Marriage

On February 1 the Federal Government will lift its ban on Australian same-sex partners receiving the documents they need to marry in other countries where same-sex marriage is allowed.

To her great credit, Attorney-General, Nicola Roxon, has asked the Department of Foreign Affairs to start issuing certificates of no-impediment to marriage (CNIs) to same-sex couples marrying overseas on the same basis as they are now issued to heterosexual couples.

A CNI is required by many foreign governments as proof the foreigner who wants to marry in their country is of marriageable age and isn’t already married where they come from. 

Continue reading "Cruel treatment of ‘marriage refugees’ to end" »

As is the rite of passage for all conservative politicians, Republican hopeful Newt Gingrich has found himself embroiled in a sex scandal. Wife number two claims Newt asked for an “open marriage”. She, shockingly enough, now considers him too much of a jerk for office.

In even more yawn-worthy news, fellow hopeful, Rick Santorum, has pounced on naughty Newt and determined that those extramarital hijinks raise questions about moral character. Moral character.

You know, the most fundamental of leadership qualities. Because, you might be the smartest, the wisest, the most hard-working of all politicians, but one sexual snafu and it can all end in a finger-snap.

Continue reading "Sex scandals should not render a leader impotent" »

Imagine if marriage were like a passport or a driver’s license; every five or 10 years, you have to fill in paperwork to renew it, or you can choose to walk away, no questions asked.

This ingenious idea was raised at my book-club meeting, although it bore no relevance to the novel we were discussing.

“Marriages wouldn’t slide into such a state of disrepair if you had to recommit to them once a decade,” said a friend in a diversionary tactic (like me, she hadn’t finished the book).

Continue reading "Marriage is like undies, it’s all about strong bonds" »

Welcome to our regular Friday moral dilemma. This week: How much power do brides have over their bridesmaids? Is it OK to boot someone out of the wedding party because they rudely got preggo?

We all know the Bridezilla stereotype… and that it exists because there really are women who turn into heavy-breathing tantrum-throwing monsters in the lead up to the happiest day of their lives.

Brides obviously deserve some sort of say. The good Christian bride might say ‘no’ to her sister’s Antichrist-themed ra-ra skirt, for example. There may be a colour theme, or the bride could be afraid of the colour purple. These things happen.

Continue reading "Friday Dilemma: Do brides get to be dictators?" »

The Age reported this morning that former Tasmanian premier David Bartlett has called on the Labor Party to overturn marriage laws that prevent gay marriage, even by Australians in countries where same-sex marriages are legal. The call came after Bartlett’s half-sister, Angela Borella, was prevented from marrying her partner in Portugal. Here, Angela tells her story.

I met her earlier this year in Indonesia. She is Portuguese. I am Australian. We knew after ten days that we never wanted to be apart, so when my medical volunteer contract ended in Indonesia six weeks later, I flew to Portugal to be with her and we now live in Lisbon.

She is the most kind, caring and beautiful person I have ever met. It is like we’ve always known each other. She knows me better than I know myself.

I’ve never felt so loved in my entire years. I would give everything I have for her happiness. She makes me feel complete and whole.

Continue reading "The piece of paper between me and happiness" »

The thousands of words on Twitter reflected my own emotions as I watched ABC TV’s The Slap last week. One tweet said: “it’s totally brutal!”, another: “searing, uncomfortable melancholy” and one more: “did anyone else’s heart sink tonight watching The Slap?”

Mine certainly did and I was not the only one. It was a bit close to the bone for many, as it shone an unceremonious light on characters’ Aisha and Hector’s 16-year marriage.

As I watched Aisha fake anger and hurt at Hector’s admission of his minor infidelity, all the while withholding her own more major dalliance, an image of marriage popped into my head: Marriage is a bonfire stack piling higher and higher with hurts, waiting for a spark to ignite an explosion of desire or destruction.

Continue reading "Home is where the hate is" »

Compatibility is such a clunky, utilitarian word for the delicate harmony that exists between two people. Yet here I am in a Melbourne cafe, scoffing lemon madeleines and discussing how much of it you need to make a relationship work.

I’ve always thought 80 per cent, give or take another five to accommodate mood swings (mine) and bloody-mindedness (a quality every man I’ve ever fancied seemed to possess). One friend insists on 95 per cent, because “any less and you may as well tattoo ‘doormat’ on your forehead”.

Meanwhile, another pal reckons 60 per cent is sufficient if there’s a reasonable chance of fixing the other 40 (cue much coughing on cake).

Continue reading "Compatibility schmatibility. You’ve got to work at love" »

In a move shocking to precisely no one, Kim Kardashian, reality TV queen, perennial gossip magazine cover girl and not much else, announced yesterday that she and her husband of 72 days had filed for divorce.

From start to rapid finish Kardashian’s marriage was an exercise in attention and money-seeking.

E! paid the couple $15 million for the television rights to their wedding special show, while People magazine coughed up close to $3 million for wedding and engagement related rights. The guests were treated to a $20,000 wedding cake.

Continue reading "Keeping up with the Kar Krash of a sham marriage" »

If we ever needed proof that politicians should respectfully butt out of moral issues like gay marriage, we got it this week in South Australia.

On Monday – the same day we learnt that the number of Australian households with mum, dad and kids is set to plummet to just 22 per cent within 15 years – outgoing Premier Mike Rann said the time for same-sex marriage had arrived.

So, after effectively putting the issue in the too-hard basket for almost a decade as premier and also during a stint as Labor’s national president, Mr Rann has a rainbow epiphany on the eve of his departure.

Continue reading "No kidding, gay couples make great parents" »

Reports out this morning suggest Julia Gillard’s staunch opposition to marriage equality is starting to give way.

According to senior sources within the Labor Party the pressure on the Prime Minister has grown so great that she is planning to announce support for a conscience vote on marriage equality as early as next week.

Ms Gillard has proudly fronted the anti-equality campaign and declared her opposition to same-sex marriage at every opportunity.

Continue reading "What’s that? Gillard’s giving in to gay marriage…" »

Truth be told, I’m a shocking couple watcher. Appalling. If the couples I stare at weren’t so lovingly locked onto each other – usually by lips or limb – they’d have me arrested for invasion of privacy.

Public displays of affection have always fascinated me. Not so much the attention-seeking, get-a-room-style groping – although I did take great delight in literally blowing the whistle on randy teens when I worked as a pool lifeguard during uni (far more fun than scanning for floaters in the days before aqua nappies).

Rather, it’s the tender touches between couples: the secret smiles; the quiet look of admiration as they watch the person they love tell a story. Whether it’s a fragment of their past or the daft thing they did last week, I’ve always thought you learn more observing the partner listening than the one speaking.

Continue reading "I like to watch. In fact, I find it inspirational" »

There are some very odd bedfellows in the anti-gay-marriage camp. Like, for example, conservative Christians and gay libertarians. The former think that gays will wreck marriage, the latter that marriage will wreck gays.

The first argument goes like this: marriage was made by God to unite men and women. Gay marriage will debase that institution, stripping it of its sacred meaning.

The same argument, couched in more secular terms, is offered just as often by people who say they are against discrimination, except when it comes to marriage because… and then insert whatever spurious, depressingly legalistic, horribly thin argument you choose…

Continue reading "Those big fat gay weddings will be well worth crashing" »

What with New York legislating same-sex marriage, and Labor state conferences toppling like dominos, it appears that same-sex marriage activists have adopted a new tack: “momentum rhetoric”.

The most blatant momentum rhetoric sprang up around the recent Galaxy Poll, wherein 75 per cent of respondents agreed that same-sex marriage is inevitable in Australia.

It was an odd poll - more Nostradamus than Aquinas - on what really is a complicated political and moral issue. No engagement with the issue itself, just speculation as to where we might end up.

Continue reading "There’s a good reason marriage is a hetero thing" »

My name is Sandy and I am a fiancée, mother, friend, and primary school teacher.

My gorgeous fiancée of two years, Louise, is an ex-nurse who now works as a medical equipment consultant to hospitals. We have two beautiful boys from my previous marriage – aged 11 and 9.

We are a loving and close family, just like any other. Except in one way: my partner and I are both women so under Australian law, cannot marry. Many people do not regard us as a family.

Continue reading "When I go to dinner with the Prime Minister…" »

A friend of a friend is turning 40 and all she wants to mark the ending of her 30s is sex with someone other than her husband.

I’m told this woman doesn’t want to leave her husband – he’s a top bloke. But what she’s seeking is a feeling she hasn’t felt for a decade – that pulse-quickening, heart-thumping, deeply elemental, electric jolt called lust.

“I get it,” says my friend. “She’s only ever slept with two men and she’s coming to terms with the fact she’ll never experience sex with someone new ever again.”

Continue reading "Lust and marriage: loving one, lusting after another" »

When former Sydney real estate agent Mary Donaldson married Denmark’s Crown Prince Frederik in 2004, one of the couple’s first, big post-honeymoon tasks was to sort through the monster pile of wedding gifts.

Apparently their haul included five cars (including a stretch limousine and a Saab convertible), a $200,000 yacht, six bicycles, a row boat, two Harley-Davidson motorcycle jackets, a traditional sealskin outfit from Greenland, 93 ceramic badges, a $3 million crockery set, a handcrafted Iranian rug, a miniature lounge suite for a royal baby, and a 120-kilogram stone swan.

In addition to the 37,000 gifts sent by Danish subjects, offerings from Australia included an anthology of Tasmanian love poems (from a writing centre), a stand of trees (from the government) and a hamper of Tim Tams (from Arnott’s).

Continue reading "Cash or cheque? The delicate art of marriage merchantry" »

Hi, gay people! How’s it going? Don’t tell me… just super, right? That’s what you people say isn’t it? Not that I would know, not being gay and all.

I’m sorry if that sounded like an odd thing to say. I don’t normally declare my sexual persuasion so abruptly. But I’ve heard you like to convert normal people with your gay agendas and your corrupting lifestyle choices, and since I’m being so open and friendly I didn’t want you getting any funny ideas about recruiting me.

I also heard that gays are pretty upfront and brash most of the time, so I’m pretty sure you’ll appreciate the candour. Just so long as you promise not to get turned on by it. Unless of course you happen to be lesbians. But only the hot ones that look like normal women.

Continue reading "An open letter to gay people (and Barry Cohen)" »

If gay marriage is too controversial for some federal politicians to handle – with entrenched positions on both sides – why don’t we do what political pragmatists are taught to do, and compromise? Say, with civil unions?

After all – they have civil unions in the UK and NZ and many other countries. To conservatives you can argue that this gives the gays their relationship recognition but still keeps marriage exclusive to the heterosexual club.  And to the gays you can argue that it’s a huge step forward – they get their ‘weddings’ now and all the state recognition that goes with them … and that eventually society may feel relaxed enough to move to marriage … one day … down the track. 

Seems like the perfect solution for any politician who just wants this debate to go away.  Like Prime Minister Gillard for example.

Continue reading "Hey Julia, civil unions are no substitute for real marriage" »

Many years ago, when I was living in London, the fabulous Nigella Lawson and her then-husband John Diamond held a party to celebrate their 10 years as a couple. It was also a goodbye of sorts, because John had terminal throat cancer, which left him unable to speak and – most cruelly – unable to eat his wife’s delicious food.

Yet even without his voice, John was a gifted communicator and, that night – friends later told me – he used a pen and overhead projector to convey his feelings for his wife. “How proud I am of you and what you have become,” he scribbled, in front of family and friends. “The great thing about us is that we’ve made us who we are.”

For me, a girl in her late 20s, bruised by a failed marriage and calloused by career over-commitment, those words evoked a great longing: One day, I would have an enduring relationship to rejoice in.

Continue reading "There’s more to marriage than cake and wedding bells" »

It has always baffled me why feminists desperately cling to the notion that keeping your maiden name after marriage is somehow an indication of how empowered you are as a woman.

How does choosing your father’s name over that of your husband make you any more independent? Either way you end up with a man’s name. At least you get to choose your husband.

Footy WAG and mum-to-be, Rebecca Judd (nee Twigley) is the latest high profile woman to be criticized for her decision to adopt her husband’s name. Feminists cannot understand why so many young, professional women prefer to legally change their name & give up their identity. I don’t pretend to speak for Mrs Judd but I can completely understand her decision and applaud her for embracing traditional values over the flawed feminist obsession with symbolism and semantics.

Continue reading "Changing your name doesn’t make you a feminist traitor" »

Bettina Arndt asked: “Why do men take such risks for the sake of sex?”. Novelist Philip Roth wrote: “Every mistake a man can make usually has a sexual accelerator”. What is it about men and sex?

The problem for males begins early. When a boy reaches puberty he’s almost immediately at his sexual peak: too young an age to negotiate sexual agreements with girls his own age who are likely to reject his clumsy advances with disdain, and go off to pine romantically for older boys. So it is with a sense of rejection, inordinate levels of sexual desire and accompanying guilt that he abandons himself to the sordid adolescent world of chronic masturbation - “a world of matted handkerchiefs, crumpled Kleenex and stained pyjamas”, said the famous Alexander Portnoy.

Continue reading "Men and sex: not a healthy relationship" »

The babysitter arrives, at $25 an hour, and you slam the car door and get out of there, heading for VicRoads to get your licence changed to your married name.

You get there in good time, marriage certificate in a firm pincer grip, and look knowingly, perhaps a little too so, at the people with one and two year olds hanging off their calf muscles, like some huge, noisy skin tag.

Yes, some could say you were indulgent and you don’t need a babysitter for a mere errand, but in your experience, government agencies are a pain that is best born alone.

Continue reading "No wonder women don’t want to change their names" »

For centuries, marriage has provided order, stability and nurture for both adults and children. Indeed, the status of our marriages influences our well-being at least as much as the state of our finances.

Decades of research has clearly established the positive links between marriage and well-being. As Professor Bill Doherty summarized the evidence, “for adults, a stable, happy marriage is the best protector against illness and premature death, and for children, such a marriage is the best source of emotional stability and good physical health.” The benefits extend to educational, financial and vocational outcomes.

This is not to denigrate many single parents who are doing an admirable job in raising children, often in difficult circumstances. However, most people still aspire to a life-long marriage and society benefits from this.

Continue reading "A health check on marriage" »

Legitimating gay marriage is like legalising child abuse’. Family First Senate candidate Wendy Francis’ comments on Twitter reiterate the homophobic anxieties towards same-sex parenting and marriage that continue to plague the political imagination in Australia.

Ms Francis’ archaic commentaries reflect a traumatic history in which same-sex couples were not simply discriminated or alienated, but were produced as criminal deviants. Much of the rhetoric that connected pedophilia and homosexuality emerged in the early 20th century where psychological, legal and religious institutions claimed that being ‘gay’ was a perversion or a disorder. Francis’ comments recuperate this history in an extremely unpalatable way.

While the comments may not have the same currency today, the homophobic rhetoric of ‘difference’ continues to be recycled today in different ways. Today, homosexuality is not a crime. However, the law uses sexuality to limit involvement in other social relationships.

Continue reading "The law still agrees with Wendy Francis" »

The science of love may seem like a contradiction in terms. After all, science is associated with the empirical and the observable. But love, at least in popular culture, is the world of infatuation, romance and emotion.

From the pages of Mills and Boon to the scripts of romantic comedy, love is portrayed as an irresistible feeling. The experience of falling in love is the stuff of poetry, song and art.

It is not something open to measurement or analysis.

Continue reading "The science of love and what we learn from it" »

A few days ago, in the Sydney Morning Herald social commentator Bettina Arndt fretted about the potential for Julia Gillard’s lifestyle choices – namely, not getting married - to “influence other women into making big mistakes about their lives.”

The crux of her angst seems to be that Julia’s defacto arrangement may influence more and more women to do the same instead of walking down the aisle, and in doing so they may end up “childless and partnerless as they hit 40.”

Now, putting aside the fact that I can’t personally imagine making any of my major life choices based on what the Prime Minister of the day was or wasn’t doing (after all, I’ve never been tempted to get a comb-over, attend church or get a divorce just because previous PMs have) I think Bettina’s worrying a bit unnecessarily – plenty of kids are born out of wedlock.

Continue reading "Is having children out of wedlock really that bad?" »

There’s an old saying that goes something like this: behind every moderately successful man is an incredibly talented woman who has completely buggered her own professional life to accommodate her husband.

I’m thinking here of Therese Rein, who made a remarkable personal sacrifice to make way for her husband’s career, only to watch that career amount to pretty much nought in record time.

In that same space of time, Therese Rein went from being the owner of a highly successful and rapidly expanding employment business, to the former owner of a highly successful and rapidly expanding employment business. She offloaded her domestic interest in the recruitment and placement firm Ingeus because of the potential conflict it created for her husband’s career, and also because of the political embarrassment he suffered through the revelation that she had inadvertently underpaid 58 of her staff, who were employed on non-union contracts.

Continue reading "The private work choices behind a public marriage" »

By the looks of Facebook, Aussie rangas are taking great pride in one of their own grabbing the top job. So imagine how I’m feeling. As an unmarried, childless heathen it looks like someone who reflects my personal values has finally become Prime Minister.

I know she wouldn’t put it as bluntly as I’m about to, but I feel positive Julia privately holds my beliefs on some of the big issues: religion, marriage, and children.

On the first two I think what she actually once said was that they weren’t “important” to her, and on the question of kids that she thought it wasn’t fair for her to be a parent when she was so committed to her career. 

Continue reading "Gillard is doing it for all the unmarried barren atheists" »

Encouraging couples to identify and resolve their disputes in a non-adversarial manner has been an aspiration for family policy makers for decades.

Despite inadequacies on display from time to time, it was the motivation behind the Family Law Act and the Child Support legislation.

A significant step forward was the establishment of 65 Family Relationship Centres across the nation by the Howard Government. As the researchers, Lawrie Maloney and Bruce Smyth, wrote in 2004, ‘Spread widely across the country, the Centres would be capable of responding to local needs and at the same time, guide families towards conflict resolution processes that are child focused, dignified and relatively inexpensive.’

Continue reading "Secret cuts to relationship services hurting families" »

You’d have to be living under a rock not to notice the hype surrounding the release of Sex and the City 2. Yep, it’s that obvious, Carrie fever is sweeping the world, and some people are getting antsy.

Antsy because they’re over the hype (and given it’s at saturation point it’s totally understandable) or because they simply can’t wait to indulge themselves in the latest instalment to one of television’s most popular foursome.

I don’t know if it’s sheer coincidence or clever timing, but the movie happens to coincide with the release of an entirely different chapter (if you pardon the pun) in Carrie Bradshaw’s life, depicted in Candace Bushnell’s latest novel, The Carrie Diaries (Harper Collins, $30.95). It’s probably the perfect complement to the movie’s release given the fact that it takes readers back to the mind and soul of their on-screen heroine’s high school days.

Continue reading "What’s love got to do with it? Well, everything actually" »

I’ve just accepted my first ever invitation to be a bridesmaid for some very good friends.

Being a fairly low-key and relaxed kind of couple I’m not concerned about any freak outs or “Bridezilla” moments. Nor, knowing my friend’s simple and elegant tastes do I expect to find myself locked into a series of Saturday morning shopping trips to look at ghastly creations made from taffeta.

But I am wondering - in light of all the things I know my friend doesn’t want at her wedding – what exactly does a bridesmaid to the off-beat bride do? And what types of behaviours should be avoided at all costs?

Continue reading "Punch list: Top things a bridesmaid should never do" »

I’ve been labouring under the false assumption that it’s the fundamentalists, the right wing conservatives standing in the way of gay marriage. Not so. Or not completely.

I now know that there’s a vast spread of middle-of-the-road Australians scared shitless by anything even slightly unconventional when it comes to weddings. They’re everywhere, they’re clinging to tradition with every fibre of their morally indignant being, and they cross into every population group.

There’s enough of them out there who get their full-sized briefs in a knot over non-church weddings to make it clear they’ll never tolerate same-sex unions. 

Continue reading "It’s your special day, but you’re married to the mob" »

There’s been much ado about love over the past week. And that’s quite apart from speculation over whether or not Brad and his wacky old-man beard might be reuniting with Jennifer Aniston.

Debate has been stirred around the world courtesy of the book ‘Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough’, by American writer Lori Gottlieb, to be released in the United States this week.

In it, Gottlieb - who is 42 and the single mother of a child conceived via sperm donation - holds herself up as a cautionary tale: if you cling to the (unrealistic) ideal of finding Mr Right, you may end up all alone.

Continue reading "Should women accept a guy who’s just good enough?" »

So Tony Abbott thinks Australian women should quit having pre-marital sex.

We all know he likes a challenge.

But good luck, mate, getting that particular toothpaste back in the tube.

Continue reading "Hey Tony, the virginity ship has sailed" »

Bridget Jones has a generation of Chinese sisters. They are unmarried, aged 30 or above and known as shengnu or leftover women.

Shengnu was once an offensive term and popular only in Shanghai but an increase in the number of singles has meant these women are now a small social force in cities like Beijing. A popular newspaper reported recently: “The era of the shengnu is here”.

Shengnu also carry the unflattering title of 3S women, meaning single, born in the seventies and considered “stuck” (although many would insist they have chosen to remain single). They are educated and well paid but remain unmarried despite being past the age traditionally considered most appropriate for getting hitched in China.

Continue reading "Postcard from Beijing: China’s man drought" »

Another happy-go-lucky Hollywood production is out about infidelity: ‘It’s Complicated’. It may even win the star of the movie an academy award.

I don’t want to rain on Merryl Streep’s parade, but what’s not complicated is fidelity to your partner and kids.

There are two simple rules – your marriage matters more than nearly everything else, and if you are a parent, be a parent.

Continue reading "What’s not complicated about marriage and family" »

WHILE the world has been stewing over greenhouse gases and the impact of climate change at Copenhagen, the steamy affairs of Tiger Woods have been fogging up computer screens as every day more details of his antics off the green are revealed.

Since being hurt in a mystery car crash just over two weeks ago, the golf superstar’s torrid string of girlfriends has provided a steady diet of sex and athletic prowess to tantalise readers more than any Mills and Boon novel.

What has been just as fascinating is how Tiger’s reported extra-curricular activities have polarised comments on online news sites. The saga appears to have triggered a gender divide among many readers.

Continue reading "Men and women on Tiger Woods" »

Enough with Tiger’s mistresses and their predictable push-up bras and mini skirts. Give me Mrs Woods!

While others have been marvelling at The Big T’s ability to juggle so many, many, many extra marital affairs, I’ve been sweating on what Elin is going to wear at her first public appearance.

After all, it’s The Wife’s post-scandal outfit that sets the post-scandal agenda. It lets the world know exactly what kind of woman she is. Wants to be. Will be. At least in the press.

Continue reading "Fashion for the jilted: the post-adultery dress" »

Winston Churchill once said that there are two things in life that are guaranteed, death and taxes.

A strong, healthy marriage unfortunately didn’t make the cut. 

And this is why I believe wholeheartedly in pre-nups.

Continue reading "Pre-nups a must-have for modern marriage" »

Is it possible to write a column questioning the value of monogamy without having your head shaved and being dragged to a public stoning hosted by right wing columnists? Guess I’m about to find out.

In the wake of the Della Bosca fiasco I’ve been thinking a lot about why we’re so obsessed with sexual fidelity.

.

From a rational point of view it’s clearly ridiculous to stake our life partnerships on something as unpredictable and unbiddable

Continue reading "Does cheating still matter?" »

Do you remember the choose your own ending tales of your childhood? Well, I hope so, because this is a choose-your-own beginning kind of opinion piece, and trust me, no one’s going to choose the beginning that it is meant to go with it.

Beginning one would start with “My good friend’s boyfriend has not gotten laid in four weeks” and everyone would feel sorry for him. But they’d tell him to hang in there and go with it, because four weeks is not so long and maybe there’s a dry spell hovering over the relationship that a little holiday in the Hunter couldn’t fix.

Suppose this article opened with beginning two, where I’d say “My good friend’s boyfriend has not gotten laid in four months”, and everyone would be horrified and encourage him to leave, or go elsewhere for that physical part of life that everyone is entitled to but he is clearly lacking.

But beginning number three goes against all modern social norms and it’s the one I’m going with:

Continue reading "Believe it or not, fidelity is still in fashion" »

Not everyone wants to have children – in fact according to some recent research conducted by Schering Plough, about 24% of women surveyed said they don’t want to have children.

For the 76% who do, this survey highlighted the barriers faced by women in 2009 that affect their decisions about children.

In this group, almost two thirds (62%) of Gen Y women, those aged 18 – 29, say they will delay having kids now as they are concerned about the cost.

Continue reading "Why women don’t want, want and can’t have kids" »

I probably should be writing this under a different name.  I’m an Australian woman with a Lebanese Christian heritage, who grew up amidst an invisible social war of Lebanese Christian vs Lebanese Muslim – right here in Australia.  And I’m genuinely concerned about how Muslim people are represented.

Polygamy is a contentious topic, Islam is feared and misunderstood by non-believers.  So naturally, a perfect fit for a festival of dangerous ideas at last week’s Sydney Opera House Event.  And man did they find the perfect speaker.

Kayser Trad.  Nice enough.  What I’ve seen of him anyway.  I reserve all judgement of him, his practises, his beliefs.  I write this based purely on his performance that day.  His topic was ‘Polygamy and other Islamic Values are good for Australia’.

Continue reading "Keysar Trad doesn’t do his fellow Muslims any favours" »

“Sex: Does It Affect Performance?” - the question that gave rise to the immortal response from former test cricketer Merv Hughes: “How would I know?”

The same could be said about our political parties until today, with the release of the Punch’s groundbreaking survey into the links between voting intention and personal relationships.

It finds Labor voters are more likely to value a partner who is a “good lover”, while Liberal voters seek a companion who is “kind and considerate”. Meanwhile Greens just want someone to laugh with/at. As for the swingers? Like name, like nature.

Continue reading "What your sex life says about your voting habits" »

Recent ABS figures showed marriage in Australia is becoming more popular, while divorce rates are falling. They also showed the average age we’re getting married has increased to 29.6 for men and 27.7 for women.

For this to be the average, plenty of people are still getting married in their 20s or even late teens – but it’s not for lack of people telling them they’re making a mistake.

It’s rude to tell people they’re making a mistake when they’re buying a house, changing careers, or deciding to have kids. Why, then, is it OK to berate people for getting married when they’re young and in love?

Continue reading "Call me old fashioned, but it’s OK to marry young" »

When it comes to the private conduct of public figures, Australians like to have it a bob each way. And that’s not an oblique reference to one of our most accomplished prime ministers both in the parliament and the bedroom.

As a general statement, we say that we don’t much care whether our politicians are cheating on their partners. It’s a badge of honour for us that we’re not like the United States, where the moral majority wields tremendous influence within politics and any hint of infidelity will destroy a career.

Australians just shrug their shoulders and say: well, nobody’s perfect, politicians are human too. You can spare us the lectures from the holy-rollers, most of whom will eventually be sprung inside a $55-a-night Formula One motor inn dressed as Shirley Temple.

Continue reading "Do Australians care if politicians fool around?" »

Last week at a lunch to console a newly-divorced friend, I decided to lighten her terror at being “the only single woman left on the planet” and relate an interesting new statistic.

“A recent study in the UK found that in 20 years, one in five women currently in their twenties will never have married and will live alone. See, there’ll be millions like us!” I said cheerily.

Looking at my girlfriend’s face, it became apparent she was not quite as enthralled by this statistical tidbit as me. In fact, judging by her open-mouth stare, anyone would think I had just disembowelled a baby panda and was about to start on a litter of puppies.

Continue reading "Millions of happy single people can’t be wrong" »

Ok, so now even internet marriages are expected to fail.

No less than two weeks since fifteen million of us watched Jill Petersen and Kevin Hinze’s bridal party dance down the aisle, an American filmmaker has created a parody, divorce version of the video.

Apparently it took just one hour to produce.  The Punch posted the original version for some Friday afternoon light relief. And of the eighteen comments posted, about half of the readers took a sentimental view.

Continue reading "Marriage? Just forget it…" »

When the delegates at the ALP National Conference sat down on Saturday to discuss the issue of same-sex marriage, there’s one question that should have loomed large in their minds: “Which side of history do you want to be on?”

Despite the result, same sex marriage is inevitable in Australia - and a quick analysis of two factors makes this blindingly obvious. The first is the international situation.  Seven countries have now introduced same-sex marriage, along will six states of the USA.  Just like so many other waves of social reform before it (giving women the vote, decriminalizing homosexuality, etc.) same-sex marriage will spread throughout the western, liberal democracies eventually reaching Australia.
 
The second factor that makes same-sex marriage inevitable is the demographics. 

Continue reading "Gay marriage - which side of history is Labor on?" »

Raised on a diet of Disney movies, contemporary society has become so besotted with the idea of heterosexual romance, marriage and weddings, we fail to see the people for the confetti and happily-ever-afters.

Caught up in a Hollywood version of what constitutes a legitimate union, we’re becoming exclusive, political and discriminatory and overlooking what should be a very basic human right: the right of the individual to form a loving, public and legal commitment to another person and have it civilly sanctioned regardless of sexuality.

I find it fascinating and more than a little bit perplexing, that when it comes to discussions of same-sex unions, those best positioned to provide compassion and understanding resort to straw polls, prejudicial language and silencing tactics to proclaim, yet again, the almighty significance of heterosexual unions. 

Continue reading "Marriage: Not that there’s anything wrong with that" »

Staring out at the ocean with a surfboard under my arm, I wondered if I had truly lost the plot. This was no Surfers’ Paradise.

I could feel neither my hands nor my feet, my nose was a block of ice and even my eyelashes were freezing. Breathing was becoming a challenge, too. No, this was not some kind of extreme sports challenge - I was on a hen’s weekend on a glorious spring morning in Cornwall, England.

On this day, however, the seaside town of Newquay more closely resembled a freezing winter’s day alongside the Great Australian Bight. Confused? Let me explain.

Continue reading "Ooo-er, let’s hear it for the saucy English hen’s night" »

The twin debates currently underway over marriage in Australia have at their core an arrogant and probably homophobic presumption that a miserable heterosexual marriage trumps a spectacularly happy fruity one.

Those who advocate the sanctity of marriage are unwittingly undermining the institution by arguing, on the one hand, that it should be harder for desperately unhappy couples to end their marriage, while also denying the wishes of couples who would be at their happiest if they were allowed to get married.

As a married person of some years, the whole issue leaves me cold, as marriage is the best example of an intensely private arrangement which is subjected to a raft of presumptuous external rules.

Continue reading "In defence of gay marriages, and ending bad straight ones" »

Women of the world, don’t be fooled. Men can multitask – if they have powerful jobs and are not expected to be faithful.

Silvio Berlusconi, Mark Sanford, Gordon Ramsay and Eliot Spitzer are all superb multi-taskers who check all of these boxes:

Big time job, tick

In the public eye, tick.

Gaining considerable fortunes, tick.

Discovered to be having extra-marital affairs, tick. In some cases, tick tick tick.

Continue reading "Men can multi-task just fine ... in the bedroom" »

Staring out at the ocean with a surfboard under my arm, I wondered if I had truly lost the plot. This was no Surfers’ Paradise.

Continue reading "Pommy-style Hen’s Night the ultimate form of stimulus" »