Inventions
Right now, somewhere in the world, some clever person is furiously scribbling away. Their eyes are probably darting around for thieving glances as they hurriedly sketch a crude blueprint of the invention that will grant them an early retirement. They’re a visionary, an intellectual titan - a solver of citrus-related problems.
To that person, I say simply: Stop it, you monster. Seriously, friend, just put the biro down and stop ruining things for the rest of us. Every time some show-off designs an easy-wind chapstick or a plastic thing that shapes pancakes into Paul Giamatti characters, they make it harder for the rest of us to effortlessly strike it rich.
There are precious few things left to invent and whenever one of you yahoos decides to cross one off the list, my friends and I have less chance of being able to rent out entire hotels and run enormous waterslides down all 35 flights of stairs.
Continue reading "The night I got drunk and tried to invent something" »
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