Miranda Kerr barely gets any publicity, so you may have missed the fact that she was in Australia recently on a 10-day promotional tour.
Obviously I’m joking. If you somehow missed the Kerr-pocalypse that engulfed Australian media over the last two weeks you really must have been living under a rock. And even then you must have been diligent about ignoring the world, because I’m not entirely sure Kerr-related news wouldn’t have made it there too.
The 29-year-old Victoria’s Secret and David Jones supermodel was featured in and on practically every media outlet in the country during her trip here, blathering on about the companies that pay her lots of money to blather on about them. Watching Kerr blah blah about her organic skincare range yet again might be as boring as watching a banana take a nap, but she’s earning a wage, so good for her.
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Miranda Kerr claims to read affirmations every morning because they make her feel “more centred and inspired”. One such affirmation is “I came here to be me” which Kerr describes in her self-help book Treasure Yourself as giving herself permission to be authentic, self-expressed and unafraid to present her true self to the world.
It’s easy to be cynical about the quest for people to better their attitudes, especially when they are supermodels who appear on the surface to be perfect beings already. Surely Kerr should have no fear expressing herself? And can reading these statements make any difference?
Self-help often gets a bad rap. As a society, we agree that it’s good to improve our intellectual minds through traditional education. However, many people draw the line here and are unwilling to accept there’s any work required on our emotional selves.
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It’s no longer enough that the Beautiful People taunt us Mere Mortals with their poreless, flawless skin, their lack of bingo wings, their perfectly proportioned torsos – now they feel they have to teach us stuff as well.
This desire to prove they are more than just underfed clothes hangers began with the beauty competitions where for some bizarre reason uttering inanities about world peace or why the children are our future became part of the judging process. The trend spread with the ease of a $100/ml skin boosting serum and now every model-slash-actor feels duty bound to impart morsels of wisdom to the sad, lumpy, blemish-afflicted masses.
It would be slightly more acceptable if they stuck to honest accounts of the torture they have to inflict on themselves to keep their superhuman beauty (The Day I Accidentally Took Too Many Laxatives Just Before A Long Swimsuit Shoot). But that’s not enough for them. No, now they share all sorts of advice; from parenting to lifestyle to health.
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The fashion world was abuzz as word spread we were going to see rather buxom models in the Prada show (one of the most influential shows in the entire fashion spectrum) during Milan Fashion Week and really solidify the trend that bums were back, hips were big, curvy bodies were the next big thing.
So the fashion press waited with baited breath to see what dizzying beauties Miuccia Prada had flown in to prove to the world that she was all for promoting voluptuous women.
Who came down the catwalk? Victoria’s Secret models. You know, the ones with the ridiculously tiny thin bodies who also happened to be blessed with a B-cup (‘cause on a superslim body, a B-cup can look quite large. Most models have zero in the breast department.
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In Adelaide today Miranda Kerr was asked what three things she would take to a desert island. She said: “My Kora rosehip oil because it is multipurpose, definitely my boyfriend and maybe my little dog.”
Maybe she means “multipurpose” as in it helps you build a shelter and possibly even a boat. I’m not sure what use Orlando Bloom would be but perhaps you could eat the dog.
Tors would take sunblock, waterproof matches and Bear Grylls. I think my list would be a Swiss Army knife, an iPad - and Miranda Kerr. Anyway, it’s obvious what comes next: what would you bring?
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