I’d just started Year 7, I’d come home from school and had just eaten dinner when my Dad asked me if we could have a chat. I sat down with him in the lounge room and he started talking.
Neither of us can remember the words he used to broach The Talk with me, but we can both remember my reaction.
“Daaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!! I know! No, I know! No, I-know-shut-up-I-know!”. The conversation was over before it had even begun.
One reason I reacted that way was because I was a know-it-all brat. Another was that I, and most of the kids I knew, had successfully figured out what sex was by then. If not from friends, Google or Friends, then from the awkward sex ed documentaries shown to my Year 5 class about the noble quest of a humble cartoon sperm.
However, I also might’ve reacted that way because The Talk is an outdated concept.
Labor for Life may sound like a North Korean punishment but it is, in fact, a fringe group that apparently departs quite radically from Labor policy.
They want to see an ‘end’ to abortion, a position which is closer to that of the Australian Christian Lobby (the ACL has endorsed them in a newsletter) than those of the Liberal or Labor Party.
On their Facebook site, they take what could be a sly dig at Opposition Leader Tony Abbott’s view that abortion should be “safe, legal and rare” with links to a poster that reads: “Anti-abolitionists of the 19th Century said they just wanted to keep slavery ‘safe, legal and rare’.”
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There were six of us and we were around 10 years old. We had come together for Alice’s birthday and pretty much left to our own devices.
It was Alice’s idea to go to their attic. Attics were something the Secret Seven might explore - they did not exist in the houses I frequented. So Alice had already scored points with this plan. Little did I know the experiential gold that awaited.
Safely up the ladder, we clustered around her to see the reason for our ascent. There, in several old filing boxes, was at least a decade’s worth of Playboy, carefully stored away by Alice’s taciturn father.
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As a parent, there is always that one question from your child that you struggle to answer. I never would have predicted the one that finally stumped me when it was asked by my 4-year-old son.
With both of his Italian grandparents in the car, he asked me innocently and loudly - “Dad, how do you make your sex last longer?”.
I fumbled the answer, mumbling: “We will talk about it when you are older”. The conversation moved on quickly. The embarrassment for me lasted a little longer.
Oh god, it all could have been so different; for the 17-year-old girl; for the AFL; for the St Kilda footballers; for Ricky Nixon; for an enthralled, outraged public - if only she had known how to say one word- ‘no’.
Watching the AFL nude scandal girl’s 60 Minutes interview on Sunday it became startlingly clear that this whole sad affair could have been averted if she had known how to extricate herself from a footballer’s Sydney hotel room last year.
“I guess as soon as I walked into that hotel room I though ‘Oh no, this is bad, I don’t know how to get out of this situation’” she told an ever- nodding Liz Hayes.
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All those people who think sex is just about procreation must be doing it wrong.
Every time a conservative talks about outlawing abortion, or making terminations harder to get, the background message is that sex is dirty and evil and the sinners must bear the consequences.
Because they are never simultaneously arguing for better sex education, or improved access to contraception. They either ignore how the pregnancy happened in the first place, or talk about abstinence.
That this medieval Catholic view of the world persists is startling.
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Good morning readers. Look at me please. Eyes to the front. Andrew Bolt please bring whatever you’re playing with under that desk and put it on my table.
Thank you Andrew. Everyone settled?
Excellent. Today we’re going to learn about why it’s impossible to introduce a rational sex education curriculum into our 21st century schooling system.