Mars and Venus

Red alert, ladies. Making jokes about your ability at work is not funny particularly at board level. That’s the advice based on research carried out over 18 months in the UK by linguistics expert Dr Judith Baxter.

While knowing how to laugh at yourself is as Aussie as lamingtons – well it used to be – I reckon the UK research is relevant to our workplaces too.

Dr Baxter looked at the speech patterns of men and women at seven companies including two listed on the FTSE 100. Combing through 600,000 words uttered during 14 senior meetings led in equal numbers by women and men, Dr Baxter concluded that the jokes made by women fell flat.

Continue reading "If you want to get promoted, laugh at the boss’s jokes" »

Opposition Leader Isobel Redmond has sparked controversy over her advice that young women should sometimes just ignore discrimination.

Just get on with the job at hand, she said. SA Senator Penny Wong disagreed with the gently gently approach, saying: “I don’t think silence in the face of unfairness leads to greater equality.” Sex Discrimination Commissioner Elizabeth Broderick said if people didn’t complain change wouldn’t happen.

Listening to the talkback radio this morning showed there’s plenty of confusion about the issue. Some people thought she was telling people to stay quiet about sexual harrassment or bullying. What do you think? See what was said below.

Continue reading "Do women need to know when to walk away?" »

Text to my husband: “Have sorted meatballs and worm tablets.” Except I inadvertently send it to my friend, who wryly messages back: “Glad to see it’s all romance in your house.”

Once upon a time, I’d text this man about what I’d like to do to him when next we met. Now it’s reduced to bald instructions to ensure a child isn’t left at school or requests for forgotten dinner items (you’d think I’d remember that pasta goes with bolognaise).

Scrolling through our texts reveals a similar theme. Me: “Can you get $105 for drum teacher?” Him: “Just going for a couple of beers with James.” Me: “Pls buy sunscreen.” Him (in shouty capitals because he was cross): “There’s no sour cream. Pls buy some.”

Continue reading "A fulfilling marriage is more about sext than text" »

Positive discrimination is, if not dead, at least on life support with an overeager nurse reaching for the off switch.

That’s according to a decent-sized survey out today that found two thirds of Australia’s bosses will not mandate that females be included in shortlists for senior management positions.

I reckon I wouldn’t be alone in turning a blind eye to that nurse, and wanting quotas put out of their misery. There are much better ways to achieve workplace diversity.

Continue reading "Time to put ‘positive discrimination’ down?" »

Here’s a theory on why true gender “equality” still, in 2012, eludes so many workplaces across the country. I’ve started to think that the reason for the achingly slow pace of change is because we are a nation of doubters.

You’d be hard-pressed to find a CEO or senior manager who doesn’t (publicly, anyway) agree with the premise that attracting and keeping more women can only boost their talent pool, that helping staff better mesh their work and home life would help morale and loyalty, and that putting more women in senior levels and on their boards can improve their company’s performance.

But that doesn’t mean their companies are necessarily following suit.

Continue reading "Less talk and more action on workplace diversity" »

We live in a world where economics is valued. People in business get paid more than in most other professions. Yet business fails to recognise the talents of women. Repeatedly. Only 2 per cent of the ASX200 CEOs are female.

I’m old. I’m a baby boomer and was an expert in Affirmative Action in its early days. Affirmative Action is of course an oxymoron. Here in Australia we had no such thing as mandated affirmative targets for women in business or any kind of mandated action much at all.

Recent research by The Reibey institute in Australia showed that ASX500 companies with more women directors make more money for shareholders.  Return on Equity was 9.2 per cent versus an average 4.5 per cent. Those with no women on boards made a measly return of 0.5 per cent.

Continue reading "Are women caged in a masculine workplace?" »

The Australian demographer, Bernard Salt, has calculated that of the 1.343 million women aged 25 – 34, only 86,000 single, largely heterosexual, well-off, young men were available after excluding those who were already married (485,000), in a de facto relationship (185,000), were gay (7,000), a single parent (12,000) or earning less than $60,000 per annum (568,000).

At the same time, many social scientists have observed that most young adults wish to marry, ‘but not just yet.’ This attitude is reflected in demographic trends. The median age of marriage has increased significantly over the past few decades.

A number of reasons have been suggested for the delay, including the fact that education now takes longer for many young adults and the higher costs of establishing a home, as well as the desire to be socially, economically and emotionally ready for a lifelong commitment.  Family scholars also point to the fear of divorce, and the knowledge that marrying at a young age is associated with higher levels of marital breakdown.

Continue reading "The formula for a happy marriage, sort of…" »

As best I know, Australia has no true accounts of white people being kidnapped or rescued and raised by tribal Aborigines. In America’s West, punitive parties were always on the search for white women held captive by the feared Comanche tribes of Texas and New Mexico.

Repatriating stolen white women was a considerable political and military issue, so much so that it arguably contributed to the destruction of the Comanche people, the largest and most warrior-like of the native American tribes.

In Australia, stories of Aborigines raising whites really only exist in fiction. There’s Michael “Crocodile” Dundee, born in a Northern Territory cave and raised by a helpful tribe that schooled him in his broad Australian accent.

Continue reading "Stolen and raised by a different tribe" »

Hey, equality lovers! Unsure whether to get all ideologically outraged and bra burny over the new Australian reality TV show WAG Nation? The solution is a simple commutation test away!

Oh, OK. Maybe commutation tests (which come from the arcane domain of semiotics) aren’t that simple. But they are useful when it comes to understanding why having a special word for the wives and girlfriends of elite sportsmen is so damn objectionable.

Commutation tests are a thought experiment which involve swapping one part of a text for another and then dwelling philosophically (preferably positioned like Rodin’s thinker) on the significance of any resulting changes in meaning .

Continue reading "This WAG Nation show simply does not commute" »

Love is a bitch to find. If you believe Hollywood, it’s there for the taking – lurking in Central Park, where his dog sniffs at your dog and you chat and go for coffee… blah, blah, blah.

Or it’s in a bookshop – one of those cosy, little word-worthy places, where you reach for Eckhart Tolle and he reaches for Paul Theroux and so ensues a darling discussion, and you go back to his place and fall into bed and live happily ever after. Oh, please.

Don’t get me started on nightclubs, those palaces of fleeting promises. They’re a travesty to romance, great for a boogie or a one-nighter, but no friend of mine, gay or straight, has ever found enduring love on a grubby dance floor. Congrats if you have, here’s a wet wipe.

Continue reading "Are your friends looking for love in all the wrong places?" »

Ladies, please keep your distance today. For one day in the year, I beg you. Allow me to repose unpestered and alone in my magnificence. Today, I need my space.

Today, my perfect face with its high cheekbones and steely jaw is unusually furrowed, and all because of a wonderful column by UK writer Samantha Brick. Not until I read her raw, groundbreaking words did I realise I share her problem.

Samantha and I are siblings in exquisiteness. We are soul brother and sister in sheer physical splendour. Like Ms Brick, I am a victim of my own vivacity and it’s time my plight was highlighted.

Continue reading "My unbearable life as a handsome man" »

Angela is so not “me”. I’m definitely a Clementine. Maybe a Rebecca. Seraphina at a pinch, especially on the days I wear stripes and drink rosé and lounge on a yacht – which, of course, is never. But I would if I wasn’t called Angela.

Sorry, Mum, but Angela is a library monitor’s name. It’s capable and no-nonsense – which I am, I suppose. But how was I ever going to pull off whimsical with those thudding syllables? An-Ge-La. Like ‘potato’ or “phlegmatic”, it’s a word that sulks rather than skips off the tongue.

My husband is similarly burdened. Think of an English name beginning with N, popular in the ’60s and often suffixed with the expression “no friends”. Poor bugger. He’s so not his name. He’s a Tom, a Will, a Sam. A belly laugh of a man living under a dullard’s name.

Continue reading "Angela by any other name would be as sweet" »

A Puncher writes: I’ve had a long and fruit(salad)ful relationship with my barista. He always asks how my day’s going. Knows my complicated coffee order right off the bat. There’s service with a smile and small-talk with sizzle.

But lately I’ve been awarded an array of discounts and freebies that would put FlyBuys or MyerOne to shame. There’s discounted fruity muffins. Free fruit salads. Free coffees! Lately, I come back to the office cradling half a supermarket worth of food. They’re busy enough that they don’t have to get rid of that much food by foisting it onto customers like me.

I’d never think of going anywhere else. But lately I’ve been wondering: is this my barista’s way of hitting on me? I’m worried that any romantic entanglements could jeopardise my extensive collection of freebies, run up my food bills and ruin a perfectly satisfactory customer-barista relationship. What do you think? Are those clouds in my coffee, or love hearts?

If the new ARL Commission wants to do something positive about the involvement of women in rugby league, then they can get rid of the Cheerleaders.

The NRL can dress the players in pink, dedicate a round, hold lunches, media conferences, use supportive, inclusive language about women in league, but there’s an obvious hypocrisy when they still allow an outdated, irrelevant and demeaning use of women in the sport to take place at every game in every round.

They prove the game might have grown, but is yet to grow up. It’s baffling that when women can play such big roles in this sport as players, administrators, referees, physios, fans and commentators, why we still have these cheerleaders who do little more than objectify women into bouncing eye-candy.

Continue reading "I’ll lead the cheers when the NRL abolishes cheerleaders" »

I love men. Truly, I adore them: how they smell, the timbre of their voices, the sexiness of their forearms, their almost universal belief that life is better if you’re laughing along to it.

Perhaps I’ve been blessed with good ones: an ex-husband I’d happily still hug, a current husband who brings me to tears of laughter, a stepfather who treats my mum like gold, and many friends who’d be there in spades if my world fell to pieces.

That’s why I became a bit peeved recently when I went along to a feminist forum featuring trailblazers such as Germaine Greer and Naomi Wolf, and found some of them still peddling the man-hating schtick.

Continue reading "Women need “old” feminism like a fish needs a bicycle" »

Two women in snappy heels and skirt-suits are sitting at a boardroom table, when one leans to the other in a break in the meeting and whispers, “He’s bought a Mini”. A look of sympathy crosses the face of the listener, as obviously this means the other woman’s poor husband is in the midst of a mid-life crisis.

“A Mini?”, she asks, looking concerned. “Yes, he’s bought a Mini, a bright red one. What next? Flower arranging? A new career in window dressing?”

Offensive, right? And sexist. And not very witty. That kind of ad would never get to air, would it? Well, probably not. But something that feels similarly jarring has been on TV lately, and, as Kimmy from Kath & Kim would say, it’s been really getting up my goat.

Continue reading "Jeepers, these sexist car ads are bugging me" »

Two minute nuptials and a slap up lunch at the International House of Pancakes. She fixed his hearing aid and he called her “Mama”.

It wouldn’t make the pages of Belle bridal magazine, but efficiency not glamour, was the order of the day for the world’s oldest married couple.

After 18 years together, 95 year-old Lillian Hartley and 98 year-old Allan Marks, tied the knot at Riverside county office in Palm Springs, California.

Continue reading "Here comes the bride, Zimmer frame and all" »

A friend of The Punch went on a first date a few days ago. The chemistry had been heating up between the pair at work for a good month and she thought if she splashed some white wine and tossed some fine food into the equation things just might bubble over into sexytime.

So they sat down at a flash restaurant one weekday evening. Things were going well, she thought. He’d laughed at all her jokes and kept touching her hand. So after dessert had been vacuumed up, she leaned in and asked: “Wanna come back to my place?”

He freaked out. He’d never sat through worse company before. The whole time he’d been batting away her hands and pretending to laugh at her jokes. And even if he was interested, this was just way, way too soon. 

This brings us to this week’s dilemma. When is it too soon to proposition someone? Aren’t we past the antiquated notion of having to go on 20 dates with someone before managing to pry a kiss out of them? Or is delayed gratification just more satisfying than its instant cousin?

Last week Tory Shepherd explained the seven things she’d miss about men if they vanished from the earth. Punch regular Erick commented this piece earlier in the week. Since it may have been overlooked amongst this week’s leadership clusterpunch, we’ve republished it here.

A few days ago, Mahhrat, Emma and others asked me if I could come up with a list of seven things I’d miss if all women disappeared from the world. That’s not something I’d ever considered, so it took me a while to come up with an answer.

Of course it would have been trivially easy to list seven things that I find sexually attractive, but that’s a rather shallow view. It would be equally easy to just say the human race would end, but that wouldn’t necessarily be true since biological science could probably find a way.

So what’s left are those nice things that men just can’t provide in the same way. In no particular order:

Continue reading "What I love about women" »

Looks like men are going to be OK. Some panic merchants were putting it about that the Y chromosome would eventually just pack it in, leaving Earth to the females of the species – but new research has shored up the future of the males.

Even though the Y has shrunk from 1400 genes to just 45, it’s got a fairly solid base. And even if the little guy responsible for turning boys into men does shuffle off this DNA coil, apparently men can be men without all of the men bits. Fascinating!

But revisiting comments such as those from Oxford University genetics professor Bryan Sykes – who in 2003 declared men would likely be extinct within 125,000 and that one ‘radical’ solution would be to let them go – did make me prematurely nostalgic for the days of men.

Continue reading "Seven things I would miss if men became extinct" »

Old-fashioned community values. A big house, with an even bigger backyard. Fresh air, no traffic and keeping your own cows and chooks. How idyllic, says the reluctant city dweller. Imagine the serenity.

But are these simple pleasures enough to drag you away from your convenient and fast paced life in the city for good? 

A group of South Australian farmers from Wirrulla near Lake Eyre are hoping that it will. As long as you’re a woman. Between the ages of 20 and 60, single, and ready to settle down for a life on the farm.

Continue reading "City vs country: What would you change your life for?" »

In the moments after Novak Djokovic crumpled to the ground, fists clenched and screaming to no one in particular, my first thought was that this was the greatest tennis match in history. I wasn’t alone.

But my thoughts quickly turned to why the women’s game doesn’t produce epics like that. This is not to say that the women’s tennis is of poorer quality, or can’t produce incredible matches. It’s doesn’t mean women are weaker and can’t play gripping tennis. The best female tennis players in the world train just as hard and are as dedicated to their sport as any men. But their matches just don’t last as long.

Kim Clijsters’ three set win over Li Na in the fourth round was one of the best games of the last year. The shot-making and tension rivalled almost any match in the men’s draw. Yet as tightly contested as that match was, it still lasted only two hours and 23 minutes. The first two sets of the men’s final alone went for longer.

Continue reading "A fair day’s pay for a fair day’s play" »

Imagine if marriage were like a passport or a driver’s license; every five or 10 years, you have to fill in paperwork to renew it, or you can choose to walk away, no questions asked.

This ingenious idea was raised at my book-club meeting, although it bore no relevance to the novel we were discussing.

“Marriages wouldn’t slide into such a state of disrepair if you had to recommit to them once a decade,” said a friend in a diversionary tactic (like me, she hadn’t finished the book).

Continue reading "Marriage is like undies, it’s all about strong bonds" »

From the second you’re married, people say your love life takes a tumble.

Well, the polite ones. Others are a bit more direct: “It’s all downhill from here”.  “Enjoy your honeymoon!”  “Things will change now”.  Wink, wink, wink.

Imagine if they also told you that before too long at least one of you, if not both, will have an affair?

Continue reading "We lie. We cheat. Then we cheat and lie some more" »

When a boat goes down, should women and children be able to jump to the front of the lifeboat queue?

The death toll from the Costa Concordia tragedy has reached five, and more stories are emerging about the chaos inside the luxury cruise liner as it started to go down.

Melbourne mother Michelle Barraclough told the Herald Sun that she had to fight hysterical adults to hold on to her 12-year-old daughter, and that the men were the worst.

Continue reading "Women and children first, or every man for himself?" »

There’s a movement that sees males - generally straight, middle-aged, white males - as the new oppressed. No, seriously. Men’s activists have been around for decades, but thanks to the internet they’re getting slicker, more organised, and more visible.

Men’s outcomes in some areas really are poor. Male suicide rates are three to four times higher, their life expectancy is lower. Girls often out-perform boys at school. Males are more likely to be incarcerated, more likely to be addicted.

But these genuine issues are not the ones that concern the new breed of men’s activists. These aggrieved men see misandry - the hatred of males - everywhere in society, from government down. They aggressively lobby for better rights for men - usually at the expense of women.

Continue reading "I am angry white man, hear me roar" »

Welcome to this week’s I Call Bullshit, a regular column where we look at shysters and shenanigans, bad science and mad conspiracies.

This week is going to kick off a series on men’s rights extremists (MRE). Like all extremists, these guys ruin it for those who have genuine concerns for men in today’s society with their pseudoscience and shonky stats, strawmen and very thinly veiled agendas. In the same way that extremist feminists make it harder for women to voice their own concerns.

Over the coming weeks we’ll look at some of the main issues, including intelligence and gender, false rape allegations, family court issues, sexism, domestic violence, relative advantage, misandry and so on. If you’ve got a topic you want covered, dive in below. 

Continue reading "ICB: The Great Feminist Conspiracy and MRE" »

“I enjoy pussy on a night out sometimes with cucumber as they go hand in hand…”

“Pussy is great by itself, but you know sharing with friends, it’s nice to experiment and I would recommend sharing pussy with friends…”

Where did I find these quotes? Comments posted on a porn site? Men discussing their sexual preferences perhaps?

Continue reading "The marketing campaign that’s totally below the belt" »

The tired old chestnut of equal pay gets trotted out every time there are new job figures or the latest batch of income statistics are released.

“It’s a deplorable situation,’’ comes the plaintive cry. “Women still only earn X per cent of men’s wages.”

Don’t get me wrong, that would be deplorable - if it were true. But sadly it’s much more a case of creative mathematics than a widespread mysogynistic conspiracy.

Continue reading "Don’t give me that tired old equal pay chestnut" »

So, at last, and hopefully once and for all, women in the workplace no longer have to regard being a mother as some kind of dirty little secret.

Thanks to the frankness of Tanya Plibersek and Julie Collins, the idea that working mothers need to somehow disguise or apologise for their maternal status has been blown to smithereens. I, for one, am rapt.

News of this welcome development came in simple form last week; a single-sentence intro on a plain old news story, but one that felt a whole lot like a turning point.

Continue reading "Don’t keep Mum about being a working parent" »

Cupid’s been busy this year. We’ve had fairytales: Kate and Wills. Celebrity hook-ups: Warnie and Liz Hurley. And a whole lot of stuff we wish we hadn’t seen: hello Darwin couple on the balcony.

There have also been quite a few broken hearts. Not to mention wallets. Approximately 1600 Australians spent more than $10, 0000 each in the online search for romance this year. Although none more than Dr Neil Wallman, from New South Wales Central Coast, who lost $3m after pursuing a “mismatch” with online dating agency, Hearts United. True story.

But if you’re looking for love in 2012, don’t let stuff like that put you off. Hound your friends, go to any event to which you are asked and pay close attention to your colleagues. And then, and only as a last resort, go online.

Continue reading "Love in the time of internet" »

Ever since mobile phones first popped up on shopping centre shelves equipped with tiny 2 megapixel cameras, we’ve been subjected to endless hysteria about how, gosh darnit, that new fangled Generation Y just can’t go a minute without MMSing pictures of their genitalia to each other.

Today Tonight and talkback radio have frightened the bejesus out of us with horror stories of teenagers’ naked pictures being spread around entire schools. Parents have chewed through fingernail after fingernail fretting: Just what sinister sexual secrets lie behind the PIN on my teenager’s phone? What’s happening to our daughters? Could somebody PLEASE think of the children?!

Newsflash, wowsers. Sexting is no big deal. It never really was.

Continue reading "Listen up you wowsers, sexting is no big deal" »

My father was a violent man.

My mother is still alive thankfully, and I don’t wish to embarrass her by delving into details regarding my father’s behaviour, however it is true to say that his actions restricted her opportunities.

My mother’s whole being was concentred on protecting and shielding her children.

As a young boy, I remember the feeling of helplessness in not being able to protect her from abuse. The community I grew up in knew what was happening to my mother, but nobody intervened or even ventured a comment.

Continue reading "Every Australian man is on the frontline of this battle" »

The thousands of words on Twitter reflected my own emotions as I watched ABC TV’s The Slap last week. One tweet said: “it’s totally brutal!”, another: “searing, uncomfortable melancholy” and one more: “did anyone else’s heart sink tonight watching The Slap?”

Mine certainly did and I was not the only one. It was a bit close to the bone for many, as it shone an unceremonious light on characters’ Aisha and Hector’s 16-year marriage.

As I watched Aisha fake anger and hurt at Hector’s admission of his minor infidelity, all the while withholding her own more major dalliance, an image of marriage popped into my head: Marriage is a bonfire stack piling higher and higher with hurts, waiting for a spark to ignite an explosion of desire or destruction.

Continue reading "Home is where the hate is" »

When Julia Gillard rises at the ALP national conference Sunday week to urge uranium exports to India she will anger some of her closest supporters - women.

She will also rile the ALP left who will argue against yellowcake to the sub-continent, but it is a long time since Julia Gillard has been considered a leftie.

Of greater importance might be the response of women voters in general, a significant number of whom have stuck by Gillard since she toppled Kevin Rudd, bungled an election campaign and scraped together a ragged agenda of her own.

Continue reading "Gillard needs to bring women to the yellowcake party" »

As White Ribbon Day comes around again on November 25, I’m wondering what it actually does to address a culture that celebrates – indeed eroticises – violence against women.

Sure, men buy white ribbons. They attend events where they eat sausages and swear not to hurt women. They raise money (none of which goes into services supporting survivors of violence).

Of course it’s good that men stand up and pledge not to be violent and put white ribbons on their shirt collars. We need men to be engaged in the issue. But since the inception of White Ribbon Day, violence against women and children has continued unabated. And the culture that helps to makes violence against women permissible, even something to be celebrated, remains unaddressed.

Continue reading "Violence against women is endemic to our sick culture" »

Growing up in the 1950s and the 1960s I witnessed my mother being brutally beaten and verbally abused and belittled regularly by my father. For over 30 years Mum put up with this abuse and her health deteriorated over that time, so much so that she died in 1983 at the very young age of 49.

My father was responsible for her death, I don’t doubt it.

I will never get over the fact that during the many occasions Mum was being attacked by my father no one stepped in to help her. Neighbours saw and heard what was happening and did nothing to help her. I remember my brother, my sister or I running next door or across the road for help but there was none. People in the street would not stop and help when she was being abused or hit in public. Family friends would do nothing when they were around and saw the violence.

Continue reading "No-one lifted a finger as Dad raised his hand at Mum" »

Compatibility is such a clunky, utilitarian word for the delicate harmony that exists between two people. Yet here I am in a Melbourne cafe, scoffing lemon madeleines and discussing how much of it you need to make a relationship work.

I’ve always thought 80 per cent, give or take another five to accommodate mood swings (mine) and bloody-mindedness (a quality every man I’ve ever fancied seemed to possess). One friend insists on 95 per cent, because “any less and you may as well tattoo ‘doormat’ on your forehead”.

Meanwhile, another pal reckons 60 per cent is sufficient if there’s a reasonable chance of fixing the other 40 (cue much coughing on cake).

Continue reading "Compatibility schmatibility. You’ve got to work at love" »

Listen up, all you fun-fem po-mo abuse-loving heteronormative PIVster types. The radical feminists are here to set you straight on just how bent you really are.

If you don’t even know what the above sentence means, well, gather around.

In the good old days feminism was easy. Eiffel Tower? Phallic symbol. HB pencil? Phallic symbol. Statue of Mary? Phallic symbol.

Continue reading "A Pivster’s Guide to Radical Feminism and Man Hate" »

It is our human relationships that give meaning to our existence. They make the joys of life joyous and the sadness in life sad. The sharing of experiences provides our context, the reference point for our hopes, our travails, our daily endeavours.

Our interrelationships define our society, inspire our creativity. Democracy and art are both functions of the truth that we do not live alone. For many of us this communitarian conviction lies at the core of our politics.

Human relationships haven’t much changed for hundreds of years. Despite the wishes or ignorance of some – whether blissful or baleful – humans have been loving each other in many different ways for centuries.

Continue reading "Human relationships are a many splendored thing" »

Recently my husband and I went whitewater rafting. No lazy river for us, we love those rapids that dump you into icy water or spin you into rocks.

After a particularly perilous stretch, our guide mentioned that a woman had drowned after becoming trapped underwater between a rock and the raft. “Drowned, as in died?” I asked incredulously.

We always sign disclaimers but – rather stupidly, in hindsight – I’d forgotten these occasional adventures could actually kill us.

Continue reading "A life worth living isn’t wrapped in cotton wool" »

You have to admire those fine doctors working at the cutting edge to help people with fertility issues achieve their baby dreams. As well as putting themselves out there by pushing the boundaries of science, many brave even more shark-infested waters: Australian gender politics.

The latest professor to put his head up and get it half bitten off is the veteran Melbourne IVF specialist, Professor Gab Kovacs, a man who must have lost count decades back of how many thousand little Australians he has helped into the world.

Mr Kovacs dared to suggest that rather than banking on new technologies such as egg freezing, women should consider settling for Mr Not-Quite-Right and just get on with it. Without a trace of tone, the worldly Prof Kovacs suggested women should not consider frozen eggs a guarantee of a “family in the fridge’‘.

Continue reading "Mr Not-Quite-Right isn’t always wrong" »

Sometimes I have a moan about my husband to my mates. I’m not talking character assassination – that sort of trash talk is plain nasty – but occasionally I’ll blurt out something that infuriates me.

And, no, I’m not going to go into details here. That would be monstrously mean (and possibly unjustified). Suffice to say, if your 23rd chromosome is XX, I’m guessing you’ve had your own blab or two.

Naturally, my good mates also confide in me. At least, they did. (They’re probably reconsidering it about now.) As long as these chats are good humoured and don’t descend into mockery, I’ve always thought they were perfectly healthy – a bit of emotional cleanse, tone and moisturise.

Continue reading "Omertà: It’s Italian for top secret men’s business" »

I’m going to say it – gay people have it easy.

The homosexual community may not have many rights when it comes to matters of the heart but in terms of negotiating bedroom bureaucracy things are so much more… uncomplicated. At least in the social networking space. 

The other day I joined Blendr, the “straight” version of gay hook-up app Grindr, in the hopes it would make a good story.

I wanted to see if the new incarnation of the reportedly invaluable GPS/social networking Grindr app - used to arrange trysts with nearby users - would work for us straighty-180s.

Continue reading "There’s more fun to be had if you face your desires" »

Remove romantic love from the concept of marriage and what are you left with? A partnership, long-term companionship, shared living and financial arrangements, the promise of a family - or a domestic horror story? 

For the 16-year-old Lebanese Australian girl who successfully took her parents to court last month to protect herself from a forced marriage, it’s definitely the latter. The Sydney judge presiding over her case agreed, and praised her bravery in defying her parents’ decision.

Unfortunately this story is not uncommon. Forced or servile marriage arrangements have reared their ugly heads in many Australian communities of late. Take the last year. A 14 year old Melbourne girl and a 17 year old Sydney girl. Both contacted the AFP in desperation, fearing their family’s plans to force then into marriage overseas.

Continue reading "You’ll marry who I tell you to marry, young lady!" »

I’ve always admired a man who knows his limitations. So when I read an extract from an old opinion column by former Queensland journo turned LNP candidate Gavin King, I had him pegged as my sort of bloke:

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but surely it is obvious that we should perform household chores we are best at, in the interests of efficiency and synergy. In other words, the missus irons my shirt because she is able to do it quickly and easily. In exchange, I make breakfast because pouring milk on to cereal is a task simple enough for me to achieve by 7.30am.”

Good on Gavin for realising that tipping a bit of cow juice on the family’s Weetbix is the extent of his talents on the domestic front. Unfortunately, recognising his strengths isn’t always his strong suit once he sets foot outside the door in his crisply ironed shirts.

Continue reading "Gavin King: Victim blamer and woman shamer" »

When I was a teenager, there was nothing I wanted more than to move out of suburbia. I grew up in a place so nondescript that, after performing there, John Cleese remarked that if you wanted to kill yourself but lacked the courage, a visit to my home city “would do the trick”. (Locals had the last laugh by naming the municipal dump after him.)

The city itself wasn’t the problem – solid agricultural attitudes and a bit of civic symmetry rather please me – it was the stultifying ordinariness of life in suburbia. The predictable pleasantness of everything from progressive dinners to neighbourly sugar sharing. My best friend and I even coined the term ‘subby dip’ for the onion-soup-mix and sour-cream confection routinely served with Jatz crackers. Our derision was to be expected. We were 19.

We wanted to be, as our favourite band sang, “making love on the edge of a knife”, not on the floral bedspreads or in the lavender-scented gardens of our boyfriends’ parents.

Continue reading "You have to leave suburbia to really, truly love it" »

Amanda Knox’s looks shouldn’t matter, but they do.

In court, it wasn’t just the university student who ended up in the dock, it was her image.

From the minute she was dubbed ‘Foxy Knoxy’ - the juvenile, nudge, nudge, wink, wink nickname given to her early on in her trial - to the fact that her boyish prison haircut made news, her whole trial has been read through the prism of her gender and appearance.

Continue reading "‘Foxy Knoxy’ and the shock of a hot chick in the dock" »

The blended family is the signature dish of contemporary society. Indeed, we must be getting close to the point where step-families are actually the norm.  Perhaps in another couple of generations people will look at nuclear families like we currently look at virgin brides - a harmless anachronism.

I for one would be sad to see the nuclear family go though. And there is a degree of species shame. You’d have thought if swans could pull it off we could.  Surely, it would be better for people to stick together for the duration.

What matter 50 years of bitter silence, laced with the occasional poisoning fantasy, when you’re producing social stability.

Continue reading "Families best shaken, not stirred or blended" »

At 16 I was a high school drop-out.

I finished Year 10 desperate to get out into the real world because I wanted to earn my way into independence. I paid for driving lessons out of my own pocket, had a stable job with a great career in sight, and couldn’t wait to get my driver’s licence so I could go out and explore the world.

By the time I hit 17, all I wanted to do was party with my friends and live life. Boys and my own sexuality weren’t important. Fast forward 10 years and girls at that age are nothing like my generation. It’s incredibly scary.

Continue reading "Sex industry not to blame for child sexualisation" »

In a New York nursing home, a bunch of 80-year-old women are sitting around in cliques, bitching about each other.

They’re also hogging the communal television set, saving seats at the dinner table for “certain” people and bossing each other around during the leisure activities: That is not how you play bridge, Ethel, so you can’t come anymore!

I’d like to think they’re wearing hair nets, knitting for their grandkids and drinking copious cups of tea with lipstick smeared on the cup,while they’re doing it.  But the point is they’re doing it – mouthing off about each other, just like a bunch of teenagers.

Continue reading "The benefits of showing your bitchy side" »

Defence Minister Stephen Smith may see the first female body come back from the frontlines in Afghanistan and rue the day he peeled back the discriminatory laws that stopped women from taking up the most dangerous roles.

But he probably won’t. He probably won’t be Defence Minister and he probably won’t have implemented the changes before Australia withdraws from Afghanistan.

And, because he’s a fairly intelligent sort of bloke, he’ll probably have thought through the squeamishness of letting women do dangerous jobs and realised that’s what you do in a liberal, non-discriminatory society, even if it means poor press if things go to shit.

Continue reading "A woman’s right to choose war is her own battle" »

Have I got SUCKER tatooed on my forehead? Or a big bulls-eye and the words “easy target” pinned to my back?

Not last time I checked, but that doesn’t stop the scammers from trying some very obvious tricks to part me from my cash.

The lonely Russian girls have finally given up after coming to the conclusion I wasn’t their passport to a new life of riches - but their Russian Mafia bosses and Nigerian cousins haven’t.

Continue reading "Back off, scammers, you’re barking up the wrong tree" »

Here I was, thinking that in this history-making era when we have our first female Governor General and our first woman Prime Minister, the genders may finally have laid down their arms.

But as the First Bloke himself highlighted yesterday, sadly it looks like business as usual. All of us guests at the national barbecue that is Aussie public life are still divided along traditional lines - men huddled together, stubby in hand poking at the snags, women at the other end of the yard, fussing with the salads.

Whether he was put up to it or not by Julia Gillard’s popularity paramedics, First Bloke Tim Mathieson made it seem that, unlike more enlightened nations, Australia is stuck in Jurassic Park when it comes to gender relations.

Continue reading "Women, including Gillard, should be judged like men" »

I am having trouble feeling too sorry for Madison Ashton, the latest woman to emerge seeking part of the fortune of the late cardboard king, Richard Pratt. Surely, where dating a very married, pillar-of-the-community/fun-loving billionaire type is concerned, she - like everyone else - would understand the ‘rules’.

I won’t go into detail about what I think should happen in the case of Ms Ashton, who is in court claiming compensation from Pratt’s widow, Jeanne, for his alleged promises of a $500,000 a-year retainer to be his exclusive mistress, a Mercedes-Benz “worth not less than $100,000”, rent worth $36,000 a year and $2.5 million trust funds for each of her children. (There has been no suggestion that Pratt is the father of either of them.).

Continue reading "The hits, misses and stresses of being a mistress" »

There are dilemmas within dilemmas within dilemmas when it comes to watching sport on telly.

The big one, which The Punch’s token sport yob Ant is always bugging us about, concerns who controls the telly in his single TV household. Basically, when Friday night crime comes on the ABC at 8.30, Ant’s wife gets control of the remote and that’s that.

But aside from all the usual dilemmas surrounding TV and sport, this weekend has thrown up a doozy. Quite simply, which sport to watch?

Continue reading "Friday Dilemma: which sport to watch this weekend?" »

There you have it!  After 40 years of feminists like Germaine Greer and the sisterhood telling men that it’s wrong to objectify womyn and that equality means treating them like blokes, a recent survey of Australian men proves that little, if anything, has changed.

A recent survey of men’s attitudes, carried out by Derek Jones from D&M Research, concludes that men, primarily, look for sex appeal in a relationship and that what they most look for in a women are good breasts and a nice backside.

According to Derek Jones, while political correctness is forcing men to act like new-age, sensitive guys, look below the surface and most men still prefer Megan Gale and Jennifer Hawkins.

Continue reading "The PC species is full of faeces" »

Truth be told, I’m a shocking couple watcher. Appalling. If the couples I stare at weren’t so lovingly locked onto each other – usually by lips or limb – they’d have me arrested for invasion of privacy.

Public displays of affection have always fascinated me. Not so much the attention-seeking, get-a-room-style groping – although I did take great delight in literally blowing the whistle on randy teens when I worked as a pool lifeguard during uni (far more fun than scanning for floaters in the days before aqua nappies).

Rather, it’s the tender touches between couples: the secret smiles; the quiet look of admiration as they watch the person they love tell a story. Whether it’s a fragment of their past or the daft thing they did last week, I’ve always thought you learn more observing the partner listening than the one speaking.

Continue reading "I like to watch. In fact, I find it inspirational" »

As I approached the tram stop I saw two guys with their caps on backwards at 45 degrees to their shoulders and their jeans halfway down their buttocks.

One of them was balanced between the back of the tram shelter and the wall behind it, with a foot on each and about a metre off the ground. 

He exuded energy. Spare energy.

Continue reading "A woman’s guide to the jungle" »

MY husband, a man I’ve long adored for his principles, his fine British wit, his modesty and – I’ll admit it – his good looks, has just done something completely out of character. He’s bought a flash car.

OK, it’s not that flash. It’s a few years old. But it’s a posh make favoured by the royal family and the type of car Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson calls “slightly caddish”.

Oh all right, what Jeremy actually says is, “It’s the sort of car driven by the sort of person who would go away for a weekend with his wife and spend the night flirting outrageously with the waitress.” (I’ve never liked Jeremy.)

Continue reading "There’s something about men and cars…" »

There’s a sort of mad, vindictive glee around the unraveling case against Dominique Strauss-Kahn. A bit of ‘gotcha’ giddiness that this woman who made such devastating claims of rape against such an incredibly powerful figure is being shredded.

Each day has seen a frenzied media rip new chinks in her credibility with new claims; she changed her story; she lied about a gang rape; she associates with criminals; she’s a prostitute.

Bringing down this anonymous ‘maid’ has become a global blood sport. It may turn out that she had some insidious reason for toppling DSK. He may be innocent. At this murky point in the sordid tale almost anything seems possible.

Continue reading "The Strauss-Kahn moment: Has Bob Ellis gone too far?" »

What with New York legislating same-sex marriage, and Labor state conferences toppling like dominos, it appears that same-sex marriage activists have adopted a new tack: “momentum rhetoric”.

The most blatant momentum rhetoric sprang up around the recent Galaxy Poll, wherein 75 per cent of respondents agreed that same-sex marriage is inevitable in Australia.

It was an odd poll - more Nostradamus than Aquinas - on what really is a complicated political and moral issue. No engagement with the issue itself, just speculation as to where we might end up.

Continue reading "There’s a good reason marriage is a hetero thing" »

In her recent contribution to the Punch, Tanja Kovac illuminates her readers with a startling observation. That the Institute of Public Affairs is talking about the risks of paternalist policies, colloquially labelled the “nanny state,” for our economic and social freedoms.

Kovac singles out two of my colleagues – Chris Berg and Tim Wilson – for “whipping off articles condemning the nanny state quicker than you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

However she curiously omits the contributions to the public debate made by the IPA’s female staff, including Louise Staley and me, who object to state encroachments on our liberties as a matter of principle. So why were two IPA blokes singled out for special attention?

Continue reading "Government bully girls are just as bad as bully boys" »

Plug the word nanny into the website of free market think tank, the Institute of Public Affairs (IPA), and you would be forgiven for thinking that they were an au pair agency. 

No less than 190 opinion pieces, articles, press releases and reports use the word. IPA’s nanny obsession reaches fever pitch in 2011, with IPA spokesmen Tim Wilson and Chris Berg whipping off articles condemning the nanny state quicker than you can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

And now Big Tobacco has jumped on the nanny state bandwagon with the launch of its plain packaging attack campaign NoNannyState.

Continue reading "Who’s afraid of the big, bad nanny state?" »

“If you take out uncovered meat and place it outside on the street, or in the garden or in the park, or in the backyard without a cover, and the cats come and eat it ... whose fault is it, the cats’ or the uncovered meat?”

When Sheik Al-Hilali made these comments characterising the uncovered female body as meat to be consumed, he was brutally condemned. The public outcry was exceptional: the Sheik was imposing a set of archaic beliefs that had no place in a progressive Australia.

Well, just how progressive are we? Such rhetoric is not confined to the auspices of Sharia law - it can be found in media reports, in political speeches, even judicial decisions.  The implication is always the same: women must manage their sexuality appropriately, or face the risk of violence.

Continue reading "Slutwalk: Time to end the blame and shame game" »

So the love of your life has just broken your heart into a million tiny pieces. Never fear. Help is just a click away.

You too can mend the hole in your soul for as little as $9.95 (plus postage and handling). Self-help books might seem, like, so 2007, but rest assured, there’s still heaps available online.

If you’re on a deadline, try How to Mend a Broken Heart in 30 Days. Or maybe you’re after something a little more drastic. They say the Amazon best seller, Exorcising Your Ex is a real head-turner.

Continue reading "The break-up industry is totally out of hand" »

For those of certain age (that is, old enough to have spent any time on a university campus between the early 80s and mid 90s), the controversies of the last few months - the Penny Wong meow-slur, Slutwalk, the Brocial Network, the Pippa Middleton Ass Appreciation Society Facebook page, ADF sex Skyping, Julian Assange’s alleged sexual misconduct - are like déjà vu all over again.

Sure we didn’t have Skype, Facebook groups or chick-magnet online-whistleblower superstars back in those antediluvian days, but Gen X women sure knew how to put on a feminist protest.

To take just one example, in 1992, when the tits-and-arse tabloid mag People dared put a woman on its cover on all fours wearing what appeared to be a dog collar, a host of women’s groups, such as Student Women Against Rampant Media Sexism (SWARMS) and People Initiating Education Campaigns Eliminating Sexism (PIECES), mobilised. A newsagency selling People was smashed up, the Park Street headquarters of Kerry Packer’s ACP, which published the mag, were occupied and huge political pressure was brought to bear on Australia’s censorship body, the Office of Film and Literature Classification, to crack down hard on porn mags (something it did, hastening the demise of several).

Continue reading "It’s the Return of the Battle of the Sexes" »

Welcome to this week’s I Call Bullshit. Nonsensical headline. Sorry. Now, to the point.  Amid debate on trifling topics such as the future of the nation and the world, the most robust conversations at the moment are centering on a single “meow”.

More accurately it was a sort of “reeeeee-ow” that Liberal Senator David Bushby uttered when Finance Minister Penny Wong (justifiably) snapped at him for interrupting.

And so the crowd was heard to shout “sexism”! Well, I call bullshit. It wasn’t sexist.

Continue reading "ICB: To bitch is human, to meow feline" »

Sometimes we are so busy getting on with our lives we don’t notice history is being made before our eyes. That is precisely what is happening right now with equal pay.

Forty years ago an Australian woman doing the same job as a man was not guaranteed the same pay. The law allowed employers to set two rates of pay, one for men and one for women,  the unspoken basis being a woman could not hope to be as efficient and productive as a man. Work was often seen as a temporary thing for women, before they became wives and mothers. Women in some jobs, like teaching and the public service, were required to resign once they got married.

No women had sat in Cabinet, on the High Court or served as Governor-General. Or, Heaven forbid, led the union movement.

Continue reading "Equal pay: Plenty of women are still being left behind" »

It’s been a long time since I felt the urge to attend a street protest.

During my youth, I waved so many “real men don’t rape” signs in so many Reclaim the Night marches, I was at risk of suffering placard elbow. These days, I enjoy the fact that it’s possible to engage in social activism from the comfort of one’s swivel chair.

Internet petitions, cyber sloganeering, those web sites that send rice overseas when you check out their ads…  Such slacktivist approaches are extremely attractive to the modern revolutionary whose time is short and whose desk-bound dorsal region is lethargic.

Continue reading "SlutWalkers are no slacktivists" »

Using slut as the flagship word for this new movement puts women in danger through giving men even more license to think about women in a way that suits them, and not as targets of violence and terrible social discrimination.

The global phenomenon that is SlutWalk makes its Australian debut today in Melbourne, with other walks planned for Sydney, Brisbane and Adelaide.

While I support all efforts to challenge violence against women in all its manifestations – my blog is a witness to the global level of that violence – I hesitate to join the marching ranks. I welcome any confrontation with those who would blame the victim in rape. No woman deserves rape or invites sexual assault. I support the basic intention of the march. But I fear it has become more about the right to be ‘a slut’ than about the right to be free from violence.

Continue reading "Should women walk away from the word ‘slut’?" »

A breast augmentation is a woman’s right. It’s her choice. It’s her body. It’s empowering. But a penis enlargement is a mental health issue.

(Life in plastic, it’s fantastic)
When it comes to penis enlargement, Australian surgeons seem to agree, the problem is not physical, but mental. When Triple J’s current affairs program, Hack, spoke to surgeons about penis enlargement recently, the view was unanimous. As one surgeon said: “I think often it’s a manifestation of some other form of emotional or perceptual problem rather than a physical one, and therefore I don’t believe that I should be doing that operation.”

According to the program, only one surgeon performs penis enlargements in Sydney, and even he says the problem is in the man’s head.

Continue reading "Boob jobs: When plastic is really not so fantastic" »

A hotel worker’s allegations of sexual assault by International Monetary Fund chief and possible French presidential candidate Dominique Strauss-Kahn are disturbing. But also disturbing is the way the case is being reported in some sections of the media.

Strauss-Kahn has been arrested on charges of sexually assaulting a woman at his expensive hotel suite in New York. This is a summary of the story from the New York Times:

According to the law enforcement official, the woman entered Mr. Strauss-Kahn’s suite early Saturday afternoon by saying “housekeeping”. She heard no answer and believed that the suite was unoccupied. She left the door open behind her, as is hotel policy.

Continue reading "Not a tale of a charmer and a sexy French maid" »

One of the beautiful things about the internet is that you can quickly and easily hear from people with vastly different views from your own.

For example, I wrote a piece yesterday about SlutWalks, a series of worldwide protests reclaiming the word slut, but more importantly railing against the idea that a woman is ever to blame for her own sexual assault or rape.

I had (blithely, it must be admitted) assumed that people no longer blame victims for being victims, and realise that of course it is the perpetrator at fault.

Continue reading "It’s my flesh and I’ll bare it if I want to" »

We start lying to other people at three years of age.

No longer convinced of our mum’s omnipotent powers, our toddler minds grow in sync with our bodies. We realise we can think for ourselves.

From that point on, lies are a natural part of the daily tug-of-war between what we’re told to do and what, in all truthfulness, we want to do. Then we grow up. But as adults, we just lie to ourselves.

Continue reading "Sex, lies and other differences between men and women" »

The drinks went down easy. A little too easy for a wet Monday night. Alpha magazine was no more, the pin pulled in an 11 am meeting with management, and past and present staff were out drowning their sorrows. Outside, the rain poured down, as though in commiseration.

In its heyday, Alpha was the biggest-selling men’s magazine in Australian publishing history. Its demise says much about the current industry focus on electronic publishing. But it says more about how incredibly tough it is, and always has been, to sell magazines to men in Australia.

Men’s magazines are a tough game. The toughest. While women across all demographic groups have an automatic reflex to purchase mags both quality and trashy, men have no such compulsion. It’s like our hormonal cycle, or lack of it compared to women. The impulse is just not there.

Continue reading "Farewell to the first and last great Aussie men’s mag" »

Last September Julia Gillard rushed out her first ministry list and made a mistake no male Labor prime minister would have been allowed to live down. She forgot to appoint someone with responsibility for the status of women.

A few days later she fixed up that error by giving the job to Kate Ellis. The rebuke from feminists was mild. The first woman Prime Minister, sworn in by Australia’s first woman Governor-General, was not going to be savaged on her first official pronouncement.

It is absurd to argue that the fact Gillard is a woman has not affected the conduct of politics in Australia. It so obviously has.

Continue reading "She is woman: Gillard’s gender still too hard to ignore" »

“What girl doesn’t melt at the sight of a hot guy with a cute dog?”

With those words, a testament to the complex and slightly weird sexuality of women, Cleo magazine’s annual meat wagon, its Bachelor Of The Year competition, was rolled out. 

Flying thick and fast, as the announcement of the winner was made, were double entendres like: “Eamon Sullivan BEATS OFF STIFF competition to win”, “it was a HARD decision”, and “CLEO Bachelor of the Year winner REVEALED.”

Continue reading "Male beauty comps: Show us your double entendres" »

Forget Iraq, Afghanistan and any other theatres of battle Australia has been involved in recent years. The Australian Defence Force is in the middle of a battle of its own - and the enemy is within.

The latest flashpoint started just over a week ago after revelations that a young female cadet at the Australian Defence Force Academy was allegedly secretly filmed having consensual sex with a male counterpart, and that he had allegedly broadcast the tryst to other soldiers via webcam.

Defence Minister Stephen Smith’s forthright and outspoken condemnation of the way the incident was handled and military culture in general blew the lid off a simmering internal dispute over incidences of bastardisation, bullying and the gender divide, and opened the wider question of whether women should be allowed to fight on the front-line.

Continue reading "Defence battling the enemy within" »

Generally, I like being a woman. The conversations are great; breasts are both useful and attractive, if I do say so myself; plus, we get to wear more interesting stuff than jeans and variations on the blue shirt. But, recently, I’ve been hankering for a gender opt-out. I’d like a day – actually, make that a week – of being a man.

From the outside, I’m sure it looks as if Girl World is all book clubs and mutual support, and long phone calls and caring, sharing emails. Which it is. Mostly. But while we weren’t watching, a serpent must have slithered into the Garden of Eve because, right now, us girls are in danger of critiquing ourselves to death.

There’s barely an issue that doesn’t polarise us: breast vs bottle, caesarean vs natural birth, tramp vs virgin, tiger mother vs western mother, Botox vs wrinkles, skinny vs fat, airbrushing vs real. And on it goes.

Continue reading "No winners when women turn on women" »

In 2006 I spent a couple of days at the Australian Defence Force Academy.

I inspected its organised dormitories (where male and female cadets shared the same buildings - but separate rooms). It’s like an upmarket youth hostel with communal kitchen and bathrooms at the end of each hallway. While there, I fired weapons, ate in the mess and spoke to staff including officers, professors and historians.  It’s an impressive place. 

ADFA at first glance looks like a tidy university, but walk into the bookshop and titles like Knife Fighting Techniques by inmates at Folsom Prison remind you this is a different world. This is a frat house with guns.

Continue reading "Inside ADFA: A frat house with guns" »

In the wake of the latest scandal to hit Defence, Defence Minister Stephen Smith has announced six inquiries, and says the Government will fasttrack changes so women can fight in all the most dangerous frontline positions. The Punch spoke to Australian Defence Association executive director Neil James about the move.

Q. Do you think women should be on the front line?

A. We support the fact that women in the Australian Defence Force serve on the front line and in combat (to the extent they currently can)... we also support the current scientific study into expanding the range of roles for women on the front line. We support evidence-based decisions - not emotive sloganeering.

This topic comes up every six to eight months and the discussion is never intellectually robust. Too many people enter it from an ideological viewpoint or they’re not across the facts. This is clearly a diversion by the minister - to divert attention from the fact none of the inquiries he’s called will investigate his apparent abuse of ministerial authority. He’s announced six reviews but none of them will include an investigation of him.

Continue reading "Consider this before you send women to the frontline" »

It sure is nice to see everyone upset with a culture of inequality and sexual objectification in the Australian Defence Force Academy. And then what happens after all the stern faces and head-shaking about those wayward ADF boys?

Coming up next…Two and a Half Men! Or how about a premiere screening of Observe and Report starring that adorably hilarious Seth Rogen? Or a special repeat screening of the inexplicably popular Wedding Crashers? Or maybe you don’t make it through the ads and turn off after a commercial for the new Hawaii Five-0.

Maybe a DVD instead; how about a perennial classic like a James Bond movie or teen-flick American Pie? Sick of TV, why not head outside and check out the unavoidable posters plastered all over bus-shelters for the new Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston flick, Just Go With It?

Continue reading "This one time, on ADFA camp…" »

The problem with Defence has been that nobody gets sacked.

Pushed sideways with a higher salary and rank maybe, but never taken out of a job as a punishment for failure.

That is the major significance of what has happened under Defence Minister Stephen Smith. Australian Defence Academy Commandant Bruce Kafer has been temporarily stood down as a consequence of the Skype sex scandal. Not many senior military figures have had to publicly lose face because of mismanagement.

Continue reading "Skirmish with Defence a long time coming" »

Last week, I bumped into a male friend wearing make-up. Eyeliner, to be precise. Or ‘guyliner’, as it’s apparently known. My friend, incidentally, isn’t gay or a goth or an emo.

He’s not David Bowie on a jaunt to Sydney’s Northern Beaches. Nope, my mate is a 40-something father-of-two and we were at a child’s birthday party. Did I mention he was also wearing nail polish?

Anyway, there we were, chatting about schools and work, and the whole time I was thinking, mate, what’s with the make-up? So, being the sensitive and thoughtful person that I am, I asked, “Are you wearing eyeliner?”

Continue reading "Men’s make-up. Fabulous or freaky?" »

I’m writing this while on holiday with my Mum and Dad. Nothing remarkable about that, you might think, except my Mum and Dad aren’t married. Well, not to each other. They’re married to other people. Nice people, actually.

So when my brother, who lives in Japan, mooted a family reunion – which turned out to be all the more poignant due to recent events – he sent an email to everyone.

Mum and Dad split when I was 19 so, naturally, they’ve had to share a pew at a few weddings and a couple of funerals over the years. But a week-long holiday?

Continue reading "Can families survive the pain of divorce?" »

Bad TV. Naughty marital upheavals. Evil, self-centred friend-tionships.

This – give or take some neologistic hyperbole – is the view of British academic Frank Furedi who is upset that popular culture doesn’t depict more “functional” families.

Of particular concern to the man cited as being the UK’s most cited sociologist is the high-end American soap opera Brothers and Sisters which screens on Monday nights on the Seven Network

Starring Rachel Griffiths, Sally Field, Calista Flockhart and (up until recently) Rob Lowe, Brothers and Sisters revolves around an extended California-based clan called the Walkers.

Continue reading "The family values of Brothers and Sisters" »

Men who do more housework get more sex. Apparently. I’m dubious because I’d never interrupt a man brandishing a broom.

OK, maybe if it was Colin Firth, and he was shirtless and had just pegged the last sock.

Men doing housework doesn’t do it for me because it’s not the unmade beds, the dirty dishes or even the endless cooking that’s doing me in; it’s the admin. Or what I call “fadmin” – family administration.

Continue reading "Vacuum schmacuum. Gimme a man with a head for admin" »

Pity me, your average single Aussie male geek.

We live in a world where oil prices are increasing, while oil reserves are falling; where the population is getting older, and criminals are getting younger, where sea levels are rising and fresh water supplies are falling, and where Dr Phil is still allowed on day time television.

And what have we got to help combat this phantasmagoria of horrors? Well, internet dating of course!

Continue reading "Single, male, geek seeks companionship" »

Screw equality. Forget men and women both trying to do a bit of the cleaning and child-rearing and maintenance and whatever else.

If you really want to make sure your household is both a perfectly oiled and well-balanced clean machine, then stop sharing and start to specialise in the jobs you do at home.

A strict delineation of domestic duties will ensure each task is done by the best person for the job and avoid any unnecessary and stressful double-up that comes from both of you trying to “share”.

Continue reading "Want to get things done at home? Stop sharing the load" »

Pressure might mount on older drivers to get off the roads as they approach 80, but it’s nothing compared to the pressure to get off the dance floor once you’re approaching 40. 

Though the precise cut-off is elusive, the social convention is clear: if you’re dancing your way into middle age, you’re courting tragedy.

Of course no one’s stopping you busting a move – but there’s this question of dignity.  Perhaps it’s best to just cede the floor.  But while that might be gracious it seems unwise.

Continue reading "Can you be too old to dance?" »

I enjoy Two and a Half Men. Does this make me a failed feminist?

Feminists make a great deal of noise when it concerns America’s #1 hit sitcom. Charlie is labelled as misogynist and sexist under a thin veneer of “comedy”.

I understand people’s concern with its 7pm timeslot, but what I don’t understand is why people are so angry. Especially women.

Continue reading "Confessions of a failed feminist" »

Manliness is about getting swallowed whole by a Great White only to eat one’s way out and emerge triumphant from the waves like Clint Eastwood and John Wayne’s lovechild. Or is it?

Maybe it’s about meticulously shaping some designer stubble before effortlessly whipping up an eight-layered vanilla cake. Or, perhaps it’s about chomping on some live shark while simultaneously plating up some exquisite baked goods.

There’s been a lot of talk of late about gender equality and changing perceptions of men and women.

Continue reading "Manliness isn’t just granted, you’ve got to claim it" »

Masculinity is in crisis again, apparently. In a polemic against the contemporary women’s movement, Josephine Asher cries out for men trapped under the weight of feminism and sympathises with our “instinctive hunger for power and purpose”.

Embracing the biological determinism that scientific inquiry dismissed long ago, Asher returns to the false assumption that clearly defined roles for men and women exist independently of culture.

Why fight our physiology? What good is equality if men are miserable? It must be the case, Asher suggests, that we are going against nature.

Continue reading "We’re not that different: A feminist man strikes back" »

As the whiskers of tens of thousands of Aussie blokes wash down the drains of homes today, thousands of nubile young women are rejoicing.

It is the end of “Movember”, the month formerly known as November which raises money for prostate cancer research and initiatives to combat male depression.

While the charity is one of the most brilliant health campaigns ever enacted, women around Australia are ecstatic we no longer have to give Aussie men some lip about their top lip.

Continue reading "Thank God there’s no such thing as “Mocember”" »

Is the pursuit for gender equality sucking life out of relationships?

Instead of harnessing the different qualities of men and women to energise us, we are striving to make men and women equal.

More women are joining the battle for the CEO’s chair and pursuing dominance in their homes and communities. But in the process they’re becoming more like men. And men are becoming… well, less like men.

Continue reading "Confessions of a young anti-feminist" »

If dedicating yourself to a job and having a complete lack of elegance is manly, well then - call me Bruce.

Josephine Asher has plenty of support for her argument that men are becoming less manly and women less womanly. Gender is getting bendier. But is that a bad thing?

Once upon a time men and women had much more well-defined roles. Man works. Woman does housey-type stuff. Now such simplicity is only seen in detergent commercials.

Continue reading "We’re not turning into each other, we’re just chilling out" »

Has there ever been one that’s pushed you too far - an advertisement that’s taken you past the silent grimace stage, to the point where you need to slap the offending television or radio right off?

Notable over the years for their mind-numbing, though no doubt commercially effective, advertising style, were the likes of Saba, National Tiles, Franco Cozzo, and Ken Bruce.  But that ‘s not what I’m talking about here, I’m talking about an ad that manages the seemingly impossible – it can numb your mind while at the same time making you mad.

My advertising nemesis is AMI.  Perhaps I could just relax and take a chill pill, as my little brother used to instruct me, if I didn’t hear their ads every time I get in the car with the radio on.

Continue reading "Longer, stronger distortion of sexual expectations" »

I was driving past an old friend’s house the other day, and my daughter noticed that she had already put up some Christmas decorations. This made me realise three things.

Firstly, that I am a bad Father. I don’t think I will get around to putting up any Christmas decorations this year. It’s not that I don’t like Christmas, in actual fact I LOVE Christmas.  It’s more because I couldnt be bothered trying to find sticky tape or scissors. One day I expect to open up a draw and find a leprechaun guarding a lifetime supply of both.

Secondly, that friends are God’s ways of apologising for our families. But the most important thing I realised was that Santa Claus is a woman.

Continue reading "Santa Claus is a woman" »

The babysitter arrives, at $25 an hour, and you slam the car door and get out of there, heading for VicRoads to get your licence changed to your married name.

You get there in good time, marriage certificate in a firm pincer grip, and look knowingly, perhaps a little too so, at the people with one and two year olds hanging off their calf muscles, like some huge, noisy skin tag.

Yes, some could say you were indulgent and you don’t need a babysitter for a mere errand, but in your experience, government agencies are a pain that is best born alone.

Continue reading "No wonder women don’t want to change their names" »