Well our local monarchists have worked themselves into a royal frenzy and the hyperbole is coming thick and fast - so let me try to help them get a few things into perspective.

I'm on a boat yeah

William and his brother Harry - thanks to their gorgeous mother Diana - are the only really normal members of the world’s most dysfunctional family.

Granny Queen is locked into yesterday with her appallingly rude and insensitive husband.

Of the couple’s four children, three are divorced, two remarried and the fourth raised eyebrows when he eventually did take a wife - not what you might call a stable family.
William and Harry’s father - Charles, an admitted adulterer - raised eyebrows when he was heard telling his then mistress Camilla that all he really wanted to be was her tampon. And Diana remarked at the time that three people in her marriage just didn’t work.
All that of course is not exclusive to the royal family - millions of lesser beings do the same and in many cases much more -  however the non-royals are not held up as paragons of virtue as the monarchists regard the royals.
And the absolute rubbish propagated by the likes of David Flint, his sidekick Thomas Flynn and their apprentice Jai Martinkovits that William would make a good Governor-General beggars belief.

The last and only time we had a royal in Yarralumla was when the Duke of Gloucester was sent here to get him out of the way. He was followed until recent times by a swag of moth-eaten British peers until we got our own people in the top job.
Which isn’t a bad note to finish on; until we get out acts together there isn’t an Australian alive considered fit enough to be the country’s top citizen.
So calm down old dears - William is a great bloke but it’s too little too late; by the time he’s ready Australia will be ready for a local but the lad will be welcome and visit again whenever he likes. After all he’s a celebrity now and that’s what its all about.
- Barry Everingham comments on royalty.

33 comments

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    • Eric says:

      06:13pm | 20/01/10

      You guys are totally in panic mode, aren’t you?

    • Jeff (32) says:

      09:38pm | 21/01/10

      well said!

    • DocBud says:

      06:17pm | 20/01/10

      Do you owe Alan Howe a case of Crownies as he got the word de jour, dysfunctional, in before you? Though you did manage to raise your eyebrows twice, what an earth are you insinuating with: “the fourth raised eyebrows when he eventually did take a wife”?

      This poorly written article does not argue the point asserted in the headline and certainly does not put anything in perspective.

      William as GG wouldn’t be such as bad idea, he’d probably understand that he is supposed to be apolitical and not Kevvie’s little globetrotting toadie like the present incumbent.

    • Brad Coward says:

      06:28pm | 20/01/10

      Mr Everingham….I thought that you were going to put things into perspective.  You failed !  No new statements, no witty arguments.  In fact, I’ve heard it all before and none of it changed my mind back then !

    • Daniel says:

      08:07am | 21/01/10

      Even though Im a republican his visit does have a taste of Paris Hilton about it doesnt it? Its another reason why Australia needs to go it alone. We dont need Britain.

    • thatmosis says:

      08:08am | 21/01/10

      Normal????? How on earth can you call these inbreds normal. As for the Gorgeous Mother Diana, for gods sake she was the jolly good time that was had by all. Have a good look at the kids, one maybe Charles but the other is definitely someone she tripped over. We dont need these clowns lording it over us, we have our own clowns trying to do that thank you very much. Viva the republic.

    • T.Chong says:

      08:29am | 21/01/10

      thatmosis : you ungrateful colonial, dont you know that this family has been appointed by god?
      Next you will claim they are mere mortals.
      Where would we be without the royals showing us how to live.?
      Models of devine wisdom , virtue and morals

    • Liz says:

      08:52am | 21/01/10

      thatmosis hit it there,only ones of these boys is due for a crown.Hopefully not to be made King of Australia.Roll on the Republic and fast.

    • jamie says:

      09:12am | 21/01/10

      *yawn*

      Everington does like the monarchy?

      As a journalist surely you could find more pressing things to write about? Maybe Rudd’s monumental failure at Copenberg? How about his litany of broken promises?

      But no, true to form you keep trotting out the same old boring points and insults.

      Next?

    • Paul Horn says:

      09:20am | 21/01/10

      Boy three anti Royal articles in almost perferct sequence!! You lot of rabid lefty inner city labour voting nut jobs at the Punch aren’t being bankrolled by the Repubican Party are you??? Any “balanced” reader would have a hard job convincing themselves otherwise! The great thing though is I don’t need to read your articles as I know exactly what type of hateful lefty diatribe that sprouts from the mouths of you guttersnipes. It’s always the same. You’re so cliche!

    • BB says:

      10:36am | 21/01/10

      “I’m on a boat yeh!” - made me LOL. I actually feel sorry for Wills, he’s the ugly brother, has a really bad sense of humour, and may never be king.

    • marley says:

      09:40am | 21/01/10

      Err, what on earth makes you think that William and Harry aren’t just as dysfunctional as the rest of the family?  Their mother certainly was.

    • BT says:

      09:52am | 21/01/10

      I actually find this article totally offensive, judgemental and condescending. I am not a monarchist, but so what if a family is dysfunctional - surely that should incite sympathy rather than arrogant judgementalism? According to you Barry, being moral means staying silent in a marriage in which you are both miserable for the sake of appearances - and apparently your insinuation that one of the members of the family is *wink wink nudge nudge say no more* is something we should be shocked and appalled with. Is being gay still a sign of moral weakness in your eyes?

    • Margaret Gray says:

      10:14am | 21/01/10

      And right on cue Barry, there you are.

      “...Barry Everingham comments on royalty…”

      A one-trick pony.

    • Julie Coker-Godson says:

      10:21am | 21/01/10

      Obviously a slow news week…..

    • Shane From Melbourne says:

      10:35am | 21/01/10

      ALP, Liberals, Greens, Democrats…...nope, no Republican Party here in Australia. Maybe you’re referring to the those nut cases in America? They’re too busy blocking Obama’s legislation in the Senate after their win in Massachusetts to care about what goes on in Australia. But maybe you are right. The Punch should publish more hateful right wing diatribe to balance out the hateful lefty diatribe. After all there are dozens of untapped Liberal politicians and Liberal supporters willing to unvent their spleen at that no good, do nothing, scoundrel called Kevin Rudd.

    • Alex Fishburn says:

      11:13am | 21/01/10

      “William is a great bloke but it’s too little too late; by the time he’s ready Australia will be ready for a local” He’s the age his grandma was when she became queen. He’s ready now.

    • jamie says:

      11:30am | 21/01/10

      “appallingly rude and insensitive husband. “

      This admission should mean Mr Rudd also steps down.

      “After all he’s a celebrity now and that’s what its all about.”

      Equally applies to Mr Rudd.

      I look forward to Everingham’s article about Rudd stepping down.

    • T.Chong says:

      11:46am | 21/01/10

      Jamie : “appallinly ....husband” applies to Rudd?
      And you know this because…..?

    • AdamC says:

      11:50am | 21/01/10

      Do republicans think slagging off the royals will convince anyone that Australia should become a republic? Have they considered that many Australians (like me) believe in and respect our institutions, and are less interested in personalities, pillow talk or royal (receding) hairlines?

      When did these republicans become royal watchers? If I wanted to read about the antics of the Windsors, I would read Hello magazine and get a professional opinion!

    • Harquebus says:

      12:16pm | 21/01/10

      What else would expect from a bunch of inbreds.

    • Not a Celebrity says:

      12:38pm | 21/01/10

      Yes but isn’t that the way all our statesman are currently going….look at Anna Bligh on Celebrity Masterchef, or Krudd launching his new Childrens book, I would have thought if these two have time on their hands to do these sorts of extra curricular activities our country and states should be running seamlessly!  Everyone would be happy, healthy and own their own home, nobody would be unemployed and our public transport and infrastructure would be perfect…...I am more concerned with what the real poilitical heads of our country are doing with their time and our money and considering that none of the points i refered to earlier are in order i’d say these two need to put down the pots & pans or colouring pencils and focus less on being a celebrity and more on solving our countries problems.

      A statesman we don’t see very much because their head down and bum is up running the country and solving it’s problems is what I want.

    • jamie says:

      02:14pm | 21/01/10

      Okay Mr Chong, let’s try “appallingly rude”

      Good enough for you now?

    • Randal says:

      02:14pm | 21/01/10

      Yet again nothing but vitriol, insults and innuendo’s… Does anyone who wants Australia to move to a Republic actually have the capacity to write or speak about the issue without the inclusion of childish and puerile insults.

      In case you have forgotten, the vote was lost because the Republicans could not agree on a model themselves, let alone present one to the Australian people.

      So I respectively suggest, instead of spending time writing this rubbish that perhaps you and your pals could get together and present to Australian’s the model that protects our stable political system and does not politicise the office of the Head of State.

      Until you do, I am afraid that you will be writing these gutter opinion pieces for a very long time, as insults will not carry your case and only makes the Republican movement look like nothing more than hate filled ideologues.

    • Justan Oz says:

      02:23pm | 21/01/10

      Paul Horn—-I am not an innercity nut job. ,or a guttersnipe,as you so crudely put it,but i am an Australian who would like to see the end to the—born to be king—- type who are the head of my country

    • AJ says:

      03:09pm | 21/01/10

      Have a little respect for the Queen/King/Prince of our nation when you discuss them.

      Talk about a lack of honor or respect.

      Wanting a republic is one thing, but you sure are vile and bitter about it.

    • Harquebus says:

      03:49pm | 21/01/10

      Respect the descendants of a bunch of bloodthirsty cutthroats. Thanks for the laugh.

    • Sean Patrick says:

      04:28pm | 21/01/10

      No one has a right to rule my country simply by birth. And to our monarchist friends - no - the royals, by birth, do not provide checks and balances on our system of politics. They provide nothing else other than a link to a foreign country that just under half of all Australians seem to like.

      Change is the only constant. The republic is long overdue. Come on monarchist, time to off the training wheels, let go of the floaties and go it alone. It will be ok - be honest and stop spreading fear. Let go of your fear and concentrate on gaining some confidence.

      A republic will be a time for a new beginning - one that is inclusive and doesn’t focus on those with English heritage. Or if you want, and to prove you are not simply Anglophiles and to remember our historical ties, perhaps we can better represent the 1/3 of all Australians who claim Irish heritage and create a joint republic with Ireland? How’s that sound?

    • hughie says:

      04:36pm | 21/01/10

      Hey, Barry, you’re part of the influential “Fourth Estate” - what’s your private life like?  Why don’t we character-assassinate you?

      People come and go - institutions remain.  The monarchy will be around a lot longer than Barry Everingham.

    • Baldie McBald says:

      04:37pm | 21/01/10

      Well I like them poms…..they are responsible for the greatest cultural institution of mankind…..the local pub! Gotta have respect for that

      i’d have a beer with Willie and he seems like the kind guy that’d have a beer with me while musing over the miracle of going bald but having a girl that loves ya…..I don’t see kevvie or Wayne being quite nice! But celebrity / Statesman….it’s hard to tell the difference nowadays!

    • Bluey says:

      05:22pm | 21/01/10

      The tell signs are there when you’ve reached the bottom of the barrel ... the insults and the mud throwing come out with ferocity. Like our mate Sam who likes his lamb would say, “This article had more snap than a crocodile sandwich and if you keep carrying on like a pork chop you’re going to make us look like hams.

    • Marina Go says:

      05:56pm | 21/01/10

      I am keen on Australia becoming a Republic and was in the room that evening when the vote went against the Malcolm Turnbull-led Republican push. That said, I am still fascinated by Diana’s sons William and Harry. Maybe it’s because they had to bury their mother as teenagers. Having watched them shed the sort of tears no child should have to, I’m now interested in their development in a motherly way. They don’t have a mum to do all the things we do to make them feel special when times are tough so women globally have embraced them through the pages of magazines, newspaper articles and website updates. My interest in them, I know, is part of the reason their every move is scrutinised, praised or criticised. These are young men without privacy, trying to make a life for themselves the only way they have been allowed to. So let’s not stick the boot into them just because they happen to have been born Royal.

 

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