Arnold Schwarzenegger
I grew up idolising the greatest politician the world has ever seen.
As a boy, I would sit, clutching sugary treats, as he performed all manner of administrative miracles.
He was the one who taught me about terrorism, the perils of cloning, the dangers of space travel and that CIA-style pencil-pushing can lead to muscular atrophy.
Continue reading "Politicians: The Masters of Charisma. Just add crazy." »
Schwarzenegger, by request: Commando, 1985. Spoiler alert: The commando is no racist.
With the possible exception of Kevin Rudd’s stimulus package, no force on earth has done more for world peace, sexual emancipation and fiscal rectitude than Arnold Schwarzenegger. Across four decades Schwarzenegger has loomed large in the global psyche as an omnipotent moral guardian, as well as a cautionary example of the dangers of dental steroids.
What is most impressive about Schwarzenegger is that he overcame poverty, hardship and a strong family background in Nazism to become the very embodiment of the American dream.*
Continue reading "Joe’s $1-a-week cinema #8: Commando, by request" »
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Adam says:
“Ben” at 11:02, “stick around” came from Predator, just after arnie skewered a terrorist with a machette and pinned him to a wooden pillar. Read more »
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Nicholas says:
reply to ben “And which movie did arnie’s line “stick around” come from?\” Predator- after the initial fight scene in the bad guy camp. (which had the hot latino chick) and the line “I dont have time to bleed” that was Jesse Ventura I think Read more »
Biblical scholars generally agree that on the seventh day God created the Essendon Football Club. And so it came to pass that in 2000AD, as humanity braced for the second coming, the mighty Bombers did descend from heaven and banish the Melbourne Demons with righteous fire.
And lo how the people rejoiced; yet away from the dancing and merrymaking the prophet Leigh Matthews was watching the skies, waiting for a sign…
Matthews was the coach of the Brisbane Lions, a relatively new team which derived its strength from the gayness of anyone who barracked for it. Yet while this power source was abundant, Matthews was a cautious man and carefully studied the form of the Lions’ nemesis.
Continue reading "Joe’s $1 a week cinema #7: Schwarzenegger’s Predator" »
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Chris says:
“Stick around” is pure Arnie wit. Don’t forget that other classic Arnie line in the movie, where he blows down a door and kills the guerilla fighters inside, and then drop the line “Knock knock”. But “Running Man” was the best movie for Arnie one-liners. Read more »
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Socrates' Lament says:
You who criticise this article based on its references to Australia’s indigenous game have missed its wittier, better-crafted passages. The impetus of this article came from a factual event, where, during a live radio interview in mid-2001, Leigh Matthews offered the “If it bleeds, we can kill it” line in… Read more »
Director James Cameron, 1984, starring Michael Biehn. Spoiler alert: Michael Biehn dies.
The first time I saw The Terminator I think I was about 12. This strikes me as the correct age because I turned it on in the middle of the sex scene and I was annoyed yet sweaty at the same time.
Continue reading "Joe’s $1-a-week cinema #1: The Terminator" »
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Fiona says:
Wow, Joe, reading this made me so very happy.. thanks for another entertaining post. Love your work! Read more »
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regina says:
for mine, michael biehn outplayed the robot. just. lucky for him too that joe hildebrand was only 12 and many years off being a scathing film reviewer on a blog that hadn’t been invented yet. otherwise mr biehn would not have gone on to star in such groundbreaking roles as… Read more »
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