http://www.thepunch.com.au/author-bios/jonty-burton/ Jonty Burton is the chief web nerd for the Leader Community Newspapers group in Melbourne - part of News Ltd’s division of suburban newspapers. He is fascinated by the news that lurks around the corner in Australia’s great sprawling suburbs. And videogames. en Copyright 2012 The Punch penberthyd@newsltd.com.au penberthyd@newsltd.com.au Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:40 +0000 Politics, opinion, world news, sports news, latest news, views, Barack Obama, Kevin Rudd, Julia Gillard, Nathan Rees, Malcolm Turnbull, Peter Garrett, Barnaby Joyce, Australian, federal politics, opinion polls, election, The Punch, thepunch, punch ExpressionEngine 1.6.7 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 15 http://www.thepunch.com.au/images/punch-logo-rss.png http://www.thepunch.com.au/ 144 70 Politics, political opinion, world news, sports news and the latest news and views updated live, daily on The Punch - Australia's best conversation. Search The Punch keywords http://www.thepunch.com.au/search/ http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-rules-for-the-pervy-uncle/ THE past week has been filled with some serious news from serious places. Luckily none of this need concern us here, as Suburban Tales presents you with men bearing flowers, cars bearing children’s play equipment, and tow trucks bearing your automobile. : Sleazy or Cheesy: Where is the line between sleaze and old-fashioned courtesy? Everybody has a pervy uncle. They’re part of the wider family ecology, along with the smarter, more popular alpha-cousin and the preternaturally athletically gifted niece who’s destined to represent her state in a sport no one cares about. We all know the tricks in the pervy uncle’s sleazy arsenal: feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-rules-for-the-pervy-uncle/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-rules-for-the-pervy-uncle/#item3257 Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:30:24 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Suburban-tales-cat-versus-washing-machine/ Welcome to another glorious instalment of Suburban Tales – now moved to the business end of the news week. Finally, snippets of council curiosities and men doing strange things in sheds can rub shoulders with news of political intrigue and social schism. We leave it to you, dear reader, to decide which is more ridiculous. The rolling ballad of spin cycle Kimba: The internet is awash with tales of the age-old battle between pet and household appliance. Cat v microwave, dog v ride-on mover, hamster v sandwich, the list goes on. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Suburban-tales-cat-versus-washing-machine/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Suburban-tales-cat-versus-washing-machine/#item3194 Sun, 30 May 2010 19:30:15 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-kites-miracle-trees-and-laser-shootings/ After an elongated and almost totally unplanned hiatus, Suburban Tales returns to bring you a smorgasbord of the week’s vaguely compelling curios, ripped straight from the letterbox of your local newspaper. Come fly with me The City of Casey, in Melbourne’s rolling south east, has lost the battle to keep its blue skies clear. Last week, it banned the insidious act of kite-flying. This week, it’s not so sure that decision was the greatest call. The actual ban was on flying aircraft without a permit, but the council’s definition of an aircraft seemed to revolve around anything with wings that had a shot at going upwards. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-kites-miracle-trees-and-laser-shootings/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-kites-miracle-trees-and-laser-shootings/#item3083 Thu, 13 May 2010 19:45:36 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-more-computers-less-sport/ Welcome to another stumble past the concrete downball squares and scuffed adventure playgrounds in suburbs around our nation. As the oozing tedium of the great health debate drags on in sound byte form, you have to ask why one school has decided kids need more computers games and less sport. In a move that aught be applauded by every couch-sitting Modern Warfare player in Oz, Mosman High has decided to trial the Nintendo Wii as a fitness alternative to traditional sport. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-more-computers-less-sport/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-more-computers-less-sport/#item2711 Thu, 25 Mar 2010 05:04:44 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-supermarket-trolleys-and-sex-toys/ Welcome to another trawl round the slightly yellow public swimming pools and suspect spa baths across our broad nation. We start this week’s march with a fairly ill-informed assumption. Suburban Tales representatives haven’t seen a demographic breakdown of The Punch’s readership, but being a site featuring smart, erudite, politically aware and deeply relevant thought (bar this column of course), we can assume a few things… feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-supermarket-trolleys-and-sex-toys/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-supermarket-trolleys-and-sex-toys/#item2662 Fri, 19 Mar 2010 00:15:35 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-turtles-and-nudie-runs/ Welcome to another brief sojourn through the hot bakes and juice stands across our sun-drenched country. Readers of Suburban Tales would know the love affair the people of Melbourne seem to have with the humble turtle.  A couple of weeks ago, we reported on one such reptile who spends quality time attached to a harness being taken for beach walkies.  A blissful existence for any animal, I’m sure you’ll agree. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-turtles-and-nudie-runs/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-turtles-and-nudie-runs/#item2591 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:45:03 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-utegate-revisited/ Welcome to another amble around the mission-brown patios and decked al fresco areas festooned across our sea-girt nation. We start this week in the Land of Queens, where the mighty have fallen.  The Ipswich News reports the ute at the centre of the Utegate fiasco that has been resurrected and turned into a Meals on Wheels fundraiser. Just as the Krudster himself has pulled a hairshirt skivvy over those coke-bottle specs and wound up a mea culpa or two, so the ute that did no real damage to his political career is now a contrite charity van. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-utegate-revisited/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-utegate-revisited/#item2538 Thu, 04 Mar 2010 05:15:52 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-graffiti-a-cougar-wedding-and-a-reptile-on-a-leash/ WELCOME to another journey around the dilapidated tennis tables and half-finished construction projects in the back sheds of suburbs around our nation. We start this week’s shambolic ramble in the southern parts of Melbourne, where life can move slowly, especially when you’re strapped to a turtle.  Edithvale resident Helen Beaumont is just such a person.  She has found the zen-like state of happiness that can only come from harnessing up a reptile with a makeshift doggy lead and walking it slowly down a beach. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-graffiti-a-cougar-wedding-and-a-reptile-on-a-leash/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-graffiti-a-cougar-wedding-and-a-reptile-on-a-leash/#item2494 Fri, 26 Feb 2010 01:02:27 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-pythons-horses-heads-and-strippers/ So that was January. And around Australia, families are coming to terms with the knowledge that the festive puppy they bought little Timmy is still resisting all forms of house training, and has grown a uniquely virulent form of mange. Unsurprisingly then, we’re seeing a smattering of tales in suburban newspapers about the saddening, cruel and generally scumbaggy practice of pet dumping. The Albert and Logan News reports a pet shop in that neck of Brisbane has been getting its fair share of unwanted waifs. Dumped creatures of the past four years have included doves, guinea pigs, chickens and even a 6ft coastal carpet python. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-pythons-horses-heads-and-strippers/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-pythons-horses-heads-and-strippers/#item2325 Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:07:03 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-bbqs-buskers-and-killer-shrubs/ Late January, and it’s time for schools to repopulate with wide-eyed kids eager to resume ignoring their teachers in favour of the psychological abuse of their peers. Consequently, it’s also the time roads start getting clogged and the strains of tune-free music to start screeching through the air as students pick up neglected instruments again. It’s a stressful time of year, particularly for teachers. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Jonty Burton) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-bbqs-buskers-and-killer-shrubs/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/suburban-tales-bbqs-buskers-and-killer-shrubs/#item2255 Thu, 28 Jan 2010 19:45:50 +0000 Jonty Burton | Author bios | The Punch