Our babysitter handed over a wad of cash last week to go a little blonder. And when I say “a little”, I’m talking the degree of difference between two adjacent shades on the Dulux chart - you know, tendril green and fern green, or buttercup and daffodil. Apparently, her boyfriend didn’t notice the change.
As she went to leave our house though, something, perhaps my second X chromosome, or perhaps the fact I have always been strangely drawn to paint colour charts, alerted me to the subtle change. And I complimented her on it. The look I got back was so full of warmth, I couldn’t help wondering what that young man was going to be missing out on that night.
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So the other day at Sydney’s Town Hall train station, there was a CityRail worker manning the exits with a mad mohawk just like the accompanying image of De Niro’s Travis Bickle in the movie Taxi Driver.
Call me paranoid. Call me old school. Call me totally out of touch, but it wasn’t a good look.
The guy wasn’t a train driver himself, but he works for an organisation that sends 300 tonne trains hurtling through dark tunnels every minute of the day. And there’s just something in me that wants employees of that organisation to have sensible hair.
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Early-onset or ‘precocious’ puberty is on the rise, thanks to increasing child obesity levels and possibly environmental hormones.
Now, scientists from the Conds Institute have pinpointed a trend towards early-onset middle age, and their hypothesis is that it could also have to do with obesity and sedentary lifestyles.
They warn that Australians in their 30s or early 40s may already be experiencing a range of symptoms including stray hair, inadvertent grunting, and increasing issues with bodily secretions.
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In this cynical age of focus groups and poll-driven policy, America has at last unearthed a presidential candidate who will not blow with the political wind, or any wind for that matter. A candidate who will hold true to his principles through thick and thicker.
Meet Donald Trump’s hair, the frontrunner for next year’s republican nomination. While notoriously unreliable sources like The New York Times have mistakenly suggested that it is Mr Trump himself who will run for the White House, The Punch can exclusively reveal the candidate is in fact the rug atop his head.
“I will comb over the thinning budget and plug any gaps,” the perfectly coiffed hairpiece told The Punch overnight. “And if you don’t like my policies, you’re fired.”
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My husband was recently driving along, listening to a debate on the radio – as you do when you don’t have two kids squabbling in the back and a swimming lesson to be at in four minutes – when he spotted a striking blonde.
As he tells it, he simply glanced at her from behind but, being a trained observer, he managed to take in her tight white jeans, crop-top and foxy heels. But what he most recalls (and remember, he only had that nanosecond) was the glossy, platinum hair flicking against her tanned back.
As he drove past, he checked her out in his wing mirror – because you never know when a girl might trip on her heels and need roadside assistance. That’s when, he says, he nearly drove the car into the local chicken shop.
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You’re in a café looking at a woman with a thick mane of lustrous, golden hair atop a trim torso.
In fact, from the back she looks a lot like Barbie. Then she turns to reveal a face that looks a lot like Barbie too – but at 70, or perhaps when she’s been left in the bottom of the paddling pool for a month, dried in the microwave and then cleaned with steelo.
You have now experienced lock shock.
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