Believe it or not, fidelity is still in fashion
Do you remember the choose your own ending tales of your childhood? Well, I hope so, because this is a choose-your-own beginning kind of opinion piece, and trust me, no one’s going to choose the beginning that it is meant to go with it.
Beginning one would start with “My good friend’s boyfriend has not gotten laid in four weeks” and everyone would feel sorry for him. But they’d tell him to hang in there and go with it, because four weeks is not so long and maybe there’s a dry spell hovering over the relationship that a little holiday in the Hunter couldn’t fix.
Suppose this article opened with beginning two, where I’d say “My good friend’s boyfriend has not gotten laid in four months”, and everyone would be horrified and encourage him to leave, or go elsewhere for that physical part of life that everyone is entitled to but he is clearly lacking.
But beginning number three goes against all modern social norms and it’s the one I’m going with:
MY GOOD FRIEND’S BOYFRIEND HAS NOT GOTTEN LAID IN FOUR YEARS.
This is not because they are going through a dry spell, or because he has problems that a billboard-advertised nasal spray can fix. It’s not because he and his girlfriend are bible-hugging, praise-Jesus screaming evangelists nor because they might be stoned to death should their relationship turn physical.
But it is attributed to the fact that she decided that 14 that her virginity would make a hell of a wedding present to her husband, and she has not wanted to go back on her promise.
And, because her relationship is all about love, the boyfriend who had to swear off sex has cast the actions of John Della Bosca and Bill Clinton as don’t-go-there’s, and is still faithfully waiting by her side.
Don’t get me wrong, this is a man who, at 25 years old, still has carnal desires like all others. He knows what he wants and he really wants to get it.
To put it simply, he has options, but he is not going to exercise them, knowing that his ‘it’s just a part of being human’ argument is not going to slide. And as long as we continue to believe in real and undeniable love, it is something that never will.
It’s not because we’re ignorant or childish though. Yes, we did have Disney, and Disney princesses got their happy ever afters. But despite growing up in an age where promiscuity was everywhere and it didn’t mean anything, we’ve still turned out quite reserved.
Oddly enough, in her book What’s Happening to our girls?, writer and media commentator Maggie Hamilton reveals that her studies have shown that younger generation-Y women and teenage girls want to marry younger, and live in a traditional monogamous relationships.
You’d think this wouldn’t be the case since we’re aware of the ‘fabulous’ existence of Samantha from Sex and the City (her words, not mine), but let us not forget that this was also a show where main character Carrie Bradshaw crucified herself constantly for cheating on the perfect Mr Nice Guy Aidan Shaw, with the heart-breaking, I-don’t-do-monogamy Mr Big.
And, might I add, a movie where even the resident feminist, lawyer Miranda Hobbes, left her husband for cheating on her even though they had not had sex for six months. SIX MONTHS. And she, in all her feminist glory, still expected him to stay faithful.
Why? Fidelity is just not about sex, and even those of the all-accepting, free spirited, be-who-you-wanna-be members of Generation Y would agree.
It’s about recognising that you’re in a cocoon of trust and love with someone, and it’s not fair to juggle them while you’re juggling someone else unless you’ve agreed from the outset that it is ok to do so, because although fidelity is a choose-your-own option in a relationship, it is still something that can be achieved when the couple are in it whole heartedly.
We might have come a long way, baby, but some generation Y’ers still believe that fidelity is a big deal. And judging by the reactions of NSW to the Della Bosca affair, or the world to Jennifer Anniston and the Brangelina saga, the majority of our society is no exception.
FIDELITY is something that you can have in a relationship. You can also have FALLIBILITY, but so long as you do not FORGET the promises you made in FAITH to one another, and FOREGO your own (when they are selfish) needs when another pretty human waltzes into your life, you will be ok.
This choose your own beginning story tells us that even if a man has not gotten laid in four years and he is still waiting, then yes, he can master his carnal desires and mind over matter any day, and no amount of science can tell him otherwise.
If our attitudes are anything to go by, we’re still choosing the fidelity option for our life stories, and maybe it’s because we know, that in an entirely literal sense, real love is about foregoing a f**k that you might really want because you know it is not cool when your partner gets f**ked over.
Mind over matter baby, and just look how far we’ve come.
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