Summer's here, get your debate on

So here’s the news, if you can call it that. Ricky Ponting will no longer play One Day cricket, which we all knew, given he was dropped from the team yesterday. As Ponting himself effectively said this morning, the selectorial door is not a revolving one at his age.

Ponting will, however, continue to play Test cricket. So the Ponting landscape today is pretty much the same as it is yesterday, which made the 70 media at today’s presser, myself included, wonder why we had bothered to leave the office.

Notwithstanding the mild inconvenience of attending a cricketing equivalent of a Seinfeldian show about nothing, it’s worth reflecting on Ponting’s decision. And while we’re at it, let’s celebrate the 375 One Dayers Ponting racked up for Australia.

Continue reading "Ponting channels Seinfeld with a show about nothing" »

When England robbed us of the Ashes last summer, the sense of malaise that fell across the country was palpable. People were cranky. The skies were grey. The rain fell. Cricket was a fundamental source of anxiety. Mental health was served by not thinking about it.

A year later, with a panel of selectors prepared to let some new blood flow and a captain full of surprises, success has followed at a startling rate. In Pattinson and Cummings we have a future bowling attack to make you drool. The possibilities that Warner brings to the game are almost unimaginable. The sun has started shining and summers are back on the agenda.

The extent to which cricket nourishes the soul is not unique to Australia. On entry into Dakar airport one is met with a wall size photograph of the Bangladeshi cricket team that simply says: “We love cricket”.

Continue reading "Jamaicans Bolting away from traditional bat and ball" »

Nevermind the result. All the talk today is about Dave Warner’s remarkable “switch hit” against India last night. Wow. Talk about skill. But was it legal?

Not according to respected ABC commentator Jim Maxwell it wasn’t. “The switch hit is deadset against the spirit of the game,” Maxwell told The Punch today. “Not to take anything away from the amazing skill of Dave Warner, but if I was the bowler and I saw a batsman do it, I’d chuck it at him!”

The laws of cricket have nothing to say about the practise whereby a batsman changes his grip on the bat and effectively changes from left to right hander, or the reverse, while the ball is in flight. But the laws are crystal clear that a bowler could never do the same thing.

Continue reading "Flick the switch?" »

I went to the KFC T20 Big Bash League game at the Sydney Cricket Ground in character. My self-assigned role was to play the sporting curmudgeon, a cricket connoisseur abhorring the form of the game designed for people who don’t like cricket, and left-wing romantic appalled by the abominations of corporate consumption capitalism at its most bone-headedly tasteless.

Attending my first live Twenty20 event was an exercise in leisure and education, meaning that I was looking for fun but brought my notepad along.

Following the pedestrian flow through Surry Hills to Moore Park and breathing humid evening air spiced with vehicle and restaurant emissions, the collective feeling was unmistakeably that of summer carnival.

Continue reading "Shh! Don’t tell my highbrow chums I liked the Twenty20!" »

Not for a minute did I fail to enjoy watching Michael Clarke and Ricky Ponting make the Indian “attack” look like a very weak defence yesterday afternoon.

And if you think that two double negatives make for a confusing opening line to this story, you’re right. But it’s hard to be positive when there were so many negatives in the big picture of yesterday’s first day of the Adelaide Test.

India are dead. They are last week’s vindaloo. They are a bloated cow carcass floating down the Ganges. And they should go home. They should not even be playing this Test.

Continue reading "A great batting display, but it’s hardly a true Test" »

When Australian skipper Michael Clarke raised his bat to celebrate his historic triple century at the SCG it showed a man becoming aware of his stature in the game.

Instead of pointing to a bat sponsor - a deal which can be valued at hundreds of thousands of dollars - he gestured towards the McGrath Foundation sticker placed there earlier that day.

Clarke’s manager James Erskine later explained the skipper had split with Slazenger and he is still mid-negotiation with two or three companies to finalise a deal.

Continue reading "Hey Pup, keep your bat clean and your image squeaky" »

OK, so having spent half the summer bagging old buggers who don’t know when to quit, let’s give some love to those who continue to ripen on the vine without rotting.

Firstly, Roger Federer. The Swiss master is known as FedEx because he delivers results fast. Last night, the Ex stood for Exhibition, as in exhibition match. There were two tennis players on Rod Laver Arena last night – Federer and Jim Courier, who interviewed him after the game.

Bernard Tomic was apparently also there, but pretty much just as a hitting partner. Oh, he tried. He came with a plan. A plan to blast Federer off the court instead of teasing him with deft touches he’d employed so well against lesser opponents. It was the Malaysia Solution of sporting strategies.

Continue reading "Old dudes who still got it" »

As India lurch from hopelessness to complete incompetence, one man sure to escape the axe, not to mention any serious scrutiny, is Sachin Tendulkar.

To Indians, the Little Master is beyond reproach. He is bigger than Bollywood and greater than Gandhi. Click on the special “Sachin Zone” on the Times of India website today, and among the usual fatuous stories arguing Tendulkar is better than Bradman, you’ll find a story about the value of the insurance policy on his house.

For all the magnifying glass scrutiny on his private life, there’s a major hole in Tendulkar’s batting record which no Indian ever seems to notice. In short, he is not a match winner. Not when playing against Australia, anyway.

Continue reading "The Tendulkar trap" »

Norman Tebbit - a key confidante of Margaret Thatcher entirely ignored in the recent film The Iron Lady - is commonly remembered for two prescriptive statements. The first was that, instead of complaining or rioting, the unemployed should get on their bikes and look for work.

The second article of Tebbitism is that immigrants should take a ‘cricket test’ of national loyalty and identity.  If you’re living in one country but decline to support it against your nation of origin in an international sporting contest, Tebbit implied, you have failed that test.

Australia had its own less strict but more formal version of a cricket test in the sample question about Don Bradman in the original Australian citizenship test under the Howard government.

Continue reading "Is it unAustralian to barrack for the other team?" »

The news that a municipal council in Melbourne has banned local cricketers from playing the popular, fast-paced Twenty20 in more than 40 parks raises questions about the increasingly litigious and risk-averse culture in which we live today.

According to reports, the Boroondara Council introduced the ban to minimize the risk of injury and property damage. Apparently one ball had shattered a car window.

It is also a reminder of one of the most well known judgments in the English common law.

Continue reading "Nanny state calling stumps for no good reason" »

Say hello to our latest sporting hero. He’s had quite the journey to get to this point.

“Michael Clarke now walks with giants”, The Daily Telegraph editorialised yesterday. That was before he became only the third Australian ever to score a triple century on Australian soil. It’s a feat that pales only in comparison with Sir Donald Bradman’s 452 not out against Queensland at the SCG.

But Clarke is no Mr 99.94, lionised by all in perpetuity. He belongs in a different category of Australian hero altogether. Clarke is one of those superstars who we, the fickle Australian general public, only seem to really care for when they’re winning.

Continue reading "Clarkey smacks tall poppy syndrome for 329, not out" »

In legendary English cricketer, Freddie Trueman’s biography, You Nearly Had Me that Time, Alan Wharton notes: “It’s a well-known fact that when I’m on 99, I’m the best judge of a run in all the bloody world.” The same could be said for Ricky Ponting’s long awaited century.

I suspect I was not alone with my heart in my mouth yesterday when Ponting set off for a chancy run that gave him his ton. He would have been out by a metre if the ball had hit the stumps, but as the fates would have it, he made his ground. In doing so, Ponting not only answered his critics but settled a few yips.

But beyond the broad smile, triumphant wave of a bat and a very dirty shirt from his desperate slide, this was a ton with more than a little meaning. It showed Ponting made good his declaration that he believes he has still got what it takes to be a world class cricketer. That much is settled. So what else? Plenty.

Continue reading "Ponting went the distance - did his time, took his chances" »

They’re already spruiking fans’ tours to the 2013 Ashes on the telly, in between ads for priceless mock memorabilia and the odd spot of cricket.

Not interested. Wouldn’t go to see The Ashes if I could. But the next tour to India? Now that’s something worth saving up for, and not just because India is a far more enticing travel destination than dreary, drizzly old England.

Fact is, Australia vs India is cricket’s great new rivalry. The Ashes, great tradition though it is, is second, with South Africa vs Australia third and daylight fourth. Disagree? Here are 10 reasons why India is the new England.

Continue reading "India is the new England" »

When you tune in to a Test Match and see the New Zealand skipper cop a Kookaburra in the testicles in super slow-motion from seven angles, you realise the technology of televised cricket has gone nuts.

In 1977 Daddles the Duck skulked across our screens for the first time, accompanying the brooding batsman on his long walk back to the pavilion. Willow under his wing, tear dripping from his eye, the animated quack was one of the first computer graphics to complement the on-field action, and was part of Kerry Packer’s push to package cricket for TV.

Three decades on, a glut of high-tech gadgetry and a smorgasbord of stats provide the DNA of every delivery. Atari-like graphics have been superseded by a sophisticated suite of digital devices which make NASA look like a bunch of kids farting about with a junior science kit.

Continue reading "Slo-mo testicle hits show cricket has gone nuts" »

Cricket’s Big Bash domestic T20 league kicked off on the weekend, and if you’ll excuse the pun, the thing was a smashing success.

TV ratings were huge, with over 900,000 tuning in to the match between Shane Warne’s Melbourne Stars and Dave Warner’s Sydney Thunder. That’s the fourth highest-rating show ever on Australian Pay TV.

OK, so the bums-on-seats weren’t as numerous as some predicted, but with people still working and using the precious evening hours to go Christmas shopping, that was to be expected. Just wait till January.

Continue reading "A Big Bash on field, an even bigger bashing off it" »

That raging red top, Prime Minister Julia Gillard, has promoted and demoted with ruthlessness in the last two days. Cricket selectors, after Australia’s unacceptable defeat on the raging green top in Hobart, must do likewise.

Really, no one gives a stuff about the reshuffled deckchairs on the rapidly-sinking Titanic that is this Federal Government. But cricket selection matters. Unlike Federal Labor, there is actually some fresh talent out there.

So here goes. Here’s what should happen after Hobart. It’s ruthless, it’s uncomplicated, and unlike Gillard’s re-shuffle, it might actually make a difference.

Continue reading "Raging greentop more deadly than the Raging Redtop" »

Simon Katich doesn’t deserve a reprimand. He deserves an award for restraint.

After falling foul of the thought police at Cricket Australia he was called up before that stuffy little outfit’s resident kangaroo court to explain his so-called “spray” against Michael Clarke. “Spray”, as it was dubbed in headlines, is a ludicrously overstated term for what Katich had said. All he said was that he doubted he would ever get a spot in the Test team under captain and selector Michael Clarke.

Katich, you will recall, grabbed Clarke by the neck in a dressing room dust-up in 2009, risking serious damage to Clarke’s latest haircut. His assessment of his chances of reclaiming a baggy green under Clarke was both accurate and unremarkable.

Continue reading "Simon Katich and the year of living silently" »

Princess Mary is currently holidaying in Tassie, but she’s not the only home-grown royalty in town.

From a humble upbringing in country Mowbray, Ricky Thomas Ponting has ascended to arguably the loftiest post in the wide brown land; Australian Cricket Captain. While he’s come under fire of late from the media, selectors and fans on the mainland, the support back home has been unwavering.

The headline from Launceston rag The Examiner before his debut test read: “He’s Ricky Ponting, he’s ours… and he’s made it! Tassie’s batting star will play in his first Test”. And the Taswegian media have been waxing lyrical about Punter ever since.

Continue reading "Punter, stop hedging your bets. Retire now" »

What happened
Australia’s favourite middle-aged spin bowler proposed to England’s favourite middle-aged model and actor, at a restaurant at the famous St Andrews golf course in Scotland in November. Thus was born the name “Shurley”

OK, so there were bigger, more important issues this year. But in terms of issues that set tongues wagging, both on this website and across Australia, this was a biggie.

The engagement came after just 10 months of dating, and confirmed that Shane Warne is today just about the most famous Australian in any field of public life. Women’s mags completely crapped themselves at the news, while hair replacement therapists and slimming pill suppliers booked expensive holidays in anticipation of years of revenue to come.

Continue reading "Biggest moments of 2011 #16 Shurley they can’t be serious" »

There’s a fine line between the “next big thing” and a national legend. There’s an even finer line between the “next big thing” and a nobody.

This nation has an obsession with manufacturing superstars, with believing that ordinary Australians are capable of the extraordinary. The physiological limits of the individual - how fast they can run, how high they can sing - are irrelevant.

Of far greater importance is “the story”, the tried-and-true narrative of how the perennial underdog has become the nation’s top dog, albeit for a fleeting moment. The media has a ball in delivering these inspirational tales. And why wouldn’t they; the public never fails to swallows the hype.

Continue reading "All hail the next big thing. Wait, an even bigger thing!" »

Kiwi captain Ross Taylor gave Australian selectors a choice piece of advice over the weekend, urging them to continue to select stuttering opener Phil Hughes.

It was an admirable bit of cheek, but Taylor can hardly talk. His side’s entire batting lineup, himself included, knows more about who’s bonking who on Days of our Lives than they do about the action in the middle of a cricket ground. Just one of the Kiwi top six passed 50 in the Brisbane Test.

As tempting as it must have been for Clarke to counter with a quip to the effect that he hopes New Zealand pick the entire New Zealand team again, Taylor actually had a point. Hughes is snicko’s best friend. He is a one man fielding drill for the entire Kiwi cordon. And he has dished up a doozy of a dilemma for his friend and skipper Michael Clarke.

Continue reading "Clarke’s biggest challenge since ditching Bingle" »

Look at the world’s great historic cricket grounds. Look at Lord’s with its UFO of a media centre staring down the graceful pavilion on the opposite side of the field. Look at the SCG, where the Victorian era Members and Ladies Stands cower beneath huge imposing concrete edifices.

Arenas like these are metaphors for the modern cricketing era, in which the ancient game of Test cricket desperately vies for attention with the bold, brash child of Twenty20.

When T20 first hit the cricket landscape, the big issue was scheduling. Just how to squeeze in all those extra matches? The issue is no longer about programming but people. What kind of batsmen will form the spine of future Test batting line-ups? Which bowlers have a strong enough spine to withstand three forms of the game?

Continue reading "Test Cricket 2.0 begins now" »

Winemakers will tell you that the key to getting a really good harvest of prime grapes is to trick the vines into thinking they’re dying. Give them just enough water, but only just enough, and the vines will divert every last precious drop of moisture into the fruit and produce a bumper crop.

Overnight, the Test careers of several leading Australian players were in danger of withering, as runs and wickets had dried up. But like the vines, the likes of Mitchell Johnson, Brad Haddin, Mike Hussey and Ricky Ponting extracted just enough to help their team deliver the sweetest of victories.

Last night’s thrilling two wicket win over South Africa was rightly hailed as a victory for the future of Australian cricket, as 18 year old tyro Patrick Cummins backed up his six wicket second innings haul with a nerveless knock which included his hitting the winning runs.

Continue reading "Australia’s triumph is Michael Clarke’s triumph" »

I will never forget a line that Peter Roebuck wrote in a cricket match report. It was wildly over-the-top and heavy-handed, and it symbolised what made his writing so very unique and special, but also, why he turned others off.

The line set the scene for a match report on a typically grey day of Ashes play in England in 2001 and went as follows: “Neither chill winds nor dark clouds that came like Heathcliff’s scowl over proceedings could quite drain the opening day of its tension or occasion.”

Most writers would have been content to write “grey” or “drizzly”. Not Roebuck. For him, only a reference to the chief character of Emily Bronte’s 1847 novel Wuthering Heights would suffice.

Continue reading "Chapter and flowery verse, Roebuck was like no other" »

Look who’s making runs again. His name’s Ricky Ponting, and you might remember him from such failed captaincy campaigns as the 2005 Ashes, the 2009 Ashes and the 2010/11 Ashes.

OK, so the guy wasn’t all bad news as skipper. There was, after all, that 2006/07 Ashes whitewash, and those unbeaten 2007 and 2003 World Cup campaigns.

But captaincy undoubtedly took its toll on Ponting. First came the spats and hissy fits, as his mental state clearly disintegrated. Then he lost the ability to hit the ball. As the ship skippered by Captain Ricky sank, his batting average went with it. Australian cricket couldn’t afford either of those things.

Continue reading "This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship…" »

They’re calling it treason. Because it is.

Legendary Australian cricketer and beer drinker David Boon, who reportedly sank 52 cans en route to England in 1989, is now a whisky drinker. That’s like the Marlboro Man switching to Alpine Lights.

News of Boon’s starring role in a Canadian Club whisky ad broke yesterday amid much hullabaloo and flannelette shirt-rending, which is pretty much exactly the reaction Canadian Club would have been hoping for.

Continue reading "A hard earned thirst needs a big cold whisky" »

Michael Clarke did a very Michael Clarke thing this week. He announced, in a major interview with one of the nation’s largest tabloids, that he intends to keep a lower profile for a while.

So Clarke goes public to say he’ll be keeping out of the public eye. Then who pops up like magic? The Dalai Lama, that’s who. Coincidence? No. Why not? Because there’s a very good argument that they’re the same person, that’s why.

This is no joke. For months, The Punch has been secretly tracking the Twitter streams of both his Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, and His Supreme Vainness, the 43rd cricket Captain of Australia. The results are thought-provoking to say the least…

Continue reading "Is Michael Clarke the Dalai Lama?" »

You come home after a media-free long weekend away, you plough through the papers piled on your doorstep and a theme emerges: unanimous outrage over the axing of Australian opening batsman Simon Katich, beginning with Katich’s own hissy fit. Well, maybe his dumping was an injustice. All the same, it doesn’t give Katich the excuse to yowl like a kitten whose tail has just been stepped on.

These are seriously weird times. Only last weekend, Australians marched in the streets to demand the right to be taxed. Then this weekend, a senior federal minister and a lawyer spoke out in defence of a cricketer whose contract was not renewed. Who knows what surprise is in store for next weekend? Perhaps someone on Australia’s Got Talent will actually have, you know, talent.

Katich, of course, does have talent. You don’t score 4,188 runs in 56 Tests at an average of 45.03 by getting lucky. But by no stretch of the imagination was he one of the greats of Australia’s dominant era, or what might politely be termed the transitional era thereafter.

Continue reading "Too much Katerwauling after selectors scratch itch" »

Is match fixing and sports corruption a big enough problem to suggest that offenders should be thrown into jail for up to 10 years? You bet!

There have been one or two major betting-related incidents in Australian sport. Personally, I was closely involved when Shane Warne and Mark Waugh got themselves involved with the now notorious “John the bookie” back in 1998.

But for me, the issue actually goes back further to 1990 in my days at the National Basketball League, when I first started thinking about and studying the issue.

Continue reading "Corruption in sport: Send match fixers to the slammer" »

Ricky Ponting had a lot to live up to when he took over as captain of Australia from Steve Waugh, but two more World Cup titles, a maiden Champions Trophy and equaling Waugh’s 16 test record winning streak cemented him as a leader to rival his predecessor.

But if Ponting had big shoes to fill, his successor - Michael Clarke - will look like he’s stepping into Ronald McDonald’s boots.

Fairfax journalist Roy Masters perfectly summed up up the feelings of the Australian public on the issue of Clarke as the next commander-in-chief of the Baggy Green brigade.

Continue reading "Michael Clarke is a victim of the Gen Y haters" »

So Ricky Ponting has quit as Australian cricket captain. About time. And Ricky Ponting will still be available for selection as a regular member of the team. As he should be.

Months and even years of speculation were laid to rest at the SCG today, when Ponting announced his seven year reign was over. “I’ve still got a lot to offer as player,” he told a hefty media contingent. “Younger players can learn from me and the way I play, and there’s no better place for them to learn than in the heat of the battle.”

Before the announcement, a few wise-cracking journalists were framing the odds of Ponting breaking into tears. Didn’t happen. Ponting only made his decision last night, and called Michael Clarke first thing this morning to tell him. But he kept his emotions in check, even if his crumpled notes suggested he’d rehearsed his lines long into the night to keep the waterworks at bay.

Continue reading "There, that wasn’t so hard, was it Ricky?" »

When Australia plays India in the ICC World Cup tonight, it will bring together two giants of the game, in Sachin Tendulkar and Ricky Ponting. The former is batting better than ever, the latter is clearly on the wane. But Punter has one thing on Tendulkar which India’s little master would do anything to change.

Ricky has nailed India when it really, really matters. Tendulkar hasn’t returned the favour.

That’s not to understate the record of Tendulkar, who has plundered over 3,000 runs against Australia in both Tests and One-Dayers down the years. That’s more runs than he’s scored against any other single country, and he’s scored them against us at better than his overall career average.

Continue reading "Sachin and Ricky’s extremely big night out" »

It was almost rained out, but England beat South Africa in the cricket World Cup semi-final on this day in 1992.

It’s Tuesday at The Punch. What’s on your mind? Share it here.

The first Australia versus England test cricket match was played on this day in 1877.

It’s Tuesday at The Punch. What’s on your mind? Share it here.

Fair’s fair. We’ve dished it out to Ricky Ponting on several occasions over the summer, but it’s now time for a backflip. Because love him or hate him, Ponting is responsible for arguably the most incredible winning streak in the history of Australian sport. And for the next 24 hours at least, that streak is still alive.

As of last weekend, Australia has gone 31 World Cup matches without defeat. The closest we’ve come to a loss since we came good halfway through the 1999 World Cup was that famous tied semi final against South Africa. The chaos. The confusion. The sheer joy of seeing South African nerves turn to mush.

Ponting is the one man has been there through all 31 matches. In fact, he was there long before then, making a respectable 45 in the 1996 final loss to Sri Lanka. And here he is 15 years later, much-maligned and in decline, but still, for now, the man with a record the envy of every World Cup captain.

Continue reading "Let’s give Ricky some love before the streak ends" »

There are many ways to describe the gluttony that comes with lopsided result after lopsided result at the ICC World Cup. Pages upon pages around the world are being cranked out as we speak, by those cynical types who don’t quite see the romance in Sri Lanka annihilating Canada, or New Zealand treating the Kenyans like Whangarei park cricketers.

Tonight, just to make things really interesting, England takes on The Netherlands. So here’s the shortest summation of the tournament you’re likely to read. It needs just six words. Ready? Here goes.

I’m thinking of watching Ben Elton.

Continue reading "Wake me when the World Cup gets interesting" »

Matthew Hayden says 50 over cricket is as cooked as a BBQ snapper. In the mind of Shane Warne, it’s as over as his marriage, though he believes it should be resuscitated every four years for the World Cup. 50 over cricket, that is.

Even Cricket Australia is reducing next year’s domestic one day cricket program, after tinkering heavily with the format this year, in the surest sign yet officialdom is downgrading its commitment to one day cricket. That, after it did away with the 12 match triangular series two years ago in favour of a more streamlined summer international 50 over program.

The fact is, 50 over cricket is a game being squeezed out of existence.

Continue reading "The sun could soon be setting on the 50 over game" »

Happy birthday to William (Bill) Lawry. The Australian cricketer was born on this day in 1937. Oh, and if you missed Ant’s tribute to Bill’s genius, it’s here

It’s Thursday at The Punch. What’s on your mind? Share it here.

Cricket is the new footy. That’s the implicit message from Cricket Australia, who yesterday expanded the Big Bash state Twenty20 competition to eight teams, including two each from Sydney and Melbourne.

Traditionalists, of course, are spitting the kind of bland old-fashioned flavourless chips they always spit when anything changes in their goldfish bowl.

But they can no more stem the tide of Twenty20 cricket than they can force people to the opera en masse instead of to the iTunes store to buy the latest Lady Gaga “song”. And that’s not agenda pushing. That’s fact.

Continue reading "Three cheers for cricket people actually want to watch" »

The world’s unlikeliest cricket club touched down in Australia yesterday. And boy, do they have a timely reminder for us all.

The Compton Cricket Club is a group of reformed gangsters from the infamous violent South Central Los Angeles neighbourhood. I wrote about these guys for The Punch last September when four of them made a flying visit out here to raise awareness and funds for the current tour. Mission accomplished.

Self-described “ambassadors of peace and goodwill”, the Compton cricketers long ago turned their back on the wildly egotistical, chest-beating American sports culture which has rapidly become inseparable from the wildly egotistical, chest-beating global sports culture.

Continue reading "Bravado and “me, me, me” are destroying modern sport" »

Herald Sun golf reporter, Mark Hayes, opened his Monday piece on Scott Laycock’s win in the inaugural Surf Coast Knockout, with the statement that it occurred “on a day that stands to change the face of Australian Golf”.

He was referring to the world first knockout golf format. The championship was decided by three rounds of stroke play. On the fourth and final day the top 32 players competed in a series of six hole matches in a knockout draw to determine the winner.

Continue reading "Twenty20 Golf: Long games need short versions" »

Richie’s the greatest. Let’s get that out of the way from the top.

But while Benaud’s velvety tones are still gracing the Nine commentary box during the one-dayers, his opposite, the mildly maniacal Bill Lawry has been resting since the Tests. And I miss him.

Bill is the yin to Richie’s yang. He is the Bruce Willis action flick to Richie’s SBS French drama. If Richie is Eine kleine Nachtmusik, Bill is The 1812 Overture, or maybe even Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries.

Continue reading "Summer’s not the same without Bill Lawry" »

News today from The Daily Telegraph today that Australian cricket vice-Captain Michael Clarke and sometime opener Phillip Hughes were out at Crown Casino the night before the disastrous fourth day of the Melbourne Ashes Test.

I am rather comforted by this news. Hopefully Clarke and Hughes were hungover throughout the Melbourne Test as it could go some way to explaining their rubbish batting.

Perhaps it would help the country if a picture emerged of the entire squad downing shots tequila and snorting lines ketamine in an Oxford Street club the night before the Sydney Test. We would be reassured as a nation that Australia’s awful performances this summer did not just look drug induced.

Continue reading "Should Clarke pay a price for Melbourne Test bar session?" »

Well, that’ll do me. I give up. The farcical Hughes/Watson runout, the second between the hapless duo in two tests, is all the evidence you need that the Aussie cricketers are completely stuffed in every conceivable way.

This was going to be a piece in praise of England. Because really, as much as we’ve all bagged Australia all summer, the Poms have been brilliant. There are no Capital G “Greats” in this England team, but each player plays his part to perfection.

But forget England. We’ve just had what can only be called a revelation. Slightly unexpected twist here, but let’s switch our attention to Swiss-born psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, whose seminal work On Death and Dying could well have been written for this summer of cricket.

Continue reading "The Punch @ the SCG, day 4: The five stages of grief" »

Tea at the cricket, and your selfless Punch correspondent once again forgoes the petite fours and fresh fruit in the media room to check out the vibe in the dressing rooms.

Talk about a contrast. You simply can’t believe how different the mood is in the England and Australian rooms, both of which you can perve straight into from the back of the Members’ stand.

In a word, the England room is relaxed. The Australian room: flustered.

Continue reading "The Punch @ the SCG, Day 3: A tale of two dressing rooms" »

The first ever One Day International cricket match between Australia and England was held today in 1971 at the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

Were you at the match? Share your thoughts on this or anything else below.

Leaving aside the air-conditioned comfort and excellent lamingtons of the media centre, your intrepid Punch correspondent journeys to the other side of the SCG to mingle with the Barmy Army.

So here we are, at ground level on the far side of the ground, on what used to be the hill but is now a mass of concrete called the Victor Trumper Stand. How very quaint.

It’s little England down here. Barmy Army HQ. Wet your whistles everybody. It’s singin’ time. Let’s begin with a Barmy Army standard, to the tune of Yellow Submarine.

Continue reading "The Punch @ the SCG, Day 2: Among the Barmy Army" »

In any sport, some people look the part from their very first minute at the top level.

Michael Clarke was one such case himself when he made his debut way back in 2004, and this day was supposed to be all about his coming of age. The Pup, at last, was Top Dog.

But even before Clarke departed with just four runs to his name, it became clear that this grey, slow, rain-interrupted first day of a dead rubber would be remembered for the emergence of Usman Khawaja.

Continue reading "The Punch @ the SCG, Day 1 Khawaja looks the goods" »

If surveys are to be believed, the vast majority of Australians believe that new Australian captain Michael Clarke is an incurable wanker. On the evidence of the last couple of years, it’s hard to argue. Yet beneath the Sunday social pages facade, I’m convinced there’s a good guy waiting to bust out. And an even better captain waiting to take over.

About a year ago, I interviewed Clarke at a photo shoot for Alpha magazine. In a down moment between shots, two Alpha staff members swear they heard him say under his breath “what am I doing here?”

Understandably, my colleagues were pretty taken aback by that unexpected comment.

Continue reading "The good guy trying to bust out of the wanker suit" »

When Commonwealth Bank chief Ralph Norris fronted the recent banking inquiry, he shrugged off concerns about his massive potential salary package with a line to the effect that 95 per cent of his shareholders approve, so what’s the big deal?

Ricky Ponting effectively has shareholders too. Or to be more accurate, stakeholders. Or to be even more accurate, fans of Australian cricket.

And it’s safe to assume that something like 95 per cent of them would now like him to step down.

Continue reading "Ponting should jump before he’s pushed" »

There was a moment during the English first innings in the Perth test when, just before the batting collapse, Andrew Strauss responded to a full ball by one of Australia’s four quicks by undertaking a casual pull shot. With a mere flick of the wrist, Strauss guided the ball down to the boundary – one bounce over the rope.

The Channel 9 camera gave us a close up of Ricky Ponting, who seemed surprised that such a thing could happen. After briefly consulting his bowler, Ponting reacted by removing one of his in-close fieldsmen and placing him down to the onside boundary.

The next three balls where delivered wide of the off-stump – leaving Strauss, the moved fieldsman and the rest of us wondering what exactly the captain and the bowler had discussed.

Continue reading "Gillard runs the country the way Ponting captains Tests" »

Surely Aussie fans can come up with something better than Oi Oi Oi to lift the spirits of our cricketers?

It’s bad enough that this Ashes series is being televised, but many Australians have made the terrible mistake of paying good money to go and watch the matches live.

I was among their number on days one and four of the Adelaide Test and had intended to go to the Sydney Test, too, but will now be doing something more entertaining, like scraping my fingernails along a blackboard or watching an Andre Rieu DVD.

Continue reading "Aussie Aussie Aussie? No! No! No!" »

The original headline for this piece was “Ashes myopia the root cause of ineptitude”. Then I decided to say it in everyday language. Because Australia’s incompetence in this Ashes series, notwithstanding today’s excellent fightback with the ball, has a simple foundation.

In short, we care about beating England too much. While Australia has spent 18 months building for this series, and this series alone, England has been busy building a strong cricket team for all occasions.

While Australia has been hell-bent on Ashes revenge, England has focused on Australia as just one obstacle on its climb to the top of cricket’s tree. Let me explain with two contrasting anecdotes.

Continue reading "We care too much about beating England" »

The third cricket Test starts today. But whether Australia recovers, England continues to stomp its foot on our throat, or a huge meteorite crashes into the WACA, there’s really only one sports story in town.

It’s a story which has spilled well beyond the sports pages, and it shoots off in an exciting new direction each week, enlivening an otherwise flat sporting summer.

The story is of course Shane Warne.

Continue reading "Summer of Shane" »

When Ricky Ponting returned from the disastrous tour of India in October, a small scrum of media cornered him outside the international airport, asked a brace of tough questions, recorded a brace of defiant answers, then scurried off to file for deadline.

Hanging back behind it all was Ponting’s wife Rianna and his two year old daughter Emmy, who must have been busting to hug her Dad. When the last reporter disappeared, Ponting picked up Emmy in one hand, and manfully pushed his overburdened trolley through the car park with the other. He then packed his large, shiny SUV and drove off to his spacious, waterfront home in the Sutherland Shire.

In those brief, private moments, the Pontings looked like any other happily reunited family at the airport. Ricky was a dad and husband, not a cricketer and captain. It kind of made you feel all warm and gooey inside. But there’s nothing warm and gooey about the way this summer of cricket is panning out. And that same media scrum, quite rightly, is interrogating Ponting with increasing ferocity.

Continue reading "Has Ponting undermined his own team’s confidence?" »

England has won the second Ashes Test in Adelaide by an innings and 71 runs. But if you think this summer of cricket has been hard to watch for average fans like us, spare a thought for Glenn McGrath.

In an interview with The Punch, the great paceman admitted the first two Ashes Tests have been tough going for him too.

“There were a few good moments obviously up in Brisbane in the first innings where Sids took the hat trick, but the last two innings watching our boys bowl has been pretty tough,” McGrath said.

Continue reading "Ooh Aah. This is gonna be one long summer." »

The really great thing about us Australians is that we don’t let bad things get us down.

A World Cup for Qatar? No worries. It’ll probably save us all a bunch of stadium renovations we didn’t need anyway. Not to mention that we might actually move towards an economy built on more stable foundations than the questionable benefits of global events we host every quarter century or so.

Three for two against the Poms in the cricket? She’ll be right. We’ll be 3/94 by lunch once Huss and Watto have dug in.

Continue reading "As the eucalypt sprouts new shoots after a fire…" »

Any captain wants one of two things out of his pace spearhead, and ideally he’d like both.

Firstly, he wants strike power in the mould of Jeff Thomson, whose famous sandshoe crusher broke both Tony Greig’s foot and England’s resolve in the corresponding match at the Gabba way back in 1974.

Secondly, he wants unerring accuracy. He wants to be able to throw the ball to his main man and say “hey if you can’t get rid of them, at least dry the runs up and build a bit of pressure”.

Continue reading "Time to take a break, Mitch" »

Like a distant fog-horn through the acrid smoke of political battle, an early English wicket in the first Ashes Test on Thursday morning echoed across the divide between real life and politics: Summer’s here!

By late afternoon, as the scheduled end of the parliamentary year came and went, and politicians huffed with even more indignation than normal, the origin of that fog-horn, let’s call it the ``life’’ side, upped the ante, perhaps aware its initial message had not been heeded.

What happened next, one of the genuinely golden moments in Australian sport, made for a stunning contrast on Capital Hill.

Continue reading "Siddle’s hat-trick signalled the end of the political year" »

TEA DAY 2. Welcome back to the thread of a thousand headlines. Australia is 5/168 after England’s good bowling finally reaped rewards. Mike Hussey, who most of us consider over the hill, is showing that experience is exactly what’s required against good bowling. And Marcus North continues to demonstrate his mediocrity. And by mediocrity, I mean utter rubbish.

And remember, you can follow news updates of the match here.

Lunch Day 2 update. England, especially Stuart Broad and James Anderson, have been keeping a tight line. So far, their only reward is the wicket of Watson, a great comeback by Anderson after he had an LBW overturned on referral the previous ball. I’m in fear of both Broad and Anderson. These guys have improved so much since the last Ashes in Australia. Should be a great middle session. Keep posting all your cricket thoughts here and we’ll have a fresh thread over the weekend.

6PM update. England all out for 260. Six for Siddle and the last two scalps for a deserving Doherty. More cricket tomorrow on The Punch (plus lots of other goodies). I’ve got a feeling 260 may not be such a bad tally at a swinging Gabba…

4.50PM update. Peter Siddle has just taken a fantastic hat-trick. I’m excited. All off great balls too. Share your excitement below!!!

In recent Ashes clashes, the first over, and sometimes even the very first ball, has set the tone for the entire series.

Who’ll forget Harmy’s shocking wide at Brisbane last time?

Or Justin Langer being de-helmeted in 2005?

Continue reading "Hussey holding Australia together" »

Whether on the cricket field or at the poker table, Shane Warne has never been short of swagger. But last night, in the debut of his chat show “Warnie”, his customary strut was largely missing.

That’s not being harsh. Warne himself admitted “I’ve never been as nervous” at the start of the show. Then at the end, in an out-of-character plea for approval, he asked the studio audience “Did you all enjoy it? Did you have fun?”

For the record, there was indeed fun and enjoyment to be had. But only in patches. The Sheik Of Tweak didn’t reek. But he wasn’t brilliant, either. Let’s break down a few of the main segments in no particular order.

Continue reading "Hopefully the Aussies won’t follow Shane’s nervous start" »

There has been no ticker tape parade. No roast and no toast. But here at The Punch, we’re all for big send-offs.

So before that spectacularly gifted Test cricketer Nathan Horowitz fades into cricketing obscurity, let’s recap the greatest performances of the man who was so good, we hardly noticed Shane Warne was gone. So many to choose from. Here are six of the best…

Continue reading "Ethan Hauritz. We will not forget you." »

Seen the mock Facebook status updates of historical events?

They’re great fun, and at Alpha magazine, where I worked until yesterday, we thought we’d throw together one of our own.

Alpha’s ingenious art director Darren Gover has put together the brilliant page below. Check it. It’s a mock Facebook feed of the birth of cricket’s Bodyline scandal.

Continue reading "A Facebook version of cricket’s biggest scandal" »

Australian selectors, who generally rate somewhere between journalists and used car salesmen on the vocational popularity scale, may just have gotten something right for a change.

On the face of it, naming an extended 17 man Ashes squad was a classic act of fence-sitting. But in another sense, it shows that selectors have finally heard the public outcry to remove the dead wood.

By picking 17, Andrew Hilditch and his cronies have put the serial underperformers on notice, by picking an in-form specialist for each of the incumbents currently under threat.

Continue reading "Ashes selectors finally put underperformers on notice" »

Forget the disappointing tour of India, the Ashes (beginning November 25) is the Test series that creates Australian heroes.

Of course, there can be dangers putting cricketers on a pedestal, but there is one idol who has always been seen as above reproach, Don Bradman.

Indeed, Bradman’s aura as a sporting icon became so great that respected cricket writer R.C Robertson-Glasgow wrote: “There are no funny stories about the Don. No one ever laughed about Bradman. He was no laughing matter’‘.

Continue reading "Bradman: bowling over the long-held myth" »

Oh dear. Oh deary, deary me. So I’m channel surfing on the couch last night pondering the inevitable demise of 50 over cricket.

Turns out, I was penning a eulogy for the wrong victim. It’s not One Day cricket that’s dead. It’s Australian cricket’s golden era.

Look, obviously we all knew we were in trouble when guys like Warne, McGrath and Gilly retired. But hands up who didn’t think we could hang tough and rebuild this summer with a few old heads to nurse the young guys to maturity? Not now. In whatever format you care to name, Australia is now officially a rabble.

Continue reading "RIP Australian cricket" »

If the Australian cricket selectors choose different teams for different formats, then why can’t Channel Nine?

The cricketing summer is officially got underway in Perth last night as Sri Lanka defeated Australia in a one-sided Twenty20 encounter.

Whilst vastly popular, cricket has traditionally been a gentlemen’s game. 

Continue reading "A mathematical equation for cricket commentary" »

It’s time for the Aussie cricket selectors to make the boldest decisions they’ve made in over two decades.

Andrew Hilditch, that other big bloke with the moustache and their fellow selectors need to run a broom through the Australian team otherwise the best we can hope for is more of the same mediocre cricket that has become common in recent times.

Back in the mid-80s, though their hand was forced somewhat by retirements and rebel tours, the Australian selectors opted for a youth policy under the guidance of captain Allan Border.

Continue reading "Ponting’s not the problem, his team is getting creaky" »

(Update, Thursday): Ricky Ponting is at it again. The Australian captain is master of understating the negatives in a losing performance whilst always finding something good to say about his team. And today, here’s a headline from the Times of India - and OK, it is just a summary headline, but it encapsulates Ponting’s piercing analytical style. 

For all his success as a batsman and captain the loss against India has seen the Aussies slide to an unconscionable fifth in the world rankings. Ponting’s leadership was publicly questioned during the game when Shane Warne tweeted: “How the hell can hauritz bowl to this field ?? Feeling for hauritz , terrible !! What are these tactics ? Sorry Ricky but what are you doing”. It’s not often this happens, but Warney was probably speaking for the whole country.

There’s more from Ponting here at Fox Sports. To be fair the skipper did say last night that the Australians have “got to be harsh on ourselves”. Though his preceding sentence was: “If I had’ve made 200 in the first innings, the result might have been different.” No kidding. The original column follows below.

Continue reading "Updated: Ricky Ponting’s little book of calm" »

Strangely enough I associate Dame Joan Sutherland with failed attempts to use a Coke machine.

My grandfather studied and sang with Dame Joan at the Sydney Conservatorium and later on briefly at the Sydney Opera House. One story he used to tell about Dame Joan was finding her in a corridor frustrated and confused by a new fangled invention from the seventies that would allow you to purchase drinks via a machine. Nonno (as we call him) had recently familiarised himself with the functioning of the drink machine and instructed her upon its complex operation. The thought of two practitioners of this high Baroque art, puzzling over a coke machine – one very large soprano and one short Italian tenor – was always an amusing image.

But upon hearing about her death this morning Nonno also said another thing that he would often repeat about Dame Joan: “She was a really lovely person. Really humble, just like everybody else, never acted like she was a big star.” This is something that has been repeated in numerous obituaries about the great Australian singer, and leads me to think whether she is the greatest Australian of the last century?

Continue reading "Is Dame Joan the greatest Aussie of the last century?" »

Meet the respectable gentlemen of the Compton Cricket Club. Reformed gangsters and bad-asses from the violent neighbourhood of Compton, Los Angeles, who’ve taken up cricket to better themselves.

The CCC touched down in Australia this week, to raise funds and awareness for the club’s proposed tour of Australia in January and February.
Formed in the late 1990s, the team has previously toured England five times, and even performed their fantastic cricket rap at Buckingham Palace. The Guardian called it “the best cricket song ever”.

Continue reading "Gangsta cricketers make a serious point, not a silly one" »

What has become increasingly clear from the dithering statements from the three independents is they are unlikely to announce a decision on who will form government today.

Tony Windsor is still speaking in some kind of Yoda code, now worried that the three buddies will split:

“To talk to the other two about the possible prospect of a 75-all I must, in which case we might have to even rethink our own thoughts.  Yeesssssss.

“How the other two are going to vote, I know not.  Going to put our cards on the table today we are.  To see if we can get to something that is stable, the main objective here is. If we cannot get to something, stable we may well end up back at the polls, that is.”

(That was a Yoda translation of what Windsor actually told journalists this morning, it really wasn’t far off)

Continue reading "Some cricket relief during a political rain delay" »

In some minds the absurd black-balling of John Howard as ICC vice-president was decided by his tragic spell of bowling on a dusty plateau deep in the Pakistan mountains in 2005.

More likely it was a product of the former Prime Minister’s 2003 opposition, entirely principled and warranted, to World Cup games being played in anti-democratic Zimbabwe.

But Howard has gained the reputation of a klutz with the ball and the International Cricket Council could not have a leader who didn’t have a talented arm. Howard, one commentator has said, is a pie chucker.

Continue reading "The true story of why John Howard is a pie-chucker" »

It must have been an odd week for John Howard.

Seven days ago the man who threw him out of office after eleven years was tossed by his own party before he could even serve out one term. Whatever Howard says, it must have been rewarding on some level.

A few days later Howard has suffered his own political humiliation after the ICC rejected his bid to become the organisation next vice-president.

Continue reading "Howard got done again, but this time it’s not cricket" »

What a week. A wave of elation swept the country in celebration of previously unimaginable sporting success. New national heroes were born.

Or you were in Australia, where some world-beating, inspirational achievements went largely unnoticed and the nation is now facing into 18 busy sporting months where victories could well be the exception rather than the expectation.

Depending on your point of view, Australian sport is at one of its lowest-ever ebbs, or in a golden era of success – just in a bunch of sports that nobody cares very much about. Australians now bestride the world in motor sport, snooker, women’s cricket and pole vaulting.

Continue reading "Mad about sports all right, just the wrong ones" »

The World Twenty20 starts this week, and Australia has already lost a warm-up match to Zimbabwe. It’s no toughie to work out why. Beyond Dave Warner, Shane Watson and Cameron White, our batting order lacks firepower. The bang crash wallop only one man can deliver. But that man, presumably, is on a fishing boat somewhere.

I was in India last week on assignment for Alpha magazine. One of my stops was the IPL match between Dave Warner’s Delhi Daredevils and the Deccan Chargers, captained by Adam Gilchrist and starring Andrew Symonds.

Symonds was just unbelievable. On a tricky, slow pitch where all other batsmen failed to dominate, he produced an array of heaves, swipes and dabs. One minute he swung his revolutionary Mongoose bat like a lumberjack. The next, it was a delicate wizard’s wand.

Continue reading "Come back Andrew Symonds, all is forgiven" »

Update - 8pm: A Current Affair has reported that Clarke has ended his relationship with Bingle. Read the news.com.au report here.

I’ve been thinking for a while now that the Australian cricket team and the huge machinery around it contained a bunch of over-paid, under-developed, spoiled brats happily trapped in a pre-feminist world, but today really tipped it over the edge for me.

It’s clear the cricket mob is not coping with the loss of the good old days when wives maintained a dignified presence at home for 10 months of the year while their husbands traveled their way around the world safely cocooned in the mantra “what goes on tour stays on tour.”

According to Peter Roebuck, Robert Craddock, Mark Waugh, and just about every other bloke with an opinion on this, Lara Bingle didn’t get the memo that it’s her job to stay at home and play a “quiet, dignified supporting role.”

Continue reading "Grown men threatened by a 22-year-old model" »

Who needs Posh ‘n’ Becks? Australian cricket vice-captain Michael Clarke and his model girlfriend Lara Bingle have confirmed themselves as the nation’s celebrity circus couple.

Clarke is known for being unhappy with the ongoing publicity that surrounds their relationship but its effect has reached a nadir with him quitting the team camp on the eve of a one-day match against New Zealand because his girlfriend was upset.

This is no Hollywood couple’s restaurant flare-up. Clarke’s sudden and stunning decision to return to Sydney to be with Bingle raises questions on his future role in the team and ability to focus on his cricket. Clarke has been a consistently excellent performer and is the favourite to succeed Ricky Ponting as captain.

Continue reading "With Pup and Lara who needs Posh and Becks?" »

The Kiwis are sputting chups this morning about John Howard being put forward for the spot of Deputy President of the International Cricket Council, with the likelihood he’ll take over the top job in 2012.

The New Zealand Herald this morning lamented: “Cricket: ‘Fan’ with no cricket experience gets top job.” The paper wondered what “Australian heavying” went on behind closed doors to secure Howard over NZC Chairman Sir John Anderson.

On AM this morning the former Prime Minister, now 70, mounted an understated defense of his credentials for the role.

“I don’t know that I have a lack of background in the game,” he said. “I don’t come to the game as having been a champion player or a previous administrator, but there aren’t too many champion players and I think most people know what I’ve been doing with my spare time up until now.”

Continue reading "Is this man qualified to run world cricket?" »

Call the RSPCA. Alert PETA. Get the anti-whaling boats to steam north from Antarctica and stop this mindless slaughter.

Cricket is on its last legs. And to think, this shocking butchery of our national sport is no longer even taking place in the name of science.

Before the summer, we suspected the opposition were crap. By mid December, we knew it. Discussion over. Yet here we are in mid February still prodding and poking at the carcasses of West Indian and Pakistani cricket.

Continue reading "Put this summer of cricket out of its misery" »

Can’t bowl, can barely bat - but could he run world cricket? Former Prime Minister John Howard may be feeling a twinge of nostalgia for his time in office today after waking to a spectacular bucketing in the morning papers.

Cricket writer Peter Roebuck said nominating Howard for president of the International Cricket Council was “as pitiful as it is disrespectful”, the logic being that the ex-PM is really just an enthusiastic follower of cricket than a leader who can think creatively about the future of the game. “Plain and simple,” writes Roebuck, “he is not qualified for the job.”

Isn’t he? Given the laundry list of problems with internal bickering in cricket’s international governing body, maybe a pragmatic politician like Howard is just what the ICC needs.

Continue reading "Can this man save cricket?" »

Let me be the first to say it: surely the entire Australian cricket team must now be awarded honorary knighthoods, or at the very least some form of membership of the British Empire.

The series win against Pakistan matches the efforts of the 2005 Ashes-winning team. Every player in that England side was awarded the MBE (the captain getting the slightly more elevated OBE) and there are now calls for Paul Collingwood to be knighted after the England all-rounder saved the third Test against South Africa this week. 

Australia’s win at the SCG came too late for the Queen’s New Year’s Honours List, but there were many worthy recipients.

Continue reading "Arise Sir Ricky, Dame Pink and Lady Lady Gaga" »

If you wanted to write a short skit to satirise the insidious fan-hating culture of cricket ground managers, what would the plot be?

How about, say, Santa Claus being ejected after skylarking with a bloke dressed in a cancer-awareness tutu? That’s surely sufficiently exaggerated to make the comical point.

Bzzt. Try harder. That’s precisely what happened at the Sydney Cricket Ground on the first day of the New Year Test.

Continue reading "Killing cricket" »

Twenty20 is like a box-office smash hit – overloaded with action, drama and emotion.

And like any blockbuster, crowds are flocking to cricket grounds to soak up the electric atmosphere of Twenty20.
There’s a saying in business that you find out what people want and you give it to them – in bigger doses.

Continue reading "Why Twenty20 will knock traditional cricket for six" »

I don’t get out much. I work from home and, generally, I sleep at home too. I seem to have lived the life of a butterfly in reverse, a few decade of delicate and delicious socialising, followed by a quite decade in my cocoon.

I’m not the only person who doesn’t get out much, mind, there’s quite a few, and in the northern hemisphere they often gather around the Guardian campfire and comment on the cricket as it happens on the OBO (over-by-over report).

Truth be told, the Guardian’s OBO isn’t just about what’s happening out on the pitch, it is like a potted philosophy of everything, with a particular preference for wit and that peculiar form of gloom that seems to descend over English cricket supporters even if they are six hundred runs ahead with two days to bowl the opposition out.

Continue reading "Real-time cricket writer who keeps the spirit of the game" »

MELBOURNE’S Boxing Day Test has a profound effect on Aussie cricketers’ form. Some batsmen thrive on the festive atmosphere and give opposing bowlers a serve on the MCG wicket.

Other batsmen – and bowlers – crumble under pressure. Some Aussies had glorious batting innings and magic spells with the ball.

It was a memorable Test, particularly as the Melbourne crowd celebrated their Test hero – Shane Watson, who redeemed himself at the crease in Australia’s 170-run win.

Continue reading "Pakistan may have lost the heart for the Sydney Test" »

HOW many Test innings have we seen fail as Aussie batsmen reach the nervous nineties?

Too many, I’d say.

Boxing Day is often a cricketer’s field of dreams - the biggest day on the Test calendar.

Continue reading "The nervous 90s are all in our heads" »

Test Cricket, it’s over between us. I’m sorry to do the Gen Z thing and break the news to you online, but you’re not coming round to my place in Sydney till January and I just can’t wait till then.

At the risk of going all George Costanza, it’s not you, it’s me, OK? You’re still the same quirky, fascinating form of the game you’ve always been. But I’ve moved on.

I’m a different person with different priorities these days, TC. The kids, the job. The desire to indulge in a little physical activity myself occasionally instead of just watching you for five days. It all leaves so little time for you.

Continue reading "A parting letter to my former love, test cricket" »

American diva Toni Braxton probably doesn’t follow the cricket.

And she almost certainly wasn’t thinking about the umpire decision review system when she sang “It’s not right, but it’s ok”. You’ve got to hand it to her though - she hit the nail on the head.

It isn’t right. Not 100 per cent.

Continue reading "Toni Braxton is right about cricket’s video referee" »

APRIL is the cruelest month, old T.S Eliot used to say, but where does that leave October?

No league, no AFL, nothing really to live for. Hell, not even club rugby on the ABC on a Saturday. There’s something called the A-League, but as far as I can make out it’s largely populated by volatile blokes with blonde highlights, either too old or mentally unstable to cut it in Europe.

As the weather warms up and the sport winds down, you begin to rediscover weekends. This is by no means a good thing. Your better half declares Friday and Saturday nights the time for “catching up with people,” time you would happily have spent watching NRL games back-to-back in the winter months.

Continue reading "October, it’s Hell on earth for sports lovers" »

Following England’s cricketers on Twitter is becoming almost as entertaining as watching them on the field.

Graeme Swann and Jimmy Anderson led the way, giving us the inside track on everything from room service meals to the perils of only packing two pairs of underpants for a tour.

Swann, in particular, went the extra mile by providing details of a stomach bug he picked up.

Continue reading "English cricketers do something right" »

As Australia’s cricketers started their colossal – and ultimately futile –chase of 546 runs for an Ashes victory at The Oval, it was accepted that the team’s only hope was for someone to play a ‘Bradmanesque’ innings.

Given that it’s more than 60 years since Sir Donald Bradman played his final Test on that same strip of dirt in south London, why is it that his name remains the benchmark against which all cricketers are still measured?

It’s because for more than a century, Test match cricket has seen Don Bradman – born 101 years ago today – separated by a colossal gap from everyone else in the game.

Continue reading "After all these years we’re yet to find another Bradman" »

Defeat at the hands of a weak English side is the wake up call that the Australian cricket hierarchy has needed.

The Australian cricket supremacy has passed. That supremacy dated from 1995, when Mark Taylor’s team defeated the then world champion West Indians in the Caribbean. 95 Test matches were won, and only 24 lost, over the following twelve years. The cricket world became accustomed to the inexorable dominance of Australia’s national side.

Now Australia has suffered series defeats to India, South Africa and England in the last twelve months.

Continue reading "No more excuses: sack the selectors and punt Ponting" »

Ricky Ponting’s shock at his team’s emphatic defeat at the hands of England in the deciding Ashes Test is revealed in his concern for his own future he expressed after the game.

“I really don’t know what to expect,” he said when asked about facing the music back in Australia. “Hopefully most of the questions being asked will be from journalists and not from people above me.”

England’s Daily Telegraph twisted the knife, pointing out that Australia was now fourth in the world rankings and that, combined with the loss of The Ashes, would be “a permanent stain” on Ponting’s career.

Continue reading "England reclaims The Ashes and twists the knife" »

And so it begins, although it seems strangely anticlimactic.  The reason for that could be because of the two week gap between matches, which was the norm until a few years ago when International tours became compressed affairs so the Test specialists could be shipped off and the one day specialists freighted in.

Now we add the Twenty 20 specialists to the mix as well, so we’re lucky they don’t run the 25 days of the 5 Tests consecutively, or play a Test during the day and a T20 fixture at night as a double header. 

We used to enjoy the fact that five Tests took five and a half months to play during which time the players would play a couple of counties between Tests, get to travel to Scotland or Ireland for a couple of beers matches on a local village green and come home in time to have a week’s rest before the first Shield game started.

Continue reading "There’s a spark missing from this Ashes series" »

It’s often said journalism is a mirror to the society it serves. Most cricket fans know which of these papers they would prefer to be reading this morning.

At the start of this Ashes series I set out 10 reasons to love the English and said at the time they would take some comfort from being classed as underdogs. But surely, the underdog tag is too kind this time. Beedogs, perhaps.

Anyway, below are some links to previews from English and Australian commentators on this deciding Test, including Shane Warne’s. But if England’s hopes rest on Andrew Flintoff playing a blinder in his final Test match and Australia are counting on Ricky Ponting, I know which side I’d prefer to be on. Share your thoughts, predictions, and sledges in the comments.

Continue reading "Ashes deciding Test: A tale of two Telegraphs" »

There’s further evidence today of the growing contempt that modern managers of sporting codes hold for fans of their games, with English cricket managers begging the crowd to be nice to Ricky Ponting when he walks to the middle in the fourth Ashes Test, getting underway at Headingley in a few hours’ time.

For a measure of how patronising and unnecessary this is, look no further than Australian batsman Shane Watson, who says the booing Ponting gets from the crowds is to be expected - and something players enjoy, even thrive on, when playing in England.

Cricket managers in Australia have shown a similar pattern of growing discomfort with what ordinary people consider a good day out. When the Poms were last here, the Barmy Army’s trumpeter was kicked out of the Gabba for playing his instrument, despite getting prior approval to blow it. (He’s been banned from the Headingley Test, too.)

Continue reading "Boo to English cricket bosses. And the Aussie ones, too" »

No Australian cricketer has scored more runs for his country than Ricky Ponting. The Tasmanian has overhauled Allan Border’s Australian run scoring record in 22 fewer Tests, with an average six runs to the good, and boasts eleven more centuries to his name.

Yet Allan Border remains the finest Australian batsman of the last quarter century.

Granted, Ponting is Border’s superior in the one day format. But it is the pure form of the game that provides the ultimate test of the abilities of cricketers. A great cricketer’s greatness is established in the Test arena.

Continue reading "Allan Border still the greatest Australian batsman" »

It’s a good thing the Aussies have their wives and girlfriends along for the Ashes tour.

Had they not been there, it’s quite probable we would have gone down to county side Northamptonshire because we’ve all been assured by Cricket Australia that the boys play better if the WAGs are in attendance.

Seeing as we have managed to win just one of the seven tour games so far, I tremor at the thought of what would have happened if CA hadn’t had the foresight to support the significant others/B-grade celebrities and female wannabes to stay with the cricketers for the first part of the Ashes.

Continue reading "WAGs aren’t about team happiness, but marketing" »

“Two world wars and one world cup” is a popular refrain from the terraces when England play Germany at football (aka soccer).  Offensive as it may be to some, the chant has been around pretty much since England’s World Cup final win over the then West Germany in 1966 and is “popular with the Neanderthal branch of the Ingerland Supporters’ Club, to be sung at Johnny Foreigner once the Channel has been safely negotiated,” according to one fan website.

The victory at Wembley was an aberration and not to be repeated. We die-hard English sports fans of the post-war era (that’s post 1966) fully understand this fact. We’re also aware that the 2005 Ashes series victory, pleasant enough entertainment but clearly an unscripted entry into the English sporting history books, would never occur again in our lifetime.

So it is with some trepidation and a sense of dismay that we watch Freddie Flintoff and the chaps once again threaten our calm state of underachieving equilibrium.

Continue reading "Proud Britons remain quietly confident of noble defeat" »