Children

When my daughter was almost two she did something lots of people do every morning. She ate some peanut butter on toast. Two hours later, when breakfast was long forgotten and the time for lunch was nearly upon us, her face began to swell – and in moments, she was scarcely able to breathe.

I will never forget the terror of holding her while feeling completely helpless as her body turned against her. The gasping sounds she made as she struggled to take her next breath, rapidly turning pale, and as her body went floppy.

It was the most terrifying moment of my life, and a memory that will stay imprinted with my husband and I forever. If it wasn’t for the fast response from a clued-in GP, she wouldn’t have seen her second birthday.

Continue reading "When did it become nuts to want to protect children?" »

Be afraid, be very afraid. The food Nazis are on the hunt through suburban school lunch boxes. Food is no longer a private matter in our educational institutions; parents are quaking in their shoes, terrified that they will be judged on the efficacy of their social responsibility and parenting skills by the contents of the humble pail. 

The fallout of which means becoming social pariahs based on white bread, or the inclusion of a Tim Tam.

Teachers peer beneath the lids of the not so humble receptacles (very seldom now a simple plastic box – they’re now themed, decorated, iced, chilled, heated, layered, compartmentalised and sheathed) and “tut tut”, or shake their heads at a child’s humble peanut butter sandwich or limp carrot.

Continue reading "Food allergy fascists make peanuts of us all" »

For me and my girlfriends growing up, having babies was definitely a “no-go” area. Going to university, travelling the world and starting a career were the three things drummed into our heads over and over by mothers who came from a generation that married early -  usually between the ages of 18 and 23 - quickly started a family and left their own careers to play second fiddle to that of their husbands.

Almost thirty years down the track and the results are starting to show. The average age of a pregnant woman in Australia is now 29 and 25 per cent of women having their first baby are over 35. There are also more women than ever completing post graduate degrees at university and forging ahead with successful careers.

Continue reading "What is the best age for women to have babies?" »

China’s ‘“little emperors”, the adored children born under the country’s one-child policy with a reputation of being pampered and spoiled, are entering parenthood and have been accused of raising a generation of brats.

Chinese media this week ran reports in which men and women born in one-child families after 1980, known as “first generation only child”, were accused of producing selfish children with personality problems.

“Now that they have entered their 30s, many of them have already married and most have chosen to have one child. These children are called “second generation only child”,” the People’s Daily reported.

Continue reading "China’s second generation of spoilt brats" »

Among the down-sides of the widely-available LCD or Plasma TV is the redundancy of the term ‘boob-tube’.

Whoever originally coined this expression, with its wonderful breastfeeding double-entendre, must surely have had either Freud or Andy Warhol in mind.

Few parents are immune to the pang of guilt that can be felt when seeing their kids ‘glued to the box’, jaws slack, eyes unblinking, shoulders slumped. All the facial muscles set to passive mode. All the action in the room comes from the flickering lights and jingle-jangle noises in front of the kids.

Continue reading "Why you should plonk your kids in front of the telly" »

I have the overwhelming feeling that I should ‘put up my dukes’ and rstep outside with Carrie Mille, who seems to think mothers with prams and gym memberships are the collective Devil.

For the record, I do not have a *gym membership, but I do have a pram and a child. So in the words of Meatloaf, two outta three ain’t bad.

But I had 34 years of being single and childless. So I don’t want anyone to tell me I don’t know what it’s like to see my friends off at the church, picking rice out of their bodices, and lament the loss of yet another cocktail buddy.

Continue reading "Childless singletons - the grass is always greener" »

The arrival of a newborn child does strange things to people. It warps their perspective and clouds their judgement — and that’s to say nothing of sleep-deprived new parents. Instead, it’s a conclusion I’ve reached by reading commentators and readers of opinion websites.

Take, for example, Carrie Miller’s offering in yesterday’s edition of The Punch. While Miller had a point about overbearing middle-class parents, she sounded like a child who needs a spell on the naughty step by likening child-bearing to ‘a banal biological tradition driven by the baser instincts inherent in animals’. 

Miller isn’t alone in reducing childbearing to nothing more than ‘biological tradition’. Over at Fairfax’s competitor to The Punch, the National Times, recent articles about the behaviour of harried parents and their prams provoked comments from readers arguing that children are nothing than a lifestyle choice.

Continue reading "A message to the selfish: children are a public good" »

The launch of the MySchool website has resulted in some of the most contentious debate about education in our country in a long time. It seems everyone has an opinion, with teachers, parents and policymakers all putting forward their perspectives on what is arguably the government’s first major step in identifying the discrepancies in the quality of education provided between schools. 

Putting aside the pros and cons of this method of measurement of a school’s success, the one thing there is no argument about is the site’s success in igniting discussion at every level of society about education in Australia.

We have known for many years that too many students are leaving school without the skills needed to participate in the 21st century (characterised as the knowledge era). This is in part because, as Sir Ken Robinson, a leading education advisor from the UK, observed in his visit to Australia last year, our current education systems are stuck in the industrial era and are in many cases inhibiting rather than nurturing the talents students need to succeed.

Continue reading "MySchool should help us reinvent education" »

On our summer holidays we had a baby.

And with the joy of Georgia’s arrival managing the night has reached a new level of complexity. For parents of young families this is one of the great challenges of life.

Night feeds, bad dreams, wet beds and sleep walking have been part and parcel of the night shift in our house for more than a decade now. Yet of the four children easily the busiest at night, at least for now, has been Harvey.

Continue reading "A night with Harvey" »

We all know that sex sells. Some of the earliest tobacco advertising featured stylised drawings of starlets inserted in cigarette packs.

Sexy images of women are used to sell everything, from cars to spring water to internet access.Many such ads are targeted at men, but ads for products aimed at women are often similar.

Not only are sexually provocative images of women used to advertise, but they are routinely featured on television, music video clips, movies and even toys.  While adults are better equipped to deal with the bombardment of sexualised content, we need to stop to consider the impact it has on children.

Continue reading "Why should children be exposed to videos like this?" »

At the risk of being kicked out of the country I am going to ask whose kids had a little flutter on the Melbourne Cup today?

I heard a radio announcer talking about her spend for the day - which was just fine - until she tacked on at the end, “and the kids have a little $10 bet each.”

Okay – let’s forget for a minute that it is illegal for persons under 18 to gamble and think just a bit about the oft documented impact of problem gambling on Australian society. $18 billion a year in losses and seven people affected by each person with a gambling problem.

Continue reading "Should kids bet on the Cup?" »

This is pop star Miley Cyrus’s little sister Noah at a Halloween party last weekend. It’s not the first time little Noah has been sent out on the red carpet in an outfit that is, ahem, a little old for her.

And not surprisingly it drew a pretty quick knee-jerk response from commentators right around the world. OUTRAGE! But is it really that bad?

The Punch decided to ask the people at the coal face of the battle against the growing sexualistion of children, mothers with young daughters, what an image like this did to their efforts to stop their little girls growing up too fast.

Don’t miss our body image special on The Punch tomorrow morning. You won’t believe your eyes.

Continue reading "What mothers say about a 9-year-old dressed like this" »

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men,
Helped to make Humpty feel better again.

Continue reading "Scrambling Humpty Dumpty, and other travesties" »

Politicians talk and write about a range of subjects. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve spoken about the defence industry, mining, renewable energy and climate change, universities, infrastructure, investment and exports, science, law and order, arts, and multiculturalism.

But a few months ago, a pre-school educator said to me that we seldom hear our male politicians talking about early childhood education and development.

She was right. So here goes.

Continue reading "Our most important investment" »

With the controversy in Melbourne of a mother who was brought before police and still could be charged with assualt for using wooden spoon on her daughter, we at the Punch thought we’d share with you wooden spooning techniques used in our families. Were you subjected to the wooden spoon? Is it acceptable or based on an outdated notion or corporal punishment?

Growing up in family of nine children discipline was not merely an issue for parents at one point in my family we had our own militia and counter-intelligence organisation. 

I’m actually surprised that we all survived some of those punch ups that would quickly escalate into riots putting those Nigerian crime gangs to shame. 

Continue reading "Close encounters with the wooden spoon" »

I’m trying to think of an intro that won’t make me sound like a Dirty Harry-style vigilante. But I can’t so I’ll just admit it – if serial paedophile Dennis Ferguson moved into my suburb I’d be out on the street with the rest of the neighbours demanding he be kicked out immediately, and asking why he was ever let out of jail in the first place.

With one exception, which I’ll deal with further down, all the wise-headed counsel against mob hysteria is coming from people who haven’t just discovered that their new next-door neighbour kidnapped and raped three children.

Or that he’s been charged with other aberrant or disturbing conduct since then too. And is still quite obviously as mad as a meat axe, a genuinely scary-looking weirdo who would probably be safer and happier if he were still in custody, rather than popping up in an endless series of new locations across our continent, on every occasion confronted by parents who become frightened and angry when they realise who’s just moved in.

Continue reading "In defence of the angry mob" »

A few weeks ago I had one of my worst days as a new MP. A woman came to see me in my office in Caringbah in southern Sydney and told me the appalling story of how her child was being exposed to pornography by the child’s own father.

The child is less than five years old. I won’t go into the other details for risk of identifying the individuals involved, but rest assured it would make the most tolerant and liberal thinking of readers angry and sick.

What is worse is that as we looked to see what remedies were available to help this mum protect her child, we found there were none – and the police confirmed as much to her.

Continue reading "Protect kids from porn in the family home" »

“What about the children starving in Africa?”

I’d get that a lot when growing up if I didn’t finish the food on offer.  I suppose I am not alone in that memory.  But, like the food itself, it was a throwaway line.

For my generation, who have since become parents themselves, was it an effective call to act?  While over-ordering takeaway, because we are consumed by watching Masterchef - a show that taunts and rejects food - the same day that 25,000 children die from poverty-related causes - I think not.

Continue reading "The volunteer gene is facing extinction" »

Does anyone else find it quite frankly perverse that in affluent first-world Australia so much time is spent fretting about the supposed weight problems of our children when UNICEF figures show five thousand kids across the globe die every day essentially because they can’t get a clean glass of water?

I sure as hell do. But here we go again. Last week the Rudd Government’s Preventative Health Task Force Report called for a ban on junk food advertising on TV before 9:00pm and for the use of toys, cartoon characters and celebrities that appeal to children to be phased out. But the Australian Communications and Media Authority is against the banning of those TV ads.

The reaction? A seething white-hot fury coming from nice middle class homes all over Sydney. How can anyone possibly put corporate profits before our kids’ health?

Continue reading "Junk food doesn’t make kids fat - junk parents do" »

As the climate change debate held centre stage in Parliament last week, I found myself at a nearby primary school wrestling a chicken for the cameras. With kids milling around, my task was to casually hold this hen (the kids had named “Roast”), while the photographer from the local paper took pictures.

As we struck our pose with beaming smiles, Roast pooed over my new suit confirming the old piece of advice to never work with kids or animals. But of course to take that advice in politics would deprive pollies of 90 per cent of our photo-ops.

In this case, the kids were central to the event at hand: the launching of CarbonKids at Forrest Primary School, Canberra.  In equal measure, even though they may not yet realise it, these kids are also central to the debate raging on the Hill.

Continue reading "How a chook helped teach kids about the planet" »

Fine dining fans will be thrilled to hear that the world’s most famous restaurant – McDonalds – has just made a bold pitch for the haute cuisine end of the market with the release of two new burgers made with prime export-quality Australian Angus beef.

“Served on a sourdough bun and with gourmet trimmings for $6.45 and $6.75 respectively, the burgers represent a premium option for cost-conscious diners” a Maccas spokesman said this week.

Many people will think this latest marketing ploy is a disgrace. And I agree with them.

Continue reading "Take your kids to Maccas with pride" »

After watching my third season of children’s soccer, I’ve decided that winning is the new losing. My daughter’s team qualified for their first grand final on the weekend and she left the field in tears.

After two seasons of developing her skills and building her confidence, the new coach took a different approach this year.

As the season progressed, he decided the strongest team would be played. As she was perceived to be less strong than other players, over the last six weeks, she has played on average 15 or 20 minutes out of the hour.

Continue reading "Kids’ sport should not just be about winning" »

Cake schmake. Just shut up and pass the eggs!

Dave Penberthy’s musings about Rosemary Stanton’s rant on the evil of packet cake mixture being pushed by Bindi Irwin and her family on televisions across Australia is off the mark.

The point that worries me doesn’t involve cakes, but Bindi’s “childhood”. Bindi Irwin and her brother spend much of their lives being home schooled, they mix and play with the children of employees of Australia Zoo, not children of diverse backgrounds through exposure to the usual forms of community education and socialisation. 

Continue reading "Cakes are the least of poor Bindi’s worries" »

…..but the body is not.

And I am in a whole world of pain.

And no, seeing as you ask, I am not about talking politics (or at least not on this occasion). Rather, I mean the physical pain of preparing to climb, just four weeks from now, Africa’s Mt Kilimanjaro – “Killy”, to its friends.

Continue reading "5895m above sea level and the oxygen is thinning…" »

Transformers: The Movie. Year: 1986. Spoiler alert: Optimus Prime dies

Any young boy who saw the original animated movie version of the Transformers will tell you that it was one of the most harrowing, exhilarating and ultimately traumatic experience of his life. In terms of emotional impact it rates somewhere between losing your virginity and finding out you’re adopted.

Of course I saw the film when I was 11, some 20 years before I lost my virginity, but it resonates with me even today. I went and saw it at the Belgrave cinema east of Melbourne with my best friend at the time Mark Evans. We were best friends for almost all of Grade Six because we both liked cars and that was enough back then.

When I got to the cinema I was shocked to discover my cousin Dan was there. Dan was 18 months younger than me and therefore to be avoided at all costs. When you are at that age your coolness redoubles every month and younger relatives are a millstone of shame. The true wonder was that I had convinced Mark Evans I was cool in the first place, and that running in circles in an above ground pool while pretending to be a superhero called Fireboy was what all the kids were doing these days.

Continue reading "Joe’s $1 a week cinema #3: Transformers" »

Some of the most vivid memories I have from childhood involved sleepovers at friends houses or having my friends come and stay.

Those moments, when you experience for the first time what it’s like to be without your own parents, and are expected to fit in with families with totally different habits to your own, are incredibly important in childhood development.

But a NSW court has this afternoon put an end to the practice - awarding $853,396 in damages to a boy who fell from a bunk-bed at a friends house. The friend’s parents have to pay.

Continue reading "No more sleepovers, birthday parties, or babysitting…" »

Look down- do you have a uterus?

Yes? Good luck with that, because no matter what choice you make concerning that particular piece of bodily real estate, you will be criticised, harangued and nagged by the media, the medical profession and friends. Whatever you choose to do with it, or the fates lump you with in terms of partners and fertility, you’re going to have to justify your decision with greater rigour and intellectual vim than if you were contemplating voting for the Democrats.

Dissenting opinions are fine and dandy, but when it comes to this particular topic, its not that everyone has something to say, they think they have every right to say it loudly and bang on about it in several thousand word essays.

Continue reading "Knocked up, knocked down" »

My nine-year-old has been waging a campaign to see the South Park movie for six months now. I’ve said ‘No’. It’s a funny movie but there’s a scene in it, featured below, where Saddam Hussein has sex with Satan. I figure you have to be at least ten years old to process that joke.

Naturally, my son did what all well-raised and obedient children do when their parents ban something. He waited until I was cooking dinner and he YouTubed it. It was a smart move – he got to watch all the rude bits without any of the annoying political satire.

As I write this column, I’m in London attending a conference on children and cybersafety. I have no doubt that my son is reveling in my absence. My exhausted partner will surely fall asleep early at some point and my son will sneak upstairs to type naughty words into Google.

Continue reading "Kids’ healthy curiosity more powerful than censorship" »

Choc tops. Check. Obesity inducing fizzy drinks. Check. Two seven year olds. Check. Negligent parenting. Check.

Time to set school holidays brain to snooze. The film is PG and Disney: Race To Witch Mountain.

The plot concerns alien beings that take the shape of children and are gently helped back to their spaceship by Dwayne Johnson – exactly the kind of caring behaviour you’d expect of a former professional wrestler known as The Rock.

Parental nap rudely interrupted when the frantic gunfire starts.

Continue reading "Buckle up kiddies, it’s a Walt Disney gorefest" »