Workplace etiquette for bores and pyschopaths

BMJ says:

10:50am | 28/02/13

There’s no conversation without controversy.

Personally I have better things to do than over-analysing every single thing that I say at work.

small talk is for the weak.

AdamC says:

10:51am | 28/02/13

I never have any problem with this. It is just a matter of balance and understanding the dynamic of the team. You do not want to be a ‘closed book’, but there are some things you do not have to, and probably shouldn’t, talk about with your work colleagues.

Could it be that gays are better and handling this, given we are more used to carrying a secret around and having to manage a reveal? Just a thought ...

Chris L says:

11:02am | 28/02/13

Some of my works mates are constantly repeating details about their families and private lives… but that’s just ‘cause I keep forgetting what they’ve already told me.

I agree Lucy. We spend so much time with these people it would be ridiculous to avoid becoming friends with any of them.

Rebecca says:

11:11am | 28/02/13

I saw that list this morning and checked it off as I went along: Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty… yep, my colleagues know way too much about my personal life than they apparently should. But you’re right, what a boring existence it would be if I couldn’t share my life with the people I spend the majority of my time with.

Sam says:

11:13am | 28/02/13

Yay, can still do fart jokes!

Meph says:

11:14am | 28/02/13

I used to work with a colleague who would share all the gory details of her latest medical shenanigans, not only with her pod-mates, but loud enough that even our director could hear from his office upstairs. She would even sit there telling customers about them all when they rang our call center for IT support.

There is most definitely such thing as sharing too much…

Bho Ghan-Pryde says:

11:23am | 28/02/13

You could just choose to deal with people at work in the same way as you would any others. That is relate to them on an individual basis that suits you both and leave the rules to the fools and academics - live your own life on your own terms even in the work place. It is just a balance, a case of remembering it is work after-all and there is a job to be done – it is not all about you every time – keep that in mind and it is fine. Also, remember not all bosses are people you should be friendly with. Politics inside and outside companies mean people in those positions are more likely than the average to be sociopaths and such people are well worth steering clear of.

Helt says:

11:29am | 28/02/13

Agreed though I dont really need to hear about whose dating who or whose mad at who that is part and parcel of being a social animal in a social world. Sometimes the advice these people come up with might be true but totally impractical. Seriously in Australia how far are you going to get if you say ” I dont want to drink with you”? Id like to see these advisors show a typical week at work without doing at least some of the above and not having people get an ill feeling about them

Wayne Kerr says:

11:41am | 28/02/13

A few of my friends are people that I used to work with.  I still see them long after I left the company we worked together at.  Some were even members of my staff.  So yeah that report is pretty much a load of bollocks. Some of it is common sense i.e. choose your audience carefully.

NSS says:

11:52am | 28/02/13

Lucy, I’m sorry but I don’t share your disgust. I read the article and I felt all they are suggesting is using some sensible circumspection with your colleagues. There is a difference between sharing confidences with close friends and telling all to all and sundry. Close friends should understand the need for caution in what they divulge to others, but those same rules cannot be applied across the board at work. Lack of discretion and impolitic speech (ie defamatory, sexist, racist comments) do not belong in the workplace.

It’s neither boring nor psychopathic to recognise these realities.

Neil says:

12:04pm | 28/02/13

If you’re a bit of an open book I think you’ll get more respect and people will want to work with you more, as long as you’re not too annoying, but the problem is there’s usually 10-20% of people who’ll use what you say in order to get in close with the boss and back stab you. I’d say the better solution would be to isolate those 10-20% of people, sterilise them, and send them to a gulag.

T says:

12:34pm | 28/02/13

“The only people that can stick to these rules are psychopaths, bores and the socially challenged. And who the hell wants to work with people like that?”

Wow Lucy! What a crock of s**t, I guess I missed the memo where you had a doctor of pyschology?

I doubt you have ever been a manager? You absolutely don’t become friends with your staff in a senior role, it only causes contempt when they screw up and you have to grill them! They don’t take you seriously, how could they when you were just telling them about your latest one night stand? My 2ic wonders why our staff memebers don’t listen to him and challange him at every turn, because he becomes ‘friends’ with them.
Get your head out of the sand, of course there is exceptions to those rules and you can still have a good, healthy and fun working relationship with your work mates, but that article had good advice that some people desperately need to read.
There are a few staff members I know I can talk to about some sensitive issues, limited as they are and other staff memebers I wouldn’t tell what I had for dinner.
I have my own friends and social life outside of work and I don’t particularly want to make friends with them, guess I’m socially challanged?

Pfft!

Sarah says:

12:53pm | 28/02/13

You might sit in an office. Many don’t. Don’t like it? Change jobs.

Ken Oath says:

01:05pm | 28/02/13

Hey Lucy, less talk - more work. I’m trying to do my job and have deadlines to meet. I don’t want to be distracted by the endless stories of your life outside work.

There is nothing worse that having a co-worker rabbit on about their life outside work and ignoring your obvious and not-so-subtle disinterest.

dopey_ninja says:

01:10pm | 28/02/13

Well, Im not a big believer in this whole share your life at work but I have worked with some that are, I describethem as pity whores.

Always giving you the gory details completely unsolicitored.

On the other hand it works with my 3 principles that I use in the workplace -

Never talk about work at work - meaning no corridor talk
Never talk about me
Just listen and well, you get a reputation as a being a good bloke.

Maybe I am a psychopath????!!!!

Kika says:

01:17pm | 28/02/13

Isn’t it about knowing the context? Most of my colleagues at work I would consider my friends outside work too. If we couldn’t talk about “the details of your sex life, gossip and major life events, like marriage, divorce, pregnancy, the death of a close friend” I don’t think we would get to talk about much everyday!

I understand that if your office was a bit different and you had a different sort of team it would be inappropriate to discuss this sort of stuff. I’ve worked in an office where I wouldn’t feel comfortable in sharing intimate things with them, but we have a small, close team with very little turnover so we’ve all worked together for a long time now we’re our family away from our family. I guess we are lucky to have this.

iansand says:

01:41pm | 28/02/13

If your colleagues become your friends, share with them what you would share with friends.

If they have not become your friends, share with them what you would share with the person you see and chat to at the bus stop every morning - banalities.

It’s not very hard.

Bitten says:

01:57pm | 28/02/13

No friends outside of work? Sad face :(

Sending you totes good vibes chickadee, awesomely awesome article babes.

Spell check at the Punch says:

03:45pm | 28/02/13

People, do not fret! Just join the Australian Public Service and the issue of work place conversation are taken care of.

Under the APS Code of Conduct you cannot even discuss the weather as that may be offensive to clouds.  You can’t even say the word sex let alone discuss what it constitutes; gossip will land you in a code violation that requires investigation and disciplinary threats, that after two years of paperwork, interviews and legal discussions finally determines that you may have breached the code and therefore need to be referred to the committee for determining a committee to commit to action about possible breach. Phew!

Marriage as a topic? No. Gay people cannot get married so under the code discussing marriage is discriminating against homosexuals. Divorce? See marriage for explanation. Pregnancy? Too controversial as pregnancy discriminates against men who wish they could fall pregnant so that is also out of bounds.

Death? No, no and again no. Death violates the code, as it mimics the workplace endeavours of thousands of fellow public servants, and as such is ignored, overlooked, and not held accountable so do not mention it under any circumstances.

At the APS we can only talk about beige and how it contributes so many colours to the world. Sometimes we can discuss issues such as the best paperclip to buy, what note pad makes the best paperweight, what accessible website is the best to surf during 0900-1700 (The Punch of course) or how many pieces of A4 it takes to perfect a efficient paper plane (72).

Trent Cooper says:

03:49pm | 28/02/13

I hate it when one of the guys at work tells me all about his life and interupts my book reading.
Work is the only place that I can get some peace and quiet, and I don’t want to be interupted by collegues inane ramblings or stupid questions

John says:

03:55pm | 28/02/13

I told a collegue how I slept with his Mum once, and he complained to HR.

After that incident the my relationship with my son has never been the same