Joe Hildebrand
Joe Hildebrand was born in Melbourne and extradited to Sydney in 2000. Despite this he considers Adelaide his spiritual home, having spent a pleasant weekend there in the mid-1990s.
He currently “works” at The Daily Telegraph, where he wrote a column for several years until it was removed on bad taste grounds. He is single for the same reason.
He has an abiding interest in cinema, notably the American action-adventure genre which is often overlooked by mainstream audiences. His favourite film is Independence Day, which until recently he believed to be a documentary.
He has a blog at http://blogs.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/joehildebrand/ It has been described as having a strong cult following, which is to say very few people read it.
He also writes for The Punch in order to comply with the terms of his court order.
Articles by Joe Hildebrand
Why violence is the answer to all the world’s problems
THE other day a stranger came up to me in the street and spat in my face. While this still…... Read more
The drunkest, stupidest, greatest city in the world
Every New Year’s Eve Sydney’s Lord Mayor takes over the city’s prime harbourside viewing area at the Opera House just…... Read more
A learned meditation on the true meaning of Christmas
Around this time of year I usually like to write a column about the magic of Christmas. Possibly because around…... Read more
I fought the public service and the public service won
It is one of life’s rich curiosities that the primary function of any government department is to make its citizenry…... Read more
Leaked report reveals leaked reports cause leaks
Much has been made this week of the leaked excerpts from the ALP’s election post mortem by Bob Carr, Steve…... Read more
Let’s add some perspective to Julia’s whopping new salary
It was revealed this week that the Prime Minister will be paid $470,000 a year after getting a massive pay…... Read more
EXCLUSIVE: The TV shows they don’t want you to see
This week some of the big TV networks unveiled their new programs for 2012. But what you won’t see is…... Read more
Shock finding: Media Inquiry discovers media!
IT’S a quarter to teatime at the media inquiry. Chair SIR ROBERT ELDERBERRY-TONSON is hearing evidence from journalism expert DR.…... Read more
The Northern Territory is a croc of you know what
The naturalist Charles Darwin observed that when confronted with a hostile and unliveable environment, organisms would mutate into strange new…... Read more
Exclusive: Hipster Invasion Threatens Inner West
There are many reasons to move to Sydney’s inner west but none of them is more compelling than your girlfriend…... Read more
Grand Final Exclusive: Some people in NSW might back Manly
A lot of people are upset that there is only one NSW side in tomorrow’s grand final, but in fact…... Read more
A desperate plea from the PM to the Opposition Leader
In yet another extraordinary exclusive, The Punch has unearthed a transcript of Prime Minister JULIA GILLARD and Immigration Minister CHRIS…... Read more
Does anybody else miss John Howard?
A friend of mine said something strange the other day. He said: “I miss John Howard.’’ The reason this was…... Read more
The ALP should seek liberation in its annihilation
The power of the Roman Empire can be traced back to one key factor: The Romans did not fear death.…... Read more
In defence of Craig Thomson
Like all moral upstanding citizens of Australia, I have been shocked by the revelations about Craig Thomson. This is a…... Read more
Hey Labor, make history not beef stroganoff
Journalism, as they say, is the first draft of history. This week Julia Gillard defended journalism and history might just…... Read more
An idiot’s guide to freedom fighting
Dear Comrades, It is sadly not surprising that the freedom-fighters in London have been denounced as “rioters’’ by the right-wing…... Read more
Oy vey. If love songs were sung to Jewish mothers…
Paul McCartney: Maybe I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time. Maybe I’m amazed at the way…... Read more
Both political extremes should be left right out
In another high water mark for human decency, left-wing and right-wing commentators have recently managed to cast blame on each…... Read more
Click here for an insider’s look at Gillard vs. Media
Here is a quick multiple choice question. I am writing this column because: A) Rupert Murdoch instructed me to in…... Read more
All this hacking raises this hapless hack’s hackles
It is one of the great dangers of this new technological age that we are all potential victims of “computer…... Read more
Gillard and Brown are shootin’ the messenger
The push by Bob Brown and Julia Gillard for a parliamentary inquiry into the media is so cynical, manipulative and…... Read more
If you see one crappy film this winter, make sure it’s…
ALP Headquarters, Canberra, Sunday 7pm JULIA: Well, what an incredible victory. Couldn’t have gone better if we’d tried. VOICE AT…... Read more
ETS backflip makes me feel green about the gills
The second most appallingly idiotic consequence of the Greens’ decision to block an emissions trading scheme – and let’s face…... Read more
The humanimals in our government will kill us all
One day in the near future the world as we know it will come to an end. Australia will have…... Read more
Solving the asylum seeker problem in three easy steps
Look, I didn’t want to interfere but it seems the Government just can’t do it without me, so here it…... Read more
Veni vidi vici Vo Vo*. Why Rudd is a modern day Caesar
When I bring up the subject of Kevin Rudd’s brutal factional knifing, I am often accused of living in the…... Read more
My feet are wet, life sucks, and someone must PAY
There are three golden rules in life: Nothing works, everything sucks and everyone you meet is either an idiot or…... Read more
Smokers deserve the right to die with dignity
The tobacco industry’s campaign against plain packaging is at last a cause worthy enough for me to believe in. As…... Read more
EXCLUSIVE: The bin Laden tapes
In yet another extraordinary exclusive, The Punch has obtained a transcript of the last minutes of Osama bin Laden, his…... Read more
New ways for the Govt to screw you slowly
I was delighted to learn this week that in yet another display of moral courage, the Gillard Government has decided…... Read more
The Leader of Oz: No heart, no brain, no courage
So after stalling on climate change, pushing boatpeople offshore and declaring billions in cuts to maintain a budget surplus at…... Read more
Greens war not kosher, says Marrickville mayor
I was shocked to learn this week that infighting had broken out amongst the Greens, largely because I was under…... Read more
NSW Labor governed not wisely, but too well
Every man and his dog – and there are plenty of dogs involved in this story – has a reason…... Read more
EXCLUSIVE! I hacked the Government’s emails
As you can probably guess it was me who hacked into the email accounts of ten senior federal ministers. I…... Read more
The unbearable likeness of being me
Paul Kelly’s greatest ever song Luck is a plaintive lament about the constant conspiracy of mother nature, society and the…... Read more
Anyone ever seen Gaddafi and Sheen in the same room?
Like every other family values-oriented Australian I have been deeply impressed this week by Charlie Sheen’s commitment to his children…... Read more
Nixongate in the Hotelgate with the Schoolgate Girlgate
It is part of every reporter’s mandatory training that any time a scandal erupts you have to put the word…... Read more
Look into my eyes and tell me I’m unelectable
At the heart of the ALP’s election campaign advertising is a single, profound and powerful message: “You wouldn’t hit a…... Read more
Congrats NSW Govt, you’ve bagged the full set of sins
For too long now the NSW Government has been grossly attacked for not having achieved anything. Even I myself was…... Read more
GenOne: Everyone’s a winner, baby
When the good ship Generation One stormed home to victory on Sydney Harbour in the Australia Day Ferrython it was…... Read more
How Labor wedged itself into a bad policy on boat people
The heartbreaking boat crash off Christmas Island is the tragic climax of the confused and contradictory approach to asylum seekers…... Read more
If you’ve got anything worth leaking, better get in now
From: Joe Hildebrand Sent: Wednesday, 1 December To: Undisclosed recipients Subject: WikiLeaks Hi all, Er, look, this is a bit…... Read more
On second thoughts, she probably won’t be alright
Australians are often proud of our relaxed, easy-going, “she’ll be right” ethos. In fact nothing could be farther from the…... Read more
My island in the sun
The island was tiny, accessible only by boat, populated by just seven guests and rained in for the entire weekend.…... Read more
It’s time for Julia to get medieval on the banks’ asses
There’s an old joke about what the difference is between a dead kangaroo on the road and a dead banker.…... Read more
My iPhone is great - except at making calls
Sometimes it’s tough being a celebrity journalist. Not only do you have to constantly travel to Prague and party with…... Read more
Why doesn’t anyone just eat normal food any more?
The other day I was at a pub, which is not unusual in itself. The pub also had a $10…... Read more
Pray for salvation from this banquet of self-love
I have not read the book Eat Pray Love, nor have I seen the movie Eat Pray Love. In fact…... Read more
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@DarrenFerrari @andrewcatsaras And so he should be. He might be the chap humming in the background to the end of the recording.
Recent posts
The latest and greatest
New speaker’s slack clobber, old speaker clobbers slackers
Peter Slipper, draped in black in a manner most young voters will not see outside Hogwarts, has dramatically…
Snappy 60th birthday to our most fun newspaper
Life is far from dull in the Northern Territory. Or if it is, we’ll never know. And that’s…
There’s no evidence sex-for-cab-fares is a trend
Fifteen years ago when one of your girlfriends had a few too many Illusion shots standard practice was…
Nosebleed Section
choice ringside rantings
From: City vs country: What would you change your life for?
Dieter Moeckel says:
We made the tree change from Darwin to Wonbah more than 15 years ago. After fencing, a road, and couple of dams our money was gone. Super is enough to live comfortably. We have geese growing old and stringy the only one that made it to the pot committed Kamakazi by flying into a tree; the chooks are… [read more]From: I’d rather have a piece of toast than listen to crap lyrics
Erick says:
Led Zeppelin are responsible for my all-time favourite mixed metaphor: "There you sit, sit and stare, like a book on a shelf rusting." (Misty Mountain Hop) I laugh every time I hear it. Hmmm, I believe I've decided what to play on the way to work today. [read more]Gentle jabs to the ribs
No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops
Well, puck me with a fitchfork. The F-word is apparently an acceptable part of Australian speech. That’s… Read more
