Work it copper, work it
The Victorian Police Force are getting a new uniform so they “look tougher” on the street. It seems the light-blue uniform isn’t scary enough and … I’m not sure exactly, do people stand pointing and laughing? Whatever the case, a new uniform is currently being designed to revamp their image. From Good Cop to Bad Ass.
Riiiiiiight. Just like rappers knock their teeth out and insert gold replacements to show their hardcore wealth, or the way bikies intimidate with leather jackets and tattoos.
I get it. It’s no secret that the way you dress influences what people think of you, but really, the coppers?
What next, priests update their look to entice more visitors to Church on Sundays? Dentists start wearing floral shirts in the pretense they’re not going to hurt you?
Regardless of my personal theories which are clearly not helpful, I’ve been asked to give a few pointers on how the Victorian Police should dress. I mean, they’re going to get a new uniform … how to make it scary? It was suggested in the Herald Sun they go for a darker navy like their New York counterparts, but why stop there? Sure, dark means scary, so navy would be a good choice, but what about going the whole hog and wearing black? What about basing the uniform on, say, the way you’d dress the evil guy in a movie. Or even the ultimate in scary … the Grim Reaper?
That’s it! That’s it! There’s nothing scarier than a guy chasing you in a black hooded cloak wielding a scythe! Except maybe a guy in a white hooded cloak.
In all seriousness, you want some actual fashion advice. Okay. They should definitely lose those hats which are way too US-State-trooper-in-the-Dukes-of-Hazzard to ever be taken seriously. That’s a definite must.
And if I was running away from police, I would be way more scared if they were wearing shoes they could actually run in … maybe some black, rubber soled, all- leather Nikes would be better than their clunky heavy-looking boots.
In between the hat and the sneaks? Anything dark will work, so I’m voting for black. It’ll give off a much more fearsome vibe than light blue and we’ll be able to avoid more “another thing you’ve copied from America” jibes if they go with navy.
Perhaps scarier additions could come from the costume shop. A set of vampire teeth. A shaggy Halloween wig. A black cape (ever seen someone on the street wearing a cape? You’d be petrified. You’d laugh, maybe. But only once they weren’t in hearing distance).
To be honest, the only thing not scary about the current Victorian Police Force, is the fact they think they need an image overhaul. Maybe instead of announcing it, they should have subtly introduced Men in Black as their new theme song and just started popping out black uniforms as a matter of course. That seems way more police-y to me.
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