Yo Kev, where’s my free swimming pool?
So Kevin and Wayne have found themselves in another precarious position. The latest two polls show Kevin is about as popular as ugg boots in Darwin. The election is so close that even that sweaty, bike riding wing-nut Tony Abbott could win the thing.
The Budget will be delivered tonight and the Treasurer has suggested that this will be a no frills budget with no election year spending to win votes, but hey, it’s already been the year of the political back flip and desperate times call for desperate measures.
I’m sure that the Prime Minister and the Treasurer got together yesterday to thrash out what they could possibly come up with to stimulate the polling. Never mind stimulating the economy, it’s the voting that needs vigorous stimulation.
“How about we just shelve the entire ETS ?” said Wayne. “Oh….it seems we’ve already done that”
“How about we just pay everyone a thousand dollars to vote for us ?”
No, done that too.
There are no schools left anywhere in the country that need anything built or painted or even knocked down and re-built. First home-buyers grants and baby bonuses have all been overdone. There’s nobody to apologise to, no international agreements to sign and no planets within the vicinity of ours that can be saved. The saving grace is that they do have 50 warehouses of pink batts ready to go, but the Prime Minister is of the mind that he may leave them sitting there for the time being and use them as a last resort.
Yesterday’s meeting would have been one of those ‘no idea is a bad idea’ whiteboard brainstorming sessions.
How about a bike bonus? The Greens would love it and it would mean beating that dastardly Tony Abbott at his own game. $500 for every person who turns up to vote either on a bike or even just wearing lycra. It could be included in the health budget because it encourages fitness and keeps people out of the hospitals.
I believe there was talk of a Richmond Tigers and Cronulla Sharks bonus….that anyone who is left supporting the Tiges or the Sharkies really deserves a thousand dollars from somewhere.
Some of the other ideas included
• A free swimming pool for every householder
• A dog and cat bonus…a $500 one off payment for every pet you have
• A free I-pad for every Australian, even those who are overseas or deceased.
• Wayne suggested a free soccer ball for every child in celebration of the 2010 World Cup……and return tickets to South Africa with tix to all the Socceroos games.
• And there’s been talk of bundling those pink batts together to make big pink mattresses…one for each home, but they’re a little prickly.
Can you think of any others ? If you’ve fallen off the Rudd train in recent months, what will it take you get back on board ?
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