http://www.thepunch.com.au/author-bios/amy-crutchfield/ Amy Crutchfield is a Melbourne writer. en Copyright 2012 The Punch penberthyd@newsltd.com.au penberthyd@newsltd.com.au Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:49 +0000 Sat, 26 May 2012 20:00:49 +0000 Politics, opinion, world news, sports news, latest news, views, Barack Obama, Kevin Rudd, Julia Gillard, Nathan Rees, Malcolm Turnbull, Peter Garrett, Barnaby Joyce, Australian, federal politics, opinion polls, election, The Punch, thepunch, punch ExpressionEngine 1.6.7 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 15 http://www.thepunch.com.au/images/punch-logo-rss.png http://www.thepunch.com.au/ 144 70 Politics, political opinion, world news, sports news and the latest news and views updated live, daily on The Punch - Australia's best conversation. Search The Punch keywords http://www.thepunch.com.au/search/ http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-goose-bump-guide-to-florence-and-the-machine/ One great thing about art is the way each of us has our own in-built quality detector. This detector allows us to evaluate art with a level of accuracy and conviction that cannot be gained from formal education or experience. This quality detector is known as the goose bump. Unlike other state of the art detectors, the goose bump does not malfunction. As such it is a trusty guide. Goose bumps are a nutritional supplement for your soul. You can sustain yourself without them, but if you’re really looking for enrichment you need to hunt the bumps. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-goose-bump-guide-to-florence-and-the-machine/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-goose-bump-guide-to-florence-and-the-machine/#item8567 Tue, 22 May 2012 19:40:46 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/the-erotic-fiction-genre-is-ripe-for-the-plucking/ The first I heard about “50 Shades of Grey”, was that one friend had borrowed it from another on a plane, and the one that had borrowed it then proceeded to read it without stopping for the remainder of the nine-hour trip.  “So what sort of a book is it?” I asked my informant. “One with a lot of sex”, that was guaranteed to “get you all worked up”, she replied.  A fortnight later, perusing the bestseller lists, “50 Shades of Grey” popped up again. It turned out it was a trilogy, and that all three titles were dominating mainstream and independent bestseller lists.  feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/the-erotic-fiction-genre-is-ripe-for-the-plucking/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/the-erotic-fiction-genre-is-ripe-for-the-plucking/#item8442 Wed, 09 May 2012 19:30:18 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-bother-of-mothers-hit-the-road/ Boys have done it forever. Often progressing through the decades from road trips as teens, to football trips in their twenties, to golf trips forever after. But any old banner will do to justify a boys’ trip. The institution is deeply rooted in our culture. It’s even got its own code. Most of which I’m not privy to, though the overarching dictate that, “What Happens On The Trip Stays On The Trip”, has spread into general society. There are many trailblazing female trippers, but in terms of cultural centrality the girls’ trip has some way to go by comparison. One type of girls’ trip that is clearly on the ascendant though, is the mothers’ trip. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-bother-of-mothers-hit-the-road/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-bother-of-mothers-hit-the-road/#item8364 Tue, 01 May 2012 19:40:46 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Nitpicking-is-the-lousiest-thing-about-parenthood/ You could call it the walk of shame - that stretch from the car to the school nurse’s office, when you’ve had the call. Your child has lice, and has been quarantined, until such time as you can remove them from campus, which can be anytime that suits within the next 15 minutes or so. Problem is, while your offspring has been sequestered, you know it’s you who is the offender. And when you come to collect your pint-sized pariah, the only thing matching your displeasure is their pleasure at going home so early. By the time you exit the gates though, your shame is already shifting to make way for resentment at the expense and labour in store. You have started brewing the loathing required to fuel war – man vs louse. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Nitpicking-is-the-lousiest-thing-about-parenthood/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/Nitpicking-is-the-lousiest-thing-about-parenthood/#item8258 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 19:45:32 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/its-not-a-paty-until-someone-loses-their-pants/ The party I attended on Saturday night, was punctuated by a fine Australian tradition – the nudie run. Sometime after midnight, but while the party was still young, the birthday boy and a few of his mates set off for a swinging lap of their beloved cricket oval, while the party continued alongside at the clubhouse.  Live entertainment is always special, and the guests appreciated the show - though not as much as the runners themselves. So far so normal you may say, except this party was my friend’s 40th not his 21st. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/its-not-a-paty-until-someone-loses-their-pants/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/its-not-a-paty-until-someone-loses-their-pants/#item8227 Thu, 12 Apr 2012 19:40:55 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/when-you-wear-the-right-pants-the-ball-is-in-your-court/ Gym burn-out can strike at any time.  And it might not even be your hamstring or your Achilles that gives out – but rather your eyeballs. My gym has more make-up on show than the ground floor of Myer; and the fashion is the closest you’ll get to psychedelia this side of the law.  One day it’s all too much – you know you’ve got to get off that rubber road to nowhere. Just like dogs used to eat scraps, we used to exercise in clothes that weren’t really good enough for any other activity.  But it’s a rare sight these days to see an independent soul out exercising in some kit that the Salvos would turn down. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/when-you-wear-the-right-pants-the-ball-is-in-your-court/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/when-you-wear-the-right-pants-the-ball-is-in-your-court/#item8162 Tue, 03 Apr 2012 19:35:55 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-bit-of-a-bitch-and-an-ex-ill-never-get-over/ Are there some exes you never get over? He was dark, he was exceptionally handsome, he was better bred than half the entries in Debrett’s, and he came down in a ute from Hamilton. Merlin was the kind of dog that other dog lovers coveted. He inspired copycat purchases amongst our friends. It was like dating the hottest guy at the SLSC over January. Every time you went to the dog park, people looked - it felt good. He was smart as a whip, he had eyes that could make strangers do his bidding, and he was loyal in that doggy way to which humans can only aspire. Yet he managed to retain just a little bit of mystery. Just enough so you didn’t feel you had his balls in the drawer – which wasn’t surprising since they were in a wheelie bin behind the vet’s somewhere. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-bit-of-a-bitch-and-an-ex-ill-never-get-over/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/a-bit-of-a-bitch-and-an-ex-ill-never-get-over/#item7997 Tue, 13 Mar 2012 19:30:51 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/love-and-lust-in-the-department-of-foreign-affairs/ Travel exposes us to foreign sights, tastes and sounds – and many are remarkable, yet after a while, what may surprise us even more than foreign sensations are foreign concepts. The first time a foreign idea stopped me in my tracks was in the midst of a heady love affair in Italy in my twenties. As twentysomethings, the two of us regarded ourselves as very adult in all the ways we valued, and accordingly, after a year or so we had certain conversations about The Future. One day he dropped a proverb into one of these conversations, which goes as follows: “mogli e buoi dei paesi tuoi”.  feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/love-and-lust-in-the-department-of-foreign-affairs/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/love-and-lust-in-the-department-of-foreign-affairs/#item7764 Mon, 20 Feb 2012 19:45:39 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/id-rather-have-a-piece-of-toast-than-listen-to-crap-lyrics/ Audiences tend to put films, novels and other texts through a wringer of meaning. If enough sense doesn’t come spurting out the other end, they are readily disgruntled. “I don’t want to see a ghost/It’s the sight that I fear most/I’d rather have a piece of toast” But there is one art, one type of text, that has garnered a sort of diplomatic immunity from this requirement of meaning, and that is songwriting. Lyrics are consistently permitted to soar over details such as sense.  Which is not to suggest that lyrics are the simple cousin in the arts family. Many lyrics are brilliant, and the way they can sweep over the globe is exhilarating. But there is something remarkable about the way utterly inane lyrics can achieve meteoric success. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/id-rather-have-a-piece-of-toast-than-listen-to-crap-lyrics/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/id-rather-have-a-piece-of-toast-than-listen-to-crap-lyrics/#item7575 Sun, 05 Feb 2012 19:30:24 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/grey-nomads-choosing-bordeaux-over-play-doh/ She checks what the time is in their far-flung time zone and then looks into the distance. It is so long since they have been back in this city, back at home. What exotic locale are they exploring today? Who are they spending time with? Are they safe?  These could well be the musings of a parent surveying a nest emptied of backpacking children. But they are in fact the reflections of a child, a middle-aged child left in the wake of the fastest growing class of traveller – The Silver Mobility.  The Silver Mobility are superannuated, silver-haired (underneath) and they’ve got very itchy feet.  It’s not only pneumonia that hits seniors hardest - wanderlust is just as bad.  The Silver Mobility sweated it out for over 40 years. They sent more of us than ever to private schools, supported more of us than ever through tertiary education, funded unprecedented material comfort, and then they waited for us to move out. And then they waited some more for the ones that moved out, and then moved back, to move out again. But finally, we’re gone. Which means it’s time to dust off the suitcase, fill a few prescriptions for Brufen and Lipitor and get the hell out of there. feedback@thepunch.com.au (Amy Crutchfield) Article http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/grey-nomads-choosing-bordeaux-over-play-doh/#comments http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/grey-nomads-choosing-bordeaux-over-play-doh/#item7207 Sun, 08 Jan 2012 19:45:01 +0000 Amy Crutchfield | Author bios | The Punch