Apparently one in four teenagers experiment with drugs. Though you’ve got to wonder whether the real hellraisers are dutifully completing questionnaires or participating in whatever research it is from which these statistics are derived.
For young people involved in the advertising industry the figure increases from one in four to three in four. Of course that second figure is bollocks – or more precisely, I made it up and have no evidence for it.
In any event, in the vast majority of cases, the one in four have their fun, push their boundaries and get away with it. Now they’re grown up: They’ve got mortgages, business cards, ABNS, golf clubs, lawnmowers, children. And their bongs, pills or powders are safely consigned to the annals of history.
Or so it seemed, until I perused the government’s information for families about teenagers and drugs. Perhaps the most useful tidbit of advice was to consider ahead of time what your response will be if your kids ask whether you yourself have taken drugs. This prompted me to workshop this issue from the perspective of the grown-up experimenters.
Perhaps the bottom line in the government’s advice is that teenagers are looking for role models in all aspects of their lives, including drugs. As the National Drug Campaign emphasises, effective role models are “informed, upfront and honest”.
And herein lies the dilemma.
We all want our children to have the wealth of wonderful experiences that we had. The adventures, the travel, the great loves, even some of the risk-taking – but not the drugs. But now we also want, or need, to be role models: informed – not a problem; upfront – check: and honest – well…in what sense of the word… ?
Perhaps you can readily excise the topic of drugs from the general need to be candid with children. After all, you weren’t exactly forthcoming about the tooth fairy and that didn’t render you a big fat liar.
So it’s easy in theory – when my child asks me if I have used drugs, I will not openly and honestly explain that, “were it not for [insert drug of choice], I would probably never have met your godparents”, rather I will just deny, fudge, and obfuscate as required.
But I’m here to tell you that even if you’re happy to doctor your personal history regarding drugs, don’t assume you will succeed.
The first law of children is that they can smell fear – ask any student teacher. The second law is that they can detect bullshit – with their acuity peaking at about the age of 15.
Lying to children is not impossible, but it is a bit like learning to breakdance: You will probably fail, you will certainly look stupid along the way, and if you succeed, has it really got you somewhere you wanted to go?
Maybe it’s better to face up to the divots in your own moral fairway. After all there’s always someone that’s got it worse. Would a parent who partied two nostrils into one sound more or less convincing when they tell their kid to “just say no”?
The government website proposes that when confronted with a “But you used drugs, Dad” scenario you can counter with a, “Yes, I did, but it’s dangerous and I would make a different decision today.”
And perhaps this is the best reply, although the silence one can anticipate in response is almost palpable.
The problem is what’s good for the goose is not good for the gosling.
I don’t have the answer, but the task of devising a strategy warrants several bottles of wine…
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