Breasts

Following a number of reports that implants made by the French company Poly Implant Prostheses (PIP) contain carcinogenic industrial grade silicon, and are at high risk of rupturing, the Federal Government has announced that Medicare rebates for scans will be available for women at risk of having faulty PIP breast implants.

But isn’t something missing in this debate? Are we really going to just do what we’re told by these so-called “medical professionals”, or are we going to look at the facts for ourselves? Who will stand up for the rights and livelihoods of plastic surgeons?

Look, I’m just as concerned as you about the claims of faulty implants as the next person. If the claims of toxins leaking out of the implants and into women’s bodies and even possibly into the milk that they breastfed to their children are real, then yeah, that’s a huge issue.

Continue reading "Boob job beat-up is just like the climate con job" »

Two mates of mine – one large breasted, one small breasted – were talking about the first thing they’d do if their mammarial situations were reversed. They both said they’d go jogging on the beach without a bra.

Weird, huh? Boobs are weird. We can all agree that they’re great, but they’re also non-ergonomically designed appendages that need special treatment. Hence all the infomercialtainment time spent discussing the best wire/elastane/Kevlar combinations to mould them into the perfect shape.

Bras used to be such a simple affair. A bit of wire, a couple of cups. Straps. Now the industry is making mountains out of molehills and turning a simple chest restraining device into the lingerie equivalent of cricket’s Duckworth Lewis method.

Continue reading "Watch out - it’s a booby trap" »

In the interests of research, I once squeezed a woman’s breasts. Yep, a full-on fondle – with both hands – up under her pink bra. Well, that got your attention, didn’t it? Hi, fellas!

I’d been sent to a lap-dancing club by an editor keen to stroke, sorry, stoke the usual media outrage that occurs whenever a sexual establishment sets up in suburbia.

But far more interesting than the girls getting their kit off for a bunch of bankers (honestly, they were happily coining it) was their bodies. Or, more specifically, their breasts. Because, while I’d been cruising through the ’90s thinking shoulder pads were the most offensive blight on my generation, a score of women had been secretly upholstering their boobs so they were as plumped and shiny as the vinyl seats on a Ford Escort.

Continue reading "Busting the myth that breast implants make you beautiful" »

In the 1940s Japanese prostitutes injected themselves with non-medical grade silicone or paraffin, or inserted sponges into their chests because they thought larger breasts would attract the American servicemen.

It’s not clear whether the results of the DIY cosmetic surgery were alluring, but it is clear that it was dangerous, and occasionally fatal.

It’s also clear that increasing numbers of women – and men – are prepared to take on the risks of invasive surgery to look better. The Australasian College of Cosmetic Surgery estimates it’s now a billion-dollar-a-year industry, and that’s not counting people seeking cheap new boobs, teeth, or tummies in Asia.

Continue reading "Who you gonna call when cosmetic surgery goes wrong?" »

A breast augmentation is a woman’s right. It’s her choice. It’s her body. It’s empowering. But a penis enlargement is a mental health issue.

(Life in plastic, it’s fantastic)
When it comes to penis enlargement, Australian surgeons seem to agree, the problem is not physical, but mental. When Triple J’s current affairs program, Hack, spoke to surgeons about penis enlargement recently, the view was unanimous. As one surgeon said: “I think often it’s a manifestation of some other form of emotional or perceptual problem rather than a physical one, and therefore I don’t believe that I should be doing that operation.”

According to the program, only one surgeon performs penis enlargements in Sydney, and even he says the problem is in the man’s head.

Continue reading "Boob jobs: When plastic is really not so fantastic" »