OK, I’m very nearly over this whole apocalypse guff. Just as well it’s nearly over, right?
But let us muse for a moment on why the hell we find it all so fascinating. Human beings love to predict the End Times. It’s our thing. We like to riff on doomsday, chatter about eschatology, get our Armageddon on. We wait for the second coming when technically there wasn’t even a first coming.
It’s a fundamental part of religion, the idea that at some point this will all come to a crushing end, those of us who picked the right God and wore the right shoes will be elevated to a higher plane while those with dud tickets suffer for eternity.
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Ron Hubbard is building plush bomb-proof survival shelters to save people from tomorrow’s Mayan Apocalypse, when a planet name Nibiru will smash into Earth and wipe out humanity.
I KNOW! WTF? HIS NAME IS RON HUBBARD!
The rest of the guff about the end of the world is pretty much accepted now. People have stocked up on Spam, they’ve planned their doomsday attire, they’re going to party like there’s no tomorrow.
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There’s precious little fun in politics these days. When our elected representatives are not slagging off at each other, they’re reciting lifeless slogans scripted by media advisers. Humour, for the most part, doesn’t get a look in. It’s too risky. Better to stay slavishly on message, even if it bores the pants off the punters.
So congratulations to Julia Gillard for having the guts to enjoy a bit of a laugh by joining in a radio station spoof about the end of the world.
The prime minister’s YouTube address - “My dear remaining fellow Australians , the end of the world is coming” - revealed a comic talent she usually keeps well hidden.
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Don’t be fooled. The end is coming, and it’s coming on Monday morning. At exactly 10am, Australian Eastern Daylight Time, The Internet will explode. Fact.
In a cruel confluence of major events, the Labor leadership ballot will clash with the Oscars, and Australia’s mass consumption of digital media will cause the webz to buckle under the weight of its own Wi-Fi. Or something.
And as the internet slips into oblivion, so too will human existence. Why? Because South Park said so. Plus hyperbole is fun. The Mayans have long predicted the crumbling of civilisation will transpire on December 12, 2012, which was confirmed by the 2009 documentary 2012.
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End-of-the-world-is-nigher Harold Camping now says May 21 was the ‘invisible Judgement Day’, and that the Earth will in fact be obliterated in October. Here, Rachel Corbett talks us through the comedown.
According to the false prophet Harold Camping, we were all supposed to be stepping over fire and brimstone on our way to work this week, but instead we’ve been left oscillating somewhere between confusion and disappointment.
To be honest, when I didn’t wake on Sunday morning to discover my backyard engulfed in the flames of hell, I was mildly upset. I’d really been looking forward to catching a ride to work with one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse but instead I had to go back to killing the planet slowly with my mindless consumption of fossil fuels, and take the car. How boring.
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Blow the trumpet. Warn the people. The Rapture is nearly upon us.
Tremble in your trendy sneakers, all ye infidels, unbelievers and sinners. For a decrepit old nutjob in California says that on May 21 at 6pm Judgement Day will begin. That should be 11am Sunday, AEST - but news reports suggest it could happen at 6pm Saturday night all around the world, so we’re going to maintain barely suppressed panic for as long as it takes.
Doomsdayer Harold Camping says only 2 or 3 per cent of the Earth’s population will be ‘raptured’ up into Heaven while the rest of us suffer through floods and earthquakes for a bit before burning in the pit of eternal hell for a really really long time. So stay tuned! We’ll be blogging it from the City of Churches but we want to hear from people right across the country. If you spot a sign of the pending Apocalypse, let us know!
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