While the world’s libraries are busy shifting Lance Armstrong’s autobiography from the non-fiction to the fiction shelf, I’m wondering into which genre the Australian Crime Commission’s report on the corruption of Australian sport will eventually fall.
Unless the darkest day in Australian sport is illuminated sometime soon, I’m worried it will be considered something of a docudrama based on a true story and we will be left wondering what was real and what wasn’t.
What has surprised me, given the gambling culture in this country, is that the plethora of betting agencies aren’t offering odds on which players, teams or matches will eventually be named and shamed.
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Your favourite sports star and mine. Your team and my team too – all of them are Lance Armstrong today.
That’s not to say every sportsman or woman in a major professional Australian sport is guilty of doping and/or match fixing. But let’s be clear. Everyone is now firmly under the spotlight. Everyone. Even the ones we thought were clean skins.
The Australian Crime Commission investigation and report into Organised Crime and Drugs in Sport shows that we are cheats and drug takers just like everyone else.
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Outrage, outrage, outrage. Defending Australian Open champion Victoria Azarenka is a cheat who robbed Sloane Stephens of a spot in the final, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, well I ain’t gonna minsk words about the Belarusian’s belligerent behavior. You ask me, Azarenka cleverly used the rules to her own advantage.
Now, before anyone squawks “yeah, but her fake injury break was flaunting the rules!” let me squawk the following right back at ya’.
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Don’t let cycling supercheat Lance Armstrong take you for another ride. This is what he’s no doubt planning to do when he appears on Oprah’s couch in a no-holds-barred interview next week.
Oprah is promising no question will be off-limits, but, interestingly, the interview will not be broadcast in full or live. No doubt Armstrong will be contrite, sincere and regretful. He may even cry.
He may need a few rehearsals to get these emotions down pat.
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We’re a judgemental bunch, humans. We make snap decisions based on what people wear, their hair, their smiles (or lack thereof). Their shoes (10-hole Doc Martens do have a certain je ne sais quoi).
I make fairly hasty assessments of people whose butt cheeks I can see poking out through the bottom of their shorts, for example.
There’s a certain ‘Adelaide’ accent that makes me gnash my teeth. Close talkers, mouth breathers, people with oversized pectorals.
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Thou shalt not worship false idols. The problem being, of course, that we only ever learn too late that they were false; that they were cheats or curs or degenerates.
Lance Armstrong, who has been stripped of his seven Tour de France titles and banned from the sport for life, maintains his innocence in the face of doping charges.
It’s potentially the biggest sporting scandal of all time. The biggest downfall, the biggest disgrace.
Most athletes who cheat at the Olympics at least have the good sense to do so in pursuit of victory. The smart ones also make a concerted effort to hide any wrongdoing.
Well, somebody needs to send the badminton community a few copies of “Cheating for Dummies”. Four doubles teams have been sensationally thrown out of the Games after blatantly trying to lose their matches last night, in an apparent effort to manipulate the quarter-final draw.
Employing a level of dry understatement that would make even the London locals proud, the Badminton World Federation charged all eight players involved with “not using one’s best efforts to win a match”.
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Jools Oliver, wife of celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, told a reporter this week that she regularly checks her husband’s mobile phone for evidence that he might be cheating.
“Yeah, I’ll check his email. I’ll check his Twitter. I’ll check his phone. Everything seems fine,” she said. “He says I’m a jealous girl, but I think I’m fairly laid-back, considering,” she said.
By which we assume she is referring to their $228m fortune. Or maybe it’s Jamie’s globe trotting lifestyle. Whatever the reason, we think it’s a damn fine dilemma for a Friday.
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A friend of a friend is turning 40 and all she wants to mark the ending of her 30s is sex with someone other than her husband.
I’m told this woman doesn’t want to leave her husband – he’s a top bloke. But what she’s seeking is a feeling she hasn’t felt for a decade – that pulse-quickening, heart-thumping, deeply elemental, electric jolt called lust.
“I get it,” says my friend. “She’s only ever slept with two men and she’s coming to terms with the fact she’ll never experience sex with someone new ever again.”
The old “I’m sorry… but I was really drunk” excuse has just been trumped. Researchers in the US have recently discovered there is, supposedly, a genetic condition which could explain why some people cheat on their partners.
It’s the old Michael Douglas “I have a sex addition” baloney.
Give me a break. It seems that every time someone gets caught drink driving, cheating, being violent (or whatever) they trot out some medical or genetic condition to excuse their behaviour.
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This week’s article by George Galanis in The Punch was an interesting read. But, I’m afraid to say, it mistakenly perpetuated the myth that somehow it is medically safe to use performance enhancing substances in sport.
Doping has been around as long as competitive sport itself. However, in modern history one of the major catalysts for the prevention of doping in sport was the deaths of athletes resulting directly from doping.
The reality is that athletes have indeed died during and straight after competition because they have doped. The death of Danish cyclist Knud Enemark Jensen during competition at the 1960 Olympic Games in Rome (the autopsy revealed traces of amphetamine) increased the pressure for sports authorities to introduce drug testing.
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Salary rorts in the NRL, Oscar winning performances on the soccer field, underage Olympic gymnasts and drug-cheats in the cycling peloton.
It’s all cheating and, as an elite athlete, I’m angry.
Not only at those who cheat, but also those around them who allow it to happen.
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