Lleyton Hewitt

It was the nail-biter of all nail-biters but no one could have imagined Aussie lionheart Lleyton would surrender two match points before losing to arch rival David Nalbandian in the Australian Open’s first round.

After an epic fight lasting 4hrs 48mins at Melbourne Park last night, Hewitt finally succumbed to the powerful Argentine, who confessed he played “amazing” tennis during the five-set corker.

Hewitt’s failure to secure the win after two match points shows he is not 100 per cent confident in his form.

Continue reading "Lleyton Hewitt’s agony: finally out in the open" »

Update: Lleyton lost, again.

Excuse the disturbing imagery, but imagine for a moment Lleyton Hewitt as a burlesque dancer.

Imagine Lleyton as one of those Dita Von Teese types that have lead a popular resurgence for the art in recent years. Emerging out of a large bowl and dressed in emu feathers, Hewitt begins the Australian Open by holding an expectant crowd’s attention with his potential to nude-up with a win.

But year after year the tease is interrupted by a stern order from backstage and Lleyton goes running off, leaving the crowd to go home frustrated and merely fantasize at the potential of what we might have been treated to. 

Continue reading "Please Lleyton, put an end to this painful pants dance" »

As Lleyton Hewitt limbers up for tonight’s showdown with Andy Roddick, The Punch has gone to the trouble of writing down the lyrics for our putative national song, so that any tennis enthusiast who’s recently been lobotomised can sing along with The Fanatics and not miss a single word.

It goes: Aussie Aussie Aussie. Oi Oi Oi. Aussie Aussie Aussie. Oi Oi Oi. Aussie. Oi. Aussie. Oi. Aussie Aussie Aussie. Oi Oi Oi.

It’s a ripper isn’t it? The result of more than two centuries’ development by a nation which inherited a rich tradition of song from the Celts, as demonstrated in the above video of the Irish crowd at Croke Park singing The Fields of Athenry.

There’s an Aussie tie-in with this stirring Irish song. It’s about a fellow who’s been jailed and sent to prison in Australia. The lyrics recount the last conversation he and his his wife will ever have, singing to each other across the prison wall before he’s put on the ship.

The story of Aussie Aussie Aussie is similarly powerful, in that it’s about an Aussie Aussie who Oi Oi Aussie Oi, Aussie Oi. I mean seriously - just how dumb are we as a nation? Or rather, how dumb do we like to pretend to be?

Continue reading "Are you a brain-dead Aussie Aussie Aussie?" »

I used to hate him too. Used to cringe when he yelled “c’mooooooon”. Wanted to strangle the little effer any time he argued with umps, Australian Open CEO Paul McNamee and anyone in his path.

Used to yell “put the frikkin’ sock puppet away, jerk brain” when he did the hand-pointing thing.
Suddenly, I am experiencing a strange new emotion.

Quite simply, Lleyton Hewitt is not annoying me anymore. I think – and I say this with my finger poised just above the delete button – I think I’m actually starting to like the guy.

Right from the top, I want to make it really clear that this has nothing to do with his unexpected charge at Wimbledon this week. It’s Lleyton the man I’ve warmed to, not just Lleyton the tennis player.

That’s right, Lleyton Hewitt the man.

Continue reading "C’mon don’t hate Lleyton, he’s a nice guy" »