Why are we giving our kids names fit for puppies

Zeta says:

07:01am | 31/12/09

I think the current trend of aspirationals giving their children ridiculous names is a cunning attempt at stopping bullying. I mean, if I’m a school bully, and I’m confronted with a kid called Deshawn, I’ll be absolutely stumped for anything more stupid to call them. I probably won’t even bother, and move on to an easier target. A lot of these names don’t rhyme with anything either, or at least not anything your average 9 year old miscreant is going to be able to cook up.

So it’s really a double benefit to humanity - less kids are bullied, more bullies are forced to become smarter. We’re going to have to give out copies of the collected works of e.e cummings so these kids can get their heads around the non-conventional rhythmic structure required to scrawl ugly prose about Tommeshia on the toilet doors.

The only problem is they’ll be completely unemployable. These kids will be entering the work force in another decade, and if I saw a resume from a UWS graduate named Delarn or LeDaryl (seriously, I know a LeDaryl) come across my desk, I’d swiftly bin it. Wait, before binning it, I’d take it around my co-workers to judge the quality of sledge they came up with concerning the stupid name, then bin it, and sack anyone who lacked the creative chops to say something funny.

Russian space dog names are nicer than some of the things coming out of Howard’s aspirational suburbs. Seriously. Khassendra. Khassendra and her mother frequent my local Harris Farm, and everytime I hear that human spawning pit shriek that name I want to stone her to death with over priced coconuts, kidnap the child, rename her Mary and send her off to a convent to avoid her becoming one more micro-skort wearing coke-snorting iPhone user.

I can’t talk though. I’m trying to convince my partner to name our first male child either Rommel, Menzies, or Nixon. Regan if it’s a girl.

Samuel J says:

07:31am | 31/12/09

What about Laika (barker) - the first animal into space in 1957?

iansand - parent of an Eleanor says:

08:26am | 31/12/09

Look on the bright side - no child will be teased about their name in the playground.

I wonder about the parents who name their children after US states.  Does anyone know a Connecticut?  An Alabama? Or a Massachusetts?  I wouldn’t be surprised if they exist

T.Chong says:

08:50am | 31/12/09

Zeta: good rave, but I think the kids will still do the traditional and shorten and modify the first names- eg Deshwarn becomes Desha, while I think LeDaryl will still become Dazza.
For your situation ,have you considered Ishmael ,Chewbacca (or Chewie) ?
or Slartibartfast? with the last one, it will show names arent important.

Claire Struthers says:

09:08am | 31/12/09

Samuel, I missed Laika but now you mention her, you might not know she holds another place in history. Apparently she howled so much in the space capsule that one of the cosmonauts said to her handler, who happened to be strumming an as-yet-unnamed ethnic stringed instrument: “Will you shut up that bally Laika?”

Zeta, are you sure Khassendra isn’t a Kiwi Cassandra? Just wondering. Seriously (well, not that seriously), I love all the points you make. And speaking of Kiwis, a NZ judge recently made a nine-year-old girl a ward of court specifically to change her name. The original name “makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap,” he said.

The girl had been so embarrassed she had never told even her closest friends what the name was. She told people to call her “K” instead.

The judge said that officials in NZ had blocked registration of some names, including Fish And Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence.

Child abuse by another name?

Enjoy your kids when you have them. Oh, have you considered Thatcher or Mussolini? Strong role models, you know ...

Susie says:

09:42am | 31/12/09

For ages I have been wondering what is wrong with people that they would give their children ridiculous joke names that are barely fit for animals. But it is because they are so desperate to be special that they give their child a stupid name in the hope that this will make them famous. Don’t worry about hard work, just provide a made up name for your child and they are set for celebrity status.

Angela says:

09:43am | 31/12/09

I agree some of the names are totally out there lets take Jaxon, why not spell it the proper way Jackson, nothing wrong with it, if you ask me we are doing it the American way change every word so it does not match the English Language version at all and mine are Samuel and Alex, the last being named after my maternal grandfather in Greece, and No it was never Alexander lol.

Child with an Unusual Name says:

09:54am | 31/12/09

oh SNORE!
Let’s make fun of kids with unusual names!
That’s really mature.
Perhaps the government should issue a list of acceptable ‘Aussie’ names, and parents should be forced to select from that? Would that make you happy?

And Claire, a name does not “makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap.”
Narrow-minded, unimaginative people such as yourself do that, and encourage others to do it also, by writing shit like this.

Simple Symon says:

10:13am | 31/12/09

We gave our daughter a name that would be unique and would ensure that at school especially, she wouldn’t be referred to as eg Katy with a ‘y’.  The name we bestowed on her was ‘Shantia’.  The name was conceived after I’d had a few drinks and we’d been watching “Footballer’s Wives” and one of the main character’s had the moniker, ‘Chardonnay’.  This got me thinking and we came up with a cross between Shandy and Tia Maria.  Whilst her name is certainly unique and, like her, beautiful, the trouble she runs into is people thinking her name is Shantelle and you get sick of correcting them.  Our little boy is also unlikely to have too many boys in his class sharing his Christian name, ‘Sebastian’.  We just hope they like their name when they grow up.

Lee from WA says:

10:39am | 31/12/09

My wife is a teacher and the amount of truly awful made up names she comes across makes me shake my head in disappointment. My brother-in-law named his son Texas - !!!!! I thought he had better taste than that but no, he chose a bogan name for his son.

The worst literary culprit I have read is in Breaking Dawn, the 4th Twilight book, there is a character called Renesmee (a combination of Renee and Esme). Seriously the worst name in all of published history and a true sign of the times.

Liz says:

11:40am | 31/12/09

It’s a form of child abuse when it gets extreme as we see in some celebs.
Dogs have great names available, lets use them.
And what about the trend for giving girls boys names and so on, so confusing and as if they actually don’t know it will cause all sorts of problems later.

sha says:

11:43am | 31/12/09

Girl at work named her baby girl Shanissa. Everytime I hear it I think SNEEZE.

6clegs says:

12:12pm | 31/12/09

(worryingly) this is a subject that my friends and I have oft discussed…
I’m the Grandee of a male Jordan - who is mostly referred to as Jordy. I’d never heard the name, before he was born, attributed to a boy. I joked that perhaps my normally named son was more “boob fixated’  than he knew. (that of course went down like a lead balloon) Luckily, this child appears quite a normal lad despite his femmine name. (mind you the school he ttends - the R one - his name is almost boring!)

My cat’s name is shortened to Stripey. (not going to tell cyber world her full name, for obvious reasons)
However, I do remember both my boys when they were younger complaining that our show horses had better names than they did. But somehow I think that had we named them Oliver, Alexander, Thomas, Whitey , or Titian they (the boys) wouldn’t have appreciated being named after a horse. . .

P.S: my drunken father mispelled my name on the birth certificate, and I’ve gone my whole life getting the spelling in before the person on the other side of the desk scratches it out and starts again… so I sympathise with those hapless children whose parents don’t think these things through. (what chance the child when the parents are morons?)

Lindy says:

12:25pm | 31/12/09

My dog is called Cobber!  A good old Aussie word and perfect for our best mate!!

Any self-respecting dog needs a decent doggy name!

Claire Struthers says:

12:40pm | 31/12/09

Child with an Unusual Name - obviously in this case the girl’s name really was a handicap and she felt it to be so, or the court wouldn’t have taken such extreme measures. Those quotes don’t come from me but from the judge. I’m sorry you took offence, since no disrespect was intended - as I wrote to The Punch editors when I submited this piece, it is the features equivalent of a blow-dried French poodle. And no offence is intended to blow-dried French poodles called Madeleine, either.

No, James, I don’t know what the girl’s name was - the judge made an order preventing her identification, although that was probably because her parents were involved in a custody battle. You have to feel for the poor kid though, putting up with “whatever it was beginning with K” for so long before someone did something about it.

S.L says:

12:45pm | 31/12/09

@James The name you’re looking for is Lula the Hula from Hawaii. It’s as close as I remember but that’s basically what it is (or was with a bit of luck).
My partner has a nephew called Rhyan, the H being added as his mother can’t spell. We call him Rer-Hyan and he can’t fugure out the funny side. (He’s as cluey as his mother).
The name Jack was mentioned as a nickname for John. I had an uncle born at the start of the 1900s called just Jack so my Great Granparents must’ve been a trensetters?
Claire I’ve saved the best till last. A mate had a girlfriend 30 years ago called Claire whom his mother hated with a passion! While they were dating his mum got a Red Cattle dog for a pet and guess what she called it?..............

wolf says:

01:03pm | 31/12/09

James I believe the child in question originally had the name “Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii” - much worse than “number 16 bus shelter”
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7522952.stm

Greypower says:

01:27pm | 31/12/09

Australians do shorten names - hoping for avoid that , we named our first child Rowan (born ‘65)  - at school I heard him called Rosie but not often.
At school Murray was shortened to Muzz, Alison sometimes gets Allie or Al and Bronwyn - too hard for her older siblings to say, so to this day the family call her Bon,  she likes that — only family very good friends can call her that. But I mostly stick to Brownyn - ‘cause I like it!

I’m Margaret and shudder when people call me Marg - so I put them straight!  My husband Robin was called Rob from very early on though his mother often called him Robin.

Grandson James is still called James not Jim, g’daughter Madeline was shortened to Maddie years ago (she 15)  and Samuel is Sam.

Claire Struthers says:

01:35pm | 31/12/09

SL, that IS funny, especially as I’ve always loathed my name! Presumably once the girlfriend had got the push, your mate’s mum renamed the dog - unless he ended up marrying her, in which case the joke would have been on mum, with two Claires to deal with indefinitely - “HOOOOWWWLLL!”

Greypower says:

01:40pm | 31/12/09

over the past 40 years our animals have received these names - mkes it hard to choose a new one - DOGS 15: Whiskey, Amber, Thursday,Friday, Psyche, ( there was an English comedy radio program with a dog Psyche) Solo, Bruno1, Bruno 2 (Doberman Bruno 1 died at 2 months) , Toffee, Joker, Scrubber, Taffy (a corgi!) , Colombo, Nutmeg, Pepper - these were all medium to big dogs - the latest is a moodle—-  Cinnamon
DONKEYS : Pedro, Cleo,  Cisco, Abba, Licorice, Pepsi, Follyfoot and Charcoal
CATS 5: Caspar, Tutti-Frutti (tri coloured) , Shadow, Illusion, Coco (chocolate burmese)
K’roo : Henri
Duckling: Rambo
Horse : Ginger
running out of dog names I think the next (a Moodle) will have to be Flora as I can’t think of a spice/herb name that I like. Maybe a wine name perhaps - suggestions welcome.

stephen says:

02:17pm | 31/12/09

Get a robot, cause anythin’ that moves ain’t your go, bro’.

Glenn says:

02:20pm | 31/12/09

My partner, a teacher, and his collegues have unanimously voted Jarrod (and derivatives) as the kid most likely to disrupt any classroom!
Parents be warned!!

Claire Struthers says:

02:26pm | 31/12/09

Greypower ... oops, you’re showing your age and I’ll show mine right back at you by waxing nostalgic over the wonderful Percy Edwards and his animal impressions (including of course Psyche in A Life Of Bliss). Did you know Edwards also “voiced” the eponymous Alien alongside Sigourney Weaver?

How about Merlot, Pinot or Shiraz for your next moodle, or Zinfandel if you want something “harder” so it won’t get bullied in the dog park ...

uptightoutasight says:

02:52pm | 31/12/09

I’m a teacher. I feel sorry for kids with dodgy names. They are saddled with forever having to spell their name out. Worse is creative spellings. I automatically assume the parents can’t spell and can’t help but view the child as being the product of bogans and therefore destined to become one. As a person who has a christian name more commonly used for the other sex, that is also on my list of don’t's as it’s fine when you are an adult but not much fun as a kid and always spelt incorrectly.

Miss Cleo Basset says:

02:56pm | 31/12/09

Our basset hound is named CLEO after the basset hound starring in the 50’s sitcom “The People’s Choice”.
I myself use the name Cleo Basset when making online enquires etc. when I anticipate on-going unsolicited email messages. (Sorry, real estate agents….)

iansand says:

03:10pm | 31/12/09

My favourite dog name of all time was a poodle called Jacques.  The owner took great delight in calling the dog.  They lived on the beach (say it out loud).

Mikko says:

03:25pm | 31/12/09

Hi Claire, my boys and I have gone for musical dogs - Hendrix (Rotty); Floyd (blue heeler cross), Dylan (kelpie cross) and Gracie (sweet little Jack Russell cross) all RSPCA dogs apart from the first two and the others all were named by coincidentally like minds before we adopted them. I’m reserving Elvis for something like a black labby when the time comes.

James says:

03:48pm | 31/12/09

@SL and Wolf,

Thanks.  That is indeed orders of magnitude worse than Number 16 Bus Shelter.

Greypower says:

03:59pm | 31/12/09

I’m told this is true -

they called their dog Utzon———-

wait for it———-

because he was a GREAT DANE!

what's your name says:

04:15pm | 31/12/09

two toy poodles named -
Oscar Red - as he is a red poodle
Lloyd latte - as he is a latte coloured one.

all for the love of the it.

Greypower says:

04:26pm | 31/12/09

thanks Claire - If I call her Pinot - would it help in toilet training ?

                               

Claire Struthers says:

04:28pm | 31/12/09

Uptightoutasight (nice handle), Shevorn with all its anglicised variants is my pet bugbear. A girl is going to have to spell that version out to everyone anyway, so she might as well start with the real deal, Siobhan. (Shaun/Sean comes into the same category.)

Mikko - yup, Elvis would work as a Lab - their waistlines tend to swell when they’re older too. Cleo, that’s very funny (but please, never even consider apologising to a real estate agent) and Ian, that is just straight out CRUEL (rolls on sand sniggering).

Drew says:

04:32pm | 31/12/09

“I’m trying to convince my partner to name our first male child either Rommel, Menzies, or Nixon. Regan if it’s a girl.”

“Oh, have you considered Thatcher or Mussolini? Strong role models, you know ... “

Why not just go the whole hog and name them Cheney?

Or McCarthy is a good one too.

Winston James says:

04:54pm | 31/12/09

If you live in Perth an watch Channel 9 News, you might (if you’re lucky) hear this:

“Back to Ebbeny in the studio..”
“Thanks Tegan, now with blah blah blah lets cross to Sharlyn”

Classy!

what's your name please? Why? says:

05:10pm | 31/12/09

Two toy poodles named:-
OSCAR RED - as his colour is red
      and his brother
LLOYD LATTE - his colour simulates a latte - ( how appropriate)

stephen says:

05:18pm | 31/12/09

Efficacious : callin’ yer dog dylan.

not tellin' ;-) says:

09:04pm | 31/12/09

“There has to be something behind this sudden shift from family name to girl’s given name.”

In our family, and many other (older) families (in America, at least, which is what I’m familiar with), it has long been a tradition to give children either his or her mother’s maiden name or grandmother’s maiden name as a first or middle name. Then, as more children are born, more maiden names from those in the family’s direct line are used, usually as middle names but sometimes as first names.

I did ask my mother about it, and she thinks that perhaps it arose from wanting to keep the birth-surnames of the women of the family “alive.”

It may be a “new” phenomenon in Australia and possibly elsewhere, but it’s nothing new to Americans from older families (and possibly to those from other countries as well; I only know my own patch, as it were.)

Perhaps the sudden rise you see has to do with “aspirational” naming: people without this long sense of family history wanting a piece of “it,” without really understanding what “it” is all about, pasting other peoples’ mothers’ & grandmothers’ maiden names onto their children in an attempt to give their children the leg up that children from older families often receive.

As a point of interest, I’ve also seen children in Australian named “Trey,” “Tres” or similar, when in my world that was a nickname only, and reserved for any boy who was a “Third” (i.e. Firstname Middlename Surname III).  Again, it would have to have originally been aspirational naming that would have moved some parent somewhere to assign their child that nickname as a proper name.

Anyway, that’s just a bit of side-info for you.  But really, parents, as long as you don’t name your boy “Sue,” it’ll all probably work out just fine

S.L says:

09:29am | 01/01/10

For the record Claire the girlfriend didn’t last that long but the dog I believe lived to a ripe old age with your shared moniker….....

Mikko says:

11:13am | 01/01/10

Stephen, he was already like a rolling stone when we got young Dylan from the shelter. Someone there had changed it from Lenny - maybe he wasn’t quiet enough to answer to a Stevie Ray Vaughan ballad.

Kel says:

02:56pm | 01/01/10

Our ginger cat was named Jonesy by it’s previous owner, which has morphed into many names over the years ...Jonesy, Ginge, Gingey, Putz, Skuppers (thats my husband’s fault), Lord Minceworth (story behind that one) which gets shortened to Mincey or even just plain old Mince. Poor thing no wonder he has a complex! But he is a red head after all!

Jane says:

03:11pm | 01/01/10

My cat:  Steve.  My dog: Andrew.  Confuses the bejeezuz out of visitors.

Soon to be Beka says:

03:21pm | 01/01/10

I may be in the minority here - I’m in the process of legally changing my given name - Rebecca - to Beka. I’ve never liked ‘Rebecca’, maybe just because I grew up with it, it never seemed like a real name to me. And I had trouble with my Rs when I was young and my S sounds until I was a teenager, so spelling it sucked. But I’m an adult, and I wouldn’t give a child a name he or she would need to spell like that. I’m just resigned to having it mispelled ‘Becca’ or having people automatically reverting it back to Rebecca.  I’m also changing my last name from a 14 letter, four syllable behometh to a nice simple traditional English name. Partly so I can stop spelling it (4 sets of double letters!) and also to move away from my father and his disfunctional family once and for all.

it's an "a" not an "e" says:

03:58pm | 01/01/10

I worked at a hospital once where a woman had a baby and named it Beyonce Paris… We were all gobsmacked… The mother was in her 30’s and we thought she’d have more sense…

Another one I heard of the other day is “L-a”.

I hear you all saying “L-a? How on earth is that said?”

It’s “Ladasha”. Yup, you read that right. Punctuation for names now!

Not Tellin, my maternal grandfather’s middle name is Osborne, which was his mother’s maiden name.

We called our Schnauzer Bachleigh, a cross between Bach (composer) and Leigh, which is a family middle name. Suited him very well and he lived to the ripe old age of 15 =)

Julie says:

04:53pm | 01/01/10

I went visual imagining how much fun Ian’s mate has with his dog Jaques at the beach!  Thanks for the giggle. 

I grew up with a variety of animals with appropriately boring dog/cat names and decided that I would use people names for future fur-kids of my own.  So far:-
Dogs - Maddison, Jafa (Just Another F-ing Animal) and Max;
Cat - Puss (because we couldn’t agree on a name and she wouldn’t come to anything else by then!)
Bunny - Kobe
Fish - Frank, Jess, Marty, Sushi (and don’t forget Gary the snail)
Turtles - Squirt and Crush (you just have to ....)

My favourite dog name is Murphy and that is reserved for the chocolate lab of my dreams! :o)

Sasha says:

04:53pm | 01/01/10

Spare a thought for me please .  I was born in 1971 and my mother named me Sasha….it had to be the most common dog name around that time and when I went to the park with my parents I would almost get whiplash as people would call their dogs and I would look around frantically looking to see who was calling me.

Someone commented on people changing the spelling of names.  I did this and with valid reason i thought.  I named one of my sons Jaxon and I spelt it that way as I didn’t want his named shortened to Jack.  If I wanted him called Jack I would have called him that in the first place.  I have 3 sons and I made sure their names couldn’t be shortened because I chose there names for a reason and I didn’t want anyone else butchering them because they couldn’t be bothered speaking someones full name.

Linda Anne says:

05:52pm | 01/01/10

My children, aged 21, 19 and 17 are named Elizabeth Jane,Jessica Rose and Benjamin Luke. I much prefer the older respectable names that give strenght and beauty.
My Toy poodles are named simply-
Rose, Lilly, Teddy, Missy, Ratbag.
My cats are Kitty, Pussy-cat, Alex and Neo.

Claire Struthers says:

05:53pm | 01/01/10

Greypower - I think probably not but there’s no harm in trying!

Not tellin’ - thanks very much for that fill-in. I knew that American women tend to keep their family name when they marry and tack their husband’s on the end (eg Jane Jones marries John Smith and becomes Jane Jones Smith), so that effectively the combination becomes a double-barrelled surname and any child would by default keep its mother’s family name as part of its own surname.

I didn’t know, though, that maiden names are sometimes given as first names. Perhaps, as you say, that is the origin of the phenomenon in America, which would explain the preponderance of Irish names in common use now as girls’ first names (Bailey, Kelly etc).

SL - poor dog is all I can say in that case

Winston - yes, I used to live in Perth and I’m right with ya )

Happy New Year, everyone, and thanks so much for your comments!

Rhiannon says:

05:55pm | 01/01/10

I have several pets with “people” names . Mr Winston ( A Maltese x Cocker Spaniel ), Lola ( A Cat ), Alexis ( A Oscar [Fish] ), Ernie ( A Galah) .

But I also have Bunny ( A Rabbit ) , Frankenstein & Frankensteins Bride ( Both Budgies ) , Rocky ( Maltese ) , Goth ( Black Cat ) , Mittens ( Rat ) .

When I have kids I’m going to try to give them names that have history , None of this name-melding , impossible to spell , unique nonsense .

My parents named me Rhiannon ( After the Fleetwood Mac song ) . Sure I was the only Rhiannon in my grade at school , But all my life I’ve had to put up with Renee Rhian Rhianna Rihanna Reanna ... You get the point . Its constantly misspelled & mispronounced .

I feel sorry for these kids with crazy names , I’d rather have my daughter referred to as “Katy with a Y” than having her name continuously mispronounced !.

Linda Anne says:

05:55pm | 01/01/10

my horses are named like horses should be -
“Teki” the mare (topika river dance)
“Skip” the gelding (WINDERADEEN TH MINI DOC )
and “Monsoon” the massive clydie x appaloosa

PennyB says:

06:14pm | 01/01/10

My childhood pet was Fred the dog (corgi/kelpie cross).  Co-coincidently enough when I met my husband his mother owned a corgi/kelpie cross called, you guessed it, Fred!

Past cats have been Trevor, Feral Cheryl (who was indeed fairly feral!), Bruce and Kevin (twins) and Brian.  They all suited their names and I prefered them to the alternate suggestions at the time of Fluffy (for Trevor the ginger persian), Tiger (for Feral Cheryl the moggie), Bip and Bop (for the twins) and Fuzzball (for Brian the Ragdoll).

The best cat name I have heard came courtesy of a friend when I was in high school. My friend and her sister couldn’t agree on the name so they combined both their choices.  The result was a black ball of fluff called Michael Jackson Rissole!

Worst human names I have seen are Khe Sahn (for a 9 year old girl!...gives you the shudders doesn’t it!) and D’Arne (moniker of a girl behind the counter at local KFC).  Criminal!

Kit says:

06:55pm | 01/01/10

Not telling- Using the mother’s maiden name in the child’s name happens in my family but I’ve not encountered it in many other places in Australia.  It’s a little odd as people just assume you’ve got a hyphenated surname.

My fav name of all time is pronounced Uz-mar-arn-ee but spelt Usmarine.  Yep, poor kid is named after its dad.  I’ve also encountered a Phuk but that was cultural thing (poor kid) and a Bogan (but that kid was overseas and therefore not quite as bad as if he’d been born in Australia).  *sigh* I think when I have kids I’ll just name them Bob and be done with it.

KT says:

07:42pm | 01/01/10

It drives me nuts when I see all these nicknames become given names; just look at the births in the paper and count how many ‘Lockie’s’ you see (not to mention the fact that it should be spelled ‘Lachie’ since it’s short for ‘Lachlan’)
Mind you, a very large proportion of the parents giving out these stupid names are under 22, unmarried and on Centrelink.

PS. My dog’s name is Colin and absolutely suits him- people names for dog’s are fun

Hope says:

07:50pm | 01/01/10

I was born at the tail end of the 70’s, and got the unforntunate name of Hope.  I copped it heaps at school. I am going to give any kids I have pretty standard names. Meanwhile, I name my cats after anime characters.

Usual says:

08:14pm | 01/01/10

Haven’t read all of the comments so someone may have done the easy google search already but the NZ girls original name was ‘Talula does the Hula from Hawaii’. If you think im joking…http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/jul/25/newzealand

One of the worst names i know of is an acquaintance who called her little girl Pandora. Can only imagine the crude and horrible teasing when she is of teenage years and all the boys at school make jokes about ‘Pandoras box’. poor poor little girl. are parents cruel, ignorant, or just drunk on power?

Usual suspects says:

08:27pm | 01/01/10

Another interesting one - Joel Madden and Nicole Ritchie named their second child, a boy, ‘Sparrow’, which is just so wrong, on par with all the dumb celeb names. But interestingly Joel said (in an article i read) that he knew his kids would have a blessed spoilt life with everything way too easy, and this was the only thing that could toughen him up a bit, as he expected his kid would get some crap for the name.
Thoughts?
Winner o f all time worst names by a celeb, IMHO, is Jamie Oliver - his kids are named endearments, not actual names. They have 3 gilrs who are named:
1) Poppy Honey
2) Daisy Boo and
3) Petal Blossom Rainbow

Are you KIDDING me? He is assigning them future careers of being spoilt useless hippies. Will they be doctors, lawyers, architects, scientists, politicians with those names? Or just wear hemp and introduce yet another natural line of cosmetics into the world. Its not just the teasing at school - what about their real future, their lives, their careers?

Kids need names that are real, found in a baby book or have family history, and that mean something. Endearments are for bedtime, not for all time.

IMHO

Hilary says:

08:43pm | 01/01/10

Claire- the girl in New Zealands real name was Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii, check it out here:

http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2008/07/24/talula-nz-name.html

Herr Sensible says:

09:37pm | 01/01/10

The biggest trap is to call your cute widdle newborn babies baby names. It is easy to fall into because they are so small and adorable but they do grow up you know. A 50 year old lady with a name of Ashlyynnnne or Chaardonnaye Le-Druit is going to sound pretty strange. When we were naming our son we resisted the temptation for baby names like Blaydenne and Jaaydennne and Hayydenne, and thought, “what would the CEO of a multinational company be named?” So we settled on a sensible traditional sounding name with a European spelling because we are both of European heritage.

Fink says:

09:49pm | 01/01/10

Our gorgeous beagle was adopted at 6months old and was called Fabio

ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I was going to be keeping that name for my dog.

We renamed him George. Its simple, its cute and its going to stop people from turning and asking which poncey twat would could their dog Fabio.

We alsocaled him George from the kids cartoon about wanting to adopt a kangaroo….“I’ll love him and pet him and call him George”...which we do.

I have grown up with people who have odd names and they really struggled with it growing up.  Some have risen to the challenge, some haven’t.

I intend on giving my child a “normal” name that isn’t an offence to the ear or to the spelling bee’s - that doesn’t automatically conjur the assumption they’re destined for checkout chick career roles….or worse, they’re named after Daddys’ favourite hooker.

-F-

-F-

Kate (boring name, but never had too many probs wi says:

09:53pm | 01/01/10

I actually can’t stand it when people call their black cat blackie and their spotted dog spot. Imagination people come on!
i have had many dogs and cats and others in my time, and as a person tossing up whether or not to have actual human children i like using names i like on my animals.
I currently have: 4 Cats- Charlie (female), Willow (f), Leo (m), Marshall (m)
4 dogs- Chloe (f), Cougar (f), Sophie (f), Cooper (m)
2 Rabbits- Bowser (m), Boris (m).
some of the others i have included:
Gullah- Gilligan (m),
Rabbit- Winston (m),
Cats- Josie (f), Napoleon (m), Dubrovnik (f), Kade (m), Jimmy (m), Joe (m), Ricky (m), Molly (f), Jaffa (f), Charlie (m), Emma (f)- and many, many more
Dogs- Emma (f), Toby (m), Golly (started as Colleen) (f),  Suzie (f) Ana (f) Bob (f), Zac (f), Ellie (f), and again several more….

i love some traditional children’s names for instance Charlotte, Lily, William etc. But the names i am tossing up if i have children (and yes yes i know many of you will say if that’s what you’re going to name a child don’t bother having one…) But i like these names anyway.
Boys: Reece, Finn, Ben
Girls: Charlotte, Lily, Amelia, Gemma

elizabeth says:

11:18pm | 01/01/10

If you saw the name Le-a on a resume, how would you pronounce it?

Lee-ah right?

Nope. Ledasha. Le-dash-a.

I kid you not, I know someone with this name.

Rick says:

02:28am | 02/01/10

Anyone who names a child after an alocholic beverage or a combination of them should probably be arrested.  A name is a persons label and will be with them for life and will be their identified legacy.  Bourbon and coke, Tequilla Sunrise & Tia Maria should be banned or the child may as well just wear a label that says “My mum’s a bogan and can’t quite remember who the baby daddy is’.  Have some class people and maybe it will be instilled into your children.  As for changing the spelling of a name just to make it unique - all you are doing is creating a headache for your children who will spend the rest of their lives correcting people.  If you’re thinking of doing it, ask one of your own friends who has is in the situation and see what they think.  Let you children create their uniuqeness through their actions, not their name.  Besides little La’Quisha is going to get annoyed a lot more than young Emily when looking for toys and trinkets pre-printed with names.
An aside, I did hear of an American child recently whose name is spelt La-a.  Yep, its pronounced Ladasha.  Perhaps the guitarist from Guns N Roses can now get away with signing autographs with a simple “\”.

Dan says:

02:46am | 02/01/10

I’ve got no problem with unusual names, provided they’re spelled correctly.  The number of vowel substitutions (especially for Y) really irritates the hell out of me.  But, y’know, whatever a parent wants to name their kid I guess.  And there’s this wonderful called deed poll should you get lumped with a name that’s supposed to be pronounced ‘Amy’ but has four Es and a silent Q.

Jamers Hunter says:

07:50am | 02/01/10

The true significance of this to me is that there is a very high chance some child is wearing the name that I have called my dogs . Horror !

Ash says:

08:38am | 02/01/10

My partner let her oldest child name the second child and her second child name her third child. The problem is her second was only 2 when she had her youngest and she insisted on calling her little brother Black. My partner wouldn’t of course so called him Blake instead but the mind boggles why she gave her kids the choice of naming their siblings

CanberraWanderer says:

09:56am | 02/01/10

I met someone at work who has the same name as my dog “Peppi” trouble is I kept calling the gentleman “Ziggy” which is the name of a dog I used to have. I had to explain and apologise. How embarrassing. They guy was ok with it though and was pretty amused!

Claire Struthers says:

10:25am | 02/01/10

So many more funny and apt posts, too many to comment individually, but I do have to say that Le-a/L-a takes the dog biscuit for dopiness par excellence. What next? Has anyone come across . (Dot)? :D

C.d. says:

10:28am | 02/01/10

What about parents who mis-spell their child’s name…. I taught a child who’s name was Michael - but was mis-spelled: “micheal”.... surely the registry office should have pointed this out to the parents… but no, now every person has to mis-spell his name - forever!  My pet gripe is that number of names that are ALMOST the same - eg. Alicia, Aleysia, Allissa, Alesa, Alena… etc.  I have had classes where I’ve had a number of these together and I cannot remember how to say each derivation.  Another strange one is : Vittoria - not Victoria… are these kids named after the coffee?  Like most teachers I could go on and on….

Antonia says:

11:46am | 02/01/10

Child with an Unusual Name - obviously you never read about the child that was made ward of the state specifically to block registration of a ridiculous name? You and I are lucky, we have acceptable names but if a brain-dead parent is going to name their child “Bush-Tucker” or “Goose-Plucker” (not the names this poor child was going to cop but I seem to recall is was something far worse and rather sinister) I really think someone needs to defend the defenseless.  Claire, couldn’t agree with you more, Child With Unusual Name, you have NO idea.
Antonia - thats MY name and I’m proud of it.

Stacy says:

11:54am | 02/01/10

I met a lady once who’s name was Modouri… After the green liquer. I asked her if she was named after the drink but she said no - she was born befire it was introduced. Poor thing!

My parents decided to leave the E out of “Stacey”. So i always have to correct people… it gets annoying but there are people out there worse off! I saw someone with the name LaStacy (or LaStacey) once… poor thing!

My mate Joshs’ has an adorable female kitty who is 18 and has the name Brian Love it.
My 2 kitties are Duke & Biggles… i wonder if some poor soul is named Biggles out there? Hmm!

Justin Palmero says:

12:19pm | 02/01/10

You all sound to me like you need to lighten up a bit. Vittoria is an italian name that means champion, the best, second to none. It has great meaning and history through the ages much more meaning than tom, dick and harry you stale old fools

Barry says:

12:23pm | 02/01/10

I think my favourites are Benson and Hedges (for twins) and A*lia (you guessed it…pronounced Astalia)

justme says:

12:44pm | 02/01/10

We called our son Rex. FIL said it reminded him of I dog. I guess that could be true, but I have never actually come across a dog called Rex. Our other two have names that you would often find as lead character names in movies.

Meredith says:

01:17pm | 02/01/10

Here’s a case for giving your daughter a more “unisex” name http://www.news.com.au/business/business-smarts/sue-by-name-not-by-nature/story-e6frfm9r-1225794339126  My name - Meredith is tradionally a boys name, though now it’s considered more a female name (it’s a last name also)
I do agree that some of the names people come up with these days are quite horrendous though! I had a baby boy this year and called him Xavier but I’m afraid now I’ve destined my son to a life of mispronounciation as people are forever saying X Avier instead of Zavier. My 3 cats are called Tinkerbell, Octavian and Akira.

jade's mum says:

01:46pm | 02/01/10

I think we should respect our kids and provide them with names that won’t handicap them in some way; whether that be unusual spellings that they will forever be having to correct or become targets for teasing just because their parents thought it sounded trendy or unique at the time.  Maybe these parents are unhappy with their own common names and were trying to use ones that would stand out in the crowd, but they should consider these kids will grow up and be lumbered with weird names when they are applying for jobs etc. Names can influence people, rightly or wrongly, to have preconceived or prejudiced ideas about a person, so I wouldn’t want to label my child in this way. I always found it a bit of an annoying time waster having to rewrite strange names in my work environment and talk to any teacher and you’ll understand the problem.  Also I think we are using more human names for our pets because they are becoming more part of the family than when I was younger. My parents would be horrified that I let my dog indoors with her own mat and doggy smell. Dogs were for working and cats were for mousing,  full stop. Some people sleep with their animals these days, not because they live in barns but because they like to but I guess they keep them very clean (I hope).

Mark Turner says:

02:30pm | 02/01/10

Thanks for your article - my wife and I really enjoyed it…

For the record, we live in Brisbane, Australia and have a (female) Cavoodle named Garry. A long story, but the best name for a great dog.

We have another (male) Cavoodle named Dexter.

C. Weede says:

02:59pm | 02/01/10

Look at initials also Claire…..Dick Tracy’s friend must have hated being named B.O. Plenty!  And imagine if Orson Welle’s father’s surname had been Carte!

MissMelb says:

03:26pm | 02/01/10

A former classmate of mine is just about to give birth to her second child and after finding out she was having a boy set out to pick a name.  I was quite disappointed when she came out with Jaymz.  A simple, traditional name with the worst possible spelling.  The poor child will hate his parents when he gets older.  And given that her first child is Seth (a normal name with a normal spelling) I can’t help but wonder, what went wrong?

DS says:

03:38pm | 02/01/10

I know poeple who named their daughter Alexandra so they could use the nickname Sasha.  It is not like it was a family name but was just from a book.

Samantha says:

04:55pm | 02/01/10

When I used to work as a hair dresser I had a client called Jem Jewel.
My daughter is called Olivia and goes to school with a girl called Alivia…..because it is so hard to pronounce the O in bogan speak.
I agree with the comments from the teachers….no more Alicia, Aleysia etc and can we also please remove Kristin, Kristen, Kirstin, Krystal etc etc. My mother works at a hospital and is a constant source of baby names…Moeisha, Talisha, Talika, Deeone, Deorne, Deshawn etc etc…
The worst though was when I took ages to name my dog and came up with the name Kaiser (shortened to Kai).....have since met someone who has a young son called Kai. I just fell like calling ‘here puppy puppy’ and please please please enough with the Twilight names for babies already!

Not a parent says:

06:16pm | 02/01/10

I feel for those kids who are called ‘John Johnson’. Yep, I know one.

My fish all get ‘people’ names, so do all my animals. I’ve got a Daisy, a Dexter, Bruno, Rosie, Alistair, Jade and a Franklin. Cats, dogs, turtle and lovebirds.

Matt says:

06:56pm | 02/01/10

It is a common mistake for Bogan’s to miss-spell their child’s name eg. Jayme - in order to give their child “individuality”. Other mistakes include giving the infant an abbreviated name. I met a guy who’s name was “Mal”. Mal should be a shortened version of Malvin or Malcom, but no, his name on his birth certificate was just “Mal”. I also get annoyed by “K” names for boys - they are all derivatives of Kevin. Kalvin, Kelvin, Khalid, Khaled, Kim, Kym, Kyal, Kallen and all other miss-spellings inclusive. No male child should ever be given a K name… ever, unless he wants to become a homosexual male later in life, then he can get it legally changed (and there is nothing wrong with that of course).

Kika says:

07:22pm | 02/01/10

Vittoria is the Italian version of Victoria… But anyway, who cares. Names don’t stay the same forever. They come and go with fashion. Who the heck wants to be called Doreen, Gladys, Olga or Mary (they are all my great-grandmothers). In the 80’s it was all with Kimberley, Sarah, Nicole, Jessica, Carly.

Looweez says:

07:28pm | 02/01/10

Pity the poor child I knew called Charismatage (yes, charisma followed by taj) ... oh, and the child named Patchouli ... and the child I saw in the birth notices who, despite being a desperately wanted IVF baby was called Maximus Payne (did the parents never SEE the Life of Brian?????). Perhaps the child called Christian because his parents ticked the “Christian” rather than the “other” box on the registration form got off lightly!

Jake says:

09:03pm | 02/01/10

My 13-year-old niece recently informed me of her intention to name her first-born daughter “Fellatia.”

LPS says:

11:27pm | 02/01/10

We named our 2 white labradors Dave and Trev. When he was a puppy, Dave looked “stoned” (Cheech and Chong movie ” Dave’s not here, man”) and what better friend to hang out with than Trev.  However we didn’t factor in that some rellies would have a hard time pronouncing the letter “V”, so they get called Dabe and Treb as times.  Languages and pronounciations, makes the world interesting and colourful.

Matthew says:

12:00am | 03/01/10

Symon - Shantia. Come on mate is this a wind-up? SHANTIA. If she has any brains, she’ll hate you.

Author - Gertrude is ugly but Albert?

Then you have Sasha butchering her kids name - Jaxon - so that noone else will butcher it later on. Bravo.

Here’s something : your kid will hate you every single time he has to correct his misspelled name. My father’s name is Jon. He gave all his kids ultra-normal names to avoid the annoyance he’s been put through. Even then people somehow manage to misspell Matthew quite frequently.

Grant says:

03:12am | 03/01/10

Hello Claire,

Excuse me, or:

Clare
Clara
Chiara
Ciara
Clair
Clarice
Clarice
Clarissa
Clarie
Clarisse
Clary
Clayrisa
Clayrinda

Or the many other variations. 

Names have been evolving since spoken word.  You now have the right to hold a mirror up to society, to decide what is appropriate for other individuals to name their own children.

Jeez…

Claire Struthers says:

08:07am | 03/01/10

Kate - your name is an abbreviation of one of the most beautiful and historic girls’ names (IMHO!) but if you’re really bored with it, why not get your friends to call you Caitlin, Karin, Catriona, Catalina or Kitty? Or if you wanted to go for “beautiful Russian spy”, you could always give Katoushka a burl

C.d. - I know a Michael (spelled properly) who called his daughter Micheala.

Critical Bugha says:

10:26am | 03/01/10

I know a family with 2 children named Michael and Michelle….....hang on…...isn’t that the SAME name??
Maximus Payne…....that made my day!

Lauren says:

11:53am | 03/01/10

You ask why are we giving our kids names fit for puppies but I don’t recall hearing of any children called Fido, Rover or Lassie. I know plenty of people that give traditional names to their pets because they can’t have children of their own. Those traditional names then become popular names for dogs (our dog is named Jack) and can no longer be used for children.

The choosing of a name is the business of nobody but the parents. It’s no easy task. A dog’s name will be used for approximately 12-15 years; a child’s name will be used for 80. A dog’s name generally isn’t called out in a school hall of several hundred children. A dog’s name generally isn’t written on a job application. You’ve got to try and think of a name that isn’t easy to tease, that’s not likely to provide any embarrasing connotations i.e. Roger, Dick and also one that’s fairly unique so that in our technological world people are easy to find online. Have you ever tried Googling Jane Smith?

My daughter is named after an elderly relative. I liked Agnes and Bathsheba but my husband said no. Other people turn their noses up at my daughter’s ‘old fashioned’ name. That’s their problem. And no doubt she will get teased at school but children will always find something to tease about whether it’s a name or appearance. All children hate their names. It’s something we have to learn to live with, like a crooked nose or being two inches shorter than average.

I like the diversity we have nowadays. Researching my family tree proved challenging because every other male in the family was called Alfred.

The upshot of all this is that dog owners should stop thinking they know what it’s like to be a parent because they have a dog and butt out of parenting issues. Owning a dog is nothing like having a child.

Lauren says:

12:00pm | 03/01/10

We fear our kids will be ridiculed in school if they are given a ‘silly’ name but adults are often the worst culprits. Children learn racism and bigotry from their parents. I feel for ‘Rhyan’ who is teased by his supposedly adult aunt and her partner. What a lovely bogan family they must be.

Lauren says:

12:13pm | 03/01/10

Kate (boring name, but never had too many probs wi says:
But i like these names anyway.
Boys: Reece, Finn, Ben
Girls: Charlotte, Lily, Amelia, Gemma

Kate, I like all those names and you’ll find that all are quite popular in primary school as of now.

My final word on the matter; dogs generally have one name (i.e. Orlando). Children have two and considerable thought should be given to how the given name blends with the surname. Case in point, a family with the surname Ring named their youngest daughter Scarlet.

Nickylou says:

01:25pm | 03/01/10

KT, please don’t generalise about young single mothers who need financial assistance, at some stage or another most Australians will or have sought or been given financial assistance from Centrelink, unless you have been born into a very wealthy family. My daughter is 21 with a 3 year old daughter named Katalia, the name was going to be Katala after a name in a novel the father had read. I suggested Katalia and everyone who has heard the name thinks it sounds very nice, we nick name her little miss Kitty cat as her mother’s nick name is Ally cat. For the record our dog’s names are Jack and George as I don’t have any boys other than them to give names to.

AliG says:

02:23pm | 03/01/10

Over the years I have come across a few real gems.  Anita Ciach (pronounced ‘chuck’), Ophelia Dickie (I mean really?!) & Perry Cock (This is Australian name, real name is See Sum. I nearly died when I read his registration card while checking him into the hotel.)

Your child will be as individual and wonderful as they are bred and raised to be. Giving them a strange name that they will forever have to spell is simply an inconvenience.  Everyone reading this should have a look at the Chaser’s T.V. sketch on the Children’s name police.  Much like the fashion police but way funnier.

Maximum says:

02:39pm | 03/01/10

Regarding the parents who named their child L-a.  I’m guessing they didn’t realise they inserted a hyphen, rather than a dash to create her name. So technically she should be the delightfully named Lahyphena.

Suzanne says:

02:59pm | 03/01/10

My pet hate is naming girls Bella, Ella and Tia or in English ‘beautiful’, ‘she’ and ‘aunt’ respectively. Don’t people look this stuff up? Our household is Spanish/English and after her first day at preschool our daughter came home quite confused as to why the teacher kept calling one of the kids aunty! Don’t get me started on Bella, I mean what if she isn’t? Just a thought? Ella, well why not go all the way and call your child ‘it’!

M says:

03:34pm | 03/01/10

Names are individual…..but ‘bogan’ names (as they are affectionately known in our family), those misspelt and bastardised to a point when they barely resemble their origin are a pet hate of mine. And I agree with comments made previously about job prospects. In fact, the book Freakonomics makes particularly mention about these names (referred to as ‘black’ names such as Deshawn) and how it is less likely they will be invited to an interview after perusal of their resume/CV. Is it right? Probably not, but just as you want your child to have the best education available to them, so should you think about giving them a name that does not disadvantage them in any way.

Just a little aside…it is my understanding that in indigenous communities, naming a child after another person in the community can cause problems later. Should the person die, it is expected that the child’s name should be changed as a mark of respect. Hence the number of original names coming out of these communities has a foundation in culture, unlike calling your child Jorja or Jaxon…

Claire Struthers says:

04:03pm | 03/01/10

Maximum, you are a pedant after my own heart.

Suzanne, that brings us neatly back to the dogs - if you yelled “Bella!” at any leash-free area in my town, you’d probably be trampled underfoot by dogs big and small of every imaginable breed. Well, every “child” is beautiful to its “parents”, you know!

I see that the most popular baby names of 2009 have just been released, with William and Isabella leading the line and not one La-a, Germaleen or DeShawn in sight. Dammit, make liars of me, Australian parents, why don’t you ... ah well, as I’ve already stressed, this wasn’t meant to be a serious commentary on names or anything else. Many thanks once more to those of you who have responded. But do keep going, please - I’d love to overtake Mr Rudd/Copenhagen as the most commented

Simple Symon says:

07:44pm | 03/01/10

Matthew@ 12.00am 03/01/10 - It’s not a wind-up and unless people are being polite and perhaps dishonest, virtually every response to the name Shantia has been positive…........google the name like I have after the event and you’ll see there’s an American female basketballer and a porno star named Shantia….........something for our daughter to aspire to;)  Politeness prevents me from saying Matthew as a name is verging on boring and I sincerely pray that your namesake the disciple does indeed bless the bed upon which you lay on!

Kate says:

11:04pm | 03/01/10

i think that people get way too upset over what other people call their children. if you don’t like the name, guess what chances are there are an equal number of people who don’t like the names you choose. so get over it. get a ‘pet hate’ over something rational.

As a side note, we got a scooter a bit over a year ago. We named it (him) Dexter Von Zoom Esquire. i think it suits and is a little funny. Sometimes my husband calls him his ‘hog’. ba ha ha!!!

Wombat says:

02:59am | 04/01/10

All the best names have been used already. At the beginning of the 1970s my 7 year old sister was given the task of naming my new baby brother. She chose Gilligan and no amount of reasoning would make her change her mind. The oldies wouldn’t do it and he got a very boring name, but to this day we often call him Gilligan.
I went to (Catholic) school with a boy named Jihad. Probably wouldn’t go down so well these days.
And I know a girl with 2 daughters named Angelina and Angelica. I call them Angel1 and Angel2.
As for my own name, my parents definitely planned well for a more insular age. What could be more Australian, or more importantly, less unaustralian?

BB says:

03:13am | 04/01/10

Simple Symon:

Sorry but I’d hazard a guess people are being both polite and dishonest.
Not so, when it comes to web commenting- evidently.

Claire Struthers says:

08:32am | 04/01/10

Kate: you’re right - a rational reaction would be mild tutting or teeth-grinding, plus perhaps pity for the unfortunate person in question and, if you’re an employer, instant binning of their resume amid well-deserved derision (as described by Zeta above), but hate? Certainly not.

You’ve also raised a fascinating point on the psychological status of people who name their vehicles. (Author’s interest declared: my car is called Mazzy, short for Mazda, but I blame my daughter for that, ahem.)

Wombat - labelling girls with any derivation of “angel” has got to be tempting fate. Now your parents were obviously true patriots but your name begs the question: what did your brother end up being called - was it Kangaroo, Platypus, Koala, or should we be thinking more laterally - Didgeridoo, Corroboree, Rolf ...?

papachango says:

12:15pm | 04/01/10

Madison (and the completely bogan, semi-literate, variants Maddison Maddisyn Madysyn etc), is a given name that did not exist prior to 1991 when that silly mermaid movie with Darryl Hannah came out.

Someone above mentioned they called their kid Jaxon to avoid it being abbreviated to Jack or Jacko - since abbreviations are generally spoken and not written down, I don’t see how that is going to stop it?

You can’t stop nickname abbreviations - even if you choose a really short name it will be changed - Jon will become Jonno, Em will be Em-ster, Ben will be Benny or Benny-boy etc

hughie says:

12:47pm | 04/01/10

Stick to saints’ names (Mark, Thomas, etc), and royal names (Elizabeth, Catherine, etc).  The names are timeless and stylish.  Fads come and go but classics remain.

Wombat says:

01:04pm | 04/01/10

Claire, Gilligan reads The Punch and I wouldn’t want to upset him by putting his replacement name up here.
It was the early 1970s. A colossus bestrode the Australian political landscape. A new pants-off star was being born into Australian cinema (women could not resist him!) and a young Aussie champion had finally defeated the foreign-born winner of the previous few Hardie Ferodo 500s.
Yes, my parents were true patriots, and creatures of their times.

Nola James says:

01:08pm | 04/01/10

My parents, for reasons I will never understand, took it upon themselves to call me Nola. I am I suspect, the only Nola in existance under the age of 50. On the upside, unlike all the Jessicas and Sarahs in the world, when someone calls out “Nola” they are almost always talking to me, or the old lady standing next to me.

My mother has since told me that she wanted to call me Stevie, after Stevie Nicks, but that her mother talked her out of it. I was so close, so close, to having a cool name. I’d be so awesome by now. What a shame. However, at least she did not call me Paris.

Bruce says:

01:08pm | 04/01/10

Funny thing our dogs name is Clair.

Claire Struthers says:

02:18pm | 04/01/10

Shucks, Wombat, have pity on a poor ignorant Pom will ya? I can only think of Peter (as in Brock) ... or Malcolm (Fraser) ... but a pantless Aussie idol? ooh er missus! Mel Gibson? Put me out of my misery, please ... I won’t tell Gilligan if you won’t!

Papachango - I agree on Madison and all its variants. It’s a surname, for heaven’s sake. The “real” and very beautiful first name is Madeleine, which has enough variants to please the fussiest (or most illiterate) parent.

Bruce - AAOOOWWW! Oh, by the way, is your wife’s name perchance Sheila?

Nola - my friend named her daughter Margaret. The child is now 10 and I would imagine will always be the only one in her school, which can’t be a bad thing - plus it is also, as Hughie recommends, a lovely traditional saint’s name. And if she ever wanted to shorten it, she has plenty of choices but Meg would be mine (probably because I love Little Women).

Jokey says:

02:46pm | 04/01/10

This reminds me of a joke that was doing the rounds at Centrelink (if you can’t publish this, eds should get a kick out of it!):

The Centrelink worker who was working at reception called forward the next customer. The worker recorded the customer’s details and got to the part in the form where the dependents had to be stated.

“What are your childrens’ names?” asked the worker.
“Bob”, the customer replied.
“What about the other three?”
“They’re all called Bob”
The worker stopped for a moment, confused, then asked “What do you call them when you need to speak to one individually?”
“I call them Bob. It’s easy, they’ve all got different last names!”

Wombat says:

05:23pm | 04/01/10

Malcolm Fraser? Claire, I seriously hope Gough didn’t read that. It may not matter anyway. He knows all.
If you haven’t seen any of the Alvin Purple movies, you must not have investigated the origins of Aussie bogan culture.
We are talking about the political and cultural history of the greatest nation on Earth! Fair dinkum, they should make you foreigners do some sort of test.

Henrietta says:

07:37pm | 04/01/10

LOL iansands!

Claire Struthers says:

07:48pm | 04/01/10

Now look here, Mr/Ms W ... I’m an aficionado of Rolf, Kylie, Little Johnnie (Farnham, not Howard) and Dame Edna - good God, does all that effort count for nothing with you? Some people (and I include certain marsupials in that) are so picky. I have to admit to never having heard of Mr Purple - what did I miss? No, on second thoughts, don’t tell me.

Ohhh, Gough Whitlam ... actually I do remember him, not despite my being English but because I’m English. Need I say more? (giggles nervously)

sema4dogz says:

06:27pm | 05/01/10

Has anyone else noticed that the posts defending kreative naymz are almost always petulant and/or aggressive and utterly lacking in humour , where the ones suggesting correct research and attention to meaning and the like are amusing and often clever.
I’m just saying ......

Matt says:

11:55pm | 05/01/10

Matt: A name is something you carry for life, and I for one, chose very carefully my sons name. I wanted it to something strong, that was a great name for a child and a name for a man to grow into. So we considered the name Callum. But, it was lacking something, sounded great but when you wrote on paper it lacked punch. So we did this horrible thing and substitued the C with a K to Kallum. His second name, came after his Grandfather Kevin. I am sure my son will not grow up to be a homosexual…....

But if he does I will make sure he gets in touch with so he can prove to you your incredibly stupid theroy was correct.

Daddio D says:

08:24am | 23/01/10

My mother told me a story about her neighbours while she was a child - Mr. & Mrs. Long. They called their first-born Myles. I have visions of a child being asked by a new teacher in school what his name was and getting a clout on the ear for a cheeky answer, poor fellow. In Ireland the old trend was to name first-born son after the father’s father; first-born girl after the mother’s mother, second-born boy after the father, second born-girl after the mother. After that aunts and uncles got a look in. That way names were kept in the family tree. Today it’s all Entertainment industry names - singers, soap stars etc. Sad that. I named my cat Kat, first name Stoopid.

Ionakana says:

06:07pm | 23/01/10

In Germany the registry of births vets all proposed baby names, and will not make them official if it deems them inappropriate. A quick Google search revealed a case where a US expat had the name Mackenzie denied. Perhaps this is a policy we should consider here?