Champange

Flemington’s impending celebration might stop a nation, but it also gets certain sectors moving. As trainers and thoroughbreds all over town intensify their pre-race fitness campaigns, it seemed only appropriate that this punter hit the track too.

Who does a girl have to smile at to get a drink around here? Photo: Herald Sun

Accordingly, the weekend saw me set off on 3 km of what looked like jogging, only slower. As I turned for home, I was really digging deep, deep into that space where a person’s mathematical ability is supposed to be. Taking into account the time and distance, would I have burned off 5 barbecue shapes or pushed it out to 6?

Distracted by these calculations, I inhaled a little seasonal joy, in the form of some kind of airborne plant matter. This particular piece of plant matter was actually big enough for a person to duck, but unfortunately it went straight in, resulting in a full-blown, public gagging episode.

Latest 2 of 9 comments

View all comments
 
  • sunny says:

    10:05am | 02/11/12

    Good system, and it can be used for lotto too. I think I’ll stick to my time honoured tradition of picking my runners by their name - for example if I see any one of the following: Dilatory Dawdler, Straggler’s Pride, Stuckinda Barrier, Miss Thejump or Just Warming Up then… Read more »

  • Gregg says:

    09:46am | 02/11/12

    Yes, bit like that party trick of challenging a smoker to get all their cigs held between their fingers and it better be their king hitting hand for when they do and you’re holding the packet for them, it’s Oops, I’ve just crushed your packet in the excitement! But you… Read more »

 

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

The Punch is moving house

The Punch is moving house

Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Superman needs saving

Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more

28 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free News.com.au newsletter