The Victorian Police Force are getting a new uniform so they “look tougher” on the street. It seems the light-blue uniform isn’t scary enough and … I’m not sure exactly, do people stand pointing and laughing? Whatever the case, a new uniform is currently being designed to revamp their image. From Good Cop to Bad Ass.

Yep, not even remotely scary

Riiiiiiight. Just like rappers knock their teeth out and insert gold replacements to show their hardcore wealth, or the way bikies intimidate with leather jackets and tattoos.

I get it.  It’s no secret that the way you dress influences what people think of you, but really, the coppers?

What next, priests update their look to entice more visitors to Church on Sundays? Dentists start wearing floral shirts in the pretense they’re not going to hurt you?

Regardless of my personal theories which are clearly not helpful, I’ve been asked to give a few pointers on how the Victorian Police should dress. I mean, they’re going to get a new uniform … how to make it scary? It was suggested in the Herald Sun they go for a darker navy like their New York counterparts, but why stop there? Sure, dark means scary, so navy would be a good choice, but what about going the whole hog and wearing black? What about basing the uniform on, say, the way you’d dress the evil guy in a movie. Or even the ultimate in scary … the Grim Reaper?

That’s it! That’s it! There’s nothing scarier than a guy chasing you in a black hooded cloak wielding a scythe! Except maybe a guy in a white hooded cloak.

In all seriousness, you want some actual fashion advice. Okay. They should definitely lose those hats which are way too US-State-trooper-in-the-Dukes-of-Hazzard to ever be taken seriously. That’s a definite must.

And if I was running away from police, I would be way more scared if they were wearing shoes they could actually run in … maybe some black, rubber soled, all- leather Nikes would be better than their clunky heavy-looking boots.

In between the hat and the sneaks? Anything dark will work, so I’m voting for black. It’ll give off a much more fearsome vibe than light blue and we’ll be able to avoid more “another thing you’ve copied from America” jibes if they go with navy.

Perhaps scarier additions could come from the costume shop. A set of vampire teeth. A shaggy Halloween wig. A black cape (ever seen someone on the street wearing a cape? You’d be petrified. You’d laugh, maybe. But only once they weren’t in hearing distance).

To be honest, the only thing not scary about the current Victorian Police Force, is the fact they think they need an image overhaul. Maybe instead of announcing it, they should have subtly introduced Men in Black as their new theme song and just started popping out black uniforms as a matter of course. That seems way more police-y to me.

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    • Paul says:

      06:13am | 24/03/10

      Gawd, it’s a fashion disaster!  Looks like a hybrid breeding cross between a goofy English bobbie and a Canadian mountie. Did Cheech or Chong design this? And those police look to happy - must have been Cheech. Don’t the police watch Hollywood / sci fi movies anymore.

    • bella starkey says:

      07:25am | 24/03/10

      When the NSW police changed from plain leather shoes to combat pants tucked into jack boots they became far more sinister.

      Maybe they should go that way.

    • DG says:

      08:08am | 24/03/10

      Look tough? Should I be expecting the local constabulary to be dressing like Vyvyan from The Young Ones, Al Pacino in The Godfather II or perhaps Rambo? For some reason I can actually imagine a swam of Agent Smiths stalking around the city.

      The reason that police don’t “look tough” is because Constable Plod is 5’4 and perfectly spherical. There are officers out there who, if it weren’t for the arsenal that they carry around, would have no chance of detaining a moderately intoxicated 75 year old with a broken hip, let alone a 20-something in a drug-fueled rage.

      A good mate of mine, who is a member of our law enforcement agency, is probably the least tough guy you’ll ever meet. He’s short, light-weight and has a trendy haircut - about the last person you would be intimidated by. He’s about as useful as shoes on a snake if things turn hairy on the football pitch (which has never gone further than a bit of push-n-shove). Seriously, if I needed a police officer for any reason and he turned up I’d call for backup. If it’s something that I can’t take care of myself he is going to be of no assistance (short of his firearm).

      If you want a police force that looks tough, 6ft tall skinheads are the way to go. Of course that’s not very PC and probably not the best people to be talking to victims of crime.

      I suppose my point is, police aren’t meant to be tough, they don’t need to be - they have a gun. Maybe they need bigger, less discrete, guns?

    • Anth says:

      10:41am | 24/03/10

      @DG: Very good point. The sort of image the Police force is trying to capture requires a different set of hiring standards. Political correctness gone mad has stopped Police being Police lately.

      While there are jobs in the force for women, short people and fat people, those jobs should not be on the streets at night. Hire 6 foot + solid and physically fit/strong males for those specific tasks. Regardless of uniform, they will have presence, which beats the hell out of a flash uniform any day. Why do you think night clubs only put large, scary looking men on the front door for security? Whether he’s wearing 3/4 pants or black slacks, he’s one scary piece of work.

    • Pleased says:

      10:36am | 24/03/10

      i like the Vyvan from the Young Ones plan - tough and you can see the ranking without looking for the sleeves.
      *nods approvingly

    • tony says:

      09:15am | 24/03/10

      I disagree DG, police ARE meant to be tough! maybe this is why the crims are running rampant. The uniform needs to be less about looking tough and more about being functional and practical for the duties that police are required to perform. The NSW police are getting closer to the mark with the cargo pants and GP boots which are far more functional than the old suit pants and hobnail boots, although the big silver buttons on the shirts have passed their use by date.

    • blue says:

      09:28am | 24/03/10

      take a leaf from the WA police book - darker blue (but not navy shirts) and baseball caps. few tiny changes that do make a difference

    • H of SA says:

      09:43am | 24/03/10

      Haha, I like the idea of the Grim Reaper police, it would make me feel like I was living in some sci-fi movie where people are grabbed by the police and killed once they reach the age of forty or something…..

      On the flip side, it would inspire great efforts to evade capture. I mean how much freaking harder would you run if it was the reaper after you? Also how much more justified would you feel in running? We know its wrong to run from the dutiful copper with a heart for public service – most of us would feel we must be the goodies and the cops the baddies if it’s the reaper on our tail….

    • miffy says:

      09:51am | 24/03/10

      Why do the police need to look tougher on the street? Surely it’s the system of laws that makes life hard on criminals, not the fashion sense of the people policing them….unless of course you’re aiming for a police state and repression of the masses. In which case there is a definite argument in favour of scary looking police. Though surely people would be more afraid of the secret police, like the Gestapo….bugger. I’ve gone and given them a new idea

    • Bruce says:

      10:09am | 24/03/10

      Instead of worrying about uniforms, how about we give the police more power to catch the scum of society. At the moment I can not help but feel the police force is just a “gummy tiger”. If you want to see tough looking police, go to Germany. Very scary !!

    • miffy says:

      10:10am | 24/03/10

      Thay have no crime in Germany?

    • WKBent says:

      11:02am | 24/03/10

      What’s the point in having a tough police force when you have a weak judiciary? A change of wardrobe isn’t going to make anyone respect the law.

    • dancan says:

      11:14am | 24/03/10

      Nothing is as intimidating as seeing a police officer with a fully automatic assault rifle slung over their shoulder.  Beats any uniform.

      I remember my first trip overseas and the first time I saw a policeman carrying an assault rifle.  It made me nervous as all hell.

    • Jon says:

      12:54pm | 24/03/10

      I agree.  My first time was Singapore airport, where you were greeted by a game-faced ultra-fit guy clad in black with body armour and a submachine gun.

      The newer Metropolitan Police uniform in London - with the stab vest - looks pretty intimidating, and makes you forget they usually don’t carry guns.

    • Kim says:

      01:51pm | 24/03/10

      Sort of like batman without a cape and with an assault rifle?

      Works for me.  I’d still keep the mask tho.  smile

    • Lucy says:

      03:06pm | 24/03/10

      I agree.  When I arrived in France, there were police carrying massive guns in the railway station.  THAT was scary.

      However, I would not feel comfortable asking those police for help - which is a significant part of a police officer’s job.  If police look too scary, they wind up alienating the very community they’re trying to protect and help.  Making police officer’s look ‘scary’ therefore may be counterproductive.

    • AdamC says:

      12:19pm | 24/03/10

      Normally I would dismiss this sort of discussion as silly and trivial. However, looking at those ridiculous VicPol uniforms, I am struck by one thing in particular: they are designed for a form of policing that no longer exists.

      The airy ensemble of light blue shirt, modest skirt (or daggy slacks) and sun-protecting school-boy bowler hat is just perfect for a copper ambling along a suburban beat, helping lost children and keeping an eye out for mischief. Do we have any cops that do that anymore?

      When the role of police has changed as it has (for better or worse) shouldn’t the uniform change too?

    • Terry Wright says:

      12:47pm | 24/03/10

      What happened to the image of the friendly, helpful police officer who is willing to walk Grandma across the road? And where’s the picture of a smiling friendly officer with the slogan, “we’re here to serve and protect”? Would anyone these days walk up to the military style police with jack-boots, cargo pants and cannabis canines to ask for help with directions?

      miffy (10:51am) hit it on the head - “...unless of course you’re aiming for a police state and repression of the masses”.

      Employing police officers for the beat who can’t handle themselves in a fight is plainly illogical. Surely we haven’t gone that PC that we are willing to send unsuitable officers into dangerous situations? Why can’t we just have special squads for those who are suitable? They don’t put 6 foot brutes into their legal department or IT division without suitable qualifications so why put a Kylie Minogue look-alike on the street dressed to appear intimidating?

      And while I’m at it, why do we send in military style cops to bust drug users or addicts? I’m not talking big nasty drug dealers here but teens going to a music festival, patrons of a nightclub or people sitting at home not bothering anyone. Last year, a couple I know were awoken at 6am to their house door being smashed in by 8-10 burly coppers in military outfits and plain clothes. They were arrested for 3 small cannabis plants. After being handcuffed and forced to lie on the floor, face down, they were screamed at and pushed around for an hour before being charged. These were 2 professionals with no criminal history who smoked a bit of pot. How about the military looking cops with their marijuana mutts in Kings Cross intimidating everyone at the local train station while looking for small fry drug addicts on their way to the safe injection clinic? Then, there’s WA that is soon to introduce stop and search powers that doesn’t require a reason from the cops. The aim is to cut down on violence in troubled areas by searching for dangerous weapons ... oh, and drugs. Because we all know those dangerous ecstasy users are responsible for a lot of street violence.

      Policing may be complex but surely we are smart enough to use suitable police officers for appropriate situations. That should exclude using scary, intimidating military style police on our streets unless there’s a situation where they’re needed.

    • hmmm says:

      12:53pm | 24/03/10

      they should just go the way of the italian carabiniere and only recruit gorgeous policemen. they are so good looking you would never mess with them…

    • KB says:

      04:26pm | 24/03/10

      They are dressed by Armani!

    • stephen says:

      02:44pm | 24/03/10

      They’re all tough outside the RG on a saturday night.
      I’d like to put’em in pink and high-heels just to tone’em down a bit.

    • Diane says:

      08:41pm | 24/03/10

      Changing their uniform won’t make a difference to the way people perceive them. Criminals think they are a joke and law abiding citizens fear their corroupt, immoral, unethical behaviour. Where they cover up the crimes of their colleagues and family members.

      My suggestion; change the culture and the types of people they recruit to one that includes integirty.

    • Henry Akroyd says:

      12:04pm | 25/03/10

      The worlds first and best police are the English Bobbies.  They are friendly, respectful and very good at their jobs.  Most never wear guns and their helmets stand out like a beacon and make people feel safe.

      UK Police >>>>>>>> US Cops

    • Patrick says:

      04:18pm | 12/04/10

      Tony says that silver buttons on light blue shirts on the street are quite silly. TBPH I think a dark blue shirt should be worn for street duty and the light blue reserved for ceremonial duty.

 

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