Queen Elizabeth

Alexander Downer has a disturbing lack of faith in Australia and Australians. How else to explain his column in The Advertiser where he appeared to suggest without the good graces of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II Australia would slip into some sort of blood-soaked revolution.

Mr Downer invoked the situation in Libya, mentioned the horrors of the Russian Revolution and even the French Revolution then pondered why our nation is “quiet, placid, peaceful Australia”.

His conclusion? The Queen.

Continue reading "The Queen is not the glue holding Australia together" »

We now know courtesy of the Queen’s meeting with horseracing king Bart Cummings that Her Majesty is not much of a punter. Were she so inclined, the Queen could do worse than wagering a lazy fiver on the chances of the British Royal Family seeing off any renewed push by Australian Republicans for constitutional change.

I write this as a republican of the most common kind; the do-nothing kind, the kind who is slightly irritated that we had our chance at constitutional change and blew it, but doesn’t care enough to do anything about revisiting the issue.

The two things which jarred with me most about the republican push in Australia were the ineffective tactics used to market constitutional change, with the yes vote spearheaded by two of our worst prime ministers, the economically incompetent Gough Whitlam and the do-nothing Malcolm Fraser, and the overblown claims as to the impact any change would have on our national psyche, as if we are somehow a weak and insipid nation for being a constitutional monarchy.

Continue reading "Long to reign over us: royals have the edge on republicans" »

Tired of scrutinising slow-mo footage of suspicious ripples in Beyonce’s baby bump, I’m pleased to announce that we’re free to analyse another equally significant, universe-buckling event.

The Prime Minister didn’t curtsy to the Queen. No. I don’t think you understand. PRIME MINISTER. DIDN’T CURTSY. QUEEN. Surprisingly the police weren’t called, but the indignant tutting of monarchists could be heard from space, much like the Governor General’s outfit.

See, ‘curtsy’ is an abbreviation of the word ‘courtesy’. Well, it probably is – I leave that kind of research to proper journalists. They sound similar though, and that can’t be a coincidence, right? It’s similar to the way that ‘Negus’ is short for ‘Never Give Up Sixty Minutes’, in that I made it up just then.

Continue reading "Gillard should have bobbed. It’s just common curtsy" »

Her Majesty will be warmly and enthusiastically welcomed today because it is always a grand occasion when Australia’s head of state is actually on Australian soil.

Rare, but grand nevertheless. Mind you, she is only here because of next week’s Commonwealth summit in Perth.

We outsoure the pinnacle position in our democratic structure but the woman herself is splendidly separate from that awkward constitutional arrangement. She is special.

Continue reading "One shall make a swift visit to one’s colony" »

He’s finally done it. After nine years together, approximately 76 fascinators and most of Will’s head of hair, the second in line to the throne has managed to get down on bended knee and give his long-time girlfriend one hell of a sparkler (12 carats in fact).

It propels Kate Middleton, long the fodder of the voracious paparazzi pack and Hello! devotees, well and truly into the global spotlight.

And it is today that the work really begins for Catherine Middleton. She faces perhaps the most daunting and dramatic transformations, to somehow deftly emerge from the shadow of one the most iconic, albeit neurotic, personalities of the 20th century.

Continue reading "Can Kate save the English Royal family?" »

Bob Hawke has nit the nail on the head – he’s called for a referendum on the issue of a republic and suggests the voters should be asked one simple question: do they want a change to the constitution after the Queen dies?

Hawkie is right – dead right, but why wait until the 84 year old Queen of England goes to that other throne on the sky. Her mother’s family is known for its longevity – she could last another ten to fifteen years; which would put Charles (that’s if he outlives his mum) well into his 70’s and more removed in relevance to Australia than ever, and young William would be coming up to forty and we can only hope by then he’s come to realize that he didn’t want the job anyway.

It was interesting that the subject raised by Hawke came up in the week of the foreign monarch’s 84th birthday which went totally unnoticed except for – wait for it - David Flint, the blue rinse set from Sydney’s North Shore and members of the Flat Earth Society.

Continue reading "Republic shouldn’t rest in peace until the Queen does" »

Summer in London is all about Wimbledon and Pimms and illegal Hyde Park swims.

It’s cricket, it’s walks by the Thames and musings about the weather … oh yeah and it’s the odd invitation to take tea with the Queen in the gardens of Buckingham Palace, in a gentile setting that dates back to 1609.

In what is akin to finding a gold wrapper to Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, an invitation to the royal soiree is indeed one’s highlight of one’s social calendar.

I don’t know Lord Chamberlain personally, but I reckon he’s probably a top bloke.

It might have been my name (after all Charlie found a gold wrapper) but the heavy card invitation mailed to my home read: “The Lord Chamberlain is commanded by Her Majesty to invite Mr and Mrs Charles Miranda Esq to a Garden Party at Buckingham Palace.”

Up you go son ! Very exciting.

Continue reading "I don’t mean to be a Queen but I haven’t a thing to wear" »