http://www.thepunch.com.au/tags/celebrity/ Politics, political opinion, world news, sports news and the latest news and views updated live, daily on The Punch - Australia's best conversation. en Copyright 2012 The Punch penberthyd@newsltd.com.au penberthyd@newsltd.com.au Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Politics, opinion, world news, sports news, latest news, views, Barack Obama, Kevin Rudd, Julia Gillard, Nathan Rees, Malcolm Turnbull, Peter Garrett, Barnaby Joyce, Australian, federal politics, opinion polls, election, The Punch, thepunch, punch ExpressionEngine 1.6.7 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 15 http://www.thepunch.com.au/images/punch-logo-rss.png http://www.thepunch.com.au/ 144 70 Politics, political opinion, world news, sports news and the latest news and views updated live, daily on The Punch - Australia's best conversation. Search The Punch keywords http://www.thepunch.com.au/search/ http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/michael-clarke-4.0.-the-transformation-is-complete/ You’ve got to hand it to Michael Clarke. His reinvention is complete. He is now Michael Clarke 4.0. He wins, the haters lose. Let’s go back to 2004. The first version of Michael Clarke is the young, likeable kid with blond tips and ugly reflective sunnies who makes a Test century for Australia on debut in India, then later snares 6-9 in the same series. Six for Nine! Not even Warney ever boasted figures like that. And if you think the young Pup can do mean things with a cricket ball, you should see him bowl the ladies over. They love him! Australia loves him! Everybody loves him! And then they hate him. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/michael-clarke-4.0.-the-transformation-is-complete/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/michael-clarke-4.0.-the-transformation-is-complete/#item8531 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/average-aussie-actor-seeks-part-in-csi-miami/ Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/average-aussie-actor-seeks-part-in-csi-miami/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/average-aussie-actor-seeks-part-in-csi-miami/#item8321 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/memo-to-men-everywhere-please-be-more-like-hamish/ I have had many celebrity crushes in my 30 years. If these celebrities were remotely attainable, I reckon I’d be in with a chance. None of my friends understand my celebrity crushes. (I understand the passion of those One Directioners.) I have loved Darren Hayes for half of my life. I only realised I couldn’t marry him in 2006. Callan Mulvey has made my heart stop since he played that bad boy in Summer Bay. Once I ignored two calls and three texts from a boy who was actually interested in me because I was watching Callan in Rush. I bought the Ben Cousins biography because he is hot. But there were too many words about football and drugs, and not enough pictures. And I also used to love Shane Warne. I never said I was cool. These days I’m really crushing on last night’s surprise Gold Logie winner Hamish Blake. He’s the obvious crush for a woman of my age. He’s the guy my girlfriends don’t cringe at. They are happy to discuss the intricacies of his attractiveness with me. And there are so many. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/memo-to-men-everywhere-please-be-more-like-hamish/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/memo-to-men-everywhere-please-be-more-like-hamish/#item8248 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/why-beautiful-people-should-stick-to-what-theyre-good-at/ It’s no longer enough that the Beautiful People taunt us Mere Mortals with their poreless, flawless skin, their lack of bingo wings, their perfectly proportioned torsos – now they feel they have to teach us stuff as well. This desire to prove they are more than just underfed clothes hangers began with the beauty competitions where for some bizarre reason uttering inanities about world peace or why the children are our future became part of the judging process.  The trend spread with the ease of a $100/ml skin boosting serum and now every model-slash-actor feels duty bound to impart morsels of wisdom to the sad, lumpy, blemish-afflicted masses. It would be slightly more acceptable if they stuck to honest accounts of the torture they have to inflict on themselves to keep their superhuman beauty (The Day I Accidentally Took Too Many Laxatives Just Before A Long Swimsuit Shoot). But that’s not enough for them. No, now they share all sorts of advice; from parenting to lifestyle to health. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/why-beautiful-people-should-stick-to-what-theyre-good-at/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/why-beautiful-people-should-stick-to-what-theyre-good-at/#item8192 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/paris-hilton-is-not-a-poet-shame-she-doesnt-know-it/ Paris Hilton has had it all. The money. The TV show. The perfume range. The perfume range for men. The fashion line. The week in jail. The nomination for the Best Frightened Performance award at the MTV Movie Awards. The hit single. The autobiographical tome and Pulitzer Prize winner, Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose. However, Paris has copped considerable amounts of flak with each of these achievements. Her critics have scoffed at the talents of the perfumer, lyricist, Chihuahua advocate and essayist extraordinaire. To her credit, Hilton has been expanding like the universe after the Big Bang ever since since she exploded to fame many years ago. Obviously not physically. But into different areas of expertise. Her latest? Poetry. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/paris-hilton-is-not-a-poet-shame-she-doesnt-know-it/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/paris-hilton-is-not-a-poet-shame-she-doesnt-know-it/#item7897 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/whitney-houston-another-fallen-superstar/ Whitney Houston has died, aged 48. Poor Whitney, who was a shining star in the 80s and 90s, but ended up diminished by drugs, dishevelled, a mess. Another celebrity fall from grace. There are no details on how she died. A Punch team member who shall remain anonymous has vivid memories of imitating Whitney in I Wanna Dance With Somebody (above) and begging their mother for a Whitney-esque perm, which was - thankfully - refused. Have you got a favourite Whitney moment? Did you see her recent tour? Share your memories here. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/whitney-houston-another-fallen-superstar/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/whitney-houston-another-fallen-superstar/#item7742 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/if-we-wanted-reality-wed-turn-off-the-television/ “Some day, far into the future, this here machine will become a powerful medium with the potential to unite nations and inspire common folk through high-definition images of overweight D-list celebrities struggling to run and weeping atop rowing machines”. Do you know to whom this quote - which is believed to have been uttered at the unveiling of the first television set - is most commonly attributed to? Nobody. Absolutely no one said this. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/if-we-wanted-reality-wed-turn-off-the-television/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/if-we-wanted-reality-wed-turn-off-the-television/#item7710 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/it-happened-we-finally-ruined-the-internet/ We’ve done it. We’ve finally ruined the Internet with our constant rage and all-caps rants. The vibe of the place has undeniably changed. We can all feel it. It used to be a place for exchanging videos of animals doing people things and tricking Richard Wilkins into announcing celebrity deaths. Now, it’s like being trapped in a shipping container full of knives and bees, or spending 20 minutes within a 15m radius of Deni Hines. Engaging with anything online has become an exhausting exercise. Every article, video and picture of George Lucas is accompanied by the ominous drum of sweaty fists pounding keyboards. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/it-happened-we-finally-ruined-the-internet/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/it-happened-we-finally-ruined-the-internet/#item7656 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/clarkey-smacks-tall-poppy-syndrome-for-329-not-out/ Say hello to our latest sporting hero. He’s had quite the journey to get to this point. “Michael Clarke now walks with giants”, The Daily Telegraph editorialised yesterday. That was before he became only the third Australian ever to score a triple century on Australian soil. It’s a feat that pales only in comparison with Sir Donald Bradman’s 452 not out against Queensland at the SCG. But Clarke is no Mr 99.94, lionised by all in perpetuity. He belongs in a different category of Australian hero altogether. Clarke is one of those superstars who we, the fickle Australian general public, only seem to really care for when they’re winning. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/clarkey-smacks-tall-poppy-syndrome-for-329-not-out/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/clarkey-smacks-tall-poppy-syndrome-for-329-not-out/#item7485 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up. http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/biggest-moments-of-2011-9-the-sheen-comes-off-charlie/ What happened Sheen, the son of the excellent Martin and the star of a crap blockbuster TV show, destroyed his immediate career in a drug-, women- and media-fuelled tizzy of spectacular proportions. There were signs that Sheen’s life was starting to careen out of control in January when he went to rehab after a series of public shenanigans. Two and a Half Men was put on hiatus. But the kerfuffle didn’t really get started until Sheen called up a US radio show to tell the world just what he thought of Two and a Half Men and its producers. He declared the TV show was: “A pukefest that everyone worships” (right on, Charlie) run by an “AA Nazi” and “blatant hypocrite”. Producers, who were sick of Sheen’s issues and his partying, ended production. penberthyd@newsltd.com.au (David Penberthy) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/biggest-moments-of-2011-9-the-sheen-comes-off-charlie/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/biggest-moments-of-2011-9-the-sheen-comes-off-charlie/#item7384 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Ok, let’s get to the bottom of this Matthew Newton thing. We know he’s Bert’s son. We know he’s had recurring issues with the law. We know he’s been banged up in Miami Dade lockup overnight. And we know he’s said to be bipolar and probably needs some help. We also know he’s an actor in Florida. Put it together, people. This thing is so stupidly obvious it’s straight out of an episode of CSI: Dumbsville. What’s Newton doing in Florida? Easy. He’s auditioning for the part of a perp in a Florida cop drama. Think about it. After playing the bad guy in Underbelly, he has a taste for playing crims. And so, this decent, hard-working artiste who takes his craft incredibly seriously is sending a clever message to talent scouts everywhere that he is ready and available should a role come up.