Ye cannae change the laws of physics: Scotty, beam me up
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Well, so says Newton’s Third Law and any number of derivative and inane pseudo-philosophers.
This week, scientists unveiled – in a sort of dance of the seven veils in which the latest one was quite gauzy – the glue that holds the universe together, the Higgs boson.
And as the universe started to make a little more sense, lo, it also started to make a lot less sense. It’s as though by pinpointing what stops the universe unravelling, we thereby kickstarted the unravelling process.
In an age where proof is all, here is the definitive evidence that, like a string bag full of oranges, things are just falling apart:
Clive Palmer disrupts the fabric of spacetime:
“At last count I’ve knocked on more than three million doors since 1969 - that’s a lot of doors.”
So said Mr Palmer regarding his dedication to his people. As Mal Farr points out, it really is a lot of doors. But Mr Palmer’s rational acumen being what it is, we can’t doubt the cold hard figures. How is it possible? Holes in the fabric of spacetime, clearly.
Katie Holmes escapes the Scientology Black Hole:
The magnetism of Tom Cruise and the vortex of Scientology are inescapable forces. And yet a slight young thing like Katie Holmes set her eyes on the event horizon and got out of there. Something in the universe must be broken.
Craig Emerson suspends gravity:
Trade Minister Craig Emerson crated a bubble of reality immune to gravity with his flippant and non-spontaneous bob-and-sing routine to the tune of Skyhooks’ Horror Movie. Right there on the TV. The display proved that objects that have mass do not always have an attractive force.
Other examples that the universe has gone just a bit peculiar include: The inversion of the food chain which saw Liberal MP Sophie Mirabella’s slight upper body incline become fodder for the voracious UK press; Brumby’s bakeries conjuring something from thin air; and Bindi Irwin is still on television.
Noticed any other signs the universe is broken?
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