours even Matt Newton suddenly looks more wholesome than a character on Packed To The Rafters.

Continue reading "The shine went off Sheen a long time ago" »

All those people who think sex is just about procreation must be doing it wrong.

Every time a conservative talks about outlawing abortion, or making terminations harder to get, the background message is that sex is dirty and evil and the sinners must bear the consequences.
Because they are never simultaneously arguing for better sex education, or improved access to contraception. They either ignore how the pregnancy happened in the first place, or talk about abstinence. 

That this medieval Catholic view of the world persists is startling.

Continue reading "Sex education + contraception = fewer abortions" »

I was browsing iTunes this week, searching for distractions to avoid whatever I was actually supposed to be doing, when something caught my eye and revealed I had apparently grown old overnight.

It was the music charts, featuring sex. And lots of it.  At 1—“Dirty Talk” (Wynter Gordon),  At 3—“S&M” (Rihanna), At 9—“Tonight (I’m F****n’ You)” (Enrique Iglesias, clearly reluctant to beat around the bush).

Continue reading "Sing-a-long sex: talking dirty on iTunes" »

I enjoy Two and a Half Men. Does this make me a failed feminist?

Feminists make a great deal of noise when it concerns America’s #1 hit sitcom. Charlie is labelled as misogynist and sexist under a thin veneer of “comedy”.

I understand people’s concern with its 7pm timeslot, but what I don’t understand is why people are so angry. Especially women.

Continue reading "Confessions of a failed feminist" »

Bettina Arndt asked: “Why do men take such risks for the sake of sex?”. Novelist Philip Roth wrote: “Every mistake a man can make usually has a sexual accelerator”. What is it about men and sex?

The problem for males begins early. When a boy reaches puberty he’s almost immediately at his sexual peak: too young an age to negotiate sexual agreements with girls his own age who are likely to reject his clumsy advances with disdain, and go off to pine romantically for older boys. So it is with a sense of rejection, inordinate levels of sexual desire and accompanying guilt that he abandons himself to the sordid adolescent world of chronic masturbation - “a world of matted handkerchiefs, crumpled Kleenex and stained pyjamas”, said the famous Alexander Portnoy.

Continue reading "Men and sex: not a healthy relationship" »

In the last 48 hours only one thing is definite about the Julian Assange sex assault case – the hyperbole surrounding it has nothing to do with his guilt or innocence.

The question of his culpability has been lost amid the spiralling, competing narratives about sex, the media, Sweden’s hyper-liberal legal system and even the CIA, that are all part of the fight to make sense of this case.

This story isn’t about a sex crime – it’s become about the culture of 24-hour news cycles, war, supposed US imperialism, and the renegade elements of the digiterati who seem willing to wreak havoc in the name of a man they see as a hero.

Continue reading "Assange has prompted a troubling double standard" »

For those of you – ok, us – who aren’t likely to be asked to pose for the cover of Sports Illustrated or GQ any time soon, here’s a piece of news that might be of interest.

A dating agency for unattractive people has been established in Britain which claims to be a website for the “aesthetically challenged”, has already had some success at matching those who have been hit one too many times with the ugly stick.

Tom Clifford, who says he has a face “that makes children cry” has found true love with a 31 year old shop assistant who still lives with her parents and they’re planning a wedding in the near future.

Continue reading "The perils of modern dating: #1 ugly people" »

Since when does dressing up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz involve flashing your underpants?

As an Australian living in the United States, attempting to embrace my cultural surroundings for the epic Halloween festivities – parades, parties and the like, I am rather appalled at the costume selection available for women.

It’s tough to find a dress-up option that doesn’t involve showing an inordinate amount of flesh whether it’s micro mini-skirts, midriffs or cleavage enhancing tops.

Continue reading "Putting the hoe into Halloween" »

Sex, booze, a Power Point presentation. The latest raunchy tale to hit the airwaves in the US has all the makings of a bonafide sleaze scandal but with the added benefit of bar graphs. You can see the document here at the wesbite Jezebel.

In May, a female former student of Duke University created a 42 page mock thesis called “An Education Beyond The Classroom: Excelling In The Realm Of Horizontal Academics.”

The report academically analyses 13 sexual conquests, with detailed notes on inventiveness, size, and all-round performance. Written in a faux-scientific tone the author labels the men as “Subjects” and gives them an overall rank as a sexual partner.

Continue reading "Sex by powerpoint puts the bar into bar graph" »

Good morning readers. Look at me please. Eyes to the front.  Andrew Bolt please bring whatever you’re playing with under that desk and put it on my table.

Thank you Andrew.  Everyone settled?

Excellent. Today we’re going to learn about why it’s impossible to introduce a rational sex education curriculum into our 21st century schooling system.

Continue reading "OK class, who wants teens to go on learning sex in sheds?" »

Insiders have confirmed what we suspected…. the Sandra Bullock/Scarlett Johansson MTV Awards smooch was a pre-meditated act orchestrated by Bullock herself.

Yep, The Blind Side star rearranged the MTV award schedule so her award could be presented by the blonde bombshell instead of Zac Efron.

Because it seems when you need a profile resurrection, there’s nothing like a bit of girl on girl action to nab those headlines.

Continue reading "Girl on girl award kisses: what a load of Bullock" »

It’s been a turbulent year for the AFL, as it grapples with some of the hottest issues in the public eye. Sex scandals, the homosexuality debate, players caught out with illicit drugs – and major upsets each week on the field.

Match attendances are healthy, newspapers are overloaded with dramatic revelations of off-field disasters and the injury rate has meant some of the younger players are being rested for fear of breakdown.

Let’s talk about sex first. Now that I have your attention, the St Kilda-pregnant teen incident has highlighted the dangers for star footballers, young fans, and the potential disruption to all of their lives.

Continue reading "AFL grapples with sex and drugs and rock and roll" »

You’d have to be living under a rock not to notice the hype surrounding the release of Sex and the City 2. Yep, it’s that obvious, Carrie fever is sweeping the world, and some people are getting antsy.

Antsy because they’re over the hype (and given it’s at saturation point it’s totally understandable) or because they simply can’t wait to indulge themselves in the latest instalment to one of television’s most popular foursome.

I don’t know if it’s sheer coincidence or clever timing, but the movie happens to coincide with the release of an entirely different chapter (if you pardon the pun) in Carrie Bradshaw’s life, depicted in Candace Bushnell’s latest novel, The Carrie Diaries (Harper Collins, $30.95). It’s probably the perfect complement to the movie’s release given the fact that it takes readers back to the mind and soul of their on-screen heroine’s high school days.

Continue reading "What’s love got to do with it? Well, everything actually" »

This Friday the Attorneys General of all our states and territories will decide whether to create an R18+ category for computer and video games.

We’re often told it is indisputable that a child watching the very occasional 30-second McDonalds’ advertisement will have their eating habits irrevocably changed. They are headed for a life of junk food. The games industry has of course lobbied hard, but if the attorneys decide in favour of R18+ games they will owe Ronald McDonald a huge apology.

Because amazingly the attorneys might decide this week that hours and hours of playing computer games with highly simulated and even interactive violence and sex won’t affect children in any way.

Continue reading "Feeding kids on a diet of video game junk" »

Sydney barely averted a potentially violent mob scene last week that would have been caused by 5 foot 3 of trouble, namely the floppy-haired, permanently smirking boy-child chanteur, Justin Bieber.

While last Monday’s pheromone-fuelled fracas may have gotten all the attention, it’s another group of staunch Bieberites who are more a case for concern.

Peer a little closer and the Justin Bieber show isn’t all rainbows and hair gel. Somehow this boy with his ridiculous forward-swept mop of hair has, consciously or not, crossed into largely uncharted, sexually-confused territory in the popular culture maelstrom.

Continue reading "Bieber: underage boy and sex object for older women" »

For a subculture obsessed with “absolute discretion”, Australia’s swingers haven’t had much luck in flying under the radar recently.

In January, the alleged murder of prominent businessman and clandestine group-sex enthusiast Herman Rockefeller resulted in a tabloid feeding frenzy.  Police will allege the 52-year-old millionaire property developer was dismembered and buried after a planned hook-up went horribly wrong.

A month later, the telemovie Wicked Love: The Maria Korp Story was nationally broadcast, recounting the sorry tale of the 50-year-old Melbourne mother of two, and her husband Joe, 47, who posted pictures of themselves on a swingers’ website in 2005. They attracted the attention of Tania Herman, 38. Herman became Joe Korp’s mistress and ended up choking his wife with a bag strap and leaving her to die in the boot of a car. She was convicted of attempted murder.

Continue reading "Swingers (not the voting kind) need to leave the closet" »

Good news for all the eco warriors out there – sex is the new green when it comes to saving the planet.

Forget about the Kama Sutra, it’s about to be replaced by the “Clima-Sutra” in the form of a brave new handbook titled Eco-Sex. And author Stefanie Iris Weiss says it’s the most fun she’s ever had researching a book as she personally tried and reviewed every item it uncovers.

Due to hit the bookshelves on March 31, Eco-Sex reportedly leaves no stone unturned in promoting bonking as a means of saving the planet. That ranges from, but is by no means limited to, hand-cranked sex toys, bio-degradable latex condoms and “healthy” bamboo underwear.

Continue reading "Green movement’s next big thing: the Clima-Sutra" »

As someone who has never been proposed to, but been married twice, I have never received or been given a St Valentine’s Day gift.

Clearly blokes have found other ways of communicating with me. Does it bother me? No. I dispensed with the pretence of caring a long time ago.

Valentine’s Day is for women who like pink, have a teddy collection on their bed, fluffy slippers, and speak, [read ‘whine’] with little girl voices well past puberty.

Continue reading "How many root points will you score on Valentines Day?" »

Andrew Bolt is concerned. Frankly, he’s quite beside himself. As if he didn’t have enough to worry about with the endless squawking from the Doomsday Brigade and their so-called ‘scientists’ fretting about ‘climate change’, when everyone knows it’s naturally occurring heat and why on earth should anyone – let alone large, multinational corporations run by hard-working, faceless billionaires whose fortunes have been built on the back of corporate environmental irresponsibility – have to apologise for that?

And don’t even get him started on the gross incompetence of the Federal Government.. Honestly, sometimes it’s just like beating his head against a brick wall. Is he the only one who cares about this godforsaken country?

But now they’ve gone and given him something else to bite his nails about. You know who ‘they’ are. The stalking, predatory creatures with nothing but lust on their minds and the sweet scent of young flesh propelling them forward.

Continue reading "Ladies, please forget that you have a sex drive" »

Talk about a grand marketing plan!

Last weekend, Love magazine, run by former Pop! Magazine Editor (and fashion industry icon) Katie Grand, started releasing their Issue #3 covers. The nude shots of Lara Stone, Kristen McMenamy, Daria Werbowy and Jeneil Williams were let loose on the internet, and didn’t the bloggers have a field day.

I blogged about it. I got emails from friends to blog about it. I saw it on at least three other websites all marvelling over how we were getting to see these girls practically in their birthday suits. Fashion blogging land was in an excitable hoo hah. Naked supermodel? You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve never seen that before.

Continue reading "The logical end of fashion - naked clothes horses" »

We all know that sex sells. Some of the earliest tobacco advertising featured stylised drawings of starlets inserted in cigarette packs.

Sexy images of women are used to sell everything, from cars to spring water to internet access.Many such ads are targeted at men, but ads for products aimed at women are often similar.

Not only are sexually provocative images of women used to advertise, but they are routinely featured on television, music video clips, movies and even toys.  While adults are better equipped to deal with the bombardment of sexualised content, we need to stop to consider the impact it has on children.

Continue reading "Why should children be exposed to videos like this?" »

Tony Abbott is perfectly entitled to his view as an individual - and as the father of three teenage girls - as to whether women should have sex before they are married.

But as the alternative prime minister, the danger for Abbott is that any airing of his private views will sound like a generalised public call for the women of Australia to keep themselves nice.

This is exactly what has happened – not just with the predictable attacks from sworn enemies such as Julia Gillard, but across blog sites and the twittersphere from politically ambivalent women have interpreted Abbott’s statement as an unwelcome free lecture.

Continue reading "Tony’s virginity troubles and the danger of being honest" »

I’m going to confess straight up to having little to zero interest in the underwear choices of Venus Williams.

Yet in recent days her flesh coloured shorts have become a story in sport in themselves and sent twitter abuzz with is she or isn’t she wearing underpants debates.

Perhaps this isn’t so shocking, Maria Sharapova’s green “frocklet” (I kid you not- apparently there is indeed such a thing), got its own press conference launch and then we saw precious column space designated to the diamond earring and necklace choices of Serena Williams, (which she liked “because it had lots of S’s in the design”, and we can all respect that).

Continue reading "Treating women’s sport like a trivial fashion contest" »

Anyone who enjoys making out with inanimate objects will be thrilled by the news that an American inventor has manufactured a life-size female sex robot called Roxxxy, equipped with flesh-like skin, a smattering of playful conversation, a busty chest and an insatiable appetite for getting it on.

More exciting though is the promise that Roxxxy will soon be followed a by a male sex doll who will replicate the characteristics of a real guy.

Ideas man Douglas Hines unveiled Roxxxy at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas on Saturday. ‘‘She can’t vacuum, she can’t cook, but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean,’’ he said, which may have been a nudge-nudge reference to her ability to knit, juggle and perform long division.

Continue reading "With Roxxxy complete, a sex doll that acts like a real man" »

WHILE the world has been stewing over greenhouse gases and the impact of climate change at Copenhagen, the steamy affairs of Tiger Woods have been fogging up computer screens as every day more details of his antics off the green are revealed.

Since being hurt in a mystery car crash just over two weeks ago, the golf superstar’s torrid string of girlfriends has provided a steady diet of sex and athletic prowess to tantalise readers more than any Mills and Boon novel.

What has been just as fascinating is how Tiger’s reported extra-curricular activities have polarised comments on online news sites. The saga appears to have triggered a gender divide among many readers.

Continue reading "Men and women on Tiger Woods" »

Enough with Tiger’s mistresses and their predictable push-up bras and mini skirts. Give me Mrs Woods!

While others have been marvelling at The Big T’s ability to juggle so many, many, many extra marital affairs, I’ve been sweating on what Elin is going to wear at her first public appearance.

After all, it’s The Wife’s post-scandal outfit that sets the post-scandal agenda. It lets the world know exactly what kind of woman she is. Wants to be. Will be. At least in the press.

Continue reading "Fashion for the jilted: the post-adultery dress" »

Denials do not get any more categorical or absolute than this - and as of his press conference an hour ago, Mike Rann is being hailed as Adelaide’s own Bill Clinton after looking straight into the camera and declaring that he did not have sexual relations with that woman.

But unlike Clinton’s twitchy and unconvincing handling of the Monica Lewinsky allegations, Rann came out all guns blazing, specifically denying key aspects of the bombshell interview by his former friend and parliamentary barmaid Michelle Chantelois, hammering the fact that she was paid bucketloads of cash to sell her story, and declaring that he will sue both Channel Seven and New Idea for peddling allegations which he says are categorically false.

Rann also seized on the fact that Channel Seven got a key part of its story wrong, in falsely asserting that Chantelois’s estranged husband Rick Phillips had not been charged with assault after he punched the Premier in the face with a rolled-up magazine in a chance encounter at the Adelaide Wine Centre last month.

Continue reading "Rann’s emphatic sex denial might not end this affair" »

Update 1.20pm AEDT: Rann is due to speak to the media at 2.30pm AEDT today. Passing waiting journalists heading into a cabinet meeting earlier he refused to deny outright having sex with Chantelois.

Today could decide the career of Australia’s most popular premier and Punch contributor Mike Rann. “It is disappointing and distressing that a friendship I had with Michelle Chantelois more than four years ago has become the subject of such sensationalised publicity,” the SA Premier said this morning. There’s more from his statement over the jump.

The publicity, which you may have caught, was the airing last night of a detailed account of an affair that former parliamentary barmaid Michelle Chantelois claims to have had with Rann. She claims it involved sex on the premier’s desk and clandestine trips to a golf course for romps in the dark. The trouble for Rann is that he has been insisting there was never any sex.

As one senior Labor figure said: “At the end of the day, she has either made the whole thing up or he’s lying.”

Continue reading "The Mike Rann sex scandal: is it a sacking offence?" »

ALMOST 70 per cent of men say that a woman’s face is much more important than her breasts, legs or figure, a Punch survey of male attitudes on female body image has found.

And almost two-thirds of men believe that women spend far too much time worrying about their appearance, and should spend less time fretting about what men think - because you are all much hotter than you think you are.

The Punch has today assembled this special package of pieces about female body image through the eyes of blokes. Much of it is framed around our 100-man survey, but also includes columnist Joe Hildebrand talking about his love of fat chicks and former Zoo Weekly online editor Chris Deal’s essay on why men are as dumb as you probably suspect they are.

Continue reading "Guys talk about female body image" »

Are you gonna take me home tonight? 
Ah down beside that red firelight? 
Are you gonna let it all hang out? 
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round. - Queen, 1978

My name’s Joe Hildebrand and I like fat chicks.* My best friend Byron likes fat chicks. My other best friend Matt likes fat chicks. My other best friend Darrin is actually fat himself. Even Queen likes fat chicks, and they’re all gay.

Yet fat chicks seem to think that nobody likes them at all.

Continue reading "Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round" »

A little known fact I like to trot out at feminist rallies and family gatherings is that I use to work for the esteemed gentlemen’s periodical, Zoo Weekly magazine. Officially my title was Online Editor, but unofficially it was You Tube surfer and talker to the hottest chicks planet earth has ever produced.

Sadly my tenure at the Encyclopaedia Tit-tanica was brief, and a decision that to the male ego sounds like the frothy rantings of a mad man. In bloke-speak the phrase “I quit a job at Zoo Weekly” roughly translates to “I’m a frightful shirtlifter, pass the amyl and pump up the Right Said Fred”.

But after I’ve stopped trying to use my penis for a brain, not only is the fleshy mirage of life at a lad’s mag revealed, but so too are a few finer points of the deluded male mind.

Continue reading "Men: we really are as dumb as you think" »

These are the raw numbers for the female body image survey.

1. Which of these physical qualities do you value most highly in a woman?

A.) Pretty face 68
B.) Great breasts 8
C.) Nice legs 8
D.) Perfect fat-free figure 16

Continue reading "This girl looks normal: The 100 man body image survey" »

Only the other night gazing out at the opera house from Quay restaurant in Sydney I had the good fortune to sit at dinner with the new, improved, much, much larger than life Matt Preston. Not only was I subject to his advice on all things Myf Warhurst, his pony skin R.M. Williams boots and dressing-up box chic but his stagey sexy looks.

The look that stuck in my mind is when his sultry eyes gaze towards what should be a camera and while he sucked A-list chocolate off his index finger. What I can only imagine is a lot of practice in the mirror had paid off. Although I can’t say the earth moved for me, Matt later may have retired for a cigarette.

And it made me realise how we got to this point that food isn’t food on TV without some sort of sexual imagery. Two decades (and more) ago food writing and TV was left to the stuffy, recipe writers and cookbook authors, dry enough to pucker the mouth up like a plain Carrs Water biscuit.

Continue reading "Finger-licking good: a brief history of food sex" »

Is it possible to write a column questioning the value of monogamy without having your head shaved and being dragged to a public stoning hosted by right wing columnists? Guess I’m about to find out.

In the wake of the Della Bosca fiasco I’ve been thinking a lot about why we’re so obsessed with sexual fidelity.

.

From a rational point of view it’s clearly ridiculous to stake our life partnerships on something as unpredictable and unbiddable

Continue reading "Does cheating still matter?" »

If Mr Sarkozy does not sack the French Culture Minister, Frederic Mitterrand, the international community should impose a travel ban on the Minister, tout de suite.

Mitterrand has reportedly confessed to what he euphemistically describes as “offences against the idea of human dignity” – which is French, it seems, for having sex with young prostitutes in Asia. Part of his defence is that such offences are ‘commonplace’.

Apparently the more commonplace an obviously objectionable practice, the less it has to do with morality.

Continue reading "The frog and the tadpoles: ban this man from travel" »

Do you remember the choose your own ending tales of your childhood? Well, I hope so, because this is a choose-your-own beginning kind of opinion piece, and trust me, no one’s going to choose the beginning that it is meant to go with it.

Beginning one would start with “My good friend’s boyfriend has not gotten laid in four weeks” and everyone would feel sorry for him. But they’d tell him to hang in there and go with it, because four weeks is not so long and maybe there’s a dry spell hovering over the relationship that a little holiday in the Hunter couldn’t fix.

Suppose this article opened with beginning two, where I’d say “My good friend’s boyfriend has not gotten laid in four months”, and everyone would be horrified and encourage him to leave, or go elsewhere for that physical part of life that everyone is entitled to but he is clearly lacking.

But beginning number three goes against all modern social norms and it’s the one I’m going with:

Continue reading "Believe it or not, fidelity is still in fashion" »

Another highly instructive sex survey has been released out of Britain.

According to a world-wide survey of 15,000 women, Germans are the worst lovers with Englishman, Swedes, Dutch and Americans rounding off the worst five. Spanish, Brazilians, Italians and French were rated the best in bed, with Australians rated the seventh best.

By my reckoning to have participated in this survey a woman would have had to have slept with at least one man from every country assessed.

Continue reading "How much sex can these women possibly be having?" »

“Sex: Does It Affect Performance?” - the question that gave rise to the immortal response from former test cricketer Merv Hughes: “How would I know?”

The same could be said about our political parties until today, with the release of the Punch’s groundbreaking survey into the links between voting intention and personal relationships.

It finds Labor voters are more likely to value a partner who is a “good lover”, while Liberal voters seek a companion who is “kind and considerate”. Meanwhile Greens just want someone to laugh with/at. As for the swingers? Like name, like nature.

Continue reading "What your sex life says about your voting habits" »

If you don’t live in NSW it’s hard to know where to start this story. But better to be explaining it in a comment piece than in a private conversation with your wife, Belinda Neal, as to how you came to wreck your political career and possibly your marriage by having a six-month affair with a 26-year-old woman.

That’s the situation which ALP factional giant, would-be NSW Premier and married father of two John Della Bosca finds himself in today - quitting as minister last night after admitting that he had started a relationship with a woman more than 20 years his junior.

Della Bosca’s spectacular fall confirms the standing of the NSW Labor Government as a cross between the last days of Rome, and Melrose Place for political hacks.

Continue reading "Della’s sex shame: NSW Labor is now Melrose Place" »

This is Vanessa Hudgens, one of the teen stars to come out of Disney’s insanely successful High School Musical trilogy.

She’s also the girlfriend of the most lusted after young male star in the world, Zac Efron (he even eclipses Twilight’s Robert Pattinson as the love object du jour), is currently starring in a successful new movie, Bandslam, has a coveted cosmetics contract with Neutrogena and … she has just come through another nude photo scandal.

Yes, another nude photo scandal. Great achievement, non? All by the ripe old age of 20.

Continue reading "Sexifying young Hollywood" »

Last week at a lunch to console a newly-divorced friend, I decided to lighten her terror at being “the only single woman left on the planet” and relate an interesting new statistic.

“A recent study in the UK found that in 20 years, one in five women currently in their twenties will never have married and will live alone. See, there’ll be millions like us!” I said cheerily.

Looking at my girlfriend’s face, it became apparent she was not quite as enthralled by this statistical tidbit as me. In fact, judging by her open-mouth stare, anyone would think I had just disembowelled a baby panda and was about to start on a litter of puppies.

Continue reading "Millions of happy single people can’t be wrong" »

Oh. No. Really. Won’t someone please mop the tears of unreserved mirth? Apparently, Women Love Shoes! And Men Just Don’t Know What To Do With a Vacuum Cleaner! Oh, hahaha, the difference between the sexes. They’re just so funny because they’re just so true.

Jokes about the location of the clitoris or the importance of the shed are every bit as progressive and useful as beta-video. Equally acquainted with the pleasures of both, I’ve never understood the merit of these gags. 

Perhaps this is because I am a mannish girl.  Or perhaps it is because jokes about the “Gender Wars” have their place.  Viz. only on disgraced Austereo breakfast programs or in forwarded emails sent by my father-in-law.

Continue reading "The lame world of men-versus-women humour" »

There are currently some 700,000 university students in Australia, which I would estimate represents 145,478 cases of Chlamydia, 49,678 one-night stands and 4,567,099 packets of instant noodles consumed in the last calender year.

We have institutions aplenty (39 at last count) which are excellent at pumping out graduates who have gained little beyond a vague understanding of post-structuralism and an impressive repertoire of drinking games involving Sambucca.

But Julia Gillard thinks we need even more university students: 300,000 more to be precise. All part of the Education Minister‘s plans to give the higher education system a bit of a face lift.

Continue reading "Tune in, drop out, get drunk, become a hairdresser" »

Women of the world, don’t be fooled. Men can multitask – if they have powerful jobs and are not expected to be faithful.

Silvio Berlusconi, Mark Sanford, Gordon Ramsay and Eliot Spitzer are all superb multi-taskers who check all of these boxes:

Big time job, tick

In the public eye, tick.

Gaining considerable fortunes, tick.

Discovered to be having extra-marital affairs, tick. In some cases, tick tick tick.

Continue reading "Men can multi-task just fine ... in the bedroom" »

Nothing screams erectile dysfunction as loudly as a diamond encrusted Rolex.

In my vast experience of travelling the globe, participating in royal activities, grand soirees, and through my exposure to the well heeled, I have come to the conclusion that it takes a certain type of man to sport a watch the value of which would feed several villages in the Sudan for years. As well, one would perhaps think that in light of the Global Financial Cock-up, those with fat wallets pillaged from haemorrhaging shareholders would catch on that discretion is the better part of valour – or at least, prudent during our Bernie Madoff days.

But these men are of a sad, and certain age, needy of ego and (I suspect) with erections propped up by Viagra and carbon based stones. Some have emerged from communist China with newly found capitalist bank accounts and they want everyone to know it. Occasionally, they are Hip Hop gangsta rappers who believe that extra bling will function as a light source if ever marooned in the wilderness. Certain Queensland property developers have also been known to sport the links of time & tack, co-coordinating their ensembles with white shoes.

Continue reading "An open letter to men with fast cars and fancy watches" »

Basic Greek tendencies dating back to the ancient Athenians have never left politics - not for a second. We invented Democracy - δημοκρατια means “people” and “force” or “power” -  and although that was a major positive, it’s become apparent that a life-long commitment to a variety of Greek concepts continues to plague Australian politics.

The Greeks have many contradictions - I suppose that’s what makes us so unique. History has been both kind and cruel to us. We gave birth to brilliant minds that came up with ideas that have enabled us to be more civilized, to have rights and to have a voice.

The contradiction here lies in the fact that those same brilliant Athenians drifted into departments that were pioneering in a way that more prudish cultures might consider shameful. But let’s not open that can of feta. God, no. Back to the politics of today.

Continue reading "In your dreams: sex siren’s brush with very liberal Greek" »

If one’s face can’t register an orgasm, is the climax still as good?

Startling as it may seem, I feel liberated by the decay of beauty.  It’s a bold statement, but in this era, when the glorification of all that is youthful is paramount, I hope that I look like the mother of my eldest daughter, (who for the record is almost 24,) and not at all like her sister. I don’t want to be in competition with her, or my younger girl, who is only eight. I want them to take up the mantle of their own prime years and have me cheering them on from the proper place - as the more senior female of the clan.

Our society so abhors the discussion of ageing and death, that we have embraced a whole new industry of psychological touchstones involving chemicals and knives and a race to look 10 years younger in 10 days. I don’t castigate or object to anyone making personal choices regarding cosmetic procedures, nor do I rule them out for myself if I feel I want them. But I am concerned that so many of my friends, acquaintances and even other people in the media are beginning to relinquish their unique expressions of emotion and life experience at the point of a needle.

Continue reading "Cosmetic work can make you mistake chit-chat for orgasm" »

Apart from the kerfuffle it caused in Brisbane last week, the nation may have missed a rugby league scandal that makes Cronulla’s woes look as shocking as a Phil Spector wig.

In fact it was less a rugby league scandal and more the culmination of years of a war on the interaction of the sexes in the workplace.

Poor Joel Clinton, the Broncos frontrower, was fined $50,000 for inviting a friend to his room the night before the match against the Tigers recently. That friend happened to be a woman.

And? And nothing That’s it, that’s all he did.

Continue reading "Wowser watch: battle of sexes skewed against men" »

If you do have a 12-year-old daughter you probably already know that Lily Allen is touring here at the moment. They’ve probably begged you to let them go to the concert - and you may have relented.

I’ll be there on Tuesday night with a bunch of 14-year-olds who are much cooler than I was when I was their age, and I’m really looking forward to it. Allen is very entertaining, her melodies are infectious, and she even manages to infuse some her her tunes with the kind of lessons you want young girls to learn (see above video of the very clever The Fear).

But there will be five minutes during the concert when I’ll be cringing in the corner as I look around at a room full of gorgeous young girls, who no doubt know every word of Allen’s latest single Not Fair and will be singing along with gusto. Believe me, if you’re little one is an Allen fan you probably don’t want to know the lyrics.

Continue reading "Shut your eyes if you have a 12-year-old daughter" »

It’s a shame to dredge up more dreck about this drongo but it seems the fallout from the Matty Johns saga has at last done the rounds.

We’re in the middle of a sexual etiquette renaissance.

HR seminars at businesses across the country are in overdrive, Sex-Ed classes at schools have ramped up just to remind everyone: “Hey guys BTW it’s not cool to sexually assault people… Cheers Thanks.”

Continue reading "Cover your humps in lycra to keep the boys at bay" »

There’s an extraordinary piece of journalism in today’s Daily Telegraph by “Coogee Cougar” Charmyne Palavi where she takes more positions than the Kama Sutra on the questions of sex and consent.

Palavi, who among other things has blown the whistle on the sub-culture of predatory women bedding sports stars as “scalps”, shot to prominence last week with her morally ambivalent star turn in the Four Corners report on the Matthew Johns sex scandal.

In today’s Tele Palavi speaks of her disappointment that many of her apparently positive experiences have been sullied by the white-hot debate over the Johns affair. She introduces a handy new term to the sexual lexicon - the concept of “mostly consensual” sex.

Continue reading "Sex-mad league bimbo takes women down dud route" »