Joe Hildebrand

Joe Hildebrand

Joe Hildebrand was born in Melbourne and extradited to Sydney in 2000. Despite this he considers Adelaide his spiritual home, having spent a pleasant weekend there in the mid-1990s.

He currently “works” at The Daily Telegraph, where he wrote a column for several years until it was removed on bad taste grounds. He is single for the same reason.

He has an abiding interest in cinema, notably the American action-adventure genre which is often overlooked by mainstream audiences. His favourite film is Independence Day, which until recently he believed to be a documentary.

He has a blog at http://blogs.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/joehildebrand/ It has been described as having a strong cult following, which is to say very few people read it.

He also writes for The Punch in order to comply with the terms of his court order.

Articles by Joe Hildebrand

I’m not getting married, I’m entering the ‘love pyramid’

I’m not getting married, I’m entering the ‘love pyramid’

26 Jan 13 There comes a time in a man’s life when he has to hold a steady job, settle down with a…... Read more

Whurley in dire need of politeness enhancing drugs

Whurley in dire need of politeness enhancing drugs

19 Jan 13 Any serious historian will tell you that the pinnacle of Australia’s cultural achievement was when Liz Hurley agreed to marry…... Read more

We should make an example of dumb racists

We should make an example of dumb racists

21 Nov 12 One of the less pleasant aspects of hosting a show called Dumb, Drunk and Racist is that every time someone…... Read more

Well, if we’re gonna start redefining words…

Well, if we’re gonna start redefining words…

20 Oct 12 I was delighted to learn this week that you can make up a new definition for a word and all…... Read more

So it turns out plenty of us are Dumb, Drunk and Racist

So it turns out plenty of us are Dumb, Drunk and Racist

20 Jun 12 It is hard to believe, but a little TV show with the subtle and unassuming title Dumb, Drunk and Racist…... Read more

A Hildebrand guide: how Labor destroyed itself

A Hildebrand guide: how Labor destroyed itself

01 May 12 People looking for reasons for the ongoing implosion of the federal government are, it is fair to say, spoiled for…... Read more

What really happened in the caucus room yesterday

What really happened in the caucus room yesterday

28 Feb 12 Everyone knows the result of the ALP leadership ballot but speculation has been rife as to what really went on…... Read more

A Ruddy postcard from sunny Mexico

A Ruddy postcard from sunny Mexico

21 Feb 12 The nation has been rocked this week by the shock revelation that politicians swear. A leaked video reveals that former…... Read more

Why violence is the answer to all the world’s problems

Why violence is the answer to all the world’s problems

14 Jan 12 THE other day a stranger came up to me in the street and spat in my face. While this still…... Read more

The drunkest, stupidest, greatest city in the world

The drunkest, stupidest, greatest city in the world

07 Jan 12 Every New Year’s Eve Sydney’s Lord Mayor takes over the city’s prime harbourside viewing area at the Opera House just…... Read more

A learned meditation on the true meaning of Christmas

A learned meditation on the true meaning of Christmas

24 Dec 11 Around this time of year I usually like to write a column about the magic of Christmas. Possibly because around…... Read more

I fought the public service and the public service won

I fought the public service and the public service won

17 Dec 11 It is one of life’s rich curiosities that the primary function of any government department is to make its citizenry…... Read more

Leaked report reveals leaked reports cause leaks

Leaked report reveals leaked reports cause leaks

10 Dec 11 Much has been made this week of the leaked excerpts from the ALP’s election post mortem by Bob Carr, Steve…... Read more

Let’s add some perspective to Julia’s whopping new salary

Let’s add some perspective to Julia’s whopping new salary

03 Dec 11 It was revealed this week that the Prime Minister will be paid $470,000 a year after getting a massive pay…... Read more

EXCLUSIVE: The TV shows they don’t want you to see

EXCLUSIVE: The TV shows they don’t want you to see

26 Nov 11 This week some of the big TV networks unveiled their new programs for 2012. But what you won’t see is…... Read more

Shock finding: Media Inquiry discovers media!

Shock finding: Media Inquiry discovers media!

12 Nov 11 IT’S a quarter to teatime at the media inquiry. Chair SIR ROBERT ELDERBERRY-TONSON is hearing evidence from journalism expert DR.…... Read more

The Northern Territory is a croc of you know what

The Northern Territory is a croc of you know what

29 Oct 11 The naturalist Charles Darwin observed that when confronted with a hostile and unliveable environment, organisms would mutate into strange new…... Read more

Exclusive: Hipster Invasion Threatens Inner West

Exclusive: Hipster Invasion Threatens Inner West

07 Oct 11 There are many reasons to move to Sydney’s inner west but none of them is more compelling than your girlfriend…... Read more

Grand Final Exclusive: Some people in NSW might back Manly

Grand Final Exclusive: Some people in NSW might back Manly

01 Oct 11 A lot of people are upset that there is only one NSW side in tomorrow’s grand final, but in fact…... Read more

A desperate plea from the PM to the Opposition Leader

A desperate plea from the PM to the Opposition Leader

19 Sep 11 In yet another extraordinary exclusive, The Punch has unearthed a transcript of Prime Minister JULIA GILLARD and Immigration Minister CHRIS…... Read more

Does anybody else miss John Howard?

Does anybody else miss John Howard?

12 Sep 11 A friend of mine said something strange the other day. He said: “I miss John Howard.’’ The reason this was…... Read more

The ALP should seek liberation in its annihilation

The ALP should seek liberation in its annihilation

05 Sep 11 The power of the Roman Empire can be traced back to one key factor: The Romans did not fear death.…... Read more

In defence of Craig Thomson

In defence of Craig Thomson

29 Aug 11 Like all moral upstanding citizens of Australia, I have been shocked by the revelations about Craig Thomson. This is a…... Read more

The Bill

The Bill

26 Aug 11 In perhaps his most extraordinary exclusive to date, Joe has obtained the credit card statement that could bring down Labor…... Read more

Hey Labor, make history not beef stroganoff

Hey Labor, make history not beef stroganoff

18 Aug 11 Journalism, as they say, is the first draft of history. This week Julia Gillard defended journalism and history might just…... Read more

An idiot’s guide to freedom fighting

An idiot’s guide to freedom fighting

13 Aug 11 Dear Comrades,  It is sadly not surprising that the freedom-fighters in London have been denounced as “rioters’’ by the right-wing…... Read more

Oy vey. If love songs were sung to Jewish mothers…

Oy vey. If love songs were sung to Jewish mothers…

10 Aug 11 Paul McCartney: Maybe I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time. Maybe I’m amazed at the way…... Read more

Both political extremes should be left right out

Both political extremes should be left right out

04 Aug 11 In another high water mark for human decency, left-wing and right-wing commentators have recently managed to cast blame on each…... Read more

Click here for an insider’s look at Gillard vs. Media

Click here for an insider’s look at Gillard vs. Media

26 Jul 11 Here is a quick multiple choice question. I am writing this column because: A) Rupert Murdoch instructed me to in…... Read more

All this hacking raises this hapless hack’s hackles

All this hacking raises this hapless hack’s hackles

20 Jul 11 It is one of the great dangers of this new technological age that we are all potential victims of “computer…... Read more

Gillard and Brown are shootin’ the messenger

Gillard and Brown are shootin’ the messenger

16 Jul 11 The push by Bob Brown and Julia Gillard for a parliamentary inquiry into the media is so cynical, manipulative and…... Read more

If you see one crappy film this winter, make sure it’s…

If you see one crappy film this winter, make sure it’s…

12 Jul 11 ALP Headquarters, Canberra, Sunday 7pm JULIA: Well, what an incredible victory. Couldn’t have gone better if we’d tried. VOICE AT…... Read more

ETS backflip makes me feel green about the gills

ETS backflip makes me feel green about the gills

06 Jul 11 The second most appallingly idiotic consequence of the Greens’ decision to block an emissions trading scheme – and let’s face…... Read more

The humanimals in our government will kill us all

The humanimals in our government will kill us all

23 Jun 11 One day in the near future the world as we know it will come to an end. Australia will have…... Read more

Solving the asylum seeker problem in three easy steps

Solving the asylum seeker problem in three easy steps

07 Jun 11 Look, I didn’t want to interfere but it seems the Government just can’t do it without me, so here it…... Read more

Veni vidi vici Vo Vo*. Why Rudd is a modern day Caesar

Veni vidi vici Vo Vo*. Why Rudd is a modern day Caesar

01 Jun 11 When I bring up the subject of Kevin Rudd’s brutal factional knifing, I am often accused of living in the…... Read more

My feet are wet, life sucks, and someone must PAY

My feet are wet, life sucks, and someone must PAY

26 May 11 There are three golden rules in life: Nothing works, everything sucks and everyone you meet is either an idiot or…... Read more

Smokers deserve the right to die with dignity

Smokers deserve the right to die with dignity

17 May 11 The tobacco industry’s campaign against plain packaging is at last a cause worthy enough for me to believe in. As…... Read more

EXCLUSIVE: The bin Laden tapes

EXCLUSIVE: The bin Laden tapes

06 May 11 In yet another extraordinary exclusive, The Punch has obtained a transcript of the last minutes of Osama bin Laden, his…... Read more

New ways for the Govt to screw you slowly

New ways for the Govt to screw you slowly

28 Apr 11 I was delighted to learn this week that in yet another display of moral courage, the Gillard Government has decided…... Read more

The Leader of Oz: No heart, no brain, no courage

The Leader of Oz: No heart, no brain, no courage

15 Apr 11 So after stalling on climate change, pushing boatpeople offshore and declaring billions in cuts to maintain a budget surplus at…... Read more

Greens war not kosher, says Marrickville mayor

Greens war not kosher, says Marrickville mayor

08 Apr 11 I was shocked to learn this week that infighting had broken out amongst the Greens, largely because I was under…... Read more

NSW Labor governed not wisely, but too well

NSW Labor governed not wisely, but too well

01 Apr 11 Every man and his dog – and there are plenty of dogs involved in this story – has a reason…... Read more

EXCLUSIVE! I hacked the Government’s emails

EXCLUSIVE! I hacked the Government’s emails

30 Mar 11 As you can probably guess it was me who hacked into the email accounts of ten senior federal ministers. I…... Read more

The unbearable likeness of being me

The unbearable likeness of being me

11 Mar 11 Paul Kelly’s greatest ever song Luck is a plaintive lament about the constant conspiracy of mother nature, society and the…... Read more

Anyone ever seen Gaddafi and Sheen in the same room?

Anyone ever seen Gaddafi and Sheen in the same room?

05 Mar 11 Like every other family values-oriented Australian I have been deeply impressed this week by Charlie Sheen’s commitment to his children…... Read more

Nixongate in the Hotelgate with the Schoolgate Girlgate

Nixongate in the Hotelgate with the Schoolgate Girlgate

23 Feb 11 It is part of every reporter’s mandatory training that any time a scandal erupts you have to put the word…... Read more

Look into my eyes and tell me I’m unelectable

Look into my eyes and tell me I’m unelectable

17 Feb 11 At the heart of the ALP’s election campaign advertising is a single, profound and powerful message: “You wouldn’t hit a…... Read more

Congrats NSW Govt, you’ve bagged the full set of sins

Congrats NSW Govt, you’ve bagged the full set of sins

31 Jan 11 For too long now the NSW Government has been grossly attacked for not having achieved anything. Even I myself was…... Read more

GenOne: Everyone’s a winner, baby

GenOne: Everyone’s a winner, baby

27 Jan 11 When the good ship Generation One stormed home to victory on Sydney Harbour in the Australia Day Ferrython it was…... Read more

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

The Punch is moving house

The Punch is moving house

Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Superman needs saving

Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more

28 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free News.com.au newsletter