Constant CPR vigilance is exhausting. Trust me. I’m there, ready to give chest compressions as I learnt in a scuba diving course as soon as someone keels over.
The only problem is, I don’t work in a hospital. I just go to a gym.
I recently joined one of those 24-hour chain gyms where you can work out to your heart’s content… or discontent.
Latest 2 of 39 commentsView all comments
You might consider yourself in good health, but you’re probably just uninformed. With the range of conditions, deficiencies and disorders available to us spreading like blood on a tissue, the odds that you really are well must be diminishing.
If you haven’t even found a puny food intolerance to call your own, you could be letting developments in the health and wellbeing industry pass you by.
Anxiety, tiredness and bloating can no longer be dismissed as part of our human condition, although that is chronic. They are symptoms in search of a diagnosis.
Latest 2 of 71 commentsView all comments
“Good on you Tony, you’ll be in the big house soon won’t you?” said a Tony Abbott fan, slightly confusing American slang for prison with The Lodge.
“Well, I call it the crazy house some times,” replied Tony Abbott jovially, possibly confusing The Lodge with Parliament.
The Opposition Leader was spending about 20 minutes at Bibbenluke, a hamlet in southern NSW where 96 schoolboy Rugby League teams gathered on Saturday for a giant carnival.
Latest 2 of 207 commentsView all comments
There’s a steaming pile of rubbish out there about health. There’s plenty of money to be made from offering too-good-to-be-true remedies.
Yesterday I was writing a couple of news stories about ways in which people get bamboozled by health-related information and then I started firing up a Punch piece on them. Then I realised I’d written it all before. Bullshit is everywhere, and it’s a billion-dollar industry and people want magic pills.
So rather than repeat myself I thought I’d just list five of the stories that have crossed my desk recently and made me want to tear out my hair and run screaming into the street. And if you know of others, let me know. It’s not that we ever run short of subjects for The Punch’s regular I Call Bullshit column, but there’s a sadistic pleasure in seeing that particular cup runneth over.
Latest 2 of 224 commentsView all comments
I’m standing on stage in front of a few hundred people wearing a tiny Swarovski crystal-covered bikini and six-inch Perspex platform stripper heels. That’s just the start. If you are a female figure bodybuilder, as I am, you get to wear nail art, big hair and lots of bling-bling jewellery. I even have crystals embedded in my false eyelashes.
My deep dark tan is painted on and then there’s another layer of shimmer gel so I look like a bronzed-up Barbie doll with muscles.
I turned 50 this year and decided to enter a bodybuilding competition - a memorable way to mark what might otherwise be a year of regret.
Latest 2 of 157 commentsView all comments
While the media last week fixated on the political “divide” in Australia, with vastly divergent views expressed on the carbon tax at the forums and some confrontations between people with passionate viewpoints, it’s worth remembering that every day of every week, Aussies are getting on with their lives and doing remarkable things.
It’s worth remembering that there is so much more that unites us as a nation than that which currently divides us.
All that is great about Australia was on display in a rain-soaked corner of Queensland last weekend.
Latest 2 of 11 commentsView all comments
Being a proper Renaissance man, I recently swore off exercise. Every year, my brain - being the smug bastard that it is - tells my body to get healthy, which usually complies. This year’s embarrassingly brief dalliance with fitness, however, saw my body rebel, invoking Charles Darwin himself.
It all began with a recent viewing of The Fugitive. Harrison Ford just keeps running and running and running in that movie. What if, I thought, a one-armed man killed my wife and I couldn’t prove it and was sent to jail, only to escape thanks to a CGI train crash? Tommy Lee Jones would need only follow the trail of vomit and tears for five minutes before he found me wheezing in the foetal position, begging for leniency.
And so, I’ve spent the past month running and tearing various muscles in an effort to become healthier. It occurred to me last week, however, that it’s all a bunch of nonsense. As I spluttered my way up one of Taringa’s many tortuous hills, I realised exercise and healthy living was the height of human stupidity.
Latest 2 of 146 commentsView all comments
Think you’re a normal weight? So did I, until I got stuck in lift at 2am.
A big group of us piled in and it promptly broke.
After the shock of screaming to a halt between floors, we were indignant. The lift said it could hold 12 people. There were only 11 of us.
Latest 2 of 32 commentsView all comments
If you have an aversion to thousands of riders in brightly coloured lycra, it’s not for you. If, however, you are a keen recreational cyclist who delights in an outdoor adventure, the Great Victorian Bike Ride is one of the ‘must do’ events in life.
First conducted in 1984, when 2,100 people cycled from Wodonga to Melbourne, it has grown into one of the great cycle touring events in the world. Last week, 5,000 people rode from Portland in the west of the State, via Cape Bridgewater, along the iconic Great Ocean Road to Geelong.
Averaging 70 kilometres a day, the huge peleton spread for kilometres along the coastal road. There was every shape and size of human imaginable, battling headwinds from Port Fairy to Port Campbell one day, and then the long climbs to Laver’s Hill and over the Otways the next.
Latest 2 of 12 commentsView all comments
How times change. When I started working in an office a little over 20 years ago, you could still smoke at your desk. In fact, when you were shown the stationary cabinet on your first day in a new job you could kit yourself out with a stapler and sticky-tape dispenser as well as an ashtray.
In those days, ‘smoking or non-smoking?’ was an everyday question when checking in for an airline flight’, you watched the Benson & Hedges World Series Cup over summer and the Winfield Cup over winter and the back cover of almost every women’s magazine carried an ad featuring an attractive blonde, a beach, acres of cheesecloth and a packet Alpine.
At about the same time blokes would go to the beach in the middle of the day, shirtless and hatless, while women would lay for hours baking themselves to a golden brown while occasionally basting themselves with coconut oil. Sun protection was not standard work issue for workers out of doors and sunshirts and sensible hats had the same sartorial appeal as sandals with long socks.
Latest 2 of 44 commentsView all comments
I have battled with my weight for the past 12 years. I’m now 40.
I thought having kids would be a turning point. I thought having a suspected heart attack in the West Indies while filming my show An Aussie Goes Calypso would be a turning point. I thought turning 40 would be a turning point.
But nothing seems to stick and I continue to jump on and off a number of diets and fitness regimes.
Latest 2 of 23 commentsView all comments
If you’re like me - and hopefully you’re not, since that would make you a lazy couch potato with a strong dislike for exercise - then you’ll no doubt be heartily cheered by the efforts of a bunch of amphibious rats somewhere in Japan.
Apparently two groups of these rats were set different tasks. The unlucky ones got to paddle in a pool for six hours, with a brief break halfway through. The ‘lucky’ ones got to carry a load of weight and struggle hard for twenty seconds before being lifted from the water for ten seconds, and then thrown back in.
Clearly, some people have a strange idea of fun. But for the rats, there were some interesting changes. The ones that exercised for six hours got fitter.
But, and this is the good news bit, so did the rats which did twenty seconds hard work, followed by ten seconds break – repeated over just four and a half minutes of swimming.
Latest 2 of 5 commentsView all comments
Read all about it
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
The latest and greatest
Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…
I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…
In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…