Royalty

Alexander Downer has a disturbing lack of faith in Australia and Australians. How else to explain his column in The Advertiser where he appeared to suggest without the good graces of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II Australia would slip into some sort of blood-soaked revolution.

Mr Downer invoked the situation in Libya, mentioned the horrors of the Russian Revolution and even the French Revolution then pondered why our nation is “quiet, placid, peaceful Australia”.

His conclusion? The Queen.

Continue reading "The Queen is not the glue holding Australia together" »

Who in their right mind would want to be a Princess? In the last week, the royal bride lark has well and truly lost its fairytale sparkle.

Charlene Wittstock’s real-life Princess story came close to coming off the rails when, in the days leading up to her and Prince Albert of Monaco’s $75 million three-day wedding, she reportedly tried to do a runner.

At the eleventh hour, the bride was caught at the airport in Nice, trying to flee to her native South Africa, on a one-way ticket in order to escape her royal fate.

Continue reading "Once upon a time, being a princess didn’t suck so much" »

What a month it’s been for our Royal Family. Yesterday we pretended to celebrate the Queen’s Birthday, even though it’s not actually her birthday at all. Despite having a perfectly functional and distinctly Australian honours system on January 26, in keeping with tradition we again used the Queen’s pretend birthday to recognise those Australians who have given of themselves to the community.

While their efforts should be recognised, it seems quaint that this recognition is still linked to old concepts of Empire which our new system of publicly-elected honours recipients sought to phase out some 34 years ago.

On Friday, the Duke of Edinburgh turned 90, granting a rare interview to the BBC to observe the occasion. Prince Philip said that as he entered his 10th decade on earth he now intended to shift things down a gear. “I reckon I’ve done my bit,” he said, without elaborating as to what his “bit” actually was, unless you count making off-colour remarks to dusky chaps in the former colonies as a form of employment.

Continue reading "Long to reign over us: our immovable Royals" »

Well our local monarchists have worked themselves into a royal frenzy and the hyperbole is coming thick and fast - so let me try to help them get a few things into perspective.

William and his brother Harry - thanks to their gorgeous mother Diana - are the only really normal members of the world’s most dysfunctional family.

Granny Queen is locked into yesterday with her appallingly rude and insensitive husband.

Continue reading "Wills’ visit proves he’s more celebrity than statesman" »

The arrival of young Willie Windsor in the Antipodes has brought renewed attention to the white elephant sitting in Australia’s lounge-room.

The republic has stirred, goaded by the media frenzy surrounding the Prince and the cheap point-scoring by monarchists heralding Willie as the man to save them from well-deserved irreverence.

It is nice to see him out there in Redfern, a slight change of pace from the official welcoming at Admiralty House. It is nice to see him mixing with the kids at Kirribili for lunch (Michael Clarke’s timely ton just snuck him onto the list).

Continue reading "Don’t be distracted by the balding royal" »

It’s time we shooed off our Royal parasites. I don’t want the Queen as Australia’s head of state, and nor do I want her untrustworthy, dysfunctional, self-serving family of heartless opportunists to have any say in our future.

For too long this racist, sexist and unworthy institution populated by dangerously inbred Europeans has arrogantly wielded power it does not deserve – just last week it was revealed the next King of Australia campaigned against the Coalition of the Willing and sarcastically abused “his” Prime Minister, Tony Blair.

Prince Charles son, His Royal Highness Prince William Arthur Philip Louis of Wales, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter may be a more pleasant chap – and he may not - and, at least by royal standards, he is quite well educated.

Continue reading "Dysfunctional royal weirdos have no place in Australia" »

Dear oh dear – the Queen of Australia and her other realms and territories beyond the seas – is very angry. She’s sick and tired of the paparazzi lurking behind the clipped hedges at Sandringham – her multi million pounds holiday house in Scotland – taking pictures of the rollicking royals on their Christmas break.

So angry is the Australian head of state, she’s threatening to invoke laws if any of the snappers are caught in the royal grounds – there’s nothing she can do if they stay outside the castle’s fences so the guess is ladders will be the orders of the day.

What the Queen fails to understand is that she, along with the other members of her family are nothing more or nothing less than paid public servants.

Continue reading "Memo, ma’am: The royal family belongs to us" »

Harry M Miller’s revelation that Prince Charles wondered why Australia remained a constitutional monarchy will come as no surprise to those of us who have been reporting on and watching the British royals for some time.

If there’s one thing that senior members of the royal family detest it’s the fawning and groveling of those they meet, and Australia heads the list of major offenders in that department.

As an example, some years ago the Queen decided that the last century habit of women dropping a curtsy was no longer necessary but the individuals could continue to bend the knee if it made them happy.

Continue reading "If our next King thinks we should be a republic, then…" »

The next time the London Philharmonic Orchestra tours Australia, will somebody please tell the conductor that the playing of God Save the Queen is just not on and certainly not before the National Anthem of Australia is played.

There’s some mad theory around that the British anthem was played because the Duke of Kent was in the audience.

The Duke of who? There wouldn’t be many Australians who have ever heard of him and to put those who haven’t out of their collective miseries here’s who he is:  he’s Prince Edward , a cousin of the Queen’s and is in the first 20 in line to the English throne.

Continue reading "Let us never speak of this unfortunate incident again" »

Dear Kate Middleton, Get a life. A job would be a good start.

Thing is, your boyfriend’s grandmother, the one with the penchant for corgis and who instills fear in the hearts of pheasants everywhere, has spelt out the riot act. Her Maj reckons that to be a future Queen of the people, you first need to be a working girl.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the UK’s Mail on Sunday has reported that “The Queen is keen that the monarchy should lead by example and that the princes and their girlfriends should all be seen to be hard workers.” This well-placed Palace peep went on to add “The Queen has made it known that she feels Kate should get involved with a charity, possibly an animal charity”. Labradors of the UK watch out.

Continue reading "Waity Katie needs to get a life" »