You got me what? Men and the terrible gifts they buy
I can’t decide which takes the cake - the grey vinyl lap top bag for a women who doesn’t own a lap top, or the magazine filled with pictures of kelpies for a wife to browse during labour.
Neither were as cruel as the all-expenses-paid trip to Morocco where the she was promptly dumped. Or as indiscreet as the yoga mat recommended by his “friend” the yoga instructor - who he’s now dating.
It’s incredible what some men think is an acceptable gift for their partner.
I didn’t even get these examples off the internet. Inspired by the brilliant ad above I did a quick straw poll of my contacts yesterday came up with the above four examples of gifts gone wrong - and too many other shockers of the scented candle variety to list here.
The best included:
A ticket to a Burt Bacharach concert - to attend with HIS mother.
A second-hand pair of gumboots five sizes too big.
A Grey’s Anatomy umbrella that was a PR freebie for Mother’s Day.
A $5 potted African violet from the supermarket for Valentine’s Day.
A Rocky DVD for Mother’s Day.
A book of bird prints (of the feathered kind).
B1 and B2, the Bananas in Pajamas dolls.
Clip on pedals for a bike.
A fishing rod.
The exact same watch two years in a row, because if she liked the first one it stands to reason she would have liked the second one.
A clock radio - for a girlfriend who kept sleeping in.
And, a man’s dressing gown he is now wearing (that’s probably called planning ahead for winter).
But a couple of others deserve special mention.
“One of my sisters was given a pendant containing a single grain of rice with her name etched on it. It was accompanied by a card bearing the handwritten lyrics of of You’re Making’ Me High by Toni Braxton (in his defence, it was the mid-1990s).”
“I bought a girlfriend a pair of earrings and she didn’t have her ears pierced. She ended up forcing them through some healed-over holes and it caused her great pain, as did the relationship generally.”
Judging by this highly scientific experiment about 10 per cent of men seem to be good at buying gifts for their wife or girlfriend.
One bloke yesterday said the worst ever present he gave his wife was an Akira Isogawa dress she only wore once. Believe me, the woman who got the vinyl lap-top bag would have been pretty bloody happy with the Akira, thank you very much.
Another said he softened the hard gadget-edge of the new iPod and MacBook pro with a Tiffany bracelet. I think he was just showing off.
My husband is one of those rare men possessed of a great talent for gift buying (he’s especially good at buying himself presents). He’ll even buy me dresses without me being there to give them a tick of approval - a brave move however you look at it.
The problem for me is he sets the bar so high I find it hard to measure up. I once came home from an overseas work trip and gave him a lovely table cloth with matching serviettes.
He was very polite about it but didn’t exactly spend hours gazing at them the way I’d expected, so I’m not really qualified to give advice.
But there is one golden rule that should keep you out of trouble: If you’d buy it for your mother, don’t, under any circumstances, buy it for your wife.
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