Humour
While some argue Tony Abbott has “opened up the culture wars” by declaring the practice of respecting traditional Aboriginal land owners at official gatherings as “out of place tokenism”, you can’t deny that though controversial, the Ab-Blaster has a point. These repeatedly enforced preambles for the Whatever Tribe Of Wherever grow ever more meaningless each ensuing shindig, and are at best, descending into farce.
It isn’t culture, it’s clutter. PCYC CEO Chris Gardiner has also picked up the dustpan and brush, declaring kicking off parliament with the Lord’s Prayer is not only intolerable, but “anachronistic at best… superstitious at worst”. The message is clear – it’s time for a clean out Australia!
This is a big, brown and far too dusty land, and there’s plenty more mouldy, moth-eared, curry-stained tokenistic traditions still loitering about the flat, in desperate need of either chucking in the wash, or just a good old chucking out.
Anzac Day marches:
This bizarre annual tradition of old blokes marching up and down city streets, blocking shopping access to discount fashion outlets and electrical goods warehouses, has surely done its dash.
Continue reading "Why stop at binning welcome to country and prayers" »
Is this the greatest ever send-up of 24-hour news? Warning: contains strong language and hilarity. From The Onion.
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Karla says:
A copy of Charlie Brooker, with added expletives. Read more »
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Wade says:
Good…but Charlie Brooker beat them to it weeks ago: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtGSXMuWMR4&feature=player_embedded Read more »
You’ve seen the pixelated Bingle in the Shower picture everywhere. Now see the latest uncensored Bingle in the Shower pic doing the rounds on email and Twitter.
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Tim says:
Dude, super exy. I’m going to counter bid you by offering to sell myself for a miserly 10k, I gots some web dev billz to pay, don’t you know. Read more »
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Tim says:
Hahaha, this is comedy genius too! ROTFLOL. “don’t you get that *you* are disrespecting women, too” - *sigh*, pure gold. Read more »
I’ll be honest, I was looking for an excuse to dig up John Howard’s caricature one last time and give it a good flogging.
There’s something about the reach-for-the-sky eyebrows, go-forth-into-the-night bottom lip and mouthful-of-dental-cotton vocal lilt that as a satirist, I find irresistible.
All I needed was a reasonable context, and Tony Abbott’s ascension to the Liberal leadership provided the perfect opportunity.
Continue reading "Inside cartooning: Making the most of the Liberals" »
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Lucien says:
@Robert - keeping a plug in Tony’s cakehole worked well enough for the premise of this sketch, but it was also a convenient way of hiding the fact that I haven’t nailed his vocal caricature yet. That’s going to take a lot of listening to his voice. Possibly more than… Read more »
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Robert King says:
@acker; Ouch! On re-reading the third paragraph of Lucien’s post, I realise I’ve gone off on a completely ‘unfounded’ tangent. Thanks for helping me steer the ‘HMAS Mateship’ on a course more acceptable to you. Please go on more about what you think the thread is about… you’re really quite… Read more »
For as long as I can remember I have been asked how tall I am at least once every day. I can understand why. I am six foot seven inches tall, towering over most people.
My exact height is not the only thing I am regularly asked by complete strangers, they often ask whether my parents fed me Weetbix as a child (they did) and how the weather is ‘up there’ (it is invariably the same).
But something strange has been happening lately. For the first time in my life, questions relating to my height, its causes and its metrological consequences have been diminishing. A new line of enquiry dominates the minds of the people I meet.
Continue reading "How I found out I’m no relation to Mary MacKillop" »
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francesca says:
Great piece. You are I have a lot in common Scott, I’m not related to Mary either. The only miracle I can see in this age of proven science and technology and against all the evidence, is that there are people who still believe in miracles and saints who facilitate… Read more »
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Joe says:
I recently saw a great documentary on Mary Mackilop done by Canadians after they discovered her when they were out here for World Youth Day in 08. I even went to a Joyes school and had images of Mary Mackillop staring down on us in every classroom, but it wasnt… Read more »
Lefties and other decent folk are wetting their pants at the prospect of that beacon of excellence Barack Obama and his telegenic family visiting our shores next month.
Since coming onto the public radar, Obama has achieved pop-star status as the great hope for our shared dreams of equality.
But is this really what he represents?
Continue reading "If minorities want equality, don’t look at the Obamas" »
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Robert King says:
Couldn’t agree more, Helen. Do you heard the term ‘rightwing intellectual’ bandide about much? Could be some connection… Read more »
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Helen says:
This article is too nuanced for the Punch - I just knew there’d be a welter of comments from people who just don’t get it. Read more »
It really is the best invention, ever.
A company in the US has dreamt up a bit of punctuation to indicate that you are being sarcastic.
As if you ever going to need it.
Continue reading "Punctuation mark for sarcasm a brilliant idea" »
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papachango says:
There are already plenty of acceptable ways of showing sarcasm in the written form. Try emoticons like and the ‘rolling eyes’ one or even a /sarc tag if you’re geekisly inclined. Even inverted commas can do the trick, so that we don’t need this ‘incredibly useful’ invention… Read more »
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papachango says:
True the Amercians sometimes struggle with sarcasm and irony - which explains the Wayne’s World craze of ending a sarcastic sentence with ...NOT! Just to be sure that it is actually sarcastic y’know… You do realise that, while Alanis Morissette shows a similar inability to grasp irony, she is in… Read more »
So much for modern hotels being soulless. Below are some edited highlights from a survey of guest habits from Novotel released today.
A guy’s girlfriend liked farms. So he asked for their room to be filled with hay.
A guest in Australia’s great shiraz-producing Barossa Valley heard about the hotel’s signature red-wine spa treatment. He asked for a bath full of red wine in his room.
Continue reading "It’s room service! Did you order the 33 rubber ducks?" »
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cats says:
Davy, i think it suggests that the women could not be effed to clean up after themselves after years of cleaning up after their husbands/children Read more »
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stephen says:
33 ping-pong balls in a room’s when yer can start makin’ phone calls. Read more »
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My name is Leslie Nassar, you may remember me from the side-splitting online satire of Fake Stephen Conroy, Today Tonight, and iSnack 2.0. Ah, The Internet, where even the most obvious and mediocre of writers can become a Celebretard.
I’ve been asked to write about the Harold Holtification of Fake Stephen Conroy. I only have a few hundred words to play with and every article that references Twitter must, by law, contain an excruciatingly detailed history of the author’s use of the service, so let’s not dilly-dally.
When Twitter launched in 2007, I joined the microblogging site thinking I could sate my hunger for telling complete strangers (most of them foreign) about my favourite sandwiches. Disappointingly, it turned out that people were more interested in discussing politics than listening to my opinion on multigrain sourdough breads (I am opposed to them, naturally). So I deleted my account in disgust.
Continue reading "Why it was time to kill off Fake Stephen Conroy" »
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Chase Stevens says:
Urgh why can’t people just appreciate some light reading? If your looking for something to satiate your thirst for political outrage go read something written by Bolt. stfu and stop complaining.w Of course I don’t practise what I preach. Read more »
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Carl Palmer says:
OK and? Read more »
Today in the US it’s Thanksgiving, where Americans gather around tables groaning under turkeys the size of footstools and serve what appear to be marshmallow-laden deserts as salads.
It is the biggest family holiday in the US and the idea of being thankful for being an American certainly has a great appeal that admittedly might be a little lost on the nation’s original Indians.
Our national day isn’t for a couple of months but I thought it apt to list ten things I am thankful for about being an Australian and living Australia.
Continue reading "Thanksgiving, Australia style: 10 things I’m thankful for" »
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Kurt says:
I visited Australia once for work. I found Aussies unbearably hypocritical and self-absorbed. Did you know that “Thanksgiving” in the USA is about thanking God for all our blessings during the year? It has nothing to do with “being American” except that “being American” transcends any race-based identification. Since you… Read more »
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Annabel says:
Halloween isn’t an American tradition - it’s a celtic one. America just populised it. many cultures accross the world have a festival for the dead. i’m thankful to live without fear. pc tripe, yes indeed. Read more »
To avoid some traps for young players I feel compelled to offer some advice observed from way too many hours in the rough and tumble of professional kitchens. Call it Chefs, and how to spot them in their natural habitat.
Points are given (out of ten) for each species that you may have inhabiting your kitchen, a low score is excellent, a high score should have the alarm bells ringing.
The Pedigreed Slouch, also known as the Know–all, or Mr Europe: First thing that you notice is its casual air of superiority. Its CV is long and littered with all the right names. Once working it makes repeated and ill-timed references to previous methods in other, better kitchens. Like some sort of defense mechanism, the Slouch will, when under the pump, start a frenzied monologue of how things were done at Le Manoir Quat Saisons whilst getting deeper and deeper in the shit. Usually this ends with the Slouch being rescued by an apprentice and then promptly walking out shamefaced.
Score 8
Continue reading "A field companion to various species of chef" »
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Peter Thornton says:
Chefs are an annoying and cowardly species. I’ve worked with enough of them to form this (accurate) opinion. In my day, any chef who continually acted got-up and precious received a well deserved clip ‘round the ear. Why, these day, more waiting staff don’t maintain this excellent adjunct to a… Read more »
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Rita says:
I believe Steve would say “Well of course I think I’m the gold nugget however if I’m being honest, at different times of my life I have been quite a few on that list & then some others as well!” I actually agree with him about his being the Gold… Read more »
Everyone must radically change the way they live - and even their culture - to save the planet, the Greens say. They want people to live in car-less “urban villages’‘, feed off community gardens and re-localise schools and hospitals.
Deputy leader of the Australian Greens Christine Milne outlined her green dream in a speech in Canberra earlier this year. “Our wealth has not brought us happiness,’’ Senator Milne told the National Press Club. “The political, social and economic makeover required is so transformative that it creates the opportunity to go greenfields.’’
Here is a preview of what this world looks like…
Continue reading "Greentopia 2050: How I became one with a lettuce" »
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Richard says:
“Our wealth has not brought us happiness,’’ Senator Milne told the National Press Club. Doc Bud, she was misquoted. What she really said was “Your wealth has not brought me happiness.” Read more »
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Ripper says:
Brilliant! I haven’t laughed so much in a while. The scary thing is 1984 probably seemed to be far fetched in 1949 Read more »
I grew up in the outer suburbs in a Mcmansion with upwardly mobile Howard-voting parents and garden view to ‘Fountain Lakes’ shopping centre. Boganism is in my gene pool.
A new blog called Things Bogans Like (inspired by Stuff White People Like) attempts to map out exactly what does and does not constitute Aussie Boganism.
The site is run by a group of young men who live in inner-Melbourne, go to music festivals and art galleries. Certainly, the fact many working-class people now have money and live in big houses has been making the intelligentsia uncomfortable for quite some time.
Continue reading "A bogan’s revenge: 10 signs you’re an inner-city tosser" »
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Saskia says:
‘Bogans’ are ‘Old Labor’ or the Union side of the ALP Inner City ‘Tossers’ are ‘New labor’ (or Greens if they are too embarrassed to say they vote Labor) or the chardonnay socialist side of the ALP I love how both of these sad little groups despises each other but… Read more »
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Grumbles says:
Your a hippie Read more »
I don’t know how it happened. It could be higher levels of blue-rinse in the water. Maybe it’s a spike in the sales of model trains. Or a sudden surge in the demand for lamingtons. But 2009 is unofficially shaping up to be The Year Of The Wowser.
With almost German precision (if I am permitted to use nationality as the basis of my point), the chorus of shrill voices responding to controversy in comedy has been oscillating at a rock solid bi-weekly frequency in recent months.
While you have to admire the sheer energy these biddies have - you can’t grant them any real depth of understanding when it comes to the art form. (And yes. It is an art form.)
Continue reading "Are cantankerous codgers winning the war on comedy?" »
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Jules says:
There’s the wowsers but more frighteningly, the wowser-enablers, namely the knee-knocking network senior management. ABC management’s response to the Make A Wish skit (and damn it Chaser were right, they are going to die anyway…) gave the wowser throng real power and fed the beast. Read more »
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jed says:
most instigated by news ltd, aca and tt, no one really cares until news organisations immediately get on the phone to the usual suspects and start whipping up a frenzy for their own benefit. Read more »
My parents never taught me how to cook, they just taught me how not to.
My 50-something father still burns fish fingers, and has done since I was three. Probably earlier.
My mother micro-waved all of the nutrients out of anything I ever ate.
Continue reading "The way to good cooking may be learning what not to do" »
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Gillsy says:
AFR > I’m happy there is something wrong with me, it leaves room for improvement and fun in my life Read more »
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Eno says:
I have spent a number of years trying to get decent at this cooking business - honestly started as I found it was a good way to impress girls (blush). I’ve had people ask the best way to learn to cook. My single lesson is ‘make sure the local Pizza… Read more »
Aussies consider themselves as pretty funny but sadly Australian TV comedy is no laughing matter.
Perhaps that’s not true if you are satisfied, wit-wise, with a boy smearing vegemite all over himself on a Hey Hey It’s Saturday – The Exhumation special.
Still, such antics may have a lowest rung place on the spectrum of disposable panel/skit/stunt shows that Aussie TV throws and sometimes throws up at us.
Continue reading "Even the Americans are doing better comedy than us" »
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GG says:
What do you mean, “EVEN the Americans are doing better comedy”????? America has a long history of comedy production, going right back to the days of vaudeville (and further for all I know) radio, and of course TV, right up to today. Of course there are lousy sitcoms but the… Read more »
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Bob H says:
As we are all being honest, Australia does not do comedy, we are to comfortable and suburban and too many of us work in the public service. We are definately not a bunch of knock about larekins quipping our way through the trials of life. There are cosy cliques of… Read more »
What would happen if everyone followed Kraft’s lead and decided to rebadge great Australian brands with whimsical zeitgeist names? Perhaps something like this. (If you haven’t come across it, “FTW!” means for “For the Win!” and is an expression of approval. Find out more here.)
Penbo wrote about the iSnack 2.0 debacle here today and it has kicked off a most amusing set of comments including one reader who complained the new product was incompatible with Toast 9.0.
Anyway, potentials for Penfold’s Grange, Akubra, and R.M. Williams are over the jump. Suggestions in the comments, please - you can offer new slogans for Aussie brands or email your own poorly-Photoshopped offerings to photos (at) thepunch.com.au.
Continue reading "Other Aussie brands get the iSnack2.0 treatment" »
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Gedadinderya says:
Lara Bingle = iCandy Dr Suess = C@H@ 2.0 Pussycats = Mi@o Read more »
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Melissah says:
That R.M. Will.i.ams shirt is genius. Read more »
It’s a case of life imitating art or, more precisely, life almost imitating a cult Kiwi musical comedy duo’s US cable TV show.
In the second series of the relentlessly self-deprecating Flight of the Conchords, the New Zealand Prime Minister Brian visits America but is such a non-entity that the closest he comes to meeting Barack Obama is on a public tour of the White House and then later at a party with an Obama impersonator.
In a follow-up episode Brian opens the single dismal exhibit New Zealand Town in New York and insists on providing the commentary while driving the guided tour bus past it himself.
Continue reading "Top ten ways to describe New Zealand to Americans" »
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Neil whose sister's a cop says:
Helen it should read “Tip Tin. Rather. And I don’t know about you but I prefer Canadians and even Americans over NZ’ers although I find most of them to be alright. Read more »
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bengeck says:
New zealand, where man are man, and the sheep are nervous. Read more »
Last week when Simon Crean announced a plan to rebrand Australia, we sought your suggestions for a new national marketing slogan. Penning a line is one thing - but to get the full impact, it may help to see how some of the stand-outs read on a poster. Add your responses and appraisals in the comments - the first attempt is from Eccles:
The rest are after the jump.
Continue reading "Your suggestions for a new national marketing slogan" »
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butt says:
<a >teen butt fuck</a> Read more »
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ammyaa says:
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The first time I remember being confused was Christmas morning 1980, inspecting the wake of Santa’s latest handiwork. Casting a keen eye over a freshly unwrapped model of an X-Wing Fighter, I spied the words DOES NOT CONTAIN GLUE on the box’s spine, and quizzed my pops about this glaring oversight.
In his unimpeachable wisdom, Dad told me not to worry, as he’d already chucked in the glue for me. Hang about. Did you say YOU put the glue in? YOU? I was girt by confusion.
Was my father some sort of wizard who could teleport a tube of glue into an already-wrapped present?
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ally says:
Chris, You are Quality! Everything of yours i have read has resulted with side-splitting laughter! Keep on being confused Read more »
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Fats B. says:
Just to narrow those directions to the love shack down just a little more, after you see the sign (15 miles..) look for the rusted tin roof on a funky little shack thats set back in a field, and there should be folks lining up outside to get in and… Read more »
If this is true, the man involved is either hysterically funny or he needs to see a doctor. Enjoy.
Hat-tip to digg.
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Steve of Cornubia says:
This was funnier the first time around - about ten years ago! Read more »
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Julie Coker-Godson says:
LOL, after the second prank! What a hoot. Loved it. Read more »
Watch The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart rip into CNN’s latest craze: using phrases like “you’re kidding me” and “just sayin’” to comment on news stories:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| CNN’s Just Sayin’ | ||||
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John Ryan says:
Dan,the problem you have is that spelling mistakes and all Dude was telling the truth,Fox News owned by Murdock are the leading fear mongers along with Limbaugh in the US. They are out to get the Democrat Administration and Obama by slanting their News and letting people like Beck and… Read more »
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Peter says:
Seems people here see through the propaganda attempts by News Ltd outlets. Every story bashes their commercial competitors, this one is just another example. If you really want some fun, find Jon Stewart clips bashing the hell out of Fox News. Read more »
Recently, an oily looking salesman in a shopping mall unexpectedly grabbed my hand and starting rubbing some cream into it.
He had a mono brow and a lank, black ponytail at the nape of his neck.
‘Oh, very dry hands,’ he declared triumphantly as he massaged in the cream.
Continue reading "Well read-head: Antidotes to people who spoil your day" »
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Lauren says:
@ Margaret - sorry to burst your ‘holier than thou’ bubble, but those Cancer Council peeps get PAID, they are not volunteers hun.LOL @you… Just letting you know. ps - i can’t stand anyone coming up to me trying to sell stuff or get money for anything - so i… Read more »
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Dan says:
Margaret, it’s simple; NOBODY has any right to touch someone else without permission. Everything else is irrelevant. Read more »
In 2007, for the first time in its history, The Pulitzer Prize for editorial cartooning was awarded to a cartoonist whose submission consisted of both print cartoons and animations.
America’s editorial cartoonists, already under siege from dwindling newspaper circulation, syndication and political correctness, were quick to circle the wagons around their craft. “What next…the Family Guy gets a Pulitzer?” bleated USA Today’s Scott Stantis.
They miss the point. Anybody who’s ever picked up a pixel and tried to churn out an animation knows how laborious, how mind-numbingly tedious, how frustrating a process it can be.
Continue reading "An animated discussion about political cartoons" »
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stephen says:
Yes Lucien, I think of it as ‘wiseguy’ commentary. I look at this stuff, fold my arms, tilt my head, and go “huh, KOOKY”, (then check the t.v. guide when’s showing re-runs of Mister Ed.) These ‘cartoon capers’ is where bart simpson, Jay Leno and any advertising gets its ‘philosophy… Read more »
It seems that our obsession with having a bet has even reached the rat community. If, however, rats can have a punt while considering the odds and make a decision based on reason, as the article suggests, it probably puts them a step ahead of most of us. As Kent Brockman may have said in response to this: “I, for one, welcome our new Rat Overlords.”
This news of course comes at a time when the ongoing practice of everyone’s favourite network, Channel 9, of giving live betting updates during sporting events, continues apace. During the summer it was Betfair odds during the cricket and now it’s TAB Sportbet during the rugby league season. Many people, including me, find the practice appalling, but Nine have never really been known for giving two hoots about what the ethical among us think, as long as there’s a dollar in it for them.
The League calls feature renowned punters Ray “Rabbits” Warren and Peter “Sterlo” Sterling giving live updates on the current Sportbet odds as the match they commentate on progresses, accompanied by a rather feeble-sounding closing rider about betting responsibly. Older readers in non-NRL states probably know Rabbits, aka Rabs, from his previous life as a horse racing caller. Younger ones may know him from his swimming commentary, which sounds much like his horse racing commentary.
Continue reading "Forget footy - give us odds on being sent to the doghouse" »
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Pino Palladino says:
If Channel 9 were a racehorse, it’d be Stylish Century. Talked up as the real deal, all the money in the world thrown at it and under-delivers so badly it has to be shot at the end of a race it couldn’t even finish. If you’re going to punt on… Read more »
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R. Mossop says:
I remember that during the cricket! Usually while someone took a hat-trick or the like. At least pushing gambling isn’t as bad as promoting the other rubbish nine broadcasts, under the loose idiom of “entertainment”. Although I used to enjoy Richie, waxing lyrically about how much he enjoys watching “Sex… Read more »
Darth Vader probably hasn’t has as much work done on his appearance as Michael Jackson, but he does the Thriller dance just as well. Enjoy.
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DanO says:
If they had put this in Star Wars 1,2,or 3, maybe I would have liked them. Read more »
Barack Obama is so Gen Y, even though he’s 47.
Just this week he was copping a grilling on American station CNBC about government economic intervention when he stopped for a second, eyed off an annoying fly, and obliterated it ninja-style. “Now, where were we?” he asks the interviewer. What a chiller.
Pan left for a second to Kevin Rudd, 51, who when put in a similar situation, pulls out the painful to watch sauce-bottle-shake chat in a desperate attempt to appear “with-it”. With added cringe-benefits.
Continue reading "Tips for pollies wishing to connect with Gen Y" »
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Caspar says:
Despite the fact that this article gets to the core of my hatred for Gen Y stereotyping (being a 20year old Gen Y myself) the guy’s got a point. Obama may not have won the election because he used socail networking websites but he sure as hell did raise a… Read more »
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SOH says:
Alex was pwned!! Read more »
The Daily Show team digs out the best clips from the archive for this stuff. Here’s Stewart on unverified social media info driving coverage of the Iran elections.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Irandecision 2009 - CNN’s Unverified Material | ||||
| ||||
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I wasn’t upset when Princess Diana died. I didn’t know her, never met her, thought she seemed like a bit of a dill.
Sad for her family but that’s life isn’t it. One day it’s all going to end. Hopefully not naked in a cupboard in Bangkok like David Carradine but you just don’t know.
Continue reading "Thanks Kev and ACA, but I’ll decide if I’m disgusted" »
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Maria F NSW says:
Point taken and noted. Perhaps we don’t know what the chaser boys have been through in their illustrious lives. Having said that, does anyone honestly believe that they would have gone through with this pathetic excuse for a joke if one of their kids was going through treatment for a… Read more »
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nick says:
THe Chaser definitely need to have a skit on this true life (unfortunately) episode. Hopefully they can skewer the fact that Uncle Kev is tuned into whatever ACA will or has said. Really no better than John Howard. I would really like to know from Greg exactly what harm this… Read more »
UPDATE: The ABC has just issued an apology to the Make a Wish Foundation
The worst thing about The Chaser’s sick kids skit last night was that it was the only funny thing on the show. If you missed the team’s “Make a Realistic Wish Foundation” parody you can see the whole show here.
I thought Chris Taylor’s hospital sketch was hilarious. Either I’m alone in this or am the only one prepared to admit it.
While this morning radio is going off about how “sick” the skit was, no doubt making the Chaser boys’ marketing department very very pleased with themselves, last night online the team got a far more damning reaction - luke warm, half-hearted indifference.
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Tim says:
One of the Rove writers is renowned for using the term “die in a fire” when he was writing in print, you can tell when they use his jokes as they are so bad. Since when does Kevin Rudd review TV shows? Read more »
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Molly says:
The joke was not on the kids who need help, but on the people who try to believe they are helping by doing tiny acts like the pencil case. I recently got diagnosed with advanced cancer, and i have had some supposed friends thinking they were being all helpful by… Read more »
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