Apple

It was love at first swipe. I still remember the first time I held a gleaming iPhone in my hands. The smooth surface. The shiny cover. The high-resolution display. The awe-inspiring idea that the entire bank of human knowledge - from the bible to Wikipedia - resided in my palm.

Hahahaha, can you believe what those Aussies pay? Picture: AP

Today, I am a woman scorned. A woman betrayed. A woman who has fallen out of love with her iPhone. Why?

Quite simply, Apple is ripping me (and you) off blind. And it’s all completely legal. Aussies regularly pay twice what Americans pay for identical IT products, including devices, downloads, software and games.

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Back in my day, when pizza and hot dogs were separate things, we didn’t even have smartphones. This is what I imagine I will be telling my teenage daughter in about 15 years from now.

No Mum… I've told you a million times, it's Ctrl C Ctrl V… Photo: Thinkstock

Also “go to bed, it’s after 4pm” and “no, you can’t borrow my hoverboard, it’s way too powerful”.

My daughter is only 14 months old and is already fascinated with my iPhone. I honestly believe there is something about the Apple logo that subliminally attracts children from a very young age. Think about it: Why is the logo placed so conveniently at the back of the phone?

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  • Elphaba says:

    05:37pm | 15/01/13

    @Colin, given the fact that you don’t know where I work, my level of education, and what I do in my spare time, I’m not sure why you think I could be suffering from Tall Poppy Syndrome. You know what they say about assumptions.  You spend every spare moment you… Read more »

  • Tom says:

    05:29pm | 15/01/13

    If listening to the radio and reading a book makes someone a tall poppy, then we’re all tall poppies. Read more »

 

Well, I don’t know the first thing about technology, or anything really, so today I turn my highly unqualified attention to this newfangled iPad Smallie or whatever it’s called.

Anyone else think it's a bad omen that not one person in the room is admiring the merchandise?

Let me put it this way. The other day at work, we were ploughing through this bag of mini M&Ms. And there was this moment when we looked at each other and said: “hang on a sec, weren’t these things small enough anyway? Who said they needed to be made smaller?”

The same deal with this new iPad Smallie. It’s not like the old iPads didn’t fit neatly into your bag or your handbag. And it’s not like the new iPad Teensies are small enough to slot into your pocket. So like, what are they for again?

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  • lower_case_andrew says:

    06:26pm | 24/10/12

    “I am absolutley going to love the next few months as iPads and Android tablets dissapear from the business world once and for all “ Good luck with that. You’re entirely delusional, but good luck with that. If you think iOS and Android tablets are going to leave your corporate… Read more »

  • lower_case_andrew says:

    06:23pm | 24/10/12

    “Also, serious web browsing without flash?” Yes. Welcome to 2012. We’re a long way past Flash being relevant, particularly for mobile devices. Even Adobe has accepted this, and has spent the last three or four years re-tooling their content design apps for HTML5. Read more »

 

Apple is a religion and the Apple Store is its church. The Sydney Apple store, on George Street, is a particularly large version of this church.

You know how people in cults and Sci Fi movies always wear clean, mono-coloured clothing.  Bing, that’s the Apple Store.

You know how churches are always big and bright and filled with sickeningly happy people. Bing, the Apple Store again.

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  • Andrey says:

    07:06pm | 03/10/12

    Apple’s main business is marketing, not device manufacture. They sell midrange hardware at premium prices by selling the image. I often see Apple supporters on tech sites spouting Apple’s outstanding financial performance as proof of iPhone/iPad superiority over rivals, a ridiculous assumption. Given that cost of components and manufacture for… Read more »

  • bananabender says:

    06:37pm | 03/10/12

    Apple was saved by a $150 million cash injection from Microsoft. Had Microsoft not been involved in antitrust lawsuits Bill Gates could have almost instantly killed off Apple by stopping sales of Office for Mac. Read more »

 

I never thought I’d be writing about Ashton Kutcher. Because honestly, Kutcher doesn’t affect my existence. I don’t watch the TV shows or films that he’s in, I don’t follow him on Twitter, and I try my hardest avoid any stories with “Moore” or “Kutcher” in the title. I don’t care. And that’s OK.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wrong.com

But then I read yesterday that he was going to be playing Steve Jobs in an upcoming biopic and suddenly his very existence made me rage. I cannot describe the absolute horror I experienced that Charlie Sheen’s stand-in was going to be playing the former Apple founder.

But haven’t you heard? Kushton is an internet guru. Ask anyone. No. I’m serious. Ask anyone.

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Apple’s claims that its new iPad has “4G” technology has got it in trouble with the competition watchdog, the ACCC.

Apparently their displays are also made out of a crucial component of a human eye

The ACCC said in a statement that advertising the tablet under the “4G’’ banner was “misleading’’ as it suggested the tablet computer could, “with a SIM card, connect to a 4G mobile data network in Australia, when this is not the case’‘.

Is anyone else getting a little tired of every new Apple product being feted as the second coming? There’s no doubt they’ve made some innovative products. But so have Napisan Plus, Arnotts and a bazillion other companies. What’s brewing in your innovative minds this Wednesday?

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  • TheRealDave says:

    09:11pm | 28/03/12

    Ben, apparently the second button made it unstable and was only used by hackers and pirates for porn…. Read more »

  • marley says:

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OK, big bro. You know the drill. Tell me some techo stuff and make me sound intelligent.
It’ll take more than a few technical pointers to make you sound half smart, donkey breath.

As a special new feature, they've put tiny humans inside it

Yeah yeah, and your football team sucks more than mine. Look, just tell me about the new iPad. It’s the third one. So why isn’t it called iPad3?
Why does Apple do anything? It’s a company with a history of slight weird. I mean, “Think Different”. What was that about?

The blurb says the new iPad features a stunning new Retina™ display. Should I be excited?
It basically just means it has a really, really good screen with more pixels per inch.

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  • Peter Henderson says:

    08:37pm | 17/03/12

    As a high school IT teacher and working around technology all day I can definitely say that Apple products aren’t worth the hype. The only reason that they get the media that they do is purely because of marketing tactics and appearance. Read more »

  • Cynicised says:

    08:31pm | 16/03/12

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Terrible news. The word on the e-street is that Apple’s super-secretive tech-heads aren’t just slaving away on a new flat screen iDiotBox. They’re also attempting to kill off a wonderfully slapstick glitch in the company’s existing devices.

Compiled from damnyouautocorrect.com

‘Autocorrect’ is an iPhone function designed to correct spelling mistakes and complete par-finished words. Often, however, it demonstrates a delightfully human tendency to stuff up.

Over the past year, it has become infamous for transforming innocuous missives about holiday plans and office schedules into surreal ejaculations about Pussy Hats (instead of Pizza Huts), stroking offs (instead of stroganoffs), backyard transsexuals (instead of trampolines) and earthquake titty scales (instead of the usual Richter models).

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When it comes to being cool, Apple have had their highs and their lows. Highs: their “Big Brother” ad in 1984 and their funky early-to-mid 2000s iPod campaign. Lows: Well, look at the photo below.

SEDUCTIVE. Feel free to write your own caption!

A US fashion blogger has unearthed an Apple attempt at a fashion line circa 1986. It’s not pretty, and you can see more of those photos here. But whaddya reckon Punchers? Is it Apple’s fault their models look so ridiculous? Or is it just the ‘80s?

It’s Wednesday. What’s on your mind, folks?

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Your workplace, circa 2000. Employee: “I’ve got an idea for an entertainment device that can hold an entire music collection. It is beautifully designed, fits in your shirt pocket and can retail for under $500. What do you think?”

Not exactly easy to work with. Photo:AFP

Chief: “We appreciate your input Steve, but it doesn’t quite synergise with our six-month strategic outcomes moving forward”. What would have happened if, ten years ago, someone came up with the idea for the iPod in your workplace?

Would it have got up? Would it even have got past the initial pitch? And if it did get considered for development, would the original, brilliantly simple concept have ended up as the final product, or would something like this have happened …

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  • julian thomas says:

    10:18pm | 23/10/11

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This should be quite successful.

Spot on.

Take a look at this line of Steve Jobs action figures by WHOA TOYS. They’ve been pinging around the interwebs. Before you say “too soon”, the line came out just after The Man resigned.

We often hear people ask why we don’t idolise scientists and inventors over sportsmen. But I think it’s nice Jobs has received so much acclaim for his accomplishments. What do you think? And it’s Tuesday. What’s on your mind, folks?

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  • Kurisu Sonsaku says:

    07:17pm | 11/10/11

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    06:50pm | 11/10/11

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After 30 years of making the world a happier place, Apple co-founder and chairman Steve Jobs died yesterday, age 56. The world mourns the man some have called the Edison of our time.

People around the world took to social networks yesterday to express their condolences. Bill Gates tweeted: “I will miss Steve immensely”. Tony Hawk said: “Steve Jobs was the man”. Barack Obama’s statement, “There may be no greater tribute to Steve’s success than the fact that much of the world learned of his passing on a device he invented,” got retweet after retweet. 

While this was happening, Wikileaks was also tweeting about Steve Jobs. Except in doing so, the organisation was committing a journalistic crime taken straight from the playbook of the News of the World. You wouldn’t even read what they published on TMZ.

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Steve Jobs has died at the age 56. The technology mogul who founded the Apple Company with childhood friend Steve Wozniak in 1976 has faced considerable health problems over the past few years, including a battle with pancreatic cancer in 2004 and a liver transplant in 2009.

His colleagues at Apple have posted a warm message of farewell to their founder, paying tribute to his creative genius: “The world has lost an amazing human being,” they said.

A creative genius. Photo:Herald Sun

Jobs has been a hot topic here at The Punch in recent weeks. Simon Sharwood claimed he made the world a happier place. Yesterday Dan argued against the seemingly addictive Jobs business model.

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  • Kevin says:

    03:04pm | 10/02/12

    This is a very mivong tribute to Steve Jobs. I felt his loss, and I know the world does too. Read more »

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In just a few short days, four giant demons astride winged, skeletal steeds are expected to swoop from the sky and hurl every man, woman and child into the dark chasm of the infinite.

Marketing ploy? This? No way! Pic: Nikki Short

“Curse you, Apple!” the terrified masses will scream as CEO Tim Cook desperately points out the improved 8-megapixel camera and upgraded dual-core processor.

But they won’t have it, those Apple customers. They wanted an iPhone 5. Instead, they got an iPhone 4S and now everybody has to watch as palm trees and baby lambs are cast into fiery oblivion.

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  • PW says:

    08:19pm | 06/10/11

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  • stephen says:

    07:07pm | 06/10/11

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Another week, another Apple product feted as the Second Coming in gadget form. Wait, hang on a minute. . .

What did we do before temporal noise reduction? Pic: AFP

Apple are pretty good at hype, but it seems like they’ve been a little too good at it this week. Apple fan-boys and -girls (and shareholders) were roundly disappointed this morning with the launch of a slightly improved iPhone 4, the 4S. They were let down after whipping themselves up into a frenzy of iPhone 5 speculation over the past week.

But give it 9 days, when the smartphone is set to be released here, and you’re sure to see Apple-maniacs queueing from one end of your nearest capital city to the other to get their hands on the new smartphone. Their existing year-old iPhones will just get tossed. That’s a feature of Apple products. Your latest whizz-bang gizmo is always just a few short months away from being made obsolete by a product with only slightly more whizz and a pinch more bang.

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  • embracedmadness says:

    08:33am | 28/03/12

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Steve Jobs has quit as Apple CEO. This is sad news for everybody who fell in love with gadgets that were simple to use, and enormously fun to play with.

Pssst Nemo, have you heard that iPhone version 5 might actually be able to make phone calls?

The secret of Steve Jobs’ success is making customers deeply happy. Steve Jobs changed the world with a manic insistence that his customers must be so happy with his products that they want to buy them again and again.

You’d think every entrepreneur on the globe would do likewise, but no-one cares about customers like Jobs. And that’s why he has changed the world.

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  • winamp is poop says:

    02:56pm | 07/10/11

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  • yes says:

    11:26am | 07/10/11

    to this day, I reckon the best innovation on mobile phones was the Navi-key. Read more »

 

Happy birthday to Apple co-founder, CEO and all-round mega-rich guy, Steve Jobs. He was born on this day in 1955.

Jobs, attempting a visual representation of his bank balance. Photo: AP.

And it’s Thursday at The Punch. What’s on your mind? Share it here.

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As entertaining as the game was, the best action in yesterday’s Super Bowl was off the field.

In the second quarter, Motorola ran a one minute ad which parodied Ridley Scott’s bold, apocalyptic 1984 Apple ad.

In Scott’s ad, Apple seemed to be implying that the world of personal computing, circa the actual year 1984, was dominated by a Big Brother-like power (IBM, anyone?) more reminiscent of Orwell’s fictional 1984.

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  • Jane says:

    06:10pm | 10/02/11

    @Tom Thanks for such a kind response. Strong words. I think you will find that ‘moronic’ is an ill-informed personal opinion. My youngest son (2yrs) and my oldest living relative (87) can both use iTunes - it has to be pretty clever to reach such a wide range. And you… Read more »

 

Sometimes it’s tough being a celebrity journalist. Not only do you have to constantly travel to Prague and party with Ben Affleck but you also have to do radio interviews.

Cartoon by Peter Nicholson.

Earlier this week I was chatting to a Queensland radio station at about 7.30am when all of a sudden my mobile phone just cut out. Just immediately ceased to function, as if Philip Nitschke had caught it in a bad mood.

I must admit I found this lack of reception strange, given that I was standing in a street in the middle of Sydney—as opposed to, say, Hitler’s bunker.

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  • Charles Kelly says:

    01:47pm | 31/10/10

    And there you have it - this ironically named “In De Vidual” could be a spokesperson for Luddite “have nots” everywhere. I use an iPhone because it’s REALLY useful - my usage has NOTHING to do with “fashion” or “marketing”. For what they do, Apple iPhones provide the best available… Read more »

 

Remember all the things you learned at school: the periodic table and calculus and Egyptian pharaohs and dangling participles and the causes of the First World War.

iWant it now. Picture: AFP

Now think about what you learned at school that is actually useful in your everyday life today.  Excluding obvious basics such as reading, writing and arithmetic, I’d nominate two things, neither of which I imagined would turn out to be so handy.  The first is touch typing.  The second is what the teacher announced in the opening class of Grade 11 economics: wants are unlimited but resources are limited.

It’s something I think about all the time.  For example, I like to imagine that if I had an iPad with The New Yorker application on it, I’d be Perfectly Happy for the Rest of My Life.  Sadly though, I predict that soon after, there’d be a strong hankering for a stylish red leather pouch for said iPad. 

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  • Adam Dennis says:

    07:52am | 24/10/10

    From my full 13 years at school I learned nothing about dangling participles, buggerall about the Egyptians, zero about the First World War. The periodic table I learned cursorily (good for trivia quizzes), calculus I learned but had no idea what to use it for. I now know much more… Read more »

  • Chris L says:

    11:44am | 23/10/10

    Are you kidding? Read more »

 

In an old episode of MASH, the doctors are talking about missing television, in particular missing watching Milton Berle at night with their wives. Charles, arch conservative who likes old wine and even older music, says television is a passing phase.

Nothing to see here…

Winchester wasn’t the only one who poo-poohed the arrival of a new medium of entertainment, nor was he the last.

Well, its de ja vu all over again. There’s a new gadget on the market, the doubters and sceptics are doing their thing and technological evangelists are doing theirs.

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  • Bob says:

    07:58am | 07/06/10

    Julia, you do know the iPad will run any existing iPhone app too? So your quest for White Pages and Yellow Pages apps really doesn’t need to be that long. And for those who complain that you can’t make phone calls on it, well, you can: Skype has long supported… Read more »

  • chris says:

    06:29pm | 05/06/10

    Flash back a decade or two to hear the same thing being said about cellphones. Get a grip. Read more »

 

Call me a miserable old piece of shit but I reckon it’s pretty weird that on the same day that some of Australia’s most committed virgins are queuing up in the cold outside the Apple Store for the launch of the iPad, in China, they’re queuing up on the roof to kill themselves at the factory that manufactures them.

iQuit…Workers at the Foxconn factory in Hunan.

If you want to know the story of globalisation, this one surely will do. On George St, Sydney, extra staff have been called in at the Apple Store to cope with the demand as hundreds of cashed-up geeks gather in a display of commodity fetishism which will hopefully be the subject of formal study by some sardonic anthropologist from the developing world.

Meanwhile, not that far north at the Foxconn factory in China’s Hunan province, nets have been installed on the roof after an 11th employee hurled himself to his death as the workers struggle to meet a deadline which has been created by our demand.

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A new messiah arrived in the US over the Easter weekend, ready to save the world’s flailing print media industry.

Sandal-less and sleek, it was, of course, Steve Jobs’ new fantasy tablet, the wildly anticipated, possibly revolutionary, definitely state of the art, iPad thingymajiggy. And America threw a bonza welcome party for its latest chosen one. Australia will have to wait a month to throw theirs.

Apple sold 700,000 iPads in two days, with 300,000 plucked from shelves and UPS men on Saturday, the first day of sales. By any standard that’s a massive take-off; even by Apple standards. The now ubiquitous iPhone sold 200,000 on its first day in stores in 2007, a third less than its plus-sized cousin.

But it was the media laying the palms for the iPad’s arrival more than the shoppers.

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  • Mojo rising says:

    12:08pm | 08/04/10

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  • Grumbles says:

    05:20pm | 07/04/10

    If the news paper dies how will we clean the bbq? Read more »

 

The one advantage that paper-based magazines have had on their electronic counterparts is usability and look. The ability to turn the page and take in the beauty of a well-designed magazine is something that most web sites can’t match.

iPad therefore I am

Portability is the other area where magazines have had the edge. Carrying them around is lot easier than a standard computer.

As such, many have scoffed at Rupert Murdoch’s aim to get people to pay for digital content. After all, lots of online content is currently free and there’s been nowhere near enough ‘value-add’ to warrant people paying for content. However, the launch of Apple’s iPad tablet could well be the game changer that proves Murdoch right. With their new ultra-portable tablet, Apple can change the publishing industry to the same degree that they’ve changed the music sector.

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  • Andy Grace says:

    10:14pm | 30/01/10

    Unfortunately for Murdoch et al, it doesn’t matter how you package it, there will be only a tiny market for paid online content. This will be in niche areas such as business news where high end consumers don’t care about cost. For the mainstream, the only thing News Ltd/Time Warner… Read more »

  • cats says:

    04:03pm | 29/01/10

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The first thing that came to mind on seeing pictures of Apple boss Steve Jobs with his new iPad device this morning was Trigger Happy TV, the British skit show whose signature sketch involved the star taking hysterically loud phone calls at inappropriate times on a three-foot telephone.

Steve Jobs with the iPad

“Hello?” he’d suddenly shout in a full cinema, brandishing the prop. “No, I’m at a movie. It’s rubbish.”

Let’s not kid ourselves. The iPad is a laptop computer that doesn’t fold. But its appeal – or potential – lies in the content you’ll be able to access from it at a touch, once you hand over your $560 for the basic model when it ships worldwide two months from now.

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  • B says:

    03:03pm | 01/02/10

    T.Chong says Moron.  They had these in the Stargate Atlantis/Universe TV series aswell.  Aswell as every Star Trek Show ever invented. Why does everyone think that movie Avatar is so great?  All James did was rip-off work from everyone else and mash it together and call it his movie.  I… Read more »

  • Paul says:

    07:26am | 30/01/10

    rofl mac, I have to say im an unadulterated anti-mac =P Although some of the latest devices im very impressed with, I just can’t move past either my memory of giving mac tech support for an ISP for very very old macs, or working with G3’s at Optus and having… Read more »

 

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From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

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