In a few months’ time, you will be confronted by a bunch of people will beg you to let a pair of cows onto a ship. But do not allow those wild-eyed bovine to set even one hoof on deck, lest they rend the supple flesh from your throat. That sounds crazy, but give me a moment to explain.
If ancient civilisations, reclusive internet jabberers and random online sex offenders are to be believed, 2012 marks the end of the world.
Some say an asteroid with a crudely-drawn smiley face will plunge into the Earth during the final chorus of Auld Lang Syne, while others believe apes will suddenly spear everyone to death on December 31. It doesn’t matter - it’s curtains either way.
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Unless you have been hiding under a rock for some months, you will realise that people are starving in the Horn of Africa.
The UN Food and Agriculture Organisation considers 12 million people at risk in a region that includes Ethiopia (82m), Kenya (39m), Somalia (9m), Uganda (32m) and little Djibouti (1m). The figures in brackets are national populations and imply that 12 million is only only about 7 per cent of people in the region.
But you know the risk to each and every one of them is serious when Bob Geldof is wheeled out in a suit. Geldof, in a recent press conference, felt compelled to remind people that those at risk are intelligent, creative and resilient people who are suffering enormously.
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Clover Moo here, reporting once again from the shady corner of the paddock.
I know what you’re thinking in that oversized human brain of yours. Wait a minute, I sound like that godawful ANZ ad.
Anyway, I’m guessing you’re sick of the carbon tax, right? Well, me too. If I read one more word about it in the old newsprint down in the chook shed, I swear I’ll start squirting Yakult out my udders.
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Clover Moo here, reporting from the shady corner of the paddock. It’s been tough times for us cows. Yep, a real cattle dog of a week.
As if this year hasn’t been distressing enough with the supermarkets flogging my precious milk for $1 a litre, along come these revelations of brutality at Indonesian slaughterhouses.
I’ve known about this for years, of course. The rumours have been on the bovine grapevine for ages. Now the rumours are confirmed. We are being slaughtered like…like… like animals!
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The recent revelation that new Climate Commissioner Tim Flannery has a contract with Meat and Livestock Australia shouldn’t be a surprise to anybody who read his 2008 Quarterly Essay Now or Never: A sustainable future for Australia.
But I think both the relationship and the essay demonstrate that Flannery is not the right person for the job.
Flannery’s advocacy in Now or Never of abundant meat as the answer to global food problems is like suggesting private jets to solve transportation problems.
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