Emma Jane
Emma Jane (previous name Emma Tom) is an award-winning Sydney writer and broadcaster who has spent the past 23 years working in both the print and electronic media. Her column appears in The Australian each Saturday and she freelances widely for magazines and newspapers both in Australia and overseas.
Emma is the author of six books including a novel, Deadset, which won the Commonwealth Writers’ Prize for Asia and the South Pacific for Best First Novel in 1997, and most recently, Attack of the Fifty-Foot Hormones, which was published by HarperCollins in July 2009. Her short stories and essays have also been widely published. Emma works as a senior lecturer at the University of New South Wales where she has recently completed her PhD.
Articles by Emma Jane
Kindergarten philosophy
My freshly kindergarten-ed daughter has been learning all sorts of stuff at her new school. Last weekend, for instance, she…... Read more
The temptation of forbidden fruit: Why I can’t Dukan
Like many Australians, I spent the Christmas holidays growing as a person. Unfortunately, I’m talking literally. Over the summer months,…... Read more
Colbert’s foray shows up the real clowns in the US circus
When talk show host Stephen Colbert announced his quasi-bid for the US presidency, he presented American voters with an embarrassing…... Read more
The joy of autosex, I mean autolicks, I mean autocorrect
Terrible news. The word on the e-street is that Apple’s super-secretive tech-heads aren’t just slaving away on a new flat…... Read more
Christmas is over but the brats need more bratz
If you’re a parent, you may think the seasonal requirement to buy your children stocking-loads of plastic crap has finally…... Read more
You don’t win friends with salad. Unless they’re women
What do women want? This question has vexed philosophers, feminists and talk show hosts since time immemorial (or at least…... Read more
Plastered parents: Santa’s not the only festive fib
To be or not to be truthful about Santa? This, for many concerned, Christmas-ing parents, is the question. I’m always…... Read more
The crusty crustacean creating a big stink
Anyone who thinks size doesn’t matter obviously hasn’t spent time with the Big Prawn in the northern New South Wales…... Read more
Waiting for God only knows what, in an airport from hell
My sympathy to all those travellers stranded at various uncomfortable airports over the weekend. But as the nation echoes with…... Read more
Neglect, not helicopter parenting, damages kids
Hello, my name is Emma Jane and I am A Very Bad Mother. Not because I neglect my four-year-old daughter…... Read more
Ms Jellybonkers’ guide to backyard bra fitting
The female bosom is rarely short of attention. High brow art. Low brow ogling. Web sites such as www.whoppin’greatboosiewahwahs.com. While…... Read more
Absent fathers and murderous mothers
The murder of 10-year-old Zahra Baker was horrific. No surprises there. Homicides are rarely known for their rainbows, fluffy puppies…... Read more
Laughing at misfortune of others a big moral dilemma
Like kitsch, schnauzer and – to a lesser extent – gemütlichkeit*, schadenfreude is one of those excitingly guttural expressions that…... Read more
With or without religion, we’re all desperately human
Fanatical Christians and fundamentalist atheists are like a couple of kids bickering in the back seat during a long car…... Read more
Don’t let that Black Dog howl so loud it drives you mad
One of the lowest points of my life came when I was a 17 year old runaway scratching out a…... Read more
The messy side of artistic genius
It’s just as well Margaret Olley didn’t work for BHP Billiton. Apart from the fact that her artistic skills wouldn’t…... Read more
Nile needs a history lesson with Socratic method
Many citizens don’t agree with Fred Nile’s bold assessment of himself as a modern-day Socrates. They argue that while the…... Read more
A letter to Australia’s traditional retailers: it’s over
Dear Traditional Australian Retailers, Finding the right words to say at a time like this is difficult so we’re going…... Read more
Supporting gay marriage just makes cents
What’s more cruel and unusual? Banning same-sex couples from getting hitched or pressuring them to do it at warp speeds…... Read more
Should fine dining be child-free?
My local pub has seen its fair share of drunk and disorderly disasters. Over the years it has survived groggy…... Read more
In our own way, we all love a little News of The World
The end of the News of the World as we know it. I can’t help but feel partly responsible. It’s…... Read more
Je n’adore pas le Tour de Bifurcating Buttocks
Welcome to July – a month when ridiculous numbers of Australians forgo rude quantities of sleep to watch a bunch…... Read more
How to raise a defiant finger to fashion
“No fat chicks” is not just a Homer Simpson-esque T-shirt slogan. It’s also the bottom line of the fashion industry.…... Read more
Lego and other weapons of mass destruction
The US Navy Seals who conducted the deadly raid on Osama bin Laden’s Pakistani compound worked under dangerous conditions. Hazardous…... Read more
Zen and the art of managing technology
It is a sunny Saturday in Sydney and an immaculately-attired family of five are standing as one to photograph their…... Read more
SlutWalkers are no slacktivists
It’s been a long time since I felt the urge to attend a street protest. During my youth, I waved…... Read more
Employment may not work for everyone
Feel like your life lacks dignity, meaning and social inclusion? The solution is easy. Simply take one full-time job and…... Read more
Osama: a frail, pathetic poser
For nearly a decade, the question of what Osama bin Laden might look like ran a close second to where…... Read more
Doing a PHD is like childbirth for the brain
People often say that writing a PhD is like giving birth to a baby. Having given both these projects a…... Read more
The art of pranking: From The Chaser to Balls of Steel
The Chaser was responsible for some fine political mischief. Most notoriously, its prankster cast exposed the absurdity of overly conspicuous…... Read more
Cash or cheque? The delicate art of marriage merchantry
When former Sydney real estate agent Mary Donaldson married Denmark’s Crown Prince Frederik in 2004, one of the couple’s first,…... Read more
When old misogyny meets new technology
Safe sex used to be simple. Step A: take one vending machine prophylactic. Step B: use it. These days, everything…... Read more
Shoosh, prudes - nude’s not rude!
Public nudity is a funny old thing. On one hand, letting it all hang out is the most natural thing…... Read more
The family values of Brothers and Sisters
Bad TV. Naughty marital upheavals. Evil, self-centred friend-tionships. This – give or take some neologistic hyperbole – is the view…... Read more
That old pink stereotype just won’t fade to black
A funny thing – actually, make that a frilly thing – happened on the way to the feminist revolution. Just…... Read more
The internet: From revolt to revolting trolls
The internet is emerging as one of the big heroes of the pro-democracy, anti-despot movement in the Middle East. It’s…... Read more
Revealing a darker side of childhood
Childhood is supposedly a time of joy and carelessness; an endless frolic of dimpled cheeks, flaxen hair and rubious joy…... Read more
Happy 50th, Ken: May you freak us out for years to come
His muscles are permanently flexed, his fashions impeccably zhooshed and his fringe swing puts Justin Bieber’s to shame. He is…... Read more
Sometimes, abstinence is the biggest taboo
I have a terrible drug and alcohol problem. For decades now, it has resulted in shame, lies and the devastation…... Read more
Male nudity: Do women like to watch?
It’s common knowledge that men like to perve on women. But what about the reverse? Do chicks want man-p*rn to…... Read more
Meet my voice mutilating software
I’m writing this with voice recognition software. If that sounds scintillating and newfangled, you’ve obviously never used what should more…... Read more
Woah, man! Sweeping gender generalisations
Not so many fin-de-siècles ago, it was widely assumed that women’s place was in the home. Gallivanting about polling booths…... Read more
Conservapedia: a beacon of truthiness in dark times
The dodgiest place to go for information used to be Wikipedia. In 2006, its burlesque unreliability was parodied on the…... Read more
Absurd capitalist dystopias and trampolines
I’m devoting the post festive period to catching up on some light reading – specifically the fine print on the…... Read more
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Stuff all this Rudd bullshit. Read this fantastic yarn about the making of the greatest Simpsons episode of them all http://t.co/HB4ztLdX
RT @rageabc: We are proud to announce that Kevin Rudd will be hosting rage every Saturday for the foreseeable future. Excessive swearing is encouraged.
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A sneak preview of PM Kevin Rudd Mark II
After modest carousing following his second elevation to Prime Minister - no more than half an hour -…
Scorched earth is all that will remain if they keep this up
Never underestimate the furiously protective streak of an adult daughter towards her father. Last night…
Kindergarten philosophy
My freshly kindergarten-ed daughter has been learning all sorts of stuff at her new school. Last weekend,…
Nosebleed Section
choice ringside rantings
From: Australia, we’re a bunch of heartless travel snobs
Justin says:
My 2 cents worth, If you feel the need to belittle other peoples holidays/methods of travel/experiences/destinations/restaurants they choose etc etc, then you should probably take a look at yourself in the mirror as well. People should be free to travel as they can best afford, best suits… [read more]From: This Sally’s no lay down, she’s a lay down misère
Jacques Meoff says:
"Why can't we have more athletes like Sally Pearson?" The answer is actually pretty simple, notwithstanding the simple fact that she is an incredible athlete, the AIS pour 99 percent of their money into supporting the swimmers. Unless you form part of that team you fund yourself to train, travel and… [read more]Gentle jabs to the ribs
No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops
Well, puck me with a fitchfork. The F-word is apparently an acceptable part of Australian speech. That’s… Read more
