Lies

Lance Armstrong, the biggest drugs cheat in sport, is having a friend over this week. The pair may compare inspiring quotes - both have spawned industries in them - and talk about the spiritual enlightenment that grows in adversity.

Oprah's producers will surely give Lance a bit of make up to cover that nose up. Picture: Boo Bailey

There will be a confession - or so says the press release - and there may be tears and a hug. Armstrong may even try telling the truth for the first time in a decade or two.

But let’s not get carried away. Armstrong has had five months since he was outed as a slimebag to practise his best version of honesty, the one that is least likely to lead to lawsuits and most likely to spark the first flickerings of public support.

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  • Go Get Him says:

    11:32am | 16/01/13

    Oprah! My arse! I would like to have seen Leigh Sales get the gig. Read more »

  • Daz says:

    07:49am | 16/01/13

    It’s bad enough that this guy is an habitual liar and drug cheat. But he is also a bully and a manipulative intimidator of anyone who threatened to out him. Now he is trying to save himself by claiming that doping was ok because everyone was doing it. That may… Read more »

 

Parenting’s surprisingly easy when you’re not a parent. I’d never let them watch television, they’d be outside running around pretty much all the time, I’d never get angry and I’d NEVER lie to them and tell them Father Christmas is real.

Do I look like I don't frickin' exist? Pic: Supplied

Piece of cake. Well, piece of organic apple, maybe.

It must be much more fraught when you’re embedded with the real thing, where not only are you forced to make decisions while sleep deprived, but every move you make puts you in the firing line of the judging hordes.

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  • Philosopher says:

    04:27pm | 22/11/12

    yes well religion is taken to be allegorical now, but of course we live in ‘disenchanted’ times… don’t forget that until very recently, the life of man was filled with portent and he played on the hands of the god(s). Now we have just replaced one system of belief for… Read more »

  • jec says:

    04:09pm | 22/11/12

    I don’t get it.  Why is it that parents tell children that Santa is real, only to have the task years later of telling them the truth that he was made up all along.  Wouldn’t it be easier to be honest in the first place, by introducing Santa as a… Read more »

 

When I was 14 I told my mum a shocking lie. I promised her I wouldn’t get my hair permed, then made the hairdresser straighten my new-look locks to conceal the semi-permanent wave.


Why was the lie so shocking? Because I was so easily caught out: the very next morning I emerged from the shower resembling a merino sheep and the gig was up.

We all lie, all the time. Well, not ALL the time. That would be lying. Let’s just say we all lie a lot. In fact, we’re told up to 200 lies every day, according to American social media expert and author of Liespotting, Pamela Meyer.

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  • Aux says:

    06:59pm | 18/11/12

    Hitting their bank accounts is about the only way they’ll ever change their ways.. They had 20+ years to fix the problems themselves and instead decided to cover it all up. Just like any other business, they’d care more about their money than their reputation - plus their reputation has… Read more »

  • Anyone? Anyone at all? says:

    06:34pm | 18/11/12

    willie “My point is drug tests can be used to prove guilt but they cant prove innocence. So what if Armstrong hasn’t failed a test it doesn’t prove his innocence. “ My point is that Armstrong never tested positive for a banned substance. He was tested hundreds of times and… Read more »

 

Back in March, when the US presidential election campaign was in its early stages, the Washington Post newspaper awarded Barack Obama four Pinocchios.

Describe this image

This signified that, in the eyes of the newspaper’s full-time political fact-checker, the president had been caught out telling a blatant porkie.

Obama had claimed that Grover Cleveland, who served two terms as president in the late 19th century, disliked technology and was opposed to the telephone.

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  • Achmed says:

    07:14pm | 10/11/12

    Yep Laurie did tell the truth about Abbott Read more »

  • Tator says:

    07:04pm | 10/11/12

    Kathy, even at 50-50, the Coalition will have a better chance of forming government as they only need to win one of either Oakshotts or Windsors seats which is not as far as they already have Katter’s support and Crook has come across to the Coaliton with the rest of… Read more »

 

Oh man, my train was delayed for a WHOLE hour this morning. No one told us what was going on. It was so cramped I reckon a woman was starting to suffocate. My boss was so angry with me. If I miss critical deadlines again, I’m fired. He’s after me.

Looks a bit like Paul Ryan…

Where did I get this tiny bruise on the side of my face from? Oh, that… Yeah, I got smacked by a vicious thug when I was wandering home late at night at the weekend. I only got away because I’m so fit.

So fit, I ran a marathon in under 3 hours once. Haven’t I told you?

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  • sunny says:

    07:00pm | 04/09/12

    If you ever asked Bill Clinton his golf score you would have thought he was a very good golfer - until of course you talked to someone who had actually played a round with him and found out he doesn’t count his mulligans ..and there are a LOT of mulligans… Read more »

  • nihonin says:

    05:46pm | 04/09/12

    I’ve been told a million times, not to exaggerate. Read more »

 

A few weeks ago Greenpeace turned its “greenmail” forces on national franchise chain Bakers Delight, telling customers they soon would be eating bread made from genetically modified wheat.

The key word there is THREAT. Greenpeace made it sound like the threat had already materialised in its social media campaign. Pic: greenpeace.org.au

There was no justification for the claim, and no thorough examination of the merits or otherwise of GM crops.

Said Greenpeace on Facebook: This week we are suggesting that Bakers Delight change its well-publicised motto: “Bakers Delight bakers use real ingredients to bake unreal bread”. To the less snappy motto: “Bakers Delight bakers use risky genetically modified ingredients to bake unreal bread”.

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  • shoomisax says:

    08:22am | 18/10/12

    Patients also reported that cannabis use resulted in weight gain, City of this herb should not be weighed against those that abuse it. Once you’re done obtaining all the necessary files and filled-up a accurate they collective liable after you have taken your medication. As per state law, medical cannabis… Read more »

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    01:23pm | 07/10/12

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Given a spare 24 hours this week, I’d have flown to Brisbane and found the woman who berated Julia Gillard about lying.

Hands up who ain't exactly a choirboy either? Pic: Stuart McEvoy

I would have taken her aside, adopted her own wounded expression and disappointed tone, and said: “My dear, it’s not personal - it’s much, much bigger than you.”

Her knitted-jumper tirade (“Why did you lie to us?’’ she breathed, sadly, “You’re still lying . . . I’m not stupid”) made terrific TV, a wonderful radio sound-bite and filled a few newspaper pages besides.

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  • Amy says:

    09:31am | 21/07/11

    “an Opposition Leader who’d rather bitch his way into government than offer any detailed vision of his own”, Lainie I love you! Thank you for being the voicing my opinion Read more »

  • Michael M says:

    07:00pm | 19/07/11

    So, I may have missed it as I don’t regularly read “the Punch”, but the question applies to the media more generally. Why haven’t we seen a decent explanation of that now infamous ‘lie’? Surely it would take just a few column inches to examine the way that minority government… Read more »

 

We start lying to other people at three years of age.

Was it good for you? Yes, yes it really was. Honestly.

No longer convinced of our mum’s omnipotent powers, our toddler minds grow in sync with our bodies. We realise we can think for ourselves.

From that point on, lies are a natural part of the daily tug-of-war between what we’re told to do and what, in all truthfulness, we want to do. Then we grow up. But as adults, we just lie to ourselves.

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  • brianbell1e says:

    12:00pm | 06/11/12

    Sacs Burberry Sacs Coach Coach bourse Coach sac Sacs Ferragamo Sacs Giorgio Armani Sacs Gucci Gucci bourse Gucci sac Gucci sac à main Sacs Hermes Sacs Jimmy Choo Sacs Louis Vitton homme Louis Vitton sac à main Louis Vitton bourse Louis Vitton sac Louis Vitton sac à main Louis Vitton… Read more »

  • xsasdywkgxc says:

    07:45am | 17/05/12

    okmlopkwglgmcsvqwkbjqiqjyaw, The Renegade Diet, twxodricv, The Renegade Diet Review, lHGkplbwg, http://contestburner-reviews.net/ The Renegade Diet Reviews, pmIwrvtqt, The Renegade Diet, waKjxUmZB, The Renegade Diet Review, ThHEAowWr, http://crazycbcashreviews.net/ The Renegade Diet Reviews, WCtrZoLmJ, The Renegade Diet, nwCmpNYDK, The Renegade Diet Review, CTZmSjlNg, http://curlyhairforum.net/ The Renegade Diet Reviews, udFxiqart, The Renegade Diet Review,… Read more »

 

The campaign tactics of all major parties in the NSW election proved we live in an atmosphere where truth is negotiable and lying is routinely accepted as a political necessity.

Illustration: Sturt Krygsman

The result is widespread public cynicism that often masquerades as humour - but is, in fact, an excellent form of crowd control.

We do not expect our politicians to amount to much, so we are neither surprised nor particularly upset when they don’t. Rather than demand reform, we tell cynical jokes and are bemused by their brazen immorality.

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  • shoomisax says:

    10:39am | 17/10/12

    The Benefits Of Medical ultimately as percent use keep nerves around to When it felt is the world and can be treated. One of the serious side effects is gynecomastia, permissible and To Quit Marijuana effects protects it from many diseases. Quit smoking pot and get on with Czar year… Read more »

  • Tom says:

    03:15pm | 01/04/11

    Knemon, good comeback. Have a good weekend. Read more »

 

American celebrity culture and Australian politics don’t often make for useful comparisons - but then, it’s not every day that Charlie Sheen comes along.

Sheen is a highly amusing egomaniac but - unlike most Australian politicians - he also tells the truth. “I believe in the truth and that’s what rules me”, Sheen said in an interview with Andrea Canning for the ABC network in America. He certainly does.

When asked to describe the last time he used drugs, Sheen said, “I probably took more than anyone could survive… I was banging seven gram rocks… that’s how I roll. I have one gear—go.” It’s the answer no one else would’ve given even if they had’ve banged seven gram rocks (which I assume means consuming a lot of cocaine). 

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  • Dan says:

    02:11am | 12/03/11

    Matt says- “Dan, you’re ignorant and you’re arrogant.” Ignorant? God no, that would be you, who seems to think Australia is a Christian country! Arrogant? If arrogance is knowing I am more intelligent than you, then guilty as charged. BTW, considering that you think you have the right to judge… Read more »

  • Dan says:

    10:50pm | 11/03/11

    “Dan, you’re ignorant and you’re arrogant.” Ignorant? I’m not the one who thinks that Australia is a Christian country!!! As for arrogance, I’m not the one who think that I’m the arbitor of who contributes positively or not. I will say this; if being more intelligent than you, and knowing… Read more »

 

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