It’s no longer enough that the Beautiful People taunt us Mere Mortals with their poreless, flawless skin, their lack of bingo wings, their perfectly proportioned torsos – now they feel they have to teach us stuff as well.

Hooray for coffee enemas! Pic: Supplied/Jason Webster

This desire to prove they are more than just underfed clothes hangers began with the beauty competitions where for some bizarre reason uttering inanities about world peace or why the children are our future became part of the judging process.  The trend spread with the ease of a $100/ml skin boosting serum and now every model-slash-actor feels duty bound to impart morsels of wisdom to the sad, lumpy, blemish-afflicted masses.

It would be slightly more acceptable if they stuck to honest accounts of the torture they have to inflict on themselves to keep their superhuman beauty (The Day I Accidentally Took Too Many Laxatives Just Before A Long Swimsuit Shoot). But that’s not enough for them. No, now they share all sorts of advice; from parenting to lifestyle to health.

So Gwyneth Paltrow can sell people $425 colon cleansing kits, and Pamela Anderson can let us in on the secrets of intuitive parenting and the “healing vortex” and endless other celebrity bloggers can intersperse pictures of themselves with faux-profound Deepak Chopra quotes.

The latest ‘slashie’ to unleash the full vacuousness of her mind on the world is Liana Werner-Gray – the Aussie model/actress and creator of ‘The Earth Diet’ – who used a privileged position on supergoodlooking Miranda Kerr’s blog to promote not just one but a stack of cures for cancer.

She cured her own cancer with little more than a treechange and Epsom Salts, she reckons.

The first clue that she is not overly endowed with a capacity for critical thought and really should have stuck to her role as Miss Earth Australia is the preponderance of exclamation marks. She writes:

Cancer is a disease and is absolutely and completely curable – at any stage!That is quite a big call I know! And this blog article will show you how the cure to cancer exists right here right now, and it really doesn’t matter how ‘bad’ your cancer is, even if it is just hours away from ‘physical death’ – IT IS CURABLE!

If the essay was handwritten, you can be sure the ‘i’s would be dotted with little lovehearts, and it’s surprising there aren’t more smiley faces thoughout this slurry of an essay.

Predictably she starts with Chopra and his ‘metaphorical’ quantum humbuggery about spiritual healing. She touches on near-death experiences, ‘spiritual surgery’, and there’s even a reference to a “cancer whisperer”, as well as a nod to Dr Leonard Coldwell, who claims every cancer can be cured within 16 weeks. The blog ends with a quick spit on Einstein’s grave.

Naturally Ms Werner-Gray is telling us about these cures out of the goodness of her organic heart, and not because she is spruiking a ‘Celebrity Health Events and Awards Show’ called Alive New York 2012

She is Alive’s co-founder, will speak at the event along with several of the ‘experts’ she blogged about, and has a link to donate on her homepage.

Beware the celebrity with a product to endorse.

If only you could dismiss the fraud-filled frippery of celebrities – but these days people are more likely to listen to Justin Bieber, a Kardashian or some other goop than they are to seek out a more well-evidenced view.

You can’t blame people for preferring a positive message of moonbeams and magic and a world where cancer can be cured by sunlight over the grim reality.

That’s why the Beautiful People have a moral responsibility to stick to what they know.

Maybe some can venture into fashion or hair styling advice. Feel free to share shopping tips and baby pics.

But shut the hell up about cancer and any cures you think you might have discovered because the consequences for people who believe you could be worse than ugly.

Taunt me on Twitter: @ToryShepherd

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44 comments

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    • NESLIHAN KUROSAWA says:

      06:37am | 10/04/12

      Hi Tory,

      I a sorry but I just want to know what have you got against very beautiful people in general?  Only joking! However being beautiful and being at the right place at the right time, certainly might pay off in a very big way, indeed. 

      So should we be all very upset that we are not as beautiful and sort of famous like the above mentioned others? I just think that if you happen to be just beautiful with the right kind of connections, it could actually open doors and windows for you, so goes the saying.

      After all that is how marketing or advertising works at its almost best.  With the sincerest message and promise which comes with most magazines, cosmetic products, benefits of colon cleansing kits, all natural products and some herbal remedies to cure anything and everything. 

      But having said all that and seriously cancer treatment is no joking matter at all.  Almost everyone around me these days, seems to be obsessed with the idea of eternal youth in an excessive way, sadly.  However if we did not actually have these beautiful and almost trustworthy figures, how else could we market all these life saving lotions and potions?

      It makes perfect sense to me, that if you happen to be beautiful you just have to make the best of it while it lasts, right?  I say that with no actual hint of jealousy and envy, because in my personal life, I have always valued intelligence and knowledge far more than anything else.  But then again I must be one of those not so beautiful people, most thankfully.  Kind regards to your editors.

    • Roland Adamson says:

      06:58am | 10/04/12

      What a joke! As someone recovering from cancer neither prayer nor quack theories played any part in my salvation. Chemotherapy and incredible dedication by nurses and doctors pulled me back from the brink. I was a week away from death when the treatment started and am now after six months am looking forward to being told I’m clear and more likely to die of old age.
      It’s a pity being an idiot isn’t a crime then a lot of wannabe celebs would be where they belong .. behind bars and silent.

    • Mouse says:

      09:42am | 10/04/12

      Roland, I wish you all the best and hope you get the “all clear” shortly.
      I too am going through the treatment and am so grateful to the wonderful staff and Docs that are getting me through it all. There is light at the end of the tunnel and after the operation hopefully I will get the all clear too.

      OMG! Another miracle maker!!  I feel a mixture of sadness and anger at these people. Sadness because they actually may believe the crap they peddle and anger because of the pain they can cause with their false promises.  These"beautiful” people have probably never had a trauma worse than breaking a fingernail before a photo shoot or not being able to find their favourite moisturiser at the chemist. The thing I find incredible is that people actually listen to, and put faith in,  the dribble that comes out of their mouths! 

      But hey, this girl can cure cancer!!  Well, what is this model/actress doing then?  Get her to the RPA immediately and get her working pronto!!  She’s got lives to save!!  lol   :o)

    • Chris L says:

      09:28am | 11/04/12

      Breaking a nail may not be much to the rest of us, Danger Mouse, but remember these people are breaking beautiful nails! I think you are dismissing their suffering a little too quickly.

      Good luck with the prognosis you two!

    • bec says:

      07:02am | 10/04/12

      You’re only saying this because Lerner-Grey is more beautiful than you and you’re jealous.

    • Aphrodite says:

      09:48am | 10/04/12

      Ha ha ha… I was going to say the same thing bec…
      But seriously… this airhead should stop talking about something as serious and deadly as cancer… What is Miranda Kerr thinking endorsing such things on her blog?

    • MarkF says:

      09:53am | 10/04/12

      Oh I don’t know about that.  Google some pictures of Tory and you wouldn’t call her a bush pig, she actually scrubs up not too bad.

      Agreeing with some of the hatchet jobs she does (ie about meatworks) is a different matter.

      Never having been afflicted with the curse of good looks I can look at most of them and shake my head thinking what a bunch of wanks.

    • Tory Shepherd

      Tory Shepherd says:

      09:59am | 10/04/12

      Yep, nailed it, Bec, that’s the only reason women ever criticise what other women do, because they’re jealous.

      In Samantha Brick’s world, anyway!

    • Dave says:

      01:35pm | 10/04/12

      Disagree, Id have a crack at Tory before most women!!!

    • Anne71 says:

      01:02pm | 11/04/12

      Aphrodite - I suspect Miranda Kerr was not thinking at all.

      If someone wants to experiment with Epsom salts and a change of location to treat their cancer, then they’re free to do so as far as I’m concerned. It’s their life and their choice. But when they exhort other sufferers to do the same, that’s a different story.

    • BJ says:

      07:35am | 10/04/12

      There are plenty of ugly new-age frauds, peddling snake-oil, we just haven’t heard of them.

    • Tory Shepherd

      Tory Shepherd says:

      12:48pm | 10/04/12

      That’s the point, BJ - good looking celebrities get millions of people wanting to copy what they do…

    • 3M says:

      12:38pm | 19/04/12

      So a pill is the answer to everything? Afriad this isnt the Matrix. Other options than relying on pharamaceutical companies exist. Granted cancer isnt something to take lightly, but different things work for different people…hence why chemo isnt 100% effective.

    • Jemima says:

      07:43am | 10/04/12

      Beautiful or not, intelligent or not, some of us dont accept the status quo (ie mainstream medicine). Should our opinions not be expressed at all? I hear ugly people and educated people in the media giving their two dentures every day - I believe the onus is on the consumer to investigate all the opinions and make a choice on those which shall influence them

    • Al says:

      08:37am | 10/04/12

      You can express your opinion all you like and I support your right to do so.
      Just expect to be met with derision and looks of disbelief when you can’t provide any evidence that the treatment you support has any effect better than a placebo.
      I believe the onus is on the supplier to provide empirical evidence that their opinion is anything more than a crock of shit. The vast majority of alternative therapies can’t do this (there are a few exceptions and individual success stories are not proof, they are circumstantial and for each sucess story there are quite often many many failures).

    • Mouse says:

      09:05am | 10/04/12

      Oh Jemima, I just hope you are never in a position where you have to decide whether to believe the oncologist or be “cured” by following Lerner-Grey’s little pearls of wisdom.  :o)

    • Inky says:

      09:11am | 10/04/12

      In a perfect world, the average consumer would be intelligent enough to do this. Instead, they gamble.

      Hypothetical, Joe Brick was told by a mainstream medical professional and an expert in the field of cancer that his chances weren’t great, he had roughly a 50% chance of curing the cancer and it would require months of extensive therepy which would be generally unpleasant. But there was a slim hope there if he was willing to try.

      He was also told by someone else that he could be cured in 16 weeks, almost 100% success rate, half the cost, as long as he followed a specific diet and went on a spiritual retreat and whatnot.

      Looking at the odds he was told, who do you think he’d go with? Keep in mind, the man is dying and desperate.

      Something to keep in mind with so called mainstream medicine, is we kinda have a whole lot of it and a whole lot of scientists, not doctors, researching into it. Scientists who follow specific processes and procedures to ensure their results are accurate and are peer reviewed to ensure others can replicate their findings.

      If there was some miracle cure for something, it would have been found. In this day and age of communications technology, the likelihood of some miracle cure being hidden in a less exposed culture is less every year. More importantly, experts are constantly studying lesser known treatments in other cultures in an attempt to discover more things that work.

      A final note is it’s important to know just how powerful the human body can be. Faith is a powerful tool and if the body genuinely believes it can recover from something, if the person afflicted doesn’t give up and fights out to the end, it can produce miraculous results. But this is a deeply personal thing and simply cannot be used in that one size fits all method that is required by so called mainstream medicine.

      Finally, I’m amused by your statement of ” I hear ugly people and educated people in the media”. What, beautiful people can’t be intelligent? The purpose of this article is to tell people who are famous for being beautiful shouldn’t use their fame and media attention to talk about things they lack any actual knowledge on.

    • Suzanne says:

      09:20am | 10/04/12

      You have every right to express you lack of faith in “mainstream” medicine, or as sane people call it ‘medicine’.
      Don’t expect a whole lot of sympathy when your wheatgrass juice and homeopathic preparations fail to cure your cancer though.
      And expect a lot of eye rolling to come your way when you tell people how your naturpath has recommended a reiki instructor to help you overcome diabetes.

      As for the article, it’s disgusting and dangerous that this bimbo is claiming that she can cure cancer. If it were really as simple as a change of diet and positive thinknig then no one would ever die from cancer. As someone who recently lost a parent and a close friend after lengthy, painful battles with cancer I take great offence at the suggestion that if they ate more fruit and meditated a bit more they would have been fine.

    • SteveKAG says:

      10:19am | 10/04/12

      The longer one lives, the longer one learns that snake oil, chicken guts cures are simply a diversion from real medicine.

      For those of us that have a belief in a god, there will always be miracles but the main name of the game for curing cancer will continue to be scientific medicinal practise.

      Everything else is sheer distraction.

    • M says:

      04:40pm | 11/04/12

      Jemima, no, your opinion should not be expressed at all. Keep your whacky pseudo-science to yourself.

      Damned hippies.

    • subotic says:

      08:15am | 10/04/12

      “Cancer is a disease and is absolutely and completely curable – at any stage!”

      COOL!!!

      Now, if only they could do the same for stupidity….

    • thatmosis says:

      08:20am | 10/04/12

      I look at these so called beautiful people and imagine what they would look like without the surgery and plastic and if the trowelled on makeup was taken away and smile inwardly as they try to tell us how to live a good life. Works every time and i can go back to being just me and forget about these clowns and their vain effets to appear intellectual and all knowing. Plastic people for a plastic world.

    • acotrel says:

      09:00am | 10/04/12

      Arnold Schwarzenneger has been good for California ? Keeps the criminals under control !
      And how about Ronnie Raygun - he demonstrated hidden economic talents.

    • SteveKAG says:

      11:35am | 10/04/12

      didn’t see you doing much to bring down the berlin wall.

      Ronald Regan brought about the end of the nuculear age and showed the world what true hypocrites the looney lefties are….....just commies in disguise the lot of ya…..

      When Arnie got his job, California the 8th largest economy in the world was almost bankrupt from 3 decades of left wing power…...........

      Your mob just suck at being in government acotrel….......

    • Utopia Boy says:

      05:02pm | 10/04/12

      And California is in even more debt now.

    • Anna says:

      09:20am | 10/04/12

      My aunt just passed away from cancer last Friday and believe me, we’ve tried everything to help cure her cancer. That chick Lerner-Grey needs a reality check!

    • Suzanne says:

      09:56am | 10/04/12

      Want to join me in punching her in the face?

      I’m very sorry about the death of your aunt, watching someone die from cancer is horrific.

    • acotrel says:

      10:00am | 10/04/12

      Anna, you have my sympathy.  I lost both my sisters to breast cancer, and I have a nephew who regularly has a battle with brain cancer.  I read that bullshit, and immediately switched off.

    • Al Chunk says:

      09:37am | 10/04/12

      I have always been full of admiration for those glamorous folk who can walk up and down wearing clothes unaided.  I am not surprised one of them has now cured cancer.

    • Kilroy says:

      10:38am | 10/04/12

      Most beautiful woman ever - Ayla
      and she invented medicine which we still use today.

      No snake oil here.

    • Fred says:

      10:50am | 10/04/12

      It might be good if beautiful people tried to be a bit smarter, one day they might end up worth talking to without one having the underlying objective of wanting to score a root (or them automatically thinking you want to root them), or even if you do want to root them, at least the exercise might end up in an vaguely interesting conversation without being nauseated at their obvious self absorbtion and their unearned and undeserved power that they so shamelessly wield. It will probably take a few hundred years of evolution but we should think of the kids. Nah, stuff it. I guess an idiotic attempt at curing cancer is a start. Which means they’re living in about the year 1500, in a tribal culture.

    • Dieter Moeckel says:

      11:14am | 10/04/12

      It’s a desire to be more than just a pretty face - it’s like love me for my mind not just my body. Australians tend to topple tall poppies regardless whether they are brain or brawn. Let’s just occasionally accept that some are beautiful, same talented, some intellectual, some good at sport , some ordinary and the salt of the earth and share the accolades. No one has to be good at everything, but everyone can be equal without being congruent.
      Most of all let’s not confuse fact with opinion.

    • Dex says:

      12:26am | 11/04/12

      Exactly - and some people are skilled or knowledgeable in more than one area. And this may come as a shock to Tory, but there are actually some very good looking people out there who are also very intelligent, as well as people who are neither very good looking or particularly intelligent.

    • Gordon says:

      12:09pm | 10/04/12

      Slashie?

    • Suzanne says:

      08:57am | 11/04/12

      Watch Zoolander…the ‘Slashie’ is the award for the most successful actor-slash-model.

    • Richard says:

      12:16pm | 10/04/12

      Tory, once again I’m astounded by your blind slavish devotion to solely the sense-delusion of material/physical existence, at the exclusion of all other realms of existence. And your pathetic acolytes and cheerleaders in these comments are all the same too, I’m sure.

      There are co-existent realms of reality beyond our sense perceptions, of course there are. We know so, we know it, its a scientific fact, I can prove it:

      All matter and energy in the universe are the one substance: energy in vibration. This is a rock solid scientific fact, E = MC squared.

      Now, our eyes are able to perceive vibrations within the particular spectrum of visible light ( 400–790 THz ). Our ears can perceive vibrations within the particular spectrum of audible sound ( 20 to 20,000 Hz ). Our other senses of touch, taste and smell are able to perceive the properties of different forms of very densely vibrational physical matter, but that’s all.

      Thus, there is potentially an infinite amount of vibrational spectrum in existence that is totally unperceivable by our sense-perceptions. Yes, we’ve cleverly designed tools to help us perceive our universe better: instruments and devices and all sorts of things that can magnify our senses and perceive phenomena beyond the natural boundaries of our perception-sphere and help us understand more of what’s going on around us, but still, we’re only just scratching the surface.

      There’s still an unfathomable amount of happenings and phenomena going on everywhere around us which we currently just have no idea about at all. But we can’t just ignore the probability of such happenings and think “oh well, because we’re not aware of it, it just mustn’t exist”. That’s arrogant stupidity of the highest order!

      There is still so, soooo, sooooooo much to discover, and it might turn out that some of things this friend of Miranda Kerr’s was saying are absolutely spot on! Don’t be closed off the infinite possibilities of the universe peoples, please. You’re only doing yourself a disservice, and discouraging other people who might have a real chance to contribute to the development of human knowledge through unfettered curiosity and intuitive inspiration.

    • Al says:

      12:41pm | 10/04/12

      I think you are missing the point.
      That being that unless something has been shown to work, claiming that it is a cure is simply deceiving people.
      Requiring evidence does not remove the possibility of their being things that we haven’t discovered or can’t perceive yet. But claiming that something exists without that evidence is dangerous.
      If you can take the treatment, use on many people and show that it works better than a placebo then great, I will applaud and acknowledge a great discovery.
      Simply, is there more to our universe that what we can perceive, undoubtedly (in fact it is required for the standard model of the universe to work) and scientist are working on discovering what these are.
      But to rely on what someone with no evidence is claiming is one of 3 things.
      1) They are in the process of getting that evidence (but this is unlikely in most cases).
      2) They have subjective evidence that is most likely the placebo effect.
      3) They are peddling BS (even if they belive their own BS)!

    • Carigo says:

      12:59pm | 10/04/12

      RIchard, have you ever heard the expression ‘keep your mind open, but not so open that your brain falls out’? It’s all well and good to be open to the possibilities of the universe. But if there is no evidence for something and it’s imperceptible, then until there is evidence and it’s perceptible, there’s not much to be gained in contemplating it.

      I could just as easily say there are unicorns in orbit of Mars, powered by their own rainbow flatulence. You say there aren’t? Don’t be so closed minded! Be open to the possibilities of the universe!

      That’s the equivalent of what you’re saying and it makes about as much sense.

      If there was any evidence that this woman’s claims cured cancer, then great, let’s investigate. If there aren’t, and she’s claiming to cure cancer, then this is medical fraud and she should be charged.

      She is responsible for giving people false hope and encouraging people to shun evidence-based conventional treatment in favour of unicorn farts. Inky’s comment was spot on in this regard.

    • Farken says:

      12:46pm | 10/04/12

      most of the people i know who think they are beautiful people are not , because i have seen what they are truly like under the skin and they are more stuck up and abusive to people so its just not worth taking the time to talk to them unless you have to

    • Gladys says:

      02:25pm | 10/04/12

      Long stay makeup and spanx, Tory. The hell the average woman must endure every day.

    • Zopo says:

      02:26pm | 10/04/12

      Thats why I dont listen to the likes of Angelina Jolie and George Clooney etc preaching about hunger and famine or their political views.

      They are good at telling us the problem but never offer a solution.

    • Veritas says:

      04:15pm | 10/04/12

      Hmmmm. Tori, unless you have a less than honest profile photo, you would seem to be standing in a somewhat transparent dwelling grasping a bucket of rocks.

    • beauty and the beast says:

      04:14pm | 10/04/12

      Why should beautiful people stick to what they are good at ?
      So they can appear as a celebrity waffle champ on Q & A !!
      Too bad “Beauty and the Beast” and “Beauty and The Geek” Television Shows are no longer on TV for beauties to appear on.

    • Peter says:

      04:18pm | 10/04/12

      I almost read Nicole Kidman’s sister’s column on child rearing. Almost. But then I thought what would she know? She’s just someone famous’ sister with no degree in paediatrics. No degree is child psychology. Sure she has some life experience by having sprogs by a few different blokes but so does Karlene down the road at North Penrith. Maybe she should get paid for a boring as shite column too?

 

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