Who cares if your other harf carnt spell proper?
Alison Urquhart won’t date a bad speller, full stop. At the first sign of a misplaced apostrophe or relative pronoun - she’s out of there.
And good on her - dating can be an exhausting and miserable process and bad spellers really get your goat. Trust me, I know that because I happen to be one. It’s also human nature to value certain behaviours in others – especially when the other ends up being someone we spend a great deal of time with.
But things are starting to get a bit out of hand. In this era of online dating, the notion of the ideal partner has reached a terrifying peak – and Urquhart’s parameters are small pickings.
We’re ticking off personality traits like a hotel breakfast menu. They must have the perfect résumé, a great bank balance, be in perfect proportion and be funny to boot.
But what if all these preferences and filtering of personality traits and physical characteristics is actually working against us. And what happened to spontaneity and difference?
There is no doubt meeting people is getting harder and online dating sites fill an increasingly popular niche for the love-seeking time poor. But who says Urquhart’s bad speller didn’t have something else to offer?
They might be bad at spelling but they’re bound to good at something. Maybe they’re more of a practical type. They might be great at building or drawing, or painting or cooking? Ruling that person completely out might actually be making the search for love harder, not easier.
“Research has always shown us that differences in relationships vitalise things, they keep everything interesting,” clinical psychologist Grant Brecht told The Punch.
“It allows us to introduce the other person to novelty, to see another side of life and view things through a different lens. Without differences we run the risk of ending up closed minded”.
The search for love is bewildering and it’s no wonder that the longer it takes, the more no-go areas we begin to develop. Fear of getting hurt and sometimes fear of being alone can also drive our ideal of what makes a perfect partner.
As Dr Brecht told us, past relationships and negative experiences can make us wary of the unknown, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
“But being too pedantic can lead to high levels of stress and unrealistic expectations. Neither of these lead to long term happiness,” he said.
That said there are definitely some core factors that you probably should not compromise on while you’re dating. Dr Brecht said children (do you want them or not),
money (how you intend to spend it) and a willingness to get on with the other person’s friends and family are the key components of a good relationship.
But nothing trumps the importance of a strong friendship.
“Marriage is not as important these days as a partnership. The most successful relationships are about companionship, rather than just passion. You’ve got to have all these things in place for it to be great,” he said.
So, there you have it. Maybe they can’t spell, make a bed to save their life or know what to do with a frying pan. But as long as they’re not a psycho killer – where’s the harm?
We’re all bad at something.
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