http://www.thepunch.com.au/tags/humour/ Politics, political opinion, world news, sports news and the latest news and views updated live, daily on The Punch - Australia's best conversation. en Copyright 2012 The Punch penberthyd@newsltd.com.au penberthyd@newsltd.com.au Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Politics, opinion, world news, sports news, latest news, views, Barack Obama, Kevin Rudd, Julia Gillard, Nathan Rees, Malcolm Turnbull, Peter Garrett, Barnaby Joyce, Australian, federal politics, opinion polls, election, The Punch, thepunch, punch ExpressionEngine 1.6.7 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 15 http://www.thepunch.com.au/images/punch-logo-rss.png http://www.thepunch.com.au/ 144 70 Politics, political opinion, world news, sports news and the latest news and views updated live, daily on The Punch - Australia's best conversation. Search The Punch keywords http://www.thepunch.com.au/search/ http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Happy-moo-year-just-watch-out-for-those-killer-cows/ In a few months’ time, you will be confronted by a bunch of people will beg you to let a pair of cows onto a ship. But do not allow those wild-eyed bovine to set even one hoof on deck, lest they rend the supple flesh from your throat. That sounds crazy, but give me a moment to explain. If ancient civilisations, reclusive internet jabberers and random online sex offenders are to be believed, 2012 marks the end of the world. Some say an asteroid with a crudely-drawn smiley face will plunge into the Earth during the final chorus of Auld Lang Syne, while others believe apes will suddenly spear everyone to death on December 31. It doesn’t matter - it’s curtains either way. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Happy-moo-year-just-watch-out-for-those-killer-cows/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Happy-moo-year-just-watch-out-for-those-killer-cows/#item7452 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Well-smesh-ewes-Kiwis-like-fush-and-chups-eh-brus/ Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Lightweight http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Well-smesh-ewes-Kiwis-like-fush-and-chups-eh-brus/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Well-smesh-ewes-Kiwis-like-fush-and-chups-eh-brus/#item6883 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Why-is-the-ABC-screening-this-crap/ When The Chaser had an epic humour fail with their Make a Realistic Wish Foundation skit, the consensus was that they missed the mark because good satire picks a target worthy of lampooning. Sick kids and the charities which raise money for them didn’t come close to that. On that score, Australia’s 27th Prime Minister Julia Gillard should be a prime target for satire. If you can’t have a good old fashioned crack at a Prime Minister who has stumbled from disaster to disaster, who can you have a crack at? Heh heh. We just said “crack”. Geddit? Cos, you know, the PM’s a woman? Excuse the puerile sexual innuendo. Mind you, anyone who laboured through the satirical show At Home With Julia on the ABC last night had to tolerate much, much worse. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Why-is-the-ABC-screening-this-crap/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Why-is-the-ABC-screening-this-crap/#item6671 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/oy-vey.-if-love-songs-were-sung-to-jewish-mothers/ Paul McCartney: Maybe I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time. Maybe I’m amazed at the way I love you. Jewish Mother: What, so maybe you’re not amazed? Van Morrison: Have I told you lately that I love you? Jewish Mother: No. And you haven’t mowed the lawns either. Bette Midler: I could fly higher than an eagle, for you are the wind beneath my wings. Jewish Mother: Don’t think I’m letting you go up there. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/oy-vey.-if-love-songs-were-sung-to-jewish-mothers/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/oy-vey.-if-love-songs-were-sung-to-jewish-mothers/#item6464 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/did-you-hear-the-one-about-parliament-joke-time/ Those of you who are eagle-eyed and able to connect the dots may have noticed our elected representatives have been participating in a scheme in the service of our nation this week. It was suggested by outgoing MP Lindsay Tanner, who reflected that the political scene was far too serious lately and in dire need of some levity. To combat this he suggested something bold, something daring. Parliamentary joke time. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/did-you-hear-the-one-about-parliament-joke-time/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/did-you-hear-the-one-about-parliament-joke-time/#item6151 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/the-bibles-old-stuff-way-funnier-than-the-new-stuff/ The Bible is renowned for many reasons, but its capacity to elicit laughter isn’t one of them.  Profound, boring, thought-provoking, out-moded, terrifying, censorious … take your pick.  But funny it is not. The American intellectual Jack Miles claimed recently that the Bible “is morally serious to the virtual exclusion of charm”. Such sentiments are understandable. There’s no disputing that the Bible’s concerns are, at core, as deep and weighty as they come.  Even so, there is humour to be found within its pages.  For the most part, however, it’s not of the side-splitting or slapstick variety. Almost all the intentional humour is in the Old Testament. Sarcasm, irony, punning, wordplay, humorous imagery and exaggeration – each were liberally employed by the ancient Hebrew authors. Like all the best communicators today, they appreciated that humour is an excellent way to win over an audience. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/the-bibles-old-stuff-way-funnier-than-the-new-stuff/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/the-bibles-old-stuff-way-funnier-than-the-new-stuff/#item5840 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/help-i-lost-my-mind-online/ Of all the things I’ve lost online, I miss my mind the most. On Friday I forgot a friend’s name for almost a minute. And this was an actual, real friend. Someone who’d been a guest at my house. After a little Wiki work and web MDing on my phone I come to the conclusion that I probably had early onset dementia. The next day I mentioned my ailment to one of my friends - whose name I can recall because I see it every day in my Twitter feed (@juzzycullen). She told me she had the same problem and we agreed it was unlikely that we both had dementia. We decided it less likely we’re suffering a digital-age DDoS attack on out brains. A personal Future Shock if you like. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/help-i-lost-my-mind-online/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/help-i-lost-my-mind-online/#item5816 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/rifling-through-a-bin-laden-with-comic-gold/ Now that Osama sleeps with the fishes, the world inevitably turns its attention to what comes next. We’ll tell you what comes next. The jokes, that’s what. In fact, they’re already here. We’re not dancing on anyone’s grave. We’re just faithfully reporting, in the old impartial style of reporters of yesteryear, the great mirth outbreak around the world in the wake of Osama bin Laden’s very timely demise. Normally, there’s a cycle with this kind of stuff. It goes: death, shock, respectful pause, joke outbreak. Not this time. Yesterday it was more like: “hey, shame they had to kill Osama. A much better punishment would have been to capture him alive and make him go through airport security for the rest of his life!” Boom, tish! feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/rifling-through-a-bin-laden-with-comic-gold/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/rifling-through-a-bin-laden-with-comic-gold/#item5750 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/diary-of-a-liberal-frontbencher-the-indy-wars/ Thursday, 26 August, 2010 7:00am Horrible nightmare. Dreamt election never ended, then suddenly realised I was awake. 8:00am Meeting in my office with Abbott, Alby Schultz and Hockey to discuss negotiations with Independents and costings. Abbott says Treasury cannot be trusted. Just look at lying leakers like Godwin Grech. Point out that Grech leaked to Malcolm Turnbull. Abbott says that’s exactly his point. Schultz proposes divide-and-conquer approach to Independents. Says it worked with the three musketeers. Unclear whether Schultz took away central message of Three Musketeers. Abbott likes idea. Schultz will talk to Windsor. Shultz says they share language: Fair-Dinkumese. Wants me to speak to Oakeshott. Abbott will talk to Katter. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/diary-of-a-liberal-frontbencher-the-indy-wars/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/diary-of-a-liberal-frontbencher-the-indy-wars/#item3935 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/julia-gillard-return-of-the-ranga/ People always tell me that my hair isn’t red, it’s strawberry blonde. It’s as if they are paying me a compliment, like having red hair is something to be ashamed of. Well ladies and gentlemen, not today. Thanks to our new prime minister, being a redhead doesn’t just mean you have two copies of a recessive gene on chromosome 16, it means you are a winner. If you are one of the many people who followed the leadership challenge on Twitter, you would have noticed that references to Julia Gillard’s red hair were made almost as often as references to the fact that we have our first female prime minister. It’s clear that the red hair thing is an issue for us as a society. Those of us blessed with a fiery red mop make up only 1-2% of the human population. As much as our struggle pales in comparison to that of racial minorities, homosexuals and many other oppressed groups, the fact is that we are a minority. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Tory Shepherd) Article, Lightweight http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/julia-gillard-return-of-the-ranga/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/julia-gillard-return-of-the-ranga/#item3408 Thu, 09 Feb 2012 01:45:28 +0000 Prepare for a week of verbal warfare. Here on the civilised side of the ditch, expect perfectly hilarious sheep jokes, gibes about silly accents and clever references to the dole queue at the Bondi Junction branch of Centrelink. Over in the land of the long white ugg boot, expect endless tedious quips about Quade Cooper, Quade Cooper and Quade Cooper. With a few Quade Cooper jokes thrown in for good measure. Cooper is the Wallabies fly half who grew up in New Zealand but left when he was a schoolboy because his mother wanted him to play for a team that didn’t choke every World Cup. The Kiwi version of the story is that he left in order to raise the IQ of both countries.