You really only need two friends in life. The first friend is honest and loyal. They’ll be there when you need them, offer great advice and steer you away from danger when you ask them to.

It’s a reciprocal arrangement, based on balance, respect and shared values of some kind.
The other friendship is less complicated. You don’t see them much and the times that you do are guaranteed to be fun and frivolous.
Unlike friend number one, friend number two doesn’t require an investment of time or even much regular communication.
It can be months between your catch-ups and that’s a mutually agreeable situation that neither party ever seeks to change.
Everyone else is your life, who is not related, can be divided among the following categories.
- The party animals: They’re always having a party and they’re great at it. The wine flows, the tables groan with food and you always have a fantastic time. These friends are generous, fun to be around and know lots of different types of people. The only downside is that their generosity leaves you feeling too overwhelmed to return the favour.
- The trashbag friends: Closely related to the second friend in the intro, but you see them with even less regularity, and usually a lot more booze. For these reasons it’s always hard to remember exactly what you know about your “trashy” friend, ditto your conversations. But the upside is that you very rarely have a bad word to say about them and that makes you more likely to accept their next invitation.
- The listening friend: These friends are an essential part of the friendship arsenal. Not only do they nearly always have a solution to your problem, they’re patient enough to listen to you yak on about it for hours, ad nauseam. They’re kind people, and very often wise. They take life seriously and you know you can trust them. The downside? They find it hard to just “have a good time”.
- The “nostalgia trip” friend: You either went to school together or spent an exciting part of your younger life with them. They remember all the bits about the adventures that you don’t and being around them just makes you feel as if you’re still the age when you met. For that reason it can be hard to integrate these people into your “grown up” life.
- The “Facebook only” friend: Online it’s almost as if you are the same person. You love every status update and photo they post and share most of their links. You admire their sense of humour or have an affinity with them in regard to a relationship, work or just stage of life. That said, you never, ever see each other in “real life”.
Be my friend on Twitter: @lucyjk
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