Monarchy

Pop quiz – name an AC (Companion of the Order of Australia). Quick! Nice try but probably no cigar.

At the risk of putting two and two together and coming up with 147, The Punch detects (speculates wildly) the time might be ripe for a swing back to the days of Sirs and Dames.

Perhaps it’s John Howard’s induction into the Order of Merit or the fact the Queen finished 2011 with a grin as wide as the Empire of old.

Continue reading "Arise Sir John? Who dares bring back the knighthood" »

Alexander Downer has a disturbing lack of faith in Australia and Australians. How else to explain his column in The Advertiser where he appeared to suggest without the good graces of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II Australia would slip into some sort of blood-soaked revolution.

Mr Downer invoked the situation in Libya, mentioned the horrors of the Russian Revolution and even the French Revolution then pondered why our nation is “quiet, placid, peaceful Australia”.

His conclusion? The Queen.

Continue reading "The Queen is not the glue holding Australia together" »

Her Majesty will be warmly and enthusiastically welcomed today because it is always a grand occasion when Australia’s head of state is actually on Australian soil.

Rare, but grand nevertheless. Mind you, she is only here because of next week’s Commonwealth summit in Perth.

We outsoure the pinnacle position in our democratic structure but the woman herself is splendidly separate from that awkward constitutional arrangement. She is special.

Continue reading "One shall make a swift visit to one’s colony" »

What a month it’s been for our Royal Family. Yesterday we pretended to celebrate the Queen’s Birthday, even though it’s not actually her birthday at all. Despite having a perfectly functional and distinctly Australian honours system on January 26, in keeping with tradition we again used the Queen’s pretend birthday to recognise those Australians who have given of themselves to the community.

While their efforts should be recognised, it seems quaint that this recognition is still linked to old concepts of Empire which our new system of publicly-elected honours recipients sought to phase out some 34 years ago.

On Friday, the Duke of Edinburgh turned 90, granting a rare interview to the BBC to observe the occasion. Prince Philip said that as he entered his 10th decade on earth he now intended to shift things down a gear. “I reckon I’ve done my bit,” he said, without elaborating as to what his “bit” actually was, unless you count making off-colour remarks to dusky chaps in the former colonies as a form of employment.

Continue reading "Long to reign over us: our immovable Royals" »

It wasn’t hard to get into the pageantry and fun of the royal nuptials. We even made cupcakes with crowns for our token wedding celebration. Our westie mates turned up, resplendent in top hats, medals, even a wedding dress.

Food was anything English: Yorkshire pudding, trifle, cucumber sandwiches and a steak and kidney pie.

My husband rejoiced in his English connections, while I quoted our Constitution which grants the monarch certain governing powers, even above other governing levels.

Continue reading "Dust off your cucumber sandwiches, it’s time for a republic" »

This Easter the world seems full of believers. Religious and Royal.

Tomorrow, billions will celebrate the resurrection of their King, Jesus Christ. But this year, there’s another King-to-be who’s stealing the limelight.

Unless you’ve been hiding in a cave over the past few days (no offence, Jesus. Thank God for Mary Magdalene), you’d be well aware the wedding of the century is six sleeps away.

And with this wedding many hope there’ll be a resurrection of a different kind. The resurrection of the monarchy. There will be no heavy cross to carry. No rags. No bare feet. No beard. Quite the opposite. There will be carriages, horses with plaits, the Beckhams, trumpets and the world’s most celebrated modern couple – Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Continue reading "The King is dead. Long live the King!" »

The outpouring of saccharine dross about the upcoming Royal Marriage has thrown into sharp relief the spectacularly low expectations we have of Royals.

William and Kate are being feted as the saviours of the monarchy largely because they are not foolish, badly behaved muppets and are not an embarrassment to the institution and the country.

Indeed they seem like reasonably likeable, down-to-earth people considering their situation - keeping in mind that I am making a totally uninformed judgment here.

Continue reading "Kate and Will: Officially not complete muppets" »

When Prince Charles visited Australia in March, 2004, he boarded a large military helicopter in Canberra and flew to Gunning, a small town near Goulburn, NSW, where he spent the morning visiting some kind of organic farm. It made for a great story on ABC Radio’s Country Hour, but didn’t exactly resonate with the wider community.

Compare that to Prince William, whose tour de disaster zone this week has been an absolute tour de force. When necessary, Will has overstepped the bounds of protocol, hugging the commoners as the mood struck him. He was also professionally standoffish as required, most notably when he wisely declined to answer a bystander’s question about recalcitrant insurers.

It’s a gift, this business of playing the people’s royal. Will’s mother Diana had it. His father Charles doesn’t. And given that pretty much the only reason the royal family still exists is to pep up the public spirit, there’s only one conclusion – and that’s that William should be the next British Monarch.

Continue reading "The man who should be king" »

I emigrated here in 1987. As many as one million Irish had made the same trip before me and quite a few have since. Among them were convicts and radicals, priests and judges, nurses and nuns, saints and scholars.

I became a citizen in June, 1994, alongside 90 other Irish expats at the Hyde Park Barracks in Sydney – a building that how houses a beautiful monument to the Great Irish Famine. It was an emotional day. The significance of embracing a new citizenship was not lost on any of us. Irish and Australian songs were played and sung.

The Department of Immigration wondered why so many Irish had suddenly decided that they would become Australian citizens. It was not an impulse move. The Irish had waited patiently for Australia to change. Weeks earlier, the Labor government had gotten rid of a certain oath of allegiance to Queen Elizabeth, the English monarch. Now, almost 20 years later, we are waiting for Australia to change again.

Continue reading "It’s St Paddy’s Day: Bring on the republic!" »

Everyone take a breath. Kate Middleton, the princess in waiting, is not perfect.

Yes she’s pretty, yes she’s slim, yes she’s discreet and yes she’s just weeks from walking down the Abbey aisle with the man once branded the world’s most eligible bachelor. But Kate’s list of achievements ends there.

The clamour is on for the new Diana - someone who’s glamorous, a little bit tough and a whole lotta saint. Kate’s not your girl. Nor is she a good role model for the young women of Australia.

Continue reading "Our Kate. She can flip pancakes!" »

Has all this royal wedding talk made you think about Princess Diana? I know she was much-derided when she was alive – what with the nutty psychics, playing the paparazzi and preying on other women’s partners. But, come April 29, there’s going to be an empty seat at Westminster Abbey and, sappy as it sounds, I know that will make me sad.

Diana would have been 50 this year – a fabulous age to watch your first-born son marry the woman he loves. You can speculate all you like on how she might have stolen the show, but she was nothing if not an instinctive and affectionate mother.

What was fascinating about Diana was that both her life and death provoked a visceral response – not an intellectual one. Occasionally her actions made us think (her charity work for AIDS/landmines) but, more often, she made us feel. Struggling with the same problems as the rest of us – men, parenting, body image – she was like Julia Roberts’ character in Notting Hill: “I’m also just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”

Continue reading "There will be an empty seat at the royal wedding" »

It is always a bit shocking when nominal republicans, usually those in public life, suggest we should delay making Australia a truly independent nation. We understand why they do it – most politicians would probably much rather leave the republic issue in the too-hard basket – but still we find it quite perplexing.

An Australian republic, after all, is our Australian issue. It is about us as a nation, as a people. As such, we can and should grasp it whenever we summon the national will to do so. Can you seriously imagine a citizen of the USA agreeing to a foreign national serving as the Head of State of the USA? Or of a German agreeing to a French national being at the apex of their constitutional arrangements?

Either possibility is, of course, unimaginable. Unfortunately, this is precisely the situation we have here in Australia today. We calmly accept that the eldest son of an English / German aristocratic family, who must be a member of the Church of England, sits by birthright – without regard to accomplishment – at the top of our constitutional tree. It almost seems as if we agree with Prince Andrew who recently claimed that it was in the Windsor genes to lead. Do we really think that in egalitarian Australia? Of course not.

Continue reading "Why is Australia waiting for the Queen to die?" »

When I was in my first year of university I consented to attending some forum where politicians talk to young people about politics and spirituality. This was achieved through a combination of hassling by my parents, and an idea that I may be able to pick up some attractive young female leader type impressed with my attendance at such a deep thinking event.

Having entered the room and scanned through the earnest polar fleeced mini-lawyers, I quickly realised this was an asexual event more concerned with signing up for the Liberal or the Labor Right, and as such, planned to quietly head back down to the bar where the demarcation between male and female was more obvious and less sober. Unfortunately I was spotted by a friendly tutor who was happy one of his students had turned up, so I stuck around and we were introduced to that week’s guest speaker: Tony Abbott MP.

I can’t remember much of what was said, except for the fact that afterwards at dinner Tony and I got into an argument about the prospect of an Australian republic.

Continue reading "Admitting that you may be a monarchist is tough" »

It’s Tuesday Wednesday, and it’s the anniversary of QEII’s coronation. Meaning she’s been on the throne for 57 years.

How much longer? Punch on.

The octogenarian husband of the Australian head of state has done it again – he asked a young female sea cadet if she worked in a strip club! 

Known for his habit of putting both his feet in his mouth, the 88 year old Danish/Greek Prince Philip is saved this latest   gaffe for a young woman who devotes her spare time to naval training.

It would be bad enough if one of his sons made such a remark to a young woman but when a man of Philip’s age gets so out of hand it’s a sign he’s either in his dotage or he’s becoming a bit too dangerous to be let loose in public.

Continue reading "Royal palaces crumbling" »

Amid the continuing debate about our national identity and our constitutional arrangements, readers might be interested in this piece written this weekend for English newspaper The Mail on Sunday about our response to Prince William’s visit. It’s obviously written for an English audience, and it ended up being an embarrassingly positive piece where my republicanism almost abandoned me.

The last thing we need over here in Sydney is another cashed-up foreign interloper buying into the hyper-inflated property market to further jack up prices in the Harbour City.

But Prince Williams’ joking suggestion that he had so fallen in love with Sydney that he intends to buy a house here was not so much condemned as applauded.

Continue reading "How a likeable Prince undermined the republic" »

Don’t think for a moment that last week’s visit by Prince William was anything other than a stunt by the House of Windsor or, at the least, those whose survival depend on its.

Prince William was said to have been “mobbed” as he moved through Victorian country towns. The Beatles were mobbed. The future king was watched. “King of the kids” was the headline. You’ll get that during school holidays, and how fortunate was he to chance upon those?

We aren’t the only nation still constitutionally tied to the old colonial master – there a more than a dozen - but we are the jewel in the crown.

Continue reading "Counterpunch: Wills’ visit was a stunt and a farce" »

The last time I thought about an Australian republic was in 1999. I was 12 years old and too busy thinking about how hot Prince William was to really care about the republican movement.

Eleven years later, Prince William arrives in Australia. The only time I come into contact with the Royal Family is seeing Willy’s grandma on the $5 note and her head on all the Aussie coins. While I’m interested in the republic v monarchy debate, the dramas of the Royal Family appeals to me even more.

There was a time where the Royal Family were treated with near-universal respect. Now? The walls behind Buckingham Palace are producing scandals the writers of The Bold and the Beautiful wish they could come up with. The Queen must feel a twinge of nostalgia on the days where the family’s dirty laundry wasn’t aired to the press.

Continue reading "Young Australia’s choice: royal soap opera or republic" »

Well our local monarchists have worked themselves into a royal frenzy and the hyperbole is coming thick and fast - so let me try to help them get a few things into perspective.

William and his brother Harry - thanks to their gorgeous mother Diana - are the only really normal members of the world’s most dysfunctional family.

Granny Queen is locked into yesterday with her appallingly rude and insensitive husband.

Continue reading "Wills’ visit proves he’s more celebrity than statesman" »

The arrival of young Willie Windsor in the Antipodes has brought renewed attention to the white elephant sitting in Australia’s lounge-room.

The republic has stirred, goaded by the media frenzy surrounding the Prince and the cheap point-scoring by monarchists heralding Willie as the man to save them from well-deserved irreverence.

It is nice to see him out there in Redfern, a slight change of pace from the official welcoming at Admiralty House. It is nice to see him mixing with the kids at Kirribili for lunch (Michael Clarke’s timely ton just snuck him onto the list).

Continue reading "Don’t be distracted by the balding royal" »

It’s time we shooed off our Royal parasites. I don’t want the Queen as Australia’s head of state, and nor do I want her untrustworthy, dysfunctional, self-serving family of heartless opportunists to have any say in our future.

For too long this racist, sexist and unworthy institution populated by dangerously inbred Europeans has arrogantly wielded power it does not deserve – just last week it was revealed the next King of Australia campaigned against the Coalition of the Willing and sarcastically abused “his” Prime Minister, Tony Blair.

Prince Charles son, His Royal Highness Prince William Arthur Philip Louis of Wales, Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter may be a more pleasant chap – and he may not - and, at least by royal standards, he is quite well educated.

Continue reading "Dysfunctional royal weirdos have no place in Australia" »

AS soon as I can, probably within a couple of years, I hope to take the oath of Australian citizenship. It’s something I take seriously, not least because of the relief of finally being able to cast a vote on who gets to spend my taxes. But it will also place me in the naggingly uncomfortable position of being a citizen of a country whose head of state comes from a family with a long-standing tradition of doing cruel and unusual things to Irish people.

I use the word “naggingly” quite deliberately because despite my qualms about the British royals’ connections with lopping off Irish people’s heads and trying to wring the life out of Ireland’s language and sporting traditions, for some time I have been developing an increasing admiration for the Windsors. On balance I’m looking forward to having some ownership over the monarchy.

Prince William’s arrival this week compounds it. I’ve decided I’m jealous. I have crown envy.

Continue reading "Will could save the monarchy" »

Prince William’s coming visit seems to have resulted in the dramatic conversion of a republican celebrity. This is none other than the editor and media personality Ms. Ita Clare Buttrose AO OBE, who campaigned for the politicians’ republic during the 1999 referendum.

Readers of the Wentworth Courier, which circulates in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs, were surprised then by her harsh dismissal of the No case and indeed of constitutional monarchists.

Ms Buttrose was the founding editor of Cleo which, with its nude male centrefolds, was aimed at young single women. She later edited the more conservative Australian Women’s Weekly and the Daily and Sunday Telegraphs.

Continue reading "The Prince William effect: republican celebrity converts" »

Let me be the first to say it: surely the entire Australian cricket team must now be awarded honorary knighthoods, or at the very least some form of membership of the British Empire.

The series win against Pakistan matches the efforts of the 2005 Ashes-winning team. Every player in that England side was awarded the MBE (the captain getting the slightly more elevated OBE) and there are now calls for Paul Collingwood to be knighted after the England all-rounder saved the third Test against South Africa this week. 

Australia’s win at the SCG came too late for the Queen’s New Year’s Honours List, but there were many worthy recipients.

Continue reading "Arise Sir Ricky, Dame Pink and Lady Lady Gaga" »

Professor David Flint – the convenor of Australians for Constitutional Monarchy (ACM) – is on the march again and as usual he’s on his way back to yesterday.

He’s worked himself into right royal frenzy over the fact that the government New Zealand has restored titles – “sir” and “dame” – to its honours list and seems peeved that Kevin Rudd won’t follow suit.

Flint would know titles were expunged from the Australian honours system in 1986 – with the approval of the Queen.

Continue reading "Yes Sir? No Sir!" »

The secret is out – our next king; unless we come to our senses and become a Republic – will be William, not Charles!

That’s what one of the UK’s most respected newspapers has reported and it’s not journalistic hyperbole;  it’s from a secret document which reveals that the Queen will hand over a substantial part of hers and Prince Philip’s duties to their grandson, by-passing Prince Charles.

But that’s not all. The hapless British taxpayer will be asked to give William more money, and Harry as well, inpsite of the enormous income their father receives annually from the Duchy of Cornwall’s bottomless pit of money.

Continue reading "We’re getting William, whether we like it or not" »

Dear oh dear – the Queen of Australia and her other realms and territories beyond the seas – is very angry. She’s sick and tired of the paparazzi lurking behind the clipped hedges at Sandringham – her multi million pounds holiday house in Scotland – taking pictures of the rollicking royals on their Christmas break.

So angry is the Australian head of state, she’s threatening to invoke laws if any of the snappers are caught in the royal grounds – there’s nothing she can do if they stay outside the castle’s fences so the guess is ladders will be the orders of the day.

What the Queen fails to understand is that she, along with the other members of her family are nothing more or nothing less than paid public servants.

Continue reading "Memo, ma’am: The royal family belongs to us" »

For the past week or so we have been paid visits by two members of Britain’s royal family – Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex (5th in line to the throne) and his cousin Zara Phillips (12th in line).

Edward grabbed a few headlines by putting his foot in his mouth just like his father, the Duke of Edinburgh, has been doing for decades. He reckons some young Australians would be prepared to die while trying to win a Duke of Edinburgh Award. How Edward would know anything about the rough and tumble of Awards winning escapes most people.

He has been cocooned in wealth and privilege since birth; he quit the Royal Marines and opted for a life of acting instead and like most royals has never done real days work in his life.

Continue reading "Monarchists must fume at the invisible royals" »

The next time the London Philharmonic Orchestra tours Australia, will somebody please tell the conductor that the playing of God Save the Queen is just not on and certainly not before the National Anthem of Australia is played.

There’s some mad theory around that the British anthem was played because the Duke of Kent was in the audience.

The Duke of who? There wouldn’t be many Australians who have ever heard of him and to put those who haven’t out of their collective miseries here’s who he is:  he’s Prince Edward , a cousin of the Queen’s and is in the first 20 in line to the English throne.

Continue reading "Let us never speak of this unfortunate incident again" »

First, a confession: I love England. The Beatles and Radiohead are my two favourite bands, I daydream about watching Manchester United beat Liverpool at Old Trafford and I love washing down crumpets with a nice cup of tea as much as anyone.

However, in my role as the National Youth Convener of the Australian Republic Movement, I get to speak to a lot of young people about why Australia should become a republic and how our generation can make a big difference in making that goal a reality.

Unsurprisingly, most of the young people I speak to agree: it’s time for an Australian to be our head-of-state, not a foreign monarch who happened to be the first-born of the previous monarch.

Continue reading "It’s not you it’s me: why we should ditch the royals" »

I realise it is incredibly un-trendy to like the monarchy. Heck, sometimes I even wish that the French revolution had never taken place, if only for my personal amusement of watching England and France compete via the insecurities of their ruling leaders, as they did once upon a time.

Think of all the gowns; the pomp, drama and arrogance; and the lavish court parties that could have taken place, and, lest I forget, the option of eating cake when bread was not available.

But, personal amusement aside, watching The Young Victoria just reinstated how much I like having a queen on a throne, even if she’s technically not part of my country and much of a half world away.

Continue reading "Confessions of a young monarchist" »

Summer in London is all about Wimbledon and Pimms and illegal Hyde Park swims.

It’s cricket, it’s walks by the Thames and musings about the weather … oh yeah and it’s the odd invitation to take tea with the Queen in the gardens of Buckingham Palace, in a gentile setting that dates back to 1609.

In what is akin to finding a gold wrapper to Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, an invitation to the royal soiree is indeed one’s highlight of one’s social calendar.

I don’t know Lord Chamberlain personally, but I reckon he’s probably a top bloke.

It might have been my name (after all Charlie found a gold wrapper) but the heavy card invitation mailed to my home read: “The Lord Chamberlain is commanded by Her Majesty to invite Mr and Mrs Charles Miranda Esq to a Garden Party at Buckingham Palace.”

Up you go son ! Very exciting.

Continue reading "I don’t mean to be a Queen but I haven’t a thing to wear" »