Marketing

For a moment in the mid-naughties, they were the coolest of all cool social media-fuelled meme-thingos.

I’m talking about flash mobs, the groups of strangers who gather in a public place to do something like dance a routine, freeze in a contorted pose or smack someone over the head with a pillow. At their best, flash mobs, which are typically organised through social media, are flickers of spontaneity, bursts of community in CBDs filled with busy suits.

In recent years though, they’ve become a whole lot less cool. That’s because they’ve been gatecrashed by another crew: the cash mob.

Continue reading "Cash mobs aren’t so flash" »

When Australian skipper Michael Clarke raised his bat to celebrate his historic triple century at the SCG it showed a man becoming aware of his stature in the game.

Instead of pointing to a bat sponsor - a deal which can be valued at hundreds of thousands of dollars - he gestured towards the McGrath Foundation sticker placed there earlier that day.

Clarke’s manager James Erskine later explained the skipper had split with Slazenger and he is still mid-negotiation with two or three companies to finalise a deal.

Continue reading "Hey Pup, keep your bat clean and your image squeaky" »

Well, puck me with a fitchfork. The F-word is apparently an acceptable part of Australian speech.

That’s the only conclusion you can draw after the trade mark examiner gave two thucking fumbs up to a soon-to-be-released product called “Nuckin Futs”.

After the initial trade mark application was rejected, a savvy lawyer argued that the f-bomb is an everyday part of Australian speech. And he won. The product is on its way, with the only caveat being it can’t be marketed to minors.

Continue reading "No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops" »

It’s not often you hear an apology from a big corporation that sounds like it really means it, but Jenny Craig’s statement last night that it “badly misjudged public perception of Kyle Sandilands” sounds genuine enough - perhaps because it’s so bloody obvious.

Hmmm, brand heavily skewed towards women with body issues, linked to the “fat slag” king, what could possibly go wrong?

The language marketing departments use when one of the stars they throw millions of dollars at to flog their products step out of line, is often at best hilarious, at worst mealy-mouthed.

Continue reading "Brands have become our new moral arbiters" »

In just a few short days, four giant demons astride winged, skeletal steeds are expected to swoop from the sky and hurl every man, woman and child into the dark chasm of the infinite.

“Curse you, Apple!” the terrified masses will scream as CEO Tim Cook desperately points out the improved 8-megapixel camera and upgraded dual-core processor.

But they won’t have it, those Apple customers. They wanted an iPhone 5. Instead, they got an iPhone 4S and now everybody has to watch as palm trees and baby lambs are cast into fiery oblivion.

Continue reading "We’re all suckers for a good marketing ploy" »

Forget about the 3 Rs. In schools these days it’s all about the 3Cs: Consumerism, Capitalism, and Coles.

Store managers are giving prizes to Sydney schoolkids for singing the “prices are down” jingle wearing company t-shirts, surrounded by advertising banners, at school assemblies.

What next? A scholarship to the McDonald’s University for writing a dissertation on how burgers qualify for the Heart Foundation tick?

Continue reading "Aisle be damned if I’ll cop this not so super marketing" »

The Dalai Lama’s most recent tour of Australia is in full swing, and it’s taken a slightly strange direction this time around. While his 2007 tour treated the Dalai Lama as he should be treated - as a spiritual leader who deserves respect - that tour met with a financial loss, and now it’s all about bums on seats.

Promotion, merchandise, and the media circuit. HHDL (as he’s known to his tweeps on Twitter) seems to be in it for the money, and he’s got the Collingwood AFL guernsey from Harry O’Brien to prove it.

The effort to engage a broader audience has strangely tainted his message, and the most our media can manage is to treat the man like he’s a punchline. Considering he’s trying to promote a series of undersold public lectures, he’s got to take what he can get… but is this really the best that we can give him?

Continue reading "Selling the Dalai Lama experience at $5000 a pop" »

When I was 9, I found a $20 note on the ground.

Back then, it was an astronomical amount of money for a nine year old.  And as I glimpsed it, beneath a moving crowd, I stopped dead in my tracks, staring and pointing until mum yelled ‘Just pick it up!’.

Then, something even better happened. Mum said I could keep the money.  Suddenly, I was rich.  I clutched it in my sweaty little hand all night.  I put it lovingly in a black case and checked on it every day.  And then when my birthday came around, I spent it on an extravagant doll from Big W.

Continue reading "Bank error in your favour!" »

In a shock move today, the makers of Power Balance wristbands have been forced to say they do not actually work.

Since the bands exploded on to the market, compelling evidence has justified the makers’ claims that they help sportspeople focus and perform better.

Some doubters attributed the obvious benefits to the mystical placebo effect, but believers say the bands can increase core strength by up to 10 million per cent using something called “performance technology”.

Continue reading "Evil Government says holograms not real science" »

500 years down the track I’m sure humans will still be talking about the invention of the internet, and how it revolutionized communication and all that jazz. Because it is pretty incredible when you think about it.

But there’s one aspect of our heaven-sent, super-human communication abilities which is becoming more of an issue and to be honest, pretty annoying.

I’m talking about the way that notorious whingers and complainers, have been given a new-found power to affect change where it probably isn’t really necessary.

Continue reading "The world is run by those who whinge the loudest" »

Since November 1 to December 9, our household has received 121 pieces of junk mail.

Why am I counting this? Well, a few reasons. Mostly I’m interested because I used to do this sort of thing for a living. Second we live in some sort of junk mail hotspot.

When the first Christmas catalogue came out before Melbourne Cup, I remembered how many we got last year and wondered how much it was. So far: 121 pieces.

Continue reading "One woman’s junk mail is another’s goldmine" »

You know the scene. We’ve all been there, checking out the shelves of goodies in Toys ‘R’ Us, searching for the perfect gift for our kids, nephews, nieces or grandchildren.

Suddenly a child runs past, squealing in delight after spotting ‘the toy’. The very same they’ve been diligently saving up their pocket money to buy. Everyone else has one. And now, finally, it’s their turn.

As they thrust the box into the air like the captain of a championship-winning football team, the parent in tow reluctantly takes it from them, skipping the name and any other pointless details as their gaze heads straight for the price tag.

Continue reading "When good toys go offensive" »

The other day I was presenting at a conference on sustainability, and wondered what I was doing there.  I clock up more air-miles than a rare bald headed eagle, have an unsustainable lifestyle, and don’t own a rainwater tank.  Don’t get me wrong I was flattered to be asked to talk, and trust I contributed to the conference, but it got me thinking. 

I can’t go past a discussion on a cultural, environmental, or societal issue these days without seeing an ‘ad-guy’ (and unfortunately it’s very often males) proffering their opinion on what will solve our latest ill.

Like it or not, the advertising industry is being pulled into all manner of communities with the hope they can solve the world’s issues. And like it or not, the world is now taking the ‘ad guy’ seriously. 

Continue reading "Since when did advertising become respectable?" »

In the wake of the $37 million suit against sacked David Jones boss Mark McInnes, you’d think the nation would be on high sexual harassment alert.

But the good folk at Lynx deodorant have come up with a scheme that seems destined to dive headlong into those murky waters.

Get this. Lynx are about to open what they call the ultimate “man-cation” destination. Welcome to Lynx Lodge, a huge faux log cabin on Lake Macquarie, near Newcastle. There’s a teaser website here complete with the slogan “get laid back”. Meanwhile, allow me to quote from the brochure.

Continue reading "A sexual harassment suit waiting to happen?" »

The aims of any public rally or protest generally are to: draw attention to the cause, build public support, and secure a favourable response by authorities.

Australian protesters regularly score well on the first because protesters have an excellent sense of when cameras are likely to be in the vicinity, and that slogans and large, TV friendly signs and props will be useful to those editing the evening news bulletins.

But on the other two aims Australian protests are in something of a rut. Increasingly the numbers of people at public rallies are grimly thin and feature people and slogans that are more likely to inspire puzzlement than passion. This was brilliantly evidenced by two protests in Sydney this week - one which involved a mock kangaroo funeral and another calling for the Reserve Bank to drop rates - both of which were attended by only a handful of protesters. They were extreme examples but underscored the malaise affecting the wider culture of public protest in modern Australia.

Continue reading "Time to take to the streets over falling protest standards" »

If they were handing out gold medals for the most bizarre Olympic mascots, the recently unveiled characters for the London 2012 games would wins hands down.

That is, if they had hands. Wenlock and Mandeville (catchy names) were apparently “created from “the last two drops of British steel used for the London 2012 Olympic Stadium.” More like an alcohol and substance fuelled creativeworkshopthinktank.

To me they look like the result of a frenzied sexual encounter between a secondhand Logie award and a Teletubbie. And the blue one looks like it has an incontinence problem.

Continue reading "The Poms are a weird mob" »

It seems like every other week there is a new poll giving us an approval rating for our PM, or a new piece of research providing insights into everything from the packaging of tuna to whether red wine is good for you or not.

There are thousands of research topics bubbling away around the country, yet they all have one thing in common – they all rely on ordinary people to give honest opinions on what they think.

Market research is a growing industry in Australia, thanks largely to the many ordinary Australians out there who pick up the phone, fill in an online survey or attend a focus group to have their say on a whole range or products and issues each week.

Continue reading "The power you might not realise you had" »

So Tiger Woods didn’t win the Masters Tournament over the weekend. Probably for the best really, otherwise, just as in Nike’s most recent ad, his father might have emerged from the grave and told us that ‘equal fourth place is as good as last place, son’.

Nike’s recent marketing stunt shows Woods staring silently and somberly at the camera, as his late father Earl speaks to him in voiceover:  “Tiger, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was; I want to find out what your feelings are. Did you learn anything?”

And for those that missed it the quote was pieced together from interviews his father had given prior to his death.

Continue reading "Marketing advice for Nike: Just don’t do it." »

Adelaide is no longer the city of churches or the arts capital of Australia. It’s not even Yass with poofs, as famously dubbed by Doug Mulray shortly before he was mercifully removed from national television by Kerry Packer.

According to the people who run the Sydney Fish Markets, Adelaide is now the mullet capital of Australia, a bogan backwater which is ripe for ridicule by the pony-tailed pseuds who run Sydney’s advertising industry.

The Fish Market’s new marketing slogan - “More Mullets Than Adelaide” - says more about Sydney smugness than Adelaide’s earthiness.

Continue reading "Get a dog up ya Sydney" »

New A-League team The Melbourne Heart, who kick off in the 2010/11 season, have unveiled a shocking logo to match their unbelievably stupid team name.

At least they’re consistent.

The logo, which looks like an unironed pair of undies emblazoned with rugby posts, was designed by the “international brand design consultancy” Elmwood, who apparently have offices in loads of big important cities as well as Leeds, UK.

Continue reading "Australia’s worst sports logo: how low can they go?" »

“Shoes make me happy. I’m superficial. Whatever.”

I pass this sign, plastered in the window of a cheap shoe store in Bondi, at least once a week.

Whether it’s meant to be funny or represent the views of its customers, I’m not sure. But the marketing manager behind this cringe-worthy sign has tapped into a solid gold business concept: selling ignorance.

Continue reading "Shoes are fine for feet, they just don’t fit the brain" »

Surely it’s some kind of peer reviewed joke. A researcher at Monash university has published a paper in the British Medical Journal saying it’s time to re-think Santa because he’s an obese, speeding drink-driver who spreads disease and is therefore a bad role model.

Ditto, obviously, for the tooth fairy who is doing a roaring trade in body parts. And the Easter Bunny must be a bad role model too because he brings chocolate and also makes no sense. And the bogeyman, who has questionable hygiene and engages in the potentially deadly activity of climbing up on rooftops to make things go bump.

There are too many bad role models around kids, but they’re much more omnipresent than Santa. The morbidly obese, the lazy, the cheats and liars of the world are everywhere and tragically some kids see this behaviour in their homes 365 days a year. And that’s before you get to rugby league players and drug-addled Hollywood starlets.

Continue reading "Save Santa from wowsers" »

Everyone’s favourite chicken shop (for anyone born after 1992, KFC stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken) has, very surprisingly, branched out into smoothie production.

Obviously, there was a gap in the smoothie market and fried chicken, hot chips and a banana smoothie, or “krusher,” a KFC coined term, really is a winning combo.

Lick it, bite it, taste it, suck it, the hot guys and girls from the sleek TV adverts licking the “real bitz,” off their hands and fingers encourage us to buy, buy, buy.

Continue reading "Krushing independent purchasing decisions" »

I like a bit of luxury as much as the next person. A facial here, an upgrade there. God knows, I’d have more of it … if I could afford it.

But luxury tampons? Sorry, that’s just a teeny bit too far.

I spotted the ad last week. Gorgeous girl (mid-body shot only, no bloat evident). Looks like she never scoffs five burgers in a row or yells at her partner. Never gets PMT. And why would she? She’s using luxury tampons – presumably wrought from the pelt of a resting panda,  tufts of angora rabbit and a tennis bracelet.

Continue reading "Luxury tampons. Only a man could have come up with that" »

So the new name for Vegemite iFail ver. 3.1 is finalised and we can at last put this brand-rape of a national icon behind us.

Cheesybite. There. It’s done. And let us thank gawd they didn’t go with Creamymate (which received six per cent of the vote and sounds like a menu option at a brothel).

Anyway, let us celebrate this new name by going and buying a nice big jar of the original (ver 1.0) and be happy.

Continue reading "Vegemite: how you eat it is what counts" »

You’re locked in a room with a small team and a big decision to make.

Everyone is hanging on your ruling. Which way will they go? What are the ramifications? The announcement will be carried by the national media as soon as its made.

No, you’re not the Reserve Bank board - you’re the marketing team at Kraft.

Continue reading "And you think you’re having a stressful day" »

WHAT’S in a name? Everything - especially if you pick a dud one - as any marketing graduate will tell you.

So why did Kraft put its reputation and that of one of Australia’s best known brands on the line by selecting a ridiculous name like iSnack2.0 for a new variety of Vegemite?

That’s what many Australians have been asking themselves since the infamous iSnack2.0 moniker was unveiled just over a week ago and then, within days, dumped after a rally of public disapproval.

Continue reading "iSnack 2.0 was a lesson in giving love a bad name" »

Was the doomed trade name iSnack 2.0 really the choice of an open competition or was Kraft up to something craftier?

The trade name for the Vegemite-based spread, which was abandoned today amid a hail of ridicule, was registered in Hong Kong two weeks before the competition closed, The Punch can reveal.

Kraft registered iSnack2.0 along two other trade names, Snackerific and Crackertime, on July 30. The competition closed on August 14.

Continue reading "iSnack was a registered name before Kraft closed comp" »

The good people at Kraft have just released the following press release announcing that they are scrapping the name iSnack2.0 for their new spin-off spread and holding another competition.

We’ve run their statement in full - and we want to know from Punch readers - has this whole exercise been one big con job?

30 September 2009: Kraft Foods Australia/New Zealand has today announced that it will change the name of the new Vegemite. Since the new Vegemite hit supermarket shelves in July 2009, Australians and New Zealanders have been invited to come up with a name for the new product; just as Australians did when Vegemite was first launched in this country in 1923.

Continue reading "Vegemitegate: was it all one massive con job?" »

What would happen if everyone followed Kraft’s lead and decided to rebadge great Australian brands with whimsical zeitgeist names? Perhaps something like this. (If you haven’t come across it, “FTW!” means for “For the Win!” and is an expression of approval. Find out more here.)

Penbo wrote about the iSnack 2.0 debacle here today and it has kicked off a most amusing set of comments including one reader who complained the new product was incompatible with Toast 9.0.

Anyway, potentials for Penfold’s Grange, Akubra, and R.M. Williams are over the jump. Suggestions in the comments, please - you can offer new slogans for Aussie brands or email your own poorly-Photoshopped offerings to photos (at) thepunch.com.au.

Continue reading "Other Aussie brands get the iSnack2.0 treatment" »

Someone’s seen the funny side of the iSnack 2.0 national disaster. This is worth watching all the way to the end.

The above headline is a Vegemite-free reworking of Men At Work’s “Down Under”, shamelessly pilfered from Twitter as an example of the hundreds of negative and abusive comments being directed at Kraft over the iSnack2.0 debacle.

On current projections the iSnack2.0 disaster will be taught for years to come in marketing courses as a step-by-step example of how to upset everybody - the oldies who are fiercely loyal to Vegemite in its existing incarnation, and the youngsters who regard the internet-driven name of this (woeful) new brand as patronising gimmickry, akin to Sorbent trying to corner the youth market with a “hip and groovy” new toilet tissue called iShit.

AS any student of yeast-based food extracts can attest, the history of sandwich spreads is a volatile one where passions run high and careers, even entire companies, have risen and fallen on the back of their marketing campaigns.

Continue reading "He just smiled and gave me a iSnack2.0 sandwich" »

Last month, Woodstock Festival – the event that’s come to represent Baby Boomer youth culture in our collective consciousness – turned 40.

Given the Boomers spawned the crazy consumer consumption habits that sent us crashing towards the GFC, it was only fitting for promoters to get the talent off the couch, jab them with Botox and organise the requisite merchandising and exorbitant ticket pricing. Ka-ching!

Meanwhile, the media and marketers have been celebrating ageing while concurrently exploring ways to delay its visible signs in order to appeal to the cash-cow that is the Boomers’ retirement fund (albeit one reduced by the GFC).

Continue reading "Boomers are back in fashion but kids still rule the cash" »

Last week when Simon Crean announced a plan to rebrand Australia, we sought your suggestions for a new national marketing slogan. Penning a line is one thing - but to get the full impact, it may help to see how some of the stand-outs read on a poster. Add your responses and appraisals in the comments - the first attempt is from Eccles:

The rest are after the jump.

Continue reading "Your suggestions for a new national marketing slogan" »

A few nights ago, my nine-year-old daughter fronted me in the kitchen and demanded to know whether it was mandatory to remove one’s underwear when “sexing” with a boy.

Given her previous question was whether Mylie Cyrus is more famous than the Queen, I was totally unprepared and lamely replied, “Ah … generally.”

Her disgusted response quickly attracted her seven-year-old sister and the pair began to fire horrifyingly-detailed queries at me.

Continue reading "Getting the hump with a sweet marketing idea" »

When entrepreneurs or the bosses of industrial giants are deciding where to spend their money, it’s a fair bet they’re not asking which country has the cleverest marketing slogan.

Trade Minister Simon Crean is looking for ideas for a new “brand” for Australia. He’s arguing that we need to be more like New Zealand.

With respect to the Kiwis and their “100% Pure” branding exercise, slogans and slick logos are not the key drivers of success in the global economy.

Continue reading "Here’s a marketing idea: just run the country really well" »

As the 8000-plus readers of Mia Freedman’s Twitter feed will already know, the clothing company, “Cotton On” has launched a new range of baby suits and T-shirts, bearing the amusing
slogan: “They Shake Me.’’

Trouble is, all the babies in the ads for the “They Shake Me” range are bright and happy and smiling at the camera.

Surely, if Cotton On is going to make light of child abuse, they should use a real-life victim of child abuse to model the clothes?

Continue reading "Cotton On thinks child abuse is funny: meet Lincoln" »

It’s a good thing the Aussies have their wives and girlfriends along for the Ashes tour.

Had they not been there, it’s quite probable we would have gone down to county side Northamptonshire because we’ve all been assured by Cricket Australia that the boys play better if the WAGs are in attendance.

Seeing as we have managed to win just one of the seven tour games so far, I tremor at the thought of what would have happened if CA hadn’t had the foresight to support the significant others/B-grade celebrities and female wannabes to stay with the cricketers for the first part of the Ashes.

Continue reading "WAGs aren’t about team happiness, but marketing" »

Well it’s official. People hate marketers, particularly those in advertising. Research by Roy Morgan has ranked advertising as the third most-hated industry across all professions. We’re more hated than union leaders and real estate agents, but just managed to scrape in front of journalists and car salesmen.

All I can say is thank god I don’t work with any car clients because with this article and an interest in marketing I might take the trifecta and actually be the most hated person in the world.

So why do people hate the profession in which I’m going to invest my entire career? I’ll probably agree with what you’ve got to say for the most part, but I should probably at least attempt to convince you otherwise.

Continue reading "I know you hate marketers but face it, you need them" »

Alongside PowerPoint slide design, I think I have a fetish for iPhone applications. Last week I was doing my usual browse through iTunes looking at some of the latest apps when I excitedly discovered one recently released by Tic Tac. I vaguely recalled reading an article about it and how they were apparently one of the leading brands in the digital space.

So I quickly downloaded it, synced it and opened it. And it was shit. So much so that I actually wanted to punch somebody. For those who haven’t seen it, which apparently isn’t many of you because it was downloaded a whole 3000 times in the first week, it’s perhaps the most useless app of all time.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a useless iPhone app. Or even a gimmicky one. Perhaps my favourite app of all time falls into both those categories; iPint (see above video). Released by beer brand Carling, the app appears as a glass full of beer that as you tilt slowly it empties, as though you are drinking it. Yes it’s gimmicky and yes it’s useless. But it’s awesome.

Continue reading "It’s not just a mint - it’s a really bad campaign" »