The following press release just landed on The Punch’s desk. We have decided to publish it in full.
Ja, guten tag and wilkommen to a sneak peek of ze exschiting new Auschtralian media landschcapen.
As you Auschtralians may know, ve here at ze Deutsche media group Bauer have purchased your magazine company ACP because ze private equity firm zat previously owned ACP prefers to lose money on ze markets.
Zis acquisition means a big shake-up. One of ze first changes you vill notice will be in Ze Logies, your glamorous television zeremonie, vich vill now be run with precision like never before. Ve are even considering rewarding zose personalities who actually possess ze talent, ja?
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